Second Dog, Feeling Guilty

[Samwise]

We've had our greyhound, Sam, for almost two years now (he's just shy of five years old). We love him dearly, and although he is very affectionate and demonstrative for a greyhound, I've found myself longing for a doggy-er dog, one who will play fetch, snuggle enthusiastically, and who is generally more people oriented than Sam. I've posted about it on here in the past, and have been idly looking at adoptable dog posting for several weeks, but after our move to NYC in August and our wedding in October, it's gotten a little more focused.

 

Well, I think we've found the dog that fits the bill! We are fostering-with-intent a lively adolescent (1-2 y.o.) dog, who was billed by the rescue group as a beagle mix. I personally suspect is a Beagle/Italian Greyhound (most likely) or Beagle/Whippet mix, since though he has a beagle colouring pattern, his build is very slight (he can't be more than 20lbs) and his personality is milder than the beagles I've known. He's friendly and very people-oriented, loves to snuggle, but isn't vocal and is fully house-trained. If we do decide to get a second dog, it will be him. The foster period is more to see what our home is like with the two-dog dynamic. We're both very open to seeing if it works, but we're also willing to return him to the rescue if it doesn't, since he's become comfortable with us so quickly that he would probably be happy in any home.

 

The trouble is, I keep feeling guilty for wanting a second dog and for bringing one into our home. When I'm petting our foster, I feel as though I'm somehow betraying Sam. My husband's not helping, since he keeps reminding me "not to forget about Sam." DH was perfectly happy with just us & Sam, so he's a little skeptical of this new addition, but is humouring me to see how things go. As for Sam, he was mildly curious at first, but now generally ignores the foster. DH joked that Sam thinks the three of us have gotten ourselves a pet, and that's fairly accurate to how he's been acting.

 

Am I just anthropomorphizing Sam, or could he really be jealous? Are these concerns totally off base?

[robinw]

I felt like that the first time I brought a second dog into my home. Turned out that all of my dogs have been happier living with another canine. Give it a little time and see what happens, and please don't feel guilty.

[winbo]

We had Ivy for about 4 years when we got another grey thinking she would like the company. Not so much. lol!! Joe was big and boisterous and loved her but it wasn't really reciprocated. We lost him after a couple of years to osteo and it was just Ivy again. A friend was giving away a year and a half year old whippet and for some unexplained reason we thought we would check her out. A year later, we are one big happy family. Ivy, who hates to be touched when she's sleeping, tolerates Sophie snuggling with her. Ivy who can be a grump tolerates Sophie running around her trying to play. I think in our case it works because Sophie is totally non confrontational and defers to Ivy all the time.

We always make sure Ivy knows she's important and I think she enjoys the company now.

If we thought Ivy was unhappy I would also have felt guilty and returned Sophie. It takes a little while to see if they like each other.

[greysandmollie]

I was in a similar situation years ago with my first greyhound...he used to go everywhere with me but he had some health issues and was not able to go as many places. I was thinking I should get him a buddy...I found a dog that was listed as a whippet mix....she was young as well and a bundle of energy and neurosis that would fill a book. Rascal my greyhound was pretty reserved and meant the world to me. He never acted interested in Mollie unless they were running around then is was game on but I think he liked her being there. They never played in the house or even slept near each other but it was a nice to have someone else around. I think he thought we got a dog too!

 

They both meant the world to me...losing those two about killed me. Do it....I love the greyhounds but Mollie was just a character in so many ways. It was such a nice balance of calm and crazy.

[Remolacha]

If Sam were jealous, I think you would know it If he is just ignoring the new dog, he is probably fine. i do think most dogs like having another dog around, even if they are not BFFs.

[mansbestfriend]

Nothing wrong with doggy dogs but be careful because you might just get what you wish for . Behaviour and training sites are full of owners whose perfect dog is driving them crazy.

I had/have a nice KelpieX first for a few years and boy was it a culture shock training-wise when chilled Max the greyhound came into the picture. Both dogs are rewarding but in very different ways. They're two individuals and that's fine.

Jealousy is probably not a factor, but less attention and changes to routines may cause some stress, and resource guarding can be more of an issue to be aware of. I agree with your OH - make sure they both get one-on-one time with you or OH every day, walking one dog at a time, each having their own sessions of TTouch or whatever.
Cheers and good luck. PS. As a matter of course, do keep monitoring dog-dog body language for signs of stress and 'unhealthy' interactions, cheers.

 

[Banjoman]

Greyhounds and whippets seem to know their own kind & usually seem to accept each other even though they are a different size.

