My Husband Woke Up Sobbing About Cosmo

[Tracey]

I wasn't really sure where to put this and I'm still not but I guess Remembrance seems like the most likely place.

 

Jason and I had gone to bed last night (actually this morning; we were up late working on a client project) and we hadn't been asleep very long when I was jolted awake by the sound of Jason sobbing uncontrollably. It took me a few seconds to realize what I was hearing and a few seconds more to realize that he was still asleep. Then he woke up and couldn't stop crying. I've never seen him so inconsolable. He was crying so hard he was heaving and gasping for air; you know, that kind of crying that takes over your entire body. It took him about a half hour to kind of compose himself and another hour or so before he was able to go back to sleep. When we woke up today he spent the first couple of hours crying on and off again. Of course, all of this has had me crying too.

 

I had a hunch what the dream was about and I was right. He dreamed about our little girl Cosmo. Here's the dream: Jason was in bed, although it was in a bedroom different than the one we have now or any we have ever had. He said there was a racket coming from outside which he described as the sound of metal on metal. He didn't think that the sound was significant other than for the fact that the sound was in his dream. As he was lying in bed Cosmo came into the room. He was surprised and happy to see her but really bothered by the fact that she still had only three legs. Not because it bothered him but I guess because he thought she would be whole again and so he felt really bad for her. He did say that the fact that Cosmo only had three legs still didn't bother her in the least. Cosmo came over to the foot of the bed and hopped up. She went and laid down next to Jason and laid her head on his chest. Jason started petting her and then she just laid beside him for a while (Jason told me once when he was recounting the dream to me 'it was like SHE was holding ME'). Cosmo laid beside Jason for about 15-20 minutes and then abruptly she got up and "communicated" that she had to go. Jason said something to her like that it had only been 15-20 minutes and that she'd just gotten there and please don't go. But Cosmo communicated that she couldn't stay and she got up, got down off the bed and hopped out of the room. And that's when Jason started sobbing uncontrollably.

 

Jason told me he's never had a dream that felt so real. And he couldn't think of anything specific that would have triggered the dream. We don't talk about her to each other all that much because it's still way too painful (although to be fair, we talk about her more that we do about other pets or people we've lost. I'd just say it's not in proportion at all to how much we miss and think about her. I don't think either of us could function on a daily basis if we did). Needless to say, I felt terrible for Jason seeing how visibly upset he was. There's a part of me that was jealous that I didn't get that dream though, as I keep hoping to have such a vivid one about her and it doesn't come. Jason did say most of the dream was good while he was having it, other than feeling bad for her about her missing leg. It wasn't until she left that he got really upset.

 

Anyway, it was a tough night and today's still pretty tough as well. It's funny how we as people manage to deal pretty well for the most part with losing those we love, but then you lose someone else and they're so special you just never get over it. I guess that's how it will always be with Cosmo. What I wouldn't give to see her again.

 

Thanks for letting me share this. And for anyone who actually knows Jason, please don't let him know I shared this. It would put a big dent in his tough guy image and he'd never forgive me. Thanks.

[o_rooly]

What an incredible image. I would be completely jolted by a visit like that.

Cosmo sounds like she was an amazing lady. :heart

My thoughts are with you and your DH. Sometimes, they just leave giant pawprint holes.

[Magdalyn58]

Sending my thoughts for peace and some comfort during this sad time. I totally understand your and your DH's feelings of loss. Our Mittens died on March 17 of this year and we are still racked with pain. Perhaps Cosmo is still nearby and came into your DH's dream to let him know that she is fine and still near him.

 

Ever since Mittens died, I absolutely swear that I hear her at night. She used to like to lick her paws at night and when she put them down on the hardwood floor in the bedroom, they would make a little click, click sound. I have heard that same sound many times at night in the past few weeks. Sometimes it wakes me up from a deep sleep, and I momentarily "forget" that she's gone, and when I awaken fully, I feel the piercing pain in my heart at the realization that she is indeed gone.

 

I'm so sorry for your pain.

 

 

 

[OwnedBySummer]

A very poignant retelling of DH's dream. You made my allergies act up, damn things.

[grey14me]

That has me crying, too

[Guest SoulsMom]

Me too. What a very powerful thing to experience, bittersweet

[Houndtime]

Make yourself familiar with the angels, and behold them frequently in spirit; for without being seen, they are present with you. St. Francis de Sales

[sabrina]

to you both

[fsugrad]

I had a hard time reading your post, can't imagine actually experiencing it like you and Jason did.

