All of you know the pain & guilt I carry with me for Eliza. You don't know how terrible her last two days were as the vet tried to "save" her. I would never put another thru the pain & suffering she went thru and the same for my sweet Scooby.
Pain & guilt are severe teachers. We take what we learn forward for ourselves and those in our care, and to share. Where do you think I've gotten all my experience? When I say "don't do that" (which isn't often) or "do this instead" it comes from that pain where I screwed up.
Eliza, Scooby, Beanie & Patrick and a whole bunch of others are in Rainbow Land having a blast. They will be there when we come.
I will never forgive myself, but I do believe all will be well when I see them again and they tell me it's ok.
I normally don't say much about praying -- what I have done but it's really important in light of the above. I was so distraught about Eliza I thought I literally would burst. I cried so hard I thought my eyes would come out of my head. I remember thinking that I had prayed when my Mom died and I asked that the "burden be lifted" and it was. I asked again with Eliza, and it was lifted. I still had sorrow and guilt, but the burden was gone and at least I could function.
So for all who needs it: I pray that your burden is lifted and you feel the love all around you