RhodyGreys Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 The loss of familiar names and faces has spurred me to share. I wrote this for the CG contest on adopting again and realilzed after I'd sent it that it wouldn't match the topic. I think it's more appropriate here, and I was reminded to post it after reading the thread in EEG regarding dreaming of past hounds.Strange Beautyby Meredith E. Brady There are some moments so earth shattering and so breathtaking that they are never more than a hair’s breadth from your consciousness, following through the days and nights, shadows just beyond the edge of sight. They are terrible and strangely beautiful at the same time, scars of your spiritual exsanguination, evidence of your ability to love.I don’t even have to close my eyes to block out the mechanical whirr of the air conditioner and the fluorescent glare of my office lights. He comes when I call, and I am trapped in that moment, on my knees on the hardwood floor of my fondly-remembered house, bare toes behind me pressed into the fibers of the area rug, feeling the sand and dirt and grit under my left hand while I lift my right hand to stroke down his side, careful not to touch his distended abdomen.The colors are all fall, cream and gray and browns in more hues than the largest box of crayons, deep, mossy green, red and gold, denim. The amber of his eyes as he looks up at me, hurting, confused, scared, reading ominous portents in the tracks of my tears.I am there, on my knees, telling him that I love him more than anything in the world and begging his forgiveness that I couldn’t fix him, couldn’t even figure out what was wrong because I am starting a business and my partner (however poorly chosen, I think, with perfect hindsight) isn’t employed and we have spent more than seven thousand dollars trying to fix the inevitable for my partner’s greyhound, who died in my arms five months ago, to the day, to the hour.I am there, on my knees, and the bald-headed man with the sharp face and the syringe full of all those empty days ahead, those drifting, awful days, is kneeling next to me, next to him, next to both of us. He is my veterinarian, and he doesn’t make house calls, but he made one today, telling me without grace or any softening compassion that he knows my Cooper has cancer. He can tell. His voice harbors no hint of uncertainty, no doubt. I cannot argue, as I stroke the same path over and over along the brindle whorls, for my veterinarian has personal, first-hand knowledge of the monster, cancer.I don’t have to close my eyes, but now I do, and I am there on my knees, impotent to stop the inevitable as the needle breaches Cooper’s skin and he lifts his head, alarmed, feeling the beginning of the end, the severing of the connection, terrified to be separated from me, for we have never been far from each other as the years have rolled onward. I have not always been the perfect owner, sometimes redirecting my anger at myself for dubious decisions, but he has been my anchor and together we have seen and done and gone and dreamed and sheltered.Is it better to measure our time as five years and two months or is that sixty two months? I could count all one thousand, eight hundred and eighty four days, or even the forty-five thousand two hundred and sixteen hours. I am there on my knees, and all those hours, days, months, years are not enough. Fear flashes and flies as his head sinks into the pillow of cotton comforter, fading even while his breath slows under my trembling hand, and then, nothing. There is no spark, no glimmer, no warmth, no laughter, no hope. Waves of grief break over the island I have become.He comes when I call, and he goes. Rewind, replay, remember. I was hollow and utterly alone for the first while, unable to speak without calling out my grief, unable to sleep without searching for his ghost. He is still an unquiet memory, restless, carried back to me by a single whisper of wind. And yet, I was there, on my knees, and I touched him as he blurred, felt the last beat of his heart, shared the air of his last breath, wishing for something, anything other than finality. Strange then, how there never was finality. Strange, and beautiful, his gift to me.I am there, on my knees, and the earth-shattering, breathtaking moment is instructive, constructive, not destructive. The end will always come, the waves of grief will always break, erode, reshape, and I will survive, will measure more time, will never lose the Cooper-shaped scar on my heart. It identifies me as belonging to a greyhound I once knew, who once knew me, who deemed me his guardian, his world.I transition from past to present tense, knowing that Cooper and I had a beginning and an end, but the best parts of the story lie somewhere in the middle. Someone once asked me why I seem to adopt older and slightly broken greyhounds. I couldn’t answer then, except to explain that they all need someone. Now, growing up, growing older, having reviewed my history as a greyhound owner, the answer is simple: they each bear their own strange and beautiful gifts, each like a new book from a favorite author, and I greet them with the giddy excitement of the first day of school, first day at a new job, with anticipation.There is a spark, a glimmer, warmth, laughter, hope. The earth-shattering, breathtaking moment teaches me to get down on my knees, to look them in the eye, to live with them for as many minutes as we are granted. Cooper’s gift of strange beauty is the bittersweet, the high and the low, the joyful beginning entangled with the awful end, the acceptance that you cannot have the joy without the (invisible) scar. I imagine Cooper flying to me across the field, tongue lolling, tail wagging furiously, amber eyes lit from within. What is life without such joy? Quote Meri & the Dorgwith Little Lee from Eetaly (Raider Retire), Freya FooFoo (Writers Block), Brodie (never raced), and "foster" JJ (Rossmore Judith). Missing Bravo, Chickie, Nico, Meri Carol, Lucky II, Ringo, Mylie, Bull, Geordie, Shae-Leigh, Stretch, Dustin, Cooper, Lucky, and Heidi. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RaineysMom Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 Meri, I think that is the most beautiful thing I have EVER read. Tears are streaming down my face. You have captured every emotion, every thought, every heartfelt second with your words. :cry1 Quote Kim and Bruce - with Rick (Rick Roufus 6/30/16) and missing my sweet greyhound Angels Rainey (LG's Rainey 10/4/2000 - 3/8/2011), Anubis (RJ's Saint Nick 12/25/2001 - 9/12/12) and Zeke (Hey Who Whiz It 4/6/2009 - 7/20/2020) and Larry (PTL Laroach 2/24/2007 - 8/2/2020) -- and Chester (Lab) (8/31/1990 - 5/3/2005), Captain (Schipperke) (10/12/1992 - 6/13/2005) and Remy (GSP) (?/?/1998 - 1/6/2005) at the bridge"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut." -- Ernest Hemmingway Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BellaBean Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 Oh My, that is so well written. You do capture everything, I'm sitting at work crying my eyes out. Now, I just want to go home and hug my babies..... Quote **Shellie with GiGi aka: Good Girl (Abita Raginflame X Ace High Heart) and two honorary hounds Butter and Bella** https://www.etsy.com/shop/GiGisCloset2?ref=si_shop Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest undergreysspell Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 I'm sitting here crying as I look at my sweet boy who just turned 14 and knowing that we're getting close to the end of our journey together . You're absolutely right that they each give us certain gifts and I feel humbled and hope I can and have given mine a measure of what they've given me. Thank you for sharing the beautiful story . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FiveRoooooers Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Beautiful. Thank you. Quote Old Dogs are the Best Dogs. Thank you, campers. Current enrollees: Punkin. AnnIE Oooh M, Ebbie, HollyBeeBop (Betty Crocker). Angels: Pal . Segugio. Sorella (TPGIT). LadyBug. Zeke-aroni. MiMi Sizzle Pants. Gracie. Seamie . (Foster)Sweet. Andy. PaddyALVIN!Mayhem. Bosco. Bruno. Dottie B. Trevor Double-Heart. Bea. Cletus, KLTO. Aiden 1-4. Upon reflection, our lives are often referenced in parts defined by the all-too-short lives of our dogs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
racindog Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Thanks for sharing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest dee Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 How beautifully you said it all....thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
schultzlc Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 That was a wonderful read, thank you so much for sharing it with all of us! Quote Laura, mom to Luna (Boc's Duchess) and Nova (Atascocita Venus).Forever in my heart, Phantom (Tequila Nights) and Zippy (Iruska Monte). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greytpups Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Beautiful Quote Jan with precious pups Emmy (Stormin J Flag) and Simon (Nitro Si) and Abbey Field. Missing my angels: Bailey Buffetbobleclair 11/11/98-17/12/09; Ben Task Rapid Wave 5/5/02-2/11/15; Brooke Glo's Destroyer 7/09/06-21/06/16 and Katie Crazykatiebug 12/11/06 -21/08/21. My blog about grief The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not get over the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same, nor would you want to. ― Elisabeth Kübler-Ross Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlies_Dad Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 You put into words what we all feel when their time has come. No matter what it is that takes them from us, they will always remain with us. Thank you for this. Quote Kyle with Stewie ('Super C Ledoux, Super C Sampson x Sing It Blondie) and forever missing my three angels, Jack ('Roy Jack', Greys Flambeau x Miss Cobblepot) and Charlie ('CTR Midas Touch', Leo's Midas x Hallo Argentina) and Shelby ('Shari's Hooty', Flying Viper x Shari Carusi) running free across the bridge. Gus an coinnich sinn a'rithist my boys and little girl. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robinw Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Oh man, I can't stop crying. You've remedied me of what that moment felt like. Beautifully written. Quote Xavi the galgo and Peter the cat. Missing Iker the galgo ?-Feb.9/19, Treasure (USS Treasure) April 12/01-May 6/13, Phoenix (Hallo Top Son) Dec.14/99-June 4/11 and Loca (Reko Swahili) Oct.9/95 - June 1/09, Allen the boss cat, died late November, 2021, age 19. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
