Updated Diagnosis For Tilly...osteosarcoma

[Walliered]

One thing I was really worried about was him breaking his leg. There was no way the Vet could tell if that was going to happen or not and just did not want to chance putting him through the pain of a break. Best wishes to you.

[JohnF]

This is our 3rd grey to have cancer, and our youngest to leave us. She is really struggling, but she is so stoic and sweet that it's hard to tell how much pain she is in. I hope I can make the call when the times comes, as this little girl deserves to leave this life with dignity and grace. I am just so thankful we have Hospice vets here who can come to our house so she won't have to endure another car ride and vet visit.>>>

 

Don't fear, not even for one moment, that you won't make the right choice at the right time. You love your dog and that's what matters. When we sent my last one, Angel, to the Bridge the noisy clamour in my head was replaced instantly with serenity and tears that lead to healing. She was a heart dog. You have done that extra mile and three more

[carronstar]

Please don't think you are giving up on her. You are not. Sadly, you are accepting reality and doing what is best for her. I understand the feeling completely, I truly felt that I had killed my best friend when I had to let my first girl go when she was diagnosed. With my last one, the vet said something that I found helpful, which was that even with the highest dose of pain meds, my girl would still be living with daily breakthrough throbbing pain. It didn't make it better, but saving her from further pain did help a bit.

 

I am so sorry that you are having to go through this heartache.

[Guest ShelbysMom]

I'm so sorry you've had to make this most difficult decision....it truly is heart wrenching. That said you've done so with the best interest of Tilly in mind, and that is all any of us can do. Prayers be with Tilly, you and your family.

[ramonaghan]

Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers. My heart breaks for you.

[45MPHK9]

I wrote this post back in August, 2014 to another GT member who was where you are now:

I'm sorry to read this news about Jackie. We went the palliative care route for Bee Wiseman. If amputation could have cured Bee's cancer, we'd have done it. We managed her pain for eight weeks with a combination of Deramaxx, Tramadol, and Gabapentin. We upped the doses of drugs very regularly with the help of our vet. At eight weeks post diagnosis, her pronounced limp was uncontrolled with this combination of meds. We were also very concerned about a catastrophic break. We knew that she had to be in terrible pain, so we made the choice to let her go. We did not consult with an oncologist, as I felt my vet was aggressive in prescribing and increasing dosages of these pain medications.

 

This summer I've been reading The Emperor of All Maladies A Biography of Cancer by cancer physician Siddhartha Mukherjee. This Pulitzer prize winning book tells the story of cancer and its treatments throughout history. It's a fascinating read and absolutely accessible to nonmedical people like myself.

 

Last week, I came to a section on palliative cancer care. While doctors aggressively treated cancer patients with surgery, radiation, and chemotherapy (where the aggressive treatments themselves often lead to the deaths of the patients), a British nurse named Cecily Saunders resurrected the discipline of palliative care while caring for man dying from cancer in London in the 1940s. She sought to ease the burdens of these pariahs of oncology, the ones who failed to respond to treatment. Saunders noted that these patients were often denied pain relief, dignity, and, at times, basic medical care. She created a hospice for these patients in London in 1967. The hospice was called St. Christopher's, named for the patron saint of travelers. Saunders recruited psychiatrists, anesthesiologists, geriatricians, and neurologists to help these patients die painlessly and gracefully. I wanted to share some of Saunders's words because I think they are appropriate here:

 

"The provision of... terminal care should not be thought of as a separate and essentially negative part of the attack on cancer. This is not merely the phase of defeat, hard to contemplate and unrewarding to carry out. In many ways it's principles are fundamentally the same as those which underlie all other stages of care and treatment, although it's rewards are different."

 

I realized that this was our truth in choosing palliative care for our beloved Bee Wiseman. Some days the pain of her loss is still excruciating.

 

I wish you peace.

Edited February 2, 2016 by 45MPHK9

[Batmom]

Like Walliered, we let our girl go just a few days after the diagnosis was confirmed. We had a lot of meds, and no amount of them could control her pain and let her be comfortable. I had hoped for a couple of weeks, but .... I promised when I adopted her that I would give her a comfortable life. So we let her go.

 

Sending along more hugs because where you are at is no fun at all.

[queenwinniesmom]

I'm so very sorry you are having to deal with the monster, and having to make such painful decisions. I think the time before you make a decision is the hardest---you can think of nothing else, and agonize over the possibilities, and whether you are doing the right thing. Please know that you're not alone, and that when you DO make a decision, it is something that you have considered on a deeply emotional level, and it is made out of understanding and loving your dog. So try not to second guess yourself---your decision is right for YOU and for your precious Tilly.

It does, however, help to hear what others have done, what they've experienced, if only to be sure that you are not alone. Many people understand, they know only too well the pain and sadness, and even the anger and frustration.

