When Is It Time For Another Grey?

[DunesMom]

Dune crossed the bridge five weeks ago and I still can't get through a day without crying multiple times. I'd lost dogs before him (Dune was my first grey, though), but no dog has been as close to me. Dune was my souldog.

 

Well-meaning friends keep saying the sooner I get another dog, the easier it will get.

 

The SO worries that any hound I get will compare unfavorably with my most-loved Dune, and I won't be a fair mom. He thinks I may need a long time to recover emotionally. He also, I suspect, is trying to delay the inevitable as long as possible -- before Dune & I entered his life as a package deal, he wasn't a "dog person." Dune won him over, and he's been grieving deeply, also.

 

I don't know what to think. I'm so devastated, I swing wildly between adopting today and thinking I may need more than a year to be a stable dog-mom.

 

Any advice? I know lots of grey owners have multiples, but in our house/life/situation, one is all we can do at once, BTW. (Several folks recommended getting two so that I never am left with only one hound, but we can't do it.)

[HJsM]

I can't vote legitimately because I'm a multi-dog household.

 

I would just venture to say, respectfully, that the FINEST TRIBUTE you can give to Dune is to love another. I don't know how long that will take for you. For me, at this point, it would probably take no more than a month or so given that I know how many there are out there that NEED me (and you).

 

To adopt another one at this point is NOT disrespectful to Dune and might help your heart heal faster than you think.

 

In the end, it is completely what you can deal with.

 

When my dog passed away in 2002, I thought I was going to curl up and die and I didn't think I could do it within the year. I had Howie in a little over a month. It helped. I didn't always "love him more" at first, but I needed to have another dog to care for.

 

When Raisin passed in July, I had a foster at home that was probably sent to me for a good reason and she's home now. I miss Raisin, but I know that she totally approves me loving another.

[tydyelady]

You know, this is a tough question, it depends on you. So I could not vote. I will say that when I had to put my Akita Lab mix down at almost age 17 I was devastated. I had Latanya since she was 4 months old. DH came into her life when she was already elderly, and he took over caring for her day to day needs with me.

She went to the bridge in August of 2006. I cried until I thought my heart would explode from grief. I did not want another dog, did not want to love again. But I knew that she wouldnt want that, that she wanted me to give my love to another. And so she sent us Opie. I know she did, as he is the same coloring and markings as she was. We took Opie home on March 31, 1007. That was 7 months after we lost Latanya. But I was ready. We had talked it over, and put in our application for adoption in January. Opie has helped me love again. I never compare, they are different. Sometimes I can't believe how much I love that boy. But I do know now that when the day comes and I have to say goodbye to him, I will get another beautiful friend in need of a home.

Don't think of it in terms of when is the right time - you will just know. But don't be afraid to let that love out, and don't wait too long.

 

[Guest Nelsonismyhero]

Everyone mourns in their own way, only you can decide when it's the right time to get another dog. I've always had a multi-dog household so my situation is a bit different. It's always hard to lose a dog, but it helps me to have the other dogs around because it gives me a reason to get up the next morning and the days following the loss.

 

I'm glad that I had the choice of choosing more than one option on the poll because there wasn't any one description that fit my situation. Adding a new dog depends on a lot of factors other than mourning time. Finding just the right dog can take a lot longer than you think, and sometimes there are other things going on in one's life that may interfere with plans to get a new dog.

 

Audrey

[Guest HeatherDemps]

This is a tough one for me because we just lost Dempsey suddenly exactly 2 weeks ago. I know I would like another dog eventually. I probably will not start off with another greyhound. I have a 6yo IG and although IGs and GHs are incredibly different, I love both breeds. The day I lost Dempsey, I felt very helpless because he could not walk and was in pain and I had to carry him to the car. I did it somehow, but it wasn't easy. For that reason, and a couple of others, I don't want to get a large dog right away until the memories aren't so raw. I'm realizing though that at some point I would like another GH- which is a positive step because at first I kept thinking I wouldn't out of fear I would be disapointed if she/he wasn't like Dempsey. I know I can love more than one dog because I've done it already, but I completely understand your concerns. It sucks to lose the ones we love and there's no way around that....

[Ragsysmum]

I have always believed the greatest tribute you can pay to the one you have lost is to take in another of their wonderful breed and try to make that ones life better. I can't stand my home or my life without a dog in it so after my beautiful Ragsy girl left us in May, I adopted Tru 5 days later and then my Sonny boy three weeks after that. We walk the same riverbank I have walked with all my previous dogs so I remember them all every day as I watch my two new hounds enjoy the same pleasure the others did.

[Fiona3]

I also couldn't vote because it has been different each time. We have a multi-dog household so when we've lost a dog we could focus on those here for comfort. The time period also varied. Once we adopted within a month, another we waited for a year. In all cases I just followed what my heart told me to do. When I kept thinking about getting another grey, it seemed the time was right. I have to admit - once you have a greyhound in your life it is hard to live without one.

