Banjoman

Caroline, sadly, shamefully, “ Mr. Bates and the Post Office “ whilst a ‘drama’ is based well and truly on fact and the programme has finally brought the whole dreadful story to the country’s notice. There have been plenty of newspaper investigations and articles into the iniquity of The Post Office hierarchy refusing to admit that their computer system was at fault and accusing their sub-postmasters of theft and prosecuting them and making them “pay back” money they hadn’t stolen! I didn’t realise it but our town post office was one that was affected. To any normal, intelligent person it didn’t make sense that so many sub-postmasters were suddenly pinching lump sums of thousands of pounds from the till but the bosses earning hundreds of thousands of £s decided that was what was happening! The TV programme finally made the Govt. sit up and take notice and there is an inquiry now in progress. I hope the PO bosses get prosecuted and jailed, their heartlessness is beyond belief. M.”E”.C.

https://www.mostlygands.co.uk Nate, Mum jusst fownd this fower me, this wat mi hyooman bruvver gonna be singing in. Iffn she did KNOT hav me and Zavvi she wud hav gon upp to see it but he sed lasst nyte that ther gonna be a dvd mayde so she will get to see it that way. Wen he waz at Manchester University she wentid upp onna trayne a kuppla tymez to see him in G&S oppyrettaz. She did KNOT tayke a foteegraff ov the kaard but ther izza nuvver print she mayde, I will try to send a pikchur ov it to yu. Miss. Ducky, Mum sez bak in them owld dayz yu jusst blowed air intu them owld rubber balloons and tyed string rownd them and thay flowte inna ayre. Littul Frodo 🦇 haz KNOT been fownd. Lotsa peepuls look fower him. I yam howping the 40+mph windz ar eeting down and we myte getta littul waak befor it gett daark. Poosh fower Dizzy Whirld Nate. Shayme yur the rong kuller to pretend to be Pluto! Wagz to awl mi frendz, Nutmeg, KNOT a singer.

Gud wetanwindee Moneyday to awl mi frendz. We jusst hadda kwik waak to the powst box befor it get eevin windeeyer . Mum need to powst the kaard she mayke fower mi hyooman bruvver’cos he singing atta end ov this week. AndyPandy that littul bruvver ov myne duz amayzinglee big poops fower a littul doggee! Wagz to awl mi frendz, Nutmeg onna settee ‘cos we will KNOT be owt waaking in 40 mph windz layta in the day.

Wow, Charlie, yur vizziter izza beeg boy, eevin taykin intu akkownt that he iz atta frunt ov the pikchur! Gud “downs” tho! Nutmeg, KNOT a beeg howndee.

Bitzi, Mum sett upp a bat box onna floor ryte by the hole he dissypeer intu and put a littul pot ov mini mealwurmz innit butt no luck. Sumwun haz bin owt atta flyte everee eevning, eevin wiv thermal imaging scope butt thay kan KNOT fynd him. Mum iz pleezed sum ov yu gottid ower Krikkulmuss kaard. Iffn Yu didn’t it ‘cos she had trubbul wiv the emayle on hur old lappytop that she yuse fower sending fingz lyke that, so I gotta pologyse. Yes, Wiki, she still gots awl hur fingers atta momint, despite doing woodcarving fower yeerz and the Lino kutting fower ayteenlebbenty munfs. It apeerz Zavvi lykes to havva bit ovva kik arownd afta doing a poo and neerlee scored a direct hit on Mum yesserday befor she hadda chantse to pik it upp. Lupin, that sownd lyke a ryte mess upp fower Miss. Kerry and Missr Nik. Wagz to awl mu frendz, Nutmeg.

