Girly Girl Diagnosed With Os 12/3

[Houndtime]

You have had so many emotional challenges. I am glad of the change of opinion.

[Guest ronka68]

Girly Girl has “graduated” from chemo. The last treatment seemed to hit her as hard as the first one. I don’t know if they gave her some extra juice or if the cumulative effects just finally overwhelmed her. The nausea finally got to her and she vomited after this round. And she had terrible diarrhea like after her first treatment. We just managed to get it under control. But being the fighter that she is, she kept her good spirits and mischievous personality intact throughout.

 

We’re trying to figure out how to manage the disease now that we don’t have the regimented structure of chemo to guide us any longer. It seems all that is left for us is to wait for lung mets to show up and I don’t want us to live like that. There must be something besides diet and supplements that we can do to try and manage this.

 

Beyond that we go for our first lung xray in a little over a week. Given the last lung xray, I am extremely nervous. The last one cost me years off my life. IF we get an all clear on this one, we get three months until the next one. It’s been 6 months since her diagnosis in early December. One day at a time…. Thank you all again for helping us get this far.

 

Veronica

[Batmom]

So glad to hear she is doing well.

 

I think all you can do is take one day at a time and just make a mental iron curtain between yourself and the future.

 

Big hugs.

[Guest MorganKonaAlex]

We’re trying to figure out how to manage the disease now that we don’t have the regimented structure of chemo to guide us any longer. It seems all that is left for us is to wait for lung mets to show up and I don’t want us to live like that.

That's a common feeling upon the end of active cancer treatment; for human as well as canine cancer. Lung mets is not a certainty. I know Morgan was one of the few lucky ones, but he didn't have a cancer recurrence in the 3 years we had him after OSA treatment. We lost him to LS at 13.5.

 

Regarding the stress of xrays: another option is to not get them. We didn't. Since you can't treat lung mets, we choose not to get the xrays.

[Guest ronka68]

Tonight is a very hard night. I sit vigil beside my sweet girl. We are nearly at the end of our journey together and I am heartbroken and angry. I keep waiting to know when it will be “the time.” When she’s ready to go. After we graduated from chemo in June, we went for our first x-ray in three weeks and they found that the spots they originally thought were tumors and later decided were film and structural anomalies were, in fact, tumors and in the second set of x-rays they had clearly grown and added friends.

 

We went back into chemo. This time with carboplatin. Two treatments in we did x-rays again and the tumors were bigger still. From tiny spots, to peas, to walnuts. And at that time, 5 total. Clearly the carboplatin was not working. So we discontinued that and tried a modified metronomic protocol. We started on doxycycline and cyclophosphamide. After a week on that, Girly Girl started to go downhill. Her coughing increased (the coughing that the oncologist insisted was not tumor related) and it sounded wet. She was bringing up blood. She was panting and unable to move very far. She had weakness in her back end. Fearing heart damage due to the adriamycin, in the course of three days I had her in with our family vet, a doctor who did an echocardiogram and stomach ultrasound and finally at the end of the week, with the oncologist. New x-rays were taken at our family vet and there was one mass that was the size of a baseball in there. The echocardiogram revealed no heart damage and no problems in her abdomen. They also did a lung tap and found that the fluid in her lungs was blood. The oncologist looked at all the reports and told us to go home and keep her comfortable. He said a couple days to a week. I begged him for some medication to make her comfortable with. He said he could offer us nothing but perhaps steroids. We took those.

 

My steel core magnolia had other ideas. Our family vet started her on a Chinese medicine called Yunnan Baiyao which worked miracles in terms of clearing out the blood in her lungs. That in combination with the steroids returned her to a state of seeming health and activity that I had not seen since before her amputation surgery. She was running and playing with her brother and cousins again. She was eating like a sailor and checking everyone else’s bowls for a missed morsel. She was always in the scrum to go outside, to eat a meal or to get a treat. We passed the couple days mark. Then we passed the one week mark and she showed no signs of slowing down. I was so happy that her time left was so great.

