How Do You Know When Its Time?

[Guest Balfie]

My beautiful little girl has lymph cancer.

 

She is now very frail and weak, and the big problem is diarrhoea that we are struggling with. She is refusing to eat the prescription food that would help the diarrhoea, and in fact is refusing everything that she used to love - gravy, bonios, the only thing she will eat is boiled chicken. But the boiled chicken isnt helping her diarrhoes. The vet said the diarrhoes is caused by the chemo treatment.

 

Today when my husband came home to check on them (he pops home several times throughout the day) she had had diarrhoea in her bed, and because her bed was dirty she couldnt lie down in it. So when my husband came home she was standing in the diarrhoea in her bed

I dont know how long she had been standing there, poor little soul

 

She didnt wag her tail when I got in today, she is panting in her bed now, resting her head on the side of her bed.

I keep hoping we can get on top of the diarrhoea but we cant. She has lost loads of weight, she used to be around 30kg, she is down to 23kg. She looks like an abuse victim, you can see all her bones. If only she would eat the prescription food and her diarrhoea would go away she may stay with us for a few more months til the cancer takes her. People keep saying we are putting off the inevitable, which I think maybe we are.

 

My husband is saying he thinks it may be time that we have that conversation, and we are going to the vet this evening to discuss our options. but I dont want her to go, I dont want to lose her, I'm not ready to say good bye. My husband is thinking maybe we are keeping her with us for our sakes and not doing the best thing for her. But its so hard to know.

 

 

I feel like we are going in ever decreasing circles, and there can be only one outcome.

[MP_the4pack]

What about stopping the chemo? (if you haven't already).

Are there any meds that the vet can give to help with the diarrhea? (Immodium comes to mind)

[XTRAWLD]

My Pom was sick for a couple of month prior to his final days. When you know, you know. I understand that is hard to get, but you will when the time comes.

 

I got a call from mom over lunch hour that he didn't look very good, and I told her on the phone, if I come to see him and he isn't right, it's time. I left work early and I showed up. He was not the boy I knew. I walked up to him in his bed, that never happens, he always ran to the door to see me. He barely raised his head to see me, and only lifted his tail slightly in response. He would not get out of his bed, but you could tell he was happy to see me, that he was hanging on to see me, but sad because he just couldn't make it up to get to greet me. I knew that he would always try everything possible for me, all I had to do was ask. I didn't try to ask him to get up, but his choice not to get up made things more clear for me.

 

I just knew by looking at him, my friend was suffering more than he was happy, and that didn't sit right for me. He eventually got up to go pee and fell over in the yard and I ran to get him, and knew....this wasn't a life for him, and it was time to let go. When he can't enjoy life like he used to, it's no fair to him to continue. I stuck with him right to the end like I always promised him I would.

[Guest d0ggiem0mma]

I am so sorry you are going through this =(

 

 

We've been through this a couple times... and they really do tell you when it's time. The light in their eyes dims a little and you can tell they are done fighting it. If the good days outweigh the bad days, it's a good decision to say goodbye. Someone once told me it's better to let them go a day too soon than a day too late and I think that's pretty right on.

 

[IndyandHollyluv]

I am so sorry that you are having to go through this with your beautiful girl. But I would say it's time (unless her issues are a direct result of the chemo?).

 

I had to say goodbye to my heartdog last year so I understand how heartbreaking it is. But when your girl has diarrhea, won't eat, appears to be miserable and in pain, is distressed and no longer wags her tail, and there is no cure for her cancer -- it's time.

 

Give her the greatest gift of love you can -- let her go, don't allow her to suffer. Don't wait until the cancer takes her - that's too long for her to be pain. If you love her that much, then love her enough to let her go.

 

Hugs to you during the difficult days ahead. Be brave.

Edited July 18, 2011 by IndyandHollyluv

[TheFullHouse]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. We just had to make this decision last week. We've had to make this decision 4 times now and it never gets easier. It's a very personal decision and each person has their own criteria.

 

I usually have to ask myself several questions.

 

Are they suffering? Are They in pain?

Do they still play with their toys?

Do they love going for walks?

Are they eating well?

Do I still gets wags and kisses?

Are they enjoying life?

Are they getting any joy out of life?