 

It really is a tribute to your grey to bring home another. There is another grey out there waiting to fill your life with love and who can help heal the heartache. We have never felt they were replacing our lost ones. Each is different in their own way but as we build a life with the new grey it keeps the memory alive of all the happy times we spent with the ones who have gone before.

 

I am sorry for your loss. I know how much it can hurt. You will never forget Dune - if you adopt another, you will just be continuing the Circle of Life.

[FountainLady]

When we lost Pup to Osteo the house was just too empty - after two weeks I not only mourned the loss of Pup, but I was missing the unconditional love I felt every time I walked in the door.

 

For me our home turned into an empty shell when Pup died and we were dogless.

 

I also worried about getting another Greyhound and trying to compare them to Pup (who was the perfect dog). But after a couple weeks, I had to start looking for another Greyhound. I decided to get the opposite sex and a different color dog than Pup - So we went from a sweet goofy fawn boy (Pup), to an elegant brindle girly-girl (Rainy). We adopted her a little over a month after we lost Pup.

 

We still misss Pup every single day, but Rainy has brought so much happiness into this house, and once again - we have smiles on our hearts.

 

Two years out, and we have adopted Doc --- and I now again have a Big Goofy Fawn Boy - to keep Rainy company.

 

 

[Burpdog]

The best thing I can advise is to go look at dogs. You will know when you look in their eyes whether it's the right dog and whether you are ready.

 

I don't seem to have a choice. They just come when they are ready, not when I am ready <sigh>

[gazehund]

I can't really vote either. We lost Kia in March. We have three other hounds in the house.

Tru will be home the end of the month. I wasn't looking for her, but as Diane said, she was looking for me. We can't wait to get her home, and I love her to death without even meeting her.

 

No one can answer this question for you. Only you can decide for yourself.

[Guest myjazzy]

It is really a very personal choice. Everyone and every situtation is different. If you are worried about comparing the new dog to the baby you lost, don't. They are all different and you will find new things and new ways to love another. I'm a mutli dog household, but I have loved each one of mine just as much, just in different ways, because each one touches some part of me. I know that my house would seem empty without a grey.

 

I think Burpdog's advice is good. Go look at some dogs, you may find that you are more ready than you think.

 

I'm sorry about the loss of Dune. It's never easy.

[Guest PhillyPups]

I don't feel any being/life we travel this journey with is EVER replaced, same as I can honestly say that each and everyone of mine is my "heart" dog, all very very special in their own way.

 

I also feel when the time is right, and/or the dog is right, you will just KNOW. I am a multi hound household, but know the loss of one of my pack leaves such a large hole in my heart and my home.

 

You will know when the one is there, and yes it can be the eyes drawing you in to where you are totally lost. Don't hesitate to give a glance to the seniors, the broods, the "special needs" as they are such very special beings.

 

Sorry this does not really answer your question, but it is the only honest answer I can give.

[KahluasMagic]

You'll know when you're ready. You can't replace the lost dog but you can share your love with another. Losing them is never easy, but I think getting a new one honors the one you have lost. I lost Magic in February and adopted Bella in March.

[Guest SusanP]

I voted 2 months because that's what we did, and it was fine, but I should have picked the last choice. It's up to you, when you feel comfortable with the idea, when a dog who needs a home comes to your attention. Don't push yourself. For me, when Simon died I was surprised by my feelings of resentment toward my other dogs for awhile, and I couldn't have adopted another while I felt like that. Once I got through that stage, getting Spinner was a very good distraction for my grief and a reminder that life goes on and you always have enough love to go around.

[RobinM]

I voted the last option.

 

You do it when you want to.

[MP_the4pack]

If you're not ready. Don't.

 

I picked up Onyx 3 weeks after I lost my 5 yr old Topaz. (want to know how much I missed Topaz? I have both Pearl and Opal because of her - white/black silly females)

 

Anyway. Onyx and I had a very hard time bonding. My fault.

 

It basically took a year to get to know and love Onyx. (And I am celebrating her 13 BD next week!! I love her to death).

 

But I ended up taking her to agility in an attempt to get closer to her. You can read my story in Onyx: From Eggplant to Blossum in CG Summer 2001 issue. If you don't have it or can't find it, PM me and I'll email you the article.

 

 

 

 

 

[sonya]

Sonya was my very first dog - also a greyhound. She died a totally unexpected horrible death at the age of 5. I wanted to die...I loved her so much. I knew I had to have another and within a week we went back to Wheeling Island and Miss Cinnibuns picked me. We've had her 2 years - (Sonya went to the bridge 9/8/06). I won't ever be without a greyhound ever again. I would suggest you go with your heart. Yes, you will notice differences but it's OK. Sonya was very laid back and regal. Miss Cinnibuns is very outgoing and a hoot - I love her just as much. She doesn't replace Sonya - she's another addition to the family. Good luck and big hugs.

[carronstar]

No new dog will ever replace the one you have lost. The two times it has happened to me, I have let the head of the group I adopt from know that I would be ready to take the dog that she felt would be best placed with me. Each time I have felt that my girls have made the choices for me and sent me the dog that needed me the most, and that had lessons to teach me.