We had 3 different experiences with cancer---2 with osteo, 1 with lymphoma---and each treatment was different, with different outcomes. When we should have been lucky---our sweet Patsy was only 6, and everything indicated that she would be a good candidate for chemo after removing her spleen because of the tumor---we lost her when it spread to her central nervous system 2 months into the chemo. With our tough, stubborn Winnie, we got 3 1/2 YEARS, after the amp. And with Lacey, the osteo was in the pelvic bone, and we could only do palliative care. So....3 very different outcomes, each heartbreaking in their own way.

Losing your precious girl will break your heart, but you will have done everything you could do, because you love her. She knows that, and lives in the moment, without the knowledge of future sadness. It's clear that you are doing everything in your power to keep her safe and free of pain and fear. Sending you lots of good thoughts during this sad time.

[FiveRoooooers]

I'm so sorry to see your update. Remember, Tilly is living in the moment. She doesn't understand why you are sad. Unfortunately, too many of us here do. In the past five years I have had to let go of 10 good dogs. With one, I know I waited too long and still beat myself up about it. I have come to firmly believe it is better to let them go a day too soon rather than a day too late. I would rather that than to face a crisis situation and have them suffer. When Pal left, his mind was still sharp but his body at 14.1 had just given out. His last day was grand. We took a short walk in the rain, he had his favorite noms throughout the day, he visited with friends, and at the end of the day our vet came to our home to help him cross over. Just before she arrived, as Pal and I snuggled on the couch, he sat up and kissed my nose, I believe saying "It's ok momma, I'm ready." For that I will always be grateful. The last pictures of him in my mind are sweet. Whatever you decide for Tilly, there is no doubt that you are making your decisions purely out of the enormous love and respect you have for her. She knows how much you love her. Best wishes and strength to you during this difficult time.

[Guest FordRacingRon]

I got to this party late but I just wanted you wish you the best and you are doing what I am pretty sure I would do if the time comes.

 

I think back you said you were going for palliative care. My gril is 12 3/4. She is pretty healthy right now but we all know at this age, at any time, anything can happen. We decided a long time ago if the big "C" were to come up we would probably do palliative care also. The expense is one factor but I sometimes think about how many times I have read all the things these poor souls endure (just as we do when we get treatments) and many times the results buy only a short time.

 

It's a weird thing to ponds as i was diagnosed with cancer 12 years ago and am fine, then I see commercials on TV for cancer drugs and the one that really hits me is one for lung cancer. This drug says it can increase your life by 30%,,then you read that mean reallymeans an average 9 months instead of 6. Then I think, why would you do it. But then I see loved ones (just lost a sister in law) and I think, maybe 3 more months does mean a lot to you at that time and it is worth the side affects.

 

But then I think about my girl. She has no time concept, she has no thoughts of dying, it's not in their tool box. They don't know they are sick, they know something hurts though. So for me the most important thing would be to take the pain away and let her go on with her life as much as she can for as long as she can, then when I would have to I would take the pain away for good.

 

Enjoy and love your dog, just do everything you can and make those memories.

[Guest LazyBlaze]

Just wanted to add some hugs. We've all been there, and it's the hardest thing to go through, and the hardest decision to make. Ultimately though, it's the last act of kindness we can do for our dogs, and we do it because we love them so much. The final gift we can give them is to let them pass with peace and love. Tilly loves you, and she knows you love her. I'm so sorry you've been faced with this and wish you strength.

 

[3greys2cats]

I wish I could take away the pain that is yours and hers unfortunately all I can do is pray and send you healing thoughts and peace and say how truly sorry I am that you have been dealt this sad diagnosis. I have been down this road before with my girl Sara, she was diagnosed with Hermangio Sarcoma(cancer) with an inoperable tumor in between 2 disks in her spine, she was in so much pain. I was sent home with her after she spent 2 days in ICU filled with anxiety on a Fentanyl drip to "spoil her and keep her comfortable" with 3 different pain meds. She had already lived 5 years past a grim diagnosis of incurable GME(inflammatory brain disease, Granulomatous Meningino Encephalitis) and a year on chemo drugs and a cocktail of daily meds, we were able to kick that disease far into remission. Unfortunately we could not do the same this time, I helped her cross the Bridge the day after her diagnosis, the pain meds were not enough to keep her comfortable and she would not eat even her favorite cooked foods,I brought her to her favorite park, one last ride in the Magic Bus and let her go with love, she was 2 months shy of 11 years old. I wish you and your husband strength and know you are in my thoughts and prayers, you have given her the best possible care and the final act of love is to set her free from her ailing body, her spirit will live with you forever

[Sundrop]

Thanks again, everyone.