Can they be made well and pain free again.

 

If I can't answer yes to most of those questions then I know it's time. As much as I love my dogs, I can't stand to see them suffer and I can't justify keeping them with me at their expense.

[BootsyCollins]

short answer: you don't.

 

You go with what feels right in your heart, and never, ever second guess it.

 

[macoduck]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. We just had to make this decision last week. We've had to make this decision 4 times now and it never gets easier. It's a very personal decision and each person has their own criteria.

 

I usually have to ask myself several questions.

 

Are they suffering? Are They in pain?

Do they still play with their toys?

Do they love going for walks?

Are they eating well?

Do I still gets wags and kisses?

Are they enjoying life?

Are they getting any joy out of life?

Can they be made well and pain free again.

 

If I can't answer yes to most of those questions then I know it's time. As much as I love my dogs, I can't stand to see them suffer and I can't justify keeping them with me at their expense.

This is the list that I use. Sometimes the best gift we can give them is to let them go.

We have been fortunate in that all of ours were at the vet office with us so we could let them go. I cannot imagine the horror of returning home to find one had left, without us being there to stroke a head or hold a paw.

It never gets any easier. I'm sorry you are having to make this decision.

[Busderpuddle]

I am so sorry you are having to deal with this difficult decision. Hugs to you and your pup.

[tbhounds]

What chemo protocol is your hound being treated with? What type of lymphoma are you treating? GI lymphoma? Usually, if a dog exhibits side effects from chemo they resolve pretty quickly after the treatment. If your girl has had chronic diarrhea there might be something else going on.

There are medications to help support her gi tract/diarrhea that would make her feel better perhaps increasing her appetite and attitude. This, of course would depend on her diagnoses and treatment protocol.

It seems petty to say that you will know when it's time to release her but, as simple as that sounds it is true. You will know by looking into her eyes and what your heart tells you. I'm sorry she's sick-it only hurts so much because you love her so much. I'm sure you will only make the best decision for her. Thinking of you.

Edited July 18, 2011 by tbhounds

[JohnF]

This is almost unbearably sad, we've all been there on that rollercoaster ride of hope and despair. Looking back, whenever I have asked this question on line the time they were ready for Rainbow Bridge started yesterday. We have to be careful that we understand a day too soon is better than a day too late.

Ask yourself these questions (similar to those already posted)

1) Is the dog free of distress, pain or discomfort, and could the pain be controlled?

2) Can the dog walk and balance fairly well?

3) Can the dog eat and drink without vomiting?

4) Is the dog free of inoperable tumours which are painful?

5) Can the dog breathe without difficulty?

6) Can the dog urinate or defecate without difficulty or incontinence?

7) Does the dog have an owner who is able to cope physically and

mentally with any nursing that may be needed?

 

If treatment is not possible then answering 'No' to any ONE of those questions means there is no blame in having your dog put to sleep.

 

Sometimes we miss the sign they try to send us because we are way too close to the coping strategies and we just don't see it.

Have a chat with your vet about time now being short and how to handle stopping the chemo so you can treasure those last precious days. If the vet agrees that your poor dog will not suffer more because of it then it would be acceptable to try. You'll be taking it just one day at a time and hoping that tomorrow isn't the day. On the other hand, your heart may, already have told you that it is time to let her go with love.

When the time comes, may her passing bring you peace, may her memories soon after bring you joy from having walked along the same path for a short while, and may she help to teach your next dog everything you learned from her.

[GeorgeofNE]

Oh, I'm so sorry! I know how painful it is.

 

But PLEASE remember: it's not about YOU. Putting off your pain by prolonging hers is not what you want to do, I know it. No one who loves their pet wants to do that. The kindest thing we can do is let them go before every shred of quality of life is gone.

 

I think your husband is right. May you all find peace with your choice.

[SAVED2]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. We just had to make this decision last week. We've had to make this decision 4 times now and it never gets easier. It's a very personal decision and each person has their own criteria.

 

I usually have to ask myself several questions.

 

Are they suffering? Are They in pain?

Do they still play with their toys?

Do they love going for walks?

Are they eating well?

Do I still gets wags and kisses?

Are they enjoying life?

Are they getting any joy out of life?

Can they be made well and pain free again.