 

But inevitably the other shoe drops. Today, a week and three days past our dismissal by the oncologist it all changed. She was fine all day and lay down on the carpet for a nap. Then suddenly, at 6:30p she got to her feet. I could tell something wasn’t right just by her posture. She was just standing there, staring at the ground and shaking. I wondered if she was having a seizure or maybe a blood clot had been thrown. Finally she started coughing and when she tried to come to me, she was so weak she could only take one step at a time and then rest.

 

Now I’ve been sitting with her. She’ll sleep for a little while and then stand up and cough up what is in her lungs (presumably blood). She remains standing awhile, panting until finally her strength gives out and she collapses on her bed. She was interested in dinner and ate it with gusto standing at her dinner bowl as normal, but that seemed to be the only strength she had.

 

I am waiting for the sign from her that she is ready to go. This is a terrible, lonely, vigil. My heart is literally aching inside my chest as I think back over the incredibly short but wonderful 4 years we had together. My heart dog will leave me soon. Nothing I did, no amount of money spent, no measure of love could change this outcome. We weren’t lucky enough to make it 2 or 3 years. We aren’t going to make it 1 year. But I did get eleven wonderful months with her after her diagnosis. These I treasure but they simply aren’t enough. I’m angry and devastated and have spent the evening trying to sob quietly on the couch. I wanted to be strong when we got here. Not to cry. But I don’t have that strength in me. This loss is almost more than I can bear.

 

I am praying she is taken tonight in her sleep but I don’t think we’ll be that lucky. I was hoping to give her a nice quiet, peaceful send-off here at home when the time came, but it looks like we’re to be denied even that.

 

Pray for my girl, my heart dog, the thing I love most in this world. Soon she’ll be one more statistic. But she made this small part of the world a better place. She made me a better person and her short time on this earth won’t be forgotten by those of us who loved her dearly.

[GreyPoopon]

[joejoesmom]

Tonight is a very hard night. I sit vigil beside my sweet girl. We are nearly at the end of our journey together and I am heartbroken and angry. I keep waiting to know when it will be “the time.” When she’s ready to go. After we graduated from chemo in June, we went for our first x-ray in three weeks and they found that the spots they originally thought were tumors and later decided were film and structural anomalies were, in fact, tumors and in the second set of x-rays they had clearly grown and added friends.

 

We went back into chemo. This time with carboplatin. Two treatments in we did x-rays again and the tumors were bigger still. From tiny spots, to peas, to walnuts. And at that time, 5 total. Clearly the carboplatin was not working. So we discontinued that and tried a modified metronomic protocol. We started on doxycycline and cyclophosphamide. After a week on that, Girly Girl started to go downhill. Her coughing increased (the coughing that the oncologist insisted was not tumor related) and it sounded wet. She was bringing up blood. She was panting and unable to move very far. She had weakness in her back end. Fearing heart damage due to the adriamycin, in the course of three days I had her in with our family vet, a doctor who did an echocardiogram and stomach ultrasound and finally at the end of the week, with the oncologist. New x-rays were taken at our family vet and there was one mass that was the size of a baseball in there. The echocardiogram revealed no heart damage and no problems in her abdomen. They also did a lung tap and found that the fluid in her lungs was blood. The oncologist looked at all the reports and told us to go home and keep her comfortable. He said a couple days to a week. I begged him for some medication to make her comfortable with. He said he could offer us nothing but perhaps steroids. We took those.

 

My steel core magnolia had other ideas. Our family vet started her on a Chinese medicine called Yunnan Baiyao which worked miracles in terms of clearing out the blood in her lungs. That in combination with the steroids returned her to a state of seeming health and activity that I had not seen since before her amputation surgery. She was running and playing with her brother and cousins again. She was eating like a sailor and checking everyone else’s bowls for a missed morsel. She was always in the scrum to go outside, to eat a meal or to get a treat. We passed the couple days mark. Then we passed the one week mark and she showed no signs of slowing down. I was so happy that her time left was so great.