o_rooly Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 Thank you so much for this. Quote every day a tiny adventure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest cwholsin Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 Beautiful. Just beautiful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batmom Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 What a beautiful and touching remembrance. Rest well, Cooper. Quote Star aka Starz Ovation (Ronco x Oneco Maggie*, litter #48538), Coco aka Low Key (Kiowa Mon Manny x Party Hardy, litter # 59881), and mom in IllinoisWe miss Reko Batman (Trouper Zeke x Marque Louisiana), 11/15/95-6/29/06, Rocco the thistledown whippet, 04/29/93-10/14/08, Reko Zema (Mo Kick x Reko Princess), 8/16/98-4/18/10, the most beautiful girl in the whole USA, my good egg Joseph aka Won by a Nose (Oneco Cufflink x Buy Back), 09/22/2003-03/01/2013, and our gentle sweet Gidget (Digitizer, Dodgem by Design x Sobe Mulberry), 1/29/2006-11/22/2014, gone much too soon. Never forgetting CJC's Buckshot, 1/2/07-10/25/10. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RhodyGreys Posted October 24, 2013 Author Share Posted October 24, 2013 Twelve years, today. Found a picture this morning from one of his first fun runs after adoption. He was staring across the field, looking into the distance. Just how I remember him. Quote Meri & the Dorgwith Little Lee from Eetaly (Raider Retire), Freya FooFoo (Writers Block), Brodie (never raced), and "foster" JJ (Rossmore Judith). Missing Bravo, Chickie, Nico, Meri Carol, Lucky II, Ringo, Mylie, Bull, Geordie, Shae-Leigh, Stretch, Dustin, Cooper, Lucky, and Heidi. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remolacha Posted October 24, 2013 Share Posted October 24, 2013 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
claudiav Posted October 24, 2013 Share Posted October 24, 2013 first time I see this and am crying my eyes out at work.... just want to go home and be with my senior pups.... Remembering Remy the exact same way... it's only been 3 months and I can't stop saying his name.... Quote Image removed, not within Signature Guidelines. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
galgrey Posted October 24, 2013 Share Posted October 24, 2013 (edited) Meri, I think that is the most beautiful thing I have EVER read. Tears are streaming down my face. You have captured every emotion, every thought, every heartfelt second with your words. :cry1 Yes. Edited October 24, 2013 by galgrey Quote Cynthia, & Cristiano, galgoAlways in my heart: Frostman Newdawn Frost, Keno Jet Action & Chloe (NGA racing name unknown), Irys (galgo), Hannah (weim), Cruz (galgo), & Carly CW Your Charming Princess http://www.greyhound-data.com/d?i=1018857 "It came to me that every time I lose a dog they take a piece of my heart with them. And every new dog who comes into my life, gifts me with a piece of their heart. If I live long enough, all the components of my heart will be dog, and I will become as generous and loving as they are." -- Unknown Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Vers Posted October 24, 2013 Share Posted October 24, 2013 Meri. I missed this when you first posted it, but I am so glad to find it today even though it had and has me crying my eyes out. I kept coming back to this to say hw much your words mean to me, and I lose it. Every. Single. Time. You make words dance and reach so deep inside to the heart of things. It reminds me so much of Carla and I still miss her terribly. Grateful for your words, which are your gift but remind me of her wisdom and her huge heart. I am heartfelt sorry for every loss, yours, mine and everyone's. But thank you so much. And I hope some day every greyhound, every galgo, every dog across the world is as loved and understood as well as Cooper was with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenners Posted October 25, 2013 Share Posted October 25, 2013 Oh my. Thank you. It's so many years later, and yet, I still feel the need to say how very sorry I am for your loss Jennie Quote Jennie with her hedgehogs and Guinea pigs, and remembering Luna, Queen of the Piggies Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sabrina Posted October 25, 2013 Share Posted October 25, 2013 You hit the nail on the head. Thanks for sharing your story with us. Quote Caroline, Mom to Daphne (49B-50215) and Penny (41D-55779)Remembering Bridge Angels Margo and Sabrina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batmom Posted October 26, 2013 Share Posted October 26, 2013 Many many hugs to you today. Quote Star aka Starz Ovation (Ronco x Oneco Maggie*, litter #48538), Coco aka Low Key (Kiowa Mon Manny x Party Hardy, litter # 59881), and mom in IllinoisWe miss Reko Batman (Trouper Zeke x Marque Louisiana), 11/15/95-6/29/06, Rocco the thistledown whippet, 04/29/93-10/14/08, Reko Zema (Mo Kick x Reko Princess), 8/16/98-4/18/10, the most beautiful girl in the whole USA, my good egg Joseph aka Won by a Nose (Oneco Cufflink x Buy Back), 09/22/2003-03/01/2013, and our gentle sweet Gidget (Digitizer, Dodgem by Design x Sobe Mulberry), 1/29/2006-11/22/2014, gone much too soon. Never forgetting CJC's Buckshot, 1/2/07-10/25/10. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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