I lost my whippet in May last year and miss him a great deal, not least because he was of a size that we could cuddle up together on the settee. I had him for eleven years and he was my dog completely. Chancey takes up most of the settee and there's no way I can curl up around her and whilst she comes to me for a fuss I don't have that same relationship with her.

 

If Chancey was well behaved when out walking i would be looking for another whippet now but she is over reactive to other dogs when we are out walking in the forest & I have enough of a job holding on to her without trying to cope with a new dog with quirks I do not know. i hope that sometime I will return to a two dog household and one will be a whippet!

 

Enjoy your new addition but just make sure you give Sam time and attention too.

[moofie]

It does take time for a new & current dogs to intergrate and settle. I think with every addition we've had a few grumbles and maybe a little jealousy initially, when our bully mutt pup Terry first came to stay my 3 dogs either ignored him or told him off for getting in their face, a few weeks later they started to play with him (they never play that way with each other) and even my old boy who likes his space will have a bit of a bitey face game, usually while laying down.

 

Sam may appreciate having company, i know my dogs do even though it appears like they don't really interact much and certainly don't do snuggling & playing like best buddies.

 

Really we need a photo of this beagle/whippety mix!

[Guest k9soul]

I don't think you should feel guilty. I have three dogs and they each have characteristics different from the other two that I treasure. I actually that feel for me two dogs is the most ideal, but when I lost my elderly mixed breed girl in 2014 I was suddenly without a dog I could just lie next to and cuddle with. My lab mix just is uncomfortable with that and will get up and leave after a bit, and Rudy likes to cuddle close but not to be touched while he is resting. He also has sleep startle.

 

So, I decided to kind of do what you are doing, to foster with intent if I found the dog that fulfilled that need for me. That is how I ended up with Cole. For me, I just really needed to have that dog that I could lie down and put my arms around and pet and cuddle with. It especially helps me when I am suffering from bad anxiety. Cole is my boy for that. In the end it actually ended up helping to deepen my bond with the other two, because I stopped thinking that I wished I could just cuddle up with one of them. I was able to truly accept the way they were because they have their very own unique and special traits, and yet my particular need was met with Cole. It ultimately helped my heart heal more from the loss of my other dog too, because she was my cuddle buddy.

Edited January 12, 2016 by k9soul

[Samwise]

For me, I just really needed to have that dog that I could lie down and put my arms around and pet and cuddle with. It especially helps me when I am suffering from bad anxiety. Cole is my boy for that. In the end it actually ended up helping to deepen my bond with the other two, because I stopped thinking that I wished I could just cuddle up with one of them. I was able to truly accept the way they were because they have their very own unique and special traits, and yet my particular need was met with Cole.

 

Firstly-- I think I follow you on Tumblr!

 

But seriously, ALL OF THIS. I'm especially hoping that the second dog will help me better appreciate Sam on his own terms instead of mourning the kind of dog he is not. Arthur, as we have been calling the whiggle (whippet-beagle!), is very snuggly, and when I started to get panicky yesterday he leapt right into my lap to give me kisses and check up on me. He is wriggly and cuddly, and will shove his way under any limb he can to get close to you, and has learned how to get under the covers for maximum warmth as I'm lying in bed. But he also slept all night in his crate will only a few small squeaks as he was settling in.

 

The past few days have only strengthened our belief that if a second dog works for us, then he is the perfect one. But that is a big "if", and there are other things to consider: the financial commitment, the change in schedule and routine while our lives are fairly unstable (I am a student and DH is job hunting). Additionally, our apartment is in a walkup owned by DH's 90+ y.o. grandparents, who live in the building and are rather unsure of dogs in general. Sam is the first dog they've allowed to live in the building, and even that took some convincing. They like Arthur because he is cute and small, but I'm scared that they'll change their minds in the future, since their mental health is deteriorating along with their physical health, and they have become more nervous, stubborn, and unreasonable with age. (A post for another time!)

 

Because I know that my judgement is clouded, the final decision is DH's. Especially because he is the more skeptical of the two of us when it comes to a second dog, I can trust that if he gives the okay, we're both on board. But I know that just his acceptance or tolerance of a second dog won't be enough: I need him to be enthusiastic and even joyful about the plan. So he said he will mull it over, and we will make our decision tonight. But thank you ALL for your replies, it made DH feel better to hear what other people in similar situations have felt. I know that Arthur will find a very happy home, whether with us or with someone else. And we will either gain a small, goofy, snuggly friend, or we will save some serious $$$ and be able to go back to our lives as a happy three-person family.

 

No matter what, things will turn out fine. I'm sure of it.

[Samwise]

Here are some photos!

 

^The three of us at the adoption event

 

^Arthur hanging out under my desk, his favourite place to be as I'm studying

 

^ Watching Pride and Prejudice (DH has never seen or read it!)