 

But inevitably the other shoe drops. Today, a week and three days past our dismissal by the oncologist it all changed. She was fine all day and lay down on the carpet for a nap. Then suddenly, at 6:30p she got to her feet. I could tell something wasn’t right just by her posture. She was just standing there, staring at the ground and shaking. I wondered if she was having a seizure or maybe a blood clot had been thrown. Finally she started coughing and when she tried to come to me, she was so weak she could only take one step at a time and then rest.

 

Now I’ve been sitting with her. She’ll sleep for a little while and then stand up and cough up what is in her lungs (presumably blood). She remains standing awhile, panting until finally her strength gives out and she collapses on her bed. She was interested in dinner and ate it with gusto standing at her dinner bowl as normal, but that seemed to be the only strength she had.

 

I am waiting for the sign from her that she is ready to go. This is a terrible, lonely, vigil. My heart is literally aching inside my chest as I think back over the incredibly short but wonderful 4 years we had together. My heart dog will leave me soon. Nothing I did, no amount of money spent, no measure of love could change this outcome. We weren’t lucky enough to make it 2 or 3 years. We aren’t going to make it 1 year. But I did get eleven wonderful months with her after her diagnosis. These I treasure but they simply aren’t enough. I’m angry and devastated and have spent the evening trying to sob quietly on the couch. I wanted to be strong when we got here. Not to cry. But I don’t have that strength in me. This loss is almost more than I can bear.

 

I am praying she is taken tonight in her sleep but I don’t think we’ll be that lucky. I was hoping to give her a nice quiet, peaceful send-off here at home when the time came, but it looks like we’re to be denied even that.

 

Pray for my girl, my heart dog, the thing I love most in this world. Soon she’ll be one more statistic. But she made this small part of the world a better place. She made me a better person and her short time on this earth won’t be forgotten by those of us who loved her dearly.

Tears are just streaming down my face as I read this. I am so sorry. I hate this disease. I hope that she can go peacefully in her home. It is clear that you love her so much, she knows that. I'm sorry if I am not very coherent -- your post just hit me hard.

 

Jane

[greyhounds1234]

I am so sorry. Cancer is unrelenting. You did everything you possibly could for her and letting her go with love will be one of the most difficult thing you can ever do.

 

I am just so sorry.

[Guest lovemyhounds]

I too sit here in tears thinking about what you are going through right now. Girly Girl is so lucky to have a Mom like you to take such good care of her and she is a blessing to you as well. I am so sorry for what you are going through...cancer is such an evil monster. Prayers sent up and I am thinking about you two....wish I could do more.

[jenn8]

I am very sorry you are going through this sad time with your girl.

 

I had to make the difficult decision on two occasions and without

my dogs giving me a sign or a special look. One had osteo and the

x-rays showed that his leg was just about to break. The other one

had an enlarged heart and, after 8 good months, his condition began

to rapidly decline. There was nothing more we could do for him.

 

I never regretted helping both my boys when I did, even though they

didn't make it clear that it was time. It doesn't always happen that

way.

 

For some reason, I found this statement comforting afterwards. It

reminded me of the real reason I made the decision and kept those

awful, guilty feelings from creeping in. So I thought I would share

it with you:

 

"The intention of euthanasia is to relieve your animal’s suffering

and to create a dignified and painless death for reasons of mercy

and compassion.”

 

Jenn

[Guest tammara]

You are both in my prayers. I am so sorry for everything you have gone through.

[Batmom]

My heart goes out to you and your gallant girl. Tucking you both in my thoughts today.