Charlie, Mum sez the littul 🦇 kan KNOT fly. He gottid froo the inner mesh and ‘cos it daark thay jusst know he went froo the hole but it ryte next to a door and there gaps he kood kreep froo intu the breezeblok bilding or eevin owtsyde. Thay bin looking fower him sints Tyoosday. Mum finks itta howpeless kayse. He bin being looked affer by Miss. Sally sints Oktober. Erlyer we wentid fower a waak rownd ower estayte wiv Miss. Rita then wentid in hur gaardin inna sunneshyne. Littul Zavvi did KNOT stop running rownd or investigating awl the wyle we ther. Then he be reel nastee throo the fents to the doggee that liv next door to Miss. Rita so he hadda go bak on his leed and we kum howme. We had ower luntch and Mum going shopping now so we gotta go in ower kaygis. Wagz to awl ower frendz, Nutmeg.

Welkum howme suun Ivy and Cherry. Yesserday the sunne waz nise and shine but tuday we bak to gloomee klowdz anna chillee wind. Sigh! Yesserday eevning we wentid fower a dryve and I gottid to see ware Mum flies thowse bats. There izza littul bat 🦇 that gottid owt froo a tinee hole inna mesh on Tyoosday eevning butt jusst in kayse he still hiding Mum hadda go and wayte and see iffn he kum owt wen it getting daark. Me and Zavvi hadda kwik waak rownd then stayed snug and waarm inna kaar. The littul bat did KNOT appeer. AndyPandy, Mum bin mayking kaardz wiv hur Lino printing. Did yu KNOT get an emayle wun at Krikkulmuss? She jusst mayke a Good Luck kaard fower mi hyooman bruvver, who gonna be inna concert version ov The Pirates of Penzance inna kuppla weekz. I will aks hur to send a foteegraff ov it iffn yu want? Injoy yur vizziter Charlie. Wagz to awl mi frendz, Nutmeg.

Gud morning frendz and Fanks fower the nyoo Club AndyPandy. The sunne iz shyning at lasst butt it iz still a chillee wind owt ther. Mum gonna go to hur Lino kutting klass this morning so I howpe the sunne still shyning this affernuun wen we hav ower waak. Well, Mum sposed to be going this morning butt she being held down bi Zavvi who kurled upp on hur Lapp. Haava gud flytes howme Miss. Kaffy and Missr. Jim. Howpe Pap iz owtta the horse piddul suun and Miss. Synfia feel betta suun. Mi Mum iz still koffkoffkoffing. Wagz to awl mi frendz, Nutmeg, kurled upp beside Mum onna settee.

Hi Punkin. Lookin gud! Nutmeg and littul Zavvi in Reel Engaland.

As soon as I read the name Droopy’s Fresh I knew she must be from my side of the pond as I have seen other Droopy dogs racing at our local stadium. She’s a beautiful girl and I hope you have many good years together.

It’s here at last, it’s Christmas Day, now elves like me can go and play. Our work is done for a short while, we hope we made you laugh or smile. All gifts arrived in time, I hope, whether socks and ties , dog treats or soap. A few days rest then back to work, for Santa Paws we never shirk our job to bring you Christmas cheer and hope to help again next year. Merry Christmas from 🦇 The batty one.

Watch out Gino, you’re in luck, I’m told your box is on the truck and now it’s on its way to you I can sit down with a brew! Of tea that is! 🦇 The batty one.

As most of you know, when not being an elf for our Secret Santa I volunteer with my local 🦇rescue group. This morning I was called out to rescue a bat seen hanging on the wall of someone’s porch. When I got there and opened the box the gentleman had put it in I found a lovely Long Eared bat, possibly a young Grey Long Eared, one of our rarest mammals. When I delivered it to HQ we had to come up with a name for him and decided on a Christmassy one and my suggestion of Elf was accepted. He was very stressed but not obviously too badly injured (cat attacked) so I am hoping in a week or so, after a course of antibiotics, he will be fit enough to be released if the weather co-operates. 🦇 The batty one.

Gino this is the latest I have heard and i have no need to doubt the word of the elf who messaged me before climbing up a tree! It sounds it’s on a roundabout and that’s nothing we can do about. 🦇 It arrived at the Charleston Processing Center on 12/14 and supposedly departed there on 12/16. The status since then has been "Arriving late, in transit to the next facility." Maddening!