 

 

[Guest DarkHorse]

You'll know when you're ready.

 

It won't be a matter of replacing Dune, it'll be when you realize that you don't want to replace him, you just want to give all the love you have to another. Take your time to grieve and say goodbye and ignore your friends; they mean well but they don't understand. One day you'll be looking at an adoptables page and you'll realize that you're ready to share your life with another and that will be the time.

[Guest BradyzMommy]

I think that this varies from person to person. Brady passed on May 21 and we adopted Dexter on July 4. We knew that no one would EVER replace Brady, but we also knew that we desperately wanted to try to move on from the overwhelming pain we felt. Maddi and Penny were obviously depressed and needed another leader for their pack. In the couple short months that we've had Dexter, he has helped us remember how to laugh and smile.

You will know when you are ready...just listen to your heart.

[Guest Lorraineandcrew]

Hugs and kisses to your family over your loss.

 

Hard to say what the right answer is, I guess the best answer for when to open your heart to another pup is when it feels right to YOU. It's ok to cry, it has to come out! You're not being disloyal to your rainbow pup by thinking of another dog, you obviously want one in your life, and when the time is right and you feel you can, go for it. As far as comparing one to another, a little of it will be natural, maybe go for a pup of the opposite sex to what you had, or a different colour etc. Personality will play a big part as well.

 

My beautiful beagle that I adopted from the pound died two years ago on Sept 22nd, and I still cry regularly when I think about her (I'm tearing up now), but I also recognize that she paved the way for me to save the lives of the two greys that I now have. I talk to her all the time, tell her I miss her every day, and then when I get home I have an 8 legged hug waiting for me!

 

You'll know when it's right - go with your feelings, don't rush it if you think you're not ready, but when you are, there is another hound waiting to race into your heart again.

[Remolacha]

As everyone has told you (more or less) it is different for each person, and I think, different for each pet. I am usually a multi-pet household, but I have found when I was without any, I adopted new ones much sooner. One of the reasons I choose to have multiples, but that is just what works for me. I lost Sugar, my first greyhound, in July. I am not 100% sure I am ready for another, but Fletcher, my other grey needs another dog, so I started looking. I saw quite a few that looked nice, but... Then I saw Molly's (aka Momma) picture, and knew she was the one. She's coming home tomorrow, and I feel that it is right.

 

So, my long winded advice , start looking, when the right dog finds you, you'll know. It may take a few weeks, a few months, a year, whatever is right for you and your family.

[GreytHoundPoet]

I don't here can be a set approvaed time. It depends on the individual and their family.

[Guest Cris_M]

I couldn't vote, either. And, for the same reasons others have mentioned.

 

There isn't a right or wrong answer. Gabriel was very much a heart dog -- we both healed something in the other. He had a protracted illness that we knew would end in death. The day after his death I had to see (not adopt) other greyhounds. I needed to know that greys were still out there and healthy.

 

I made it another week before going to adopt Duncan, and it took another week for him to be ready to come home with us.

 

You won't be able to replace Dune. No matter when you adopt, sometimes you will look at the new dog and wish that he were Dune. People don't often talk about that. When you realize that will happen AND you are ready to put that aside and love the new dog for his particular personality, then you are becoming ready.

 

Will your new dog be another heart dog? Remember how blessed you have been to have even one. Many dog owners never have that relationship. However, if you are blessed with another heart dog, that relationship will be completely different from the connection you had with Dune. The new dog will touch your heart and teach you things Dune didn't. And, he will not be able to touch some of the parts that Dune did. When you are ready to accept the next dog whether or not he is a heart dog, that is another step to being ready.

 

As I learned with Duncan, sometimes you get what you need, not what you think you want.

 

Be gentle with yourself and trust that you will do exactly what is right for you.

[queenwinniesmom]

The best thing I can advise is to go look at dogs. You will know when you look in their eyes whether it's the right dog and whether you are ready.

 

I don't seem to have a choice. They just come when they are ready, not when I am ready <sigh>

 

 

I'm so sorry for your loss of Dune. What Diane said is closest to the way I feel. From reading your post, to be honest, I'm not sure you're ready for another dog yet. I know you are grieving, and there is a huge emptiness right now. But remember that there is no time frame for that grief, and that what is right for one person is not necessarily right for someone else. There is no hurry if you are still questioning if it is right or not. I think your SO may not be ready either. If he fell in love with Dune, it may not be as easy for him to accept another dog, because it was Dune he loved, and not so much the breed itself.

But if you can, go look at dogs (both of you)---you don't have to make a commitment if it doesn't feel right. I think a lot changes when you look into the eyes of another Grey who is waiting for a forever home---it puts things into perspective. It makes your heart open up a little, enough to feel that sadness and pain start to recede a bit. And like Diane said, you will know when you look into their eyes. I haven't really had a choice either. I truly believe, for many reasons, that the ones I lost sent me the dog they wanted me to have, the one that belonged here. That has usually happened between 2-6 months. But we lost Winnie in Oct. 2007, and she hasn't sent us anyone yet!