I am so sorry, I wish I didn't know exactly how you feel Try not to dwell on the "if I had done this, or hadn't done that" You did what you thought was best for him at the time, that is all you can do. After awhile, you will stop seeing only his last few days and be able to remember all the good times. I lost my girl Charley just before Thanksgiving, so I am going through all of this too