Sending hugs.

[fliggie]

I had a similar experience with a heartdog quite a few years ago. Many hugs for your both.

[Guest StriderDog]

I had a vivid Strider dream two nights after letting him go too - I held him in my arms and loved him, but there was the firm knowledge that he wasn't better and I would have to put him to sleep again at the end of the dream. It was awful.

 

Hugs to you and your DH.

[robinw]

His dream had me in tears Hugs to both of you

[4greyhounds]

:grouphug :grouphug

[DesiRayMom]

My eyes are leaking......Hugs to you both.

[MerlinsMum]

Oh my, Tracey :cry1 I had tears streaming down my face as I was reading your post Poor Jason and poor you, too I am so, so sorry. Cosmo was such a beautiful girl and she left a huge hole in your hearts

 

Such vivid dreams about a loved one - especially one who left prematurely and took a big piece of your hearts with her - can shake one to the core. :grouphug

 

Thinking of you.

[Batmom]

{{{{{{{{{{Tracey & Jason}}}}}}}}}}

[Guest how888]

Been there, I feel so bad for both of you.. It will be a year tomorrow that Nike passed over.. I can't even post about it .. I saw his name there once and the pain has killed me all year, I can't imagine seeing it again... Edited April 14, 2011 by how888

[Guest DanTheMan]

I just had a dream last night about Dan. I was crying in my dream and holding him too. I woke up just feeling very sad and have been pretty depressed the whole day. I lost him back in November 2004 to OS. It seems he likes to just randomly pop into my dreams to remind me how much I miss him still.

[RileysLegacy]

The only times I can ever remember waking up crying from a dream have been after dreams of Riley. They subsided for awhile, but I had another one just last week. It is the most awful, unbearable feeling of sadness and for me it takes a few days to shake it off. I am so sorry you and Jason are going through it I think it is good to get the emotions out, though. I wish there was something better I could say... Thinking of you guys

 

[racindog]

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart."

"What we have enjoyed we can never lose…All that we love deeply becomes a part of us."-Helen Keller

 

It sounds to me like she was visiting to tell or reassure him/you that she was OK and was still a part of your family and always would be. Your Cosmo was always spirit. You didn't fall in love with her body, you loved her-and she was/is actually spirit. While she was on earth she was in her Cosmo earth suit but she left that behind when she crossed over. She, her energy, is of course unmistakeable and spirit is her current form. Perhaps your husband envisioned her as a tripod still because his earth mind just naturally associated the body he last saw her in with her presence when she visited in the dream. To me it all seems perfectly logical but I understand how far out it can seem based on what our culture has led us to believe for the most part. Perhaps she'll send another message that will clear things up a bit.

Edited April 14, 2011 by racindog

[RaineysMom]

hugs to your hubby and to you :grouphug

 

I know exactly how he felt. I had the same thing happen a couple weeks ago. However, my dream was a bad one about Rainey :( I was talking to our regular vet (Rainey had been being treated by the neurologist since September) and he kept telling me I killed her and that all I had to have done was stop her medication and she would have been fine :cry1 I was sobbing in the dream, trying to explain how bad she'd gotten and when I woke up, I was still crying and Bruce woke up and was asking if I was ok. That dream hung with me for many days. :(

[MP_the4pack]

I had two dreams about Topaz. One just after she died 11 yrs ago, and one a few months ago.

Neither time did I remember she was gone.

I had several dreams about Brindle (she left 9 yrs ago). I never remembered she was gone either until one dream a year later. I remembered she was gone, I hugged her, and that was the last time I dreampt of her.

 

I haven't dreampt of Pearl, Diamond or Onyx, who I lost within this past year. And I SO want to have a dream with them.

 

I'm sorry Jason's dream ended in such pain, but I'm glad it was a happy dream for the most part.

[DonnaBehr]

Jason is so lucky, I'm jealous. At least Cosmo came back to see him. None of mine ever have.

[Guest lynne893]

your post brought tears to my eyes. my heart aches for you and jason.

 

i had these dreams off and on for a long time after my dad passed away when i was 19. they're awfully tortuous and confusing. i'm sorry for your grief and his.

 

nothing to say except that we on greytalk will be here for you, and time does make the pain easier.

 

big hugs to you both. cosmo must have been so special.

[mychip1]

So hard to read...

 

On one hand comforting that she came to him.....but almost, for him, I'm sure, like losing her all over again....