 

Tilly is still very interested in eating - and it has been really difficult to judge her pain levels. Dr Couto suggested she might have a peripheral nerve sheath tumor (instead of her initial stroke diagnosis) - which would explain the paralysis/lameness in her leg (which happened a month before the OSA diagnosis). Since she has no apparent feeling in that leg, might that be helping her deal with the pain? Just not sure.

 

Last night was a bad night - DH and I take turns sleeping with her downstairs, as there no stairs to get outside and we can separate her from our boy (who seems has no concept of Physics!). She was up every 20-30 minutes - trying to stand or panting. When she goes to stand, we always help her - as we do not want her to fall or get her leg twisted up (since it is totally lame). We tried getting her outside, flipping her over, offering water, etc. and she just didn't settle down. This morning is much the same. I moved her to the middle floor, as she loves when we open the front door (we have a full glass storm door) and put a bed in front so she can watch things happening in the neighborhood. She keeps popping up, standing up, panting, etc. I assume these are signs of pain...

 

She had a night like this a few nights ago - but it seemed to be in response to the treats we gave her before bed that just upset her tummy. After a very sleepless night and a lot of peeing & pooping,she settled down and slept once I got up to work (I work from home, so I can set up anywhere in the house). Today, that's not happening.

 

Honestly, I think I've been in denial a bit with her diagnosis - since it presented itself so oddly and she has seemed pretty okay other than dragging that useless leg around, I started wondering if she truly has osteo. I started feeling some anxiety about it - like she could have something else totally and we aren't doing anything - I think partly because she seems "okay" and partly because osteo was her fourth diagnosis. We don't want to prolong her suffering and have always said we would let her go once we saw signs that she was truly unhappy...but I think I am in denial of that, too.

Edited February 4, 2016 by Sundrop

[Walliered]

I gently want to say I firmly believe "a day too early is much better than a day too late". My vet and the specialist both said that bone cancer is a horrible pain for the animal. Huck would not even step up on his bed, tho he stood and stared at it all day..he wanted it, but it was too painful for him to move the shoulder. I called the vet to come.

[cometdust1]

I feel so sad for you and your girl. It hurts so much when you cant help the one you love. It's O.K. to set her free from her pain. She won't get better. I've been there and know how hard it is to know when to say "enough". So sorry

[tbhounds]

If I can be incredibly blunt----it's time. I'm so sorry but she's exhibiting signs of extreme pain. IMO it's time to release her from her painful body.

I know how terribly hard it is but, to keep her here now is only for your benefit not hers. Tell yourself it's ok to let her go.

Many hugs to you :-(

Edited February 4, 2016 by tbhounds

[Walliered]

Tracy, that is exactly what I wanted to say. Thanks for saying it because it is the absolute best for the dog.

[Guest FordRacingRon]

Here is m perspective. The behavior you described sound like what my girl went through for about 2 months before we finally got a handle on her. Exactly. The difference is,,,my girl didn't have cancer she jsut had a really super case of IBS that lasted for 6 months until we finally got her back on track. 2 months of what you described with me sleeping on the sofa every night to be with her when she needed out. But eventually we got her ont he right food combo and she is now down to a Rymadyl (however it is spelled ) for her arthritis and a Pepcid AC for her tummy.

 

But my dog was able to be fixed. Cancer is another deal. Since Leia is my first dog I have no experience to draw on for you as to know when the time is right,,but the 3 or 4 posts above this seem to be making a decision for you based on real world experience. The only thing I will have to draw on are the people here and that old rule if they can't do the things they love to do anymore, perhaps it's time. Through all of Leia's trial and tribulations one thing she had to do every day was walk and she still does that. When the walks won't come, I may be here for too.

 

YOu know the stages of grief include two of the roughest,,denial and bargaining. If you need help getting past those maybe a quick consultation with Dr Cuoto would be one avenue. That way , after speaking to The Man, you could feel really comfortable with any decisions you need to make.

 

But don't wait,,,,do it now. Remember many will say, one day too soon is better then one day too late.

[Sundrop]

We actually ended up calling the hospice vet not long after I posted this...we are saying goodbye to her tomorrow at noon. We both took the day off from work and we're just trying to process this. We know in our hearts that she will not get any better, only worse little by little - if she had a chance to recover, I'd continue fighting - but I don't want her in misery. Our hearts are breaking, but it's the right choice for her.

 

Again, thanks to all.

[sarabz]

I'm so very sorry

[Annette]

So sorry

[FiveRoooooers]

[carronstar]

I am so very sorry.

[Guest FordRacingRon]

Bless you and Tilly...in my heart I do believe we all get reunited in time

[Guest ShelbysMom]

I'm so very sorry you've had to deal with this, but based on what has been reported earlier today I'm confident it's the absolute right decision for Tilly. I know it's not easy - in fact it's gut wrenching for sure. I continue to keep you all in my prayers.