 

If I can't answer yes to most of those questions then I know it's time. As much as I love my dogs, I can't stand to see them suffer and I can't justify keeping them with me at their expense.

 

 

Go with this--don't let them suffer

[mychip1]

I'm so sorry for you to have to be at that point of decision making. The advice on prior posts is wise - and that list of very concrete questions pretty much sums up the questions that I have had to ask myself.

 

It's very hard to make the distinction of whether we are keeping them alive for them - or because we can't imagine life without them. I don't say that harshly or in a judgemental way.... as I know that I have held off on the decision and realized that it was because I could not imagine being without them. It's the price we pay for loving them the way that we do.

 

I certainly would ask your vet if these problems are related to the treatment - and if altering it could help. But if the answer is "no", then you have to look into your hound's eyes. Often, they answer the question for you.

 

Wishing you peace and comfort.

 

 

[carronstar]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. We just had to make this decision last week. We've had to make this decision 4 times now and it never gets easier. It's a very personal decision and each person has their own criteria.

 

I usually have to ask myself several questions.

 

Are they suffering? Are They in pain?

Do they still play with their toys?

Do they love going for walks?

Are they eating well?

Do I still gets wags and kisses?

Are they enjoying life?

Are they getting any joy out of life?

Can they be made well and pain free again.

 

If I can't answer yes to most of those questions then I know it's time. As much as I love my dogs, I can't stand to see them suffer and I can't justify keeping them with me at their expense.

 

This is the best guidance you will get. It is heartwrenching but having gone through it multiple times, we all know the sad truth is that WE can get through it no matter how very much it seems like we won't.

[MaryJane]

In your case I would ask myself whether the diarrhea will clear up once the chemo stops, in other words, is the diarrhea a short term issue. Also, as was already mentioned, can the diarrhea be helped with medicine/diet changes. In the interim, can you get diapers so that the entire bed is not soiled?

 

Granted, you are dealing with the cancer which is long term.

[Guest BlueCrab]

So sorry your girl has cancer and is having such a difficult time.

 

All good points that have been made. Some others have, at times, posted about finding three or four things that the dog seems to enjoy - say greeting you at door with a waggy tail, getting a biscuit treat, going for a walk. When the dog no longer enjoys those things that seemed to be among its most favorite, and you know the fix is not something that can be easily done (e.g. a simple change in food or something medication can fix) it's time to think about easing their pain.

 

It's a very tough time to go through, but it's one that many of us have faced, and it's also a 'promise' you make when you adopt an animal: to see him/her through the difficult times and help them when they can't do things for themselves. This is one of the most difficult times, and ultimately a decision that only you and your DH can make.

 

As Susan said, I wish you peace on this journey.

[BatterseaBrindl]

Oh, I'm so sorry! I know how painful it is.

 

But PLEASE remember: it's not about YOU. Putting off your pain by prolonging hers is not what you want to do, I know it. No one who loves their pet wants to do that. The kindest thing we can do is let them go before every shred of quality of life is gone.

 

I think your husband is right. May you all find peace with your choice.

 

I have to agree with Susan.

 

We made the decision a couple of weeks ago to let BillieJean, our 14++ GSD, go.

She was the 5th dog we have sent to the Bridge and these decisions do not get any easier.

 

Even if you are willing and capable of prolonging their life, in my mind it should be about the quality of their life.

 

My thoughts are with you both.

[Guest Greyt_dog_lover]

We have all been through what you are going through, the questions, the doubting yourself.

 

Don't beat yourself up. Your pup needs you to be strong. All the love you have been given by this wonderful creature comes at a cost. The hardest thing you will ever do is to be able to give your hound the last gift of love and say goodbye. Remember your hounds dignity and how much love she has given you.

 

I am not saying what you should do, only you, your husband and your sweet little girl can walk down this road. Only you can make the decision to send her down the road you cannot travel. May God guide you and ease your mind.

 

Chad

[linda]

We're currently awaiting confirmation on this diagnosis with Molly, and I've already decided that we won't be going the chemo route if this is what it turns out to be. I don't personally think that dogs think much into the future, but rather live the moment. And when more of the moments are uncomfortable for them than not, I think it's time. Only you can decide that. I feel that when I took custodianship of my dogs, I committed to doing what's best for them, and that includes letting them go with dignity.