 

^Arthur is possibly the only creature on God's green earth who could find Sam's bony little butt comfortable as a pillow...but, there you go.

 

The only thing beagle-y about him his is coloration, the shape of his muzzle, and his tendency to follow his nose willy-nilly on walks. The rest is very Italian Greyhound-ish to me!

[dante2zoe]

looks like Sam has found himself a pet! Very very cute pictures! I currently have 3 greyhounds. I used to also have a whippet and he fit in well. I had my little guy and all was well in my world. All the dogs got along. They weren't best friends, but he was mourned when he passed.

 

Good luck!

[Samwise]

Arthur will be going back

 

The decision was made for us. Our landlord/DH's grandfather, a 91 year old in ill health, has rescinded his permission for a second dog.

 

My heart is breaking.

[Guest k9soul]

Oh I am so sorry. Wow what a kick in the gut that has to be. It doesn't seem fair to tell you one thing and then take it back. Loved your photos, but I'm so very sorry that it doesn't look like Arthur will be able to stay .

 

Also yes, I do post pretty frequently on a tumblr account

[greysandmollie]

Oh I am so sorry!! He is adorable!

[XTRAWLD]

Well isn't that a kick in the teeth.

[FiveRoooooers]

Oh no. Can you show your landlord the photos of Arthur and Sam? There is already such love between those two. I realize the grandfather is 91, still ...

[NeedlenoseJake]

That seems kind of harsh considering he allowed it and now is not. Can you tell him that you adopted this dog thinking it was allowed and don't feel right returning him because he's part of the family?

[Samwise]

They are immigrants, like my own grandparents. They're not even sold on the idea of dogs living in the house at all.

 

But, we have had a breakthrough! Not the best one I could have hoped for, but still- good news.

 

Turns out he loves Arthur and wants us to keep him. But he's taking this opportunity to voice his opposition to Sam. He says he thinks Sam is too big to live in the city, but I suspect he's somewhat afraid of him. He didn't want us to bring Sam with us when we moved in in August, but we eventually persuaded him. We thought he had become accepting of Sam, but it turns out he's just been talking to other family members about his issues. Bringing home Arthur has just brought his concerns back up, and he is now saying that it's Sam he wants gone, whether or not Arthur stays.

 

OBVIOUSLY we are keeping Sam, but this means that I think we will also keep Arthur. DH's grandmother is physically healthier but mentally worse than his grandfather, but when we brought Arthur to their apartment to introduce him, she lit up in a way I haven't seen in months. He's a wonderful dog and I think he will be happy with us, and we are already more than happy with him. We are going to work with DH's grandfather to try to warm him up to Sam. If he is slow to do so, Sam may spend a little bit of time with DH's parents who live nearby, and who dote on him constantly. They love him to bits and take him on long walks through their well-forested neighborhood, so it wouldn't be torture for him to spend some time there

 

This whole situation is stressful and confusing. It's so hard dealing with a person who is in cognitive decline. I think things will turn out okay, but I wish I could have an open and frank conversation with DH's grandfather. That's not really possible anymore.

[NeedlenoseJake]

Well I suppose that is a step in the right direction. Congrats on getting to keep Arthur! Just looking at the photos you posted above, I would say that Sam likes him! I can't imagine him letting Arthur cuddle up with him if he didn't like him in his own way! That is a difficult situation with the grandparents, but just keep showing them how wonderful both of the dogs are. Does Sam like people?

[Samwise]

Sam likes people very much, but in his own way. He's always in the same room as us, but isn't so much into physical affection.

[Wantsagrey]

According to your pictures, Sam has made a friend in Arthur. Some of my dogs who lived for years together never snuggled. But for some reason, my Australian Cattle Dog Levi, absolutely loved my foster chihuahua, who I later adopted. (She and her puppies were evidence in a court case so I couldn't adopt her until case was settled). We had other dogs, but PicaBoo is the one he let snuggle up between his legs like he was holding her. Maybe he just knew she came from an abusive situation and just wanted to protect her.

 

I hope the gf sees the light, it would be a shame to separate those two now.

 

Good luck!

[Banjoman]

Have you shown Gf the photos of the two dogs snuggled up together? If he saw how well they get on together and that Arthur really loves being with Sam maybe he might reconsider?

[GeorgeofNE]

Just a warning--I expect you know that beagles are VERY vocal. A greyhound is actually way better suited to city/apartment life than a beagle mix. He will need tons of exercise, and if he ever decides to start using that beagle voice, your neighbors are going to be very unhappy about it.

 

Cute dog. Go with your gut--if neither one of you is currently working, seems like a bad time TO ME to add another financial responsibility to the mix, but only you can know for sure!