[Charlies_Dad]

Your post brought tears to my eyes. This disease is so hideous and it sounds like you have done everything for your sweet little girl. Your post has raised all the fears I have for my boy who is fighting the same battle. I am so very sorry you and your sweet one are going through this. She is a brave soul. We will keep you and Girly Girl in our thoughts.

[maggiespet]

You and sweet Girly Girl are in my thoughts and prayers. Cancer sux and I'm so very sorry you and your sweet girl have to travel this path. Hugs to you both.

[MandysMom]

I'm keeping you and Girly Girl in my thoughts and prayers.

[dante2zoe]

I have no words to bring you peace or comfort during this ordeal. However, I am in awe in what you have been able to do and accomplish for your Girly Girl. You have become her champion and fought the nasty and bitter fight with her, for her. May we all be so lucky to have someone go to the mat for us as you have done for her. While I have not yet encountered this with my pups, I know I, too, will face what you have at some point. My heart goes out to you and I have been and will continue to keep you and Girly Girl tucked close in my heart, which is breaking for you.

[robinw]

[teri_d]

i tried to read your whole post, but the tears came and won't stop -- it is all just too fresh for me.....our beloved rivie lost her os battle in august. i only hope that you can feel my thoughts and prayers coming your way. when rivie was first diagnosed, our vet gave us great advice -- make a list right now of the things that make her "rivie" - things like eating, enjoying treats, seemingly pain-free, enjoys walks, or at least going outside for a minute, greeting us at the door -- when you start marking these things off the list they are not themselves and it is time to let them go. i truly believe (but my heart hurt all the same and still does) that it is those who have known such love that are the lucky ones -- we should mourn those who never get the chance. my heart is with you and the tears are still flowing -- hugs to you as you face today - you might check out the other os thread on gt -- you will get lots of support there!!

Edited October 11, 2010 by teri_d

[Guest june]

Sending prayer and good thoughts your way. Your girl is so lucky to have such a loving home. They are family and we just do the best we can.

God bless,

june

[racindog]

I am praying for the Good Shepherd to work one of His miracles and bring peace to both of you amid this unspeakably horrible storm. God bless both of you. Sometimes I just can't understand or explain things- the limitations of earthly wisdom is too much. But I do know that He loves you and He loves Girly Girl. He's not going to throw either of you to the wolves. He brought you together in the first place. He brought Girlie Girl to you for you to care for and He's not going to stop taking care of her now. We may not be able to understand how or the details but maybe it helps to just "Be still, and know that I am God." I just know God loves her too and He's not going to allow her to be hurt-now or never. Appearances can be deceiving-things are not always what they seem.

[carronstar]

I am sitting here in tears for you and for Girly Girl. Know that you are held in a great circle of prayers, good thoughts and love. Know also that Girly Girl will never, ever be "one more statistic". Your love and devotion for her have made sure that can never be the case.

[Guest ronka68]

And here ends the story of my sweet Girly Girl. She left this world last Tuesday, 10/12. She was in her favorite spot in the backyard, though I couldn’t wrangle up a sunny patch for her. She lay in my lap and was surrounded by her grammy, Charlie, and her “brother” Blue. Ever my steel core magnolia, she fought to stay with mumma even though our vet had given her twice the necessary dose for such a peanut. I had to tell her it was ok to go. She would have stayed until the bitter end, never giving me a signal she was ready to go but she was in pain and had difficulty breathing and walking. I couldn’t bear to watch her suffer one more day. She did so well up until the last two days and I’m thankful we had that time together.

 

She is already back home in a little box and I thought having that here with me would somehow make me feel better but it doesn’t.

 

Now I try and find a way to pick up the pieces of my heart that are left and learn to live life without my heart dog. I knew I didn’t want to do it before she left and I am no closer to reconciling myself to that reality yet. I pray for a happier ending for all of you who are still in the fight and thank you all for the support you gave me through this journey.

 

Veronica

[GreyTzu]

I am so very sorry. Please start a thread in Remembrance when you are able.