I’m so so sorry. The link you requested is in my signature. I haven’t read it in a long time, but I hope you get some comfort. I think I wrote it after Bailey died which was 9 years ago.
The pain of grief can be so overwhelming. Please call me if you ever need to talk. Email is fine too, it’s just not as personal, jmho.
I went to grief counselling as well. I don’t think it helped me, I was just desperate to ease my pain of losing 2 so close together.
Take care of yourself. Grief is like ocean waves, sometimes the waves are huge, sometimes they just ebb and flow. The most difficult part for me was learning to live without them. I’m sure this will be difficult for you too.