[Guest june]

I am so sorry all of you are going through this. When you look in her eyes listen to your heart.

Sending prayers to support you in your decision and to help heal your heart when it is time.

june

[JJNg]

Lots of great advice already. Just wanted to address the specific issue of your girl's diarrhea. How long has the diarrhea been going on? Are you sure it is just a result of the chemo? Chemo can sometimes cause a short period of diarrhea a few days after a treatment, and this usually responds well to a medication called metronidazole. Has your vet suggested trying this, or any other anti-diarrheal, medication for her? You only mentioned trying to get her to eat prescription food to help with the diarrhea.

 

Is the diarrhea her only problem right now, or is she having other problems related to the cancer? You also mentioned a large amount of weight loss. The transient diarrhea caused by chemo shouldn't last long enough or be severe enough to cause weight loss. This makes me wonder if her weight loss is associated with her cancer, or perhaps even the diarrhea is related to the cancer.

 

Other than the diarrhea, how do you feel she is doing? Stepping back and trying to make an honest assessment, do you feel all of her current problems are related to the diarrhea? Or is there more going on? If her diarrhea cleared up tomorrow, would she be doing well enough that you feel she still has a good quality of life?

 

I am so sorry you are going through this with your girl and wish you the best.

[Guest Balfie]

Thank you for all your replies, I am crying as I read them.

 

On Monday evening she started on Pro-Kolin, which seems to have helped. She is still on Prednisolone tablets and Endoxana tablets.

 

We had discussed between us that we would rather she be able to keep her food inside her and enjoy her meals so she didnt have the chemo injection last week, and we didnt give it today.

 

But I was looking at her just now, she is so thin.

She also now has a small tear between her toes, normally the vet said they would suture it but she is too weak for the anaesthetic. Its become infected now and she has started antibiotics. This will be making her feel ill as well.

 

Those questions are very helpful, thanks to everone who posted them. Its a horrible thought, that we might let her go on too long. I would hate that. I think I have been hoping for an improvment that maybe isnt going to come.

 

Are they suffering? Are They in pain? - I am sure she isnt in pain, but definatly she must be feeling ill and weak.

Do they still play with their toys? - No

Do they love going for walks? - She still wants to go out, but its a slow process and she cant go far. She is still interested in cats and other nice things once she is out tho.

Are they eating well? - no, only small amounts of chicken. But she still hovers while there is cooking in the kitchen.

Do I still gets wags and kisses? - no

Are they enjoying life? - no, I dont know that she is any more if I am brutally honest.

Are they getting any joy out of life? - no, I dont think she is.

Can they be made well and pain free again. - no. Even if the diarrhoea cleared up and she put on weight, the cancer would still be there

 

 

 

"As much as I love my dogs, I can't stand to see them suffer and I can't justify keeping them with me at their expense."

This is what I have to keep in mind. I keep thinking I will look in her eyes and she will tell me when she has had enough, but that hasnt happened. But then she has always been like that. She soldiers on.

 

 

"It's very hard to make the distinction of whether we are keeping them alive for them - or because we can't imagine life without them."

This is what worries me. I dont want her to go, I dont want to be without her, but at some point we are going to have to.

 

I think maybe she wont be the one to say its time, I think we may have to do that for her. Its so hard to know, I dont want that day to come too soon, but then like you all say, it would be worse for it to be too late.

[Guest Balfie]

"Other than the diarrhea, how do you feel she is doing? Stepping back and trying to make an honest assessment, do you feel all of her current problems are related to the diarrhea? Or is there more going on? If her diarrhea cleared up tomorrow, would she be doing well enough that you feel she still has a good quality of life?"

 

This is what has kept us going. I honestly think that if the diarrhoea cleared up tomorrow she would start to put on weight, she would feel happier because her tummy would be full, and she would have more energy and feel happier. I know the cancer would still be there, but I think she could have a happy last few weeks. I am begining to doubt myself now though, I wonder if I am being unrealistic, and having wishful thinking.

[DesiRayMom]

I have been through this miserable situation, as well, and there is no harder decision on this earth.

 

My heart breaks for you; Hoping you & your darling girl find peace, whatever & whenever your decision.