My Girl Doesn't Love Me Anymore

[Guest poischiche]

Until last week Kaya was opening up, happy and social. We have had her for four months. She played a lot, roached, loved her toys etc. Her progress with us has been amazing.

 

Now that the weather is warmer, she wants to be outside all of the time (which is normal) however, she is now ignoring me in the house and sighs and groans all of the time while staring into space. She seems really depressed and won't interact with me in the house. She even gives me dirty looks.

 

I work from home and I have to ignore her while doing so. She has made it clear that she does not like it when I work. She is bored out of her mind and taking it out on me, but I have to work!

 

She has a "boyfriend" in the neighborhood (an old retriever) who she visits a few times a week. She gets plenty of exercise and meets lots of people and other dogs on her walks. She is well socialized. As soon as she is home she wants nothing to do with me. She has plenty of things to chew and play with and isn't interested in them anymore. It seems that she doesn't really want to sleep either.

 

We can't afford another hound at the moment and I try to give her as much stimulation as possible. Yet she is now totally shutting down when at home with me. We live in a condo and do not have a yard. My husband is also away on business a lot so that doesn't help things. She has done this before (for a week) and the only thing that changed her behavior was visiting my family in another city. She bounced back after that. Now she is back into stink face mode. It seems like she resents me.

 

She has met other greyhounds ( they live far away) but seems to be more interested in other types of dogs. She loves to play. Yet she won't play with me in the house anymore.

 

I have spent way too much money on toys etc. She is making me depressed. She is retreating into a little bubble. She has gone from affectionate and playful to morose and brooding.

[jetcitywoman]

First off, I would recommend you don't read too much into her behavior. Lots of times we think we're getting the stink-eye, the dog is simply glancing over at us. She can sense your moods, so if you feel anxious about her perceived attitude, she will know that and reflect it back at you.

 

On a positive note, you're doing a great job with her, sounds like she has a good life. But it sounds like she has more fun outside and visiting other dogs than with you. No offense, but maybe she's only thinking that mommy is boring. Take her to obedience classes, or hire someone to do some sessions at your home. The goal here is to learn to communicate with her, not so much the obedience. You'll find that once she realizes that you can "talk" so that she understands, and she can communicate back to you, she will rediscover how fun and interesting you are. It will reinforce your bond.

[Guest Bang_o_rama]

Gina and I still occasionally wonder if Bang is enjoying living with us or planning to rip our throats out, because greys give so little of the feedback that we have come to expect from other breeds. Her usual response to being petted it not to wag her tail or anything, but to close her eyes, silently, slowly lower her head nearer the floor and drool.

 

Of course when she comes down the hallway at 30 mph to greet me she seems pretty happy.

 

~D~

[Guest IrskasMom]

I would, as somebody else said,read not to much into it. Have you tried a frozen stuffed Kong ? That could keep her busy .

[rschultz]

I think you are doing all the right things. sometimes they go thru stages. it took lexie 4 months to wag her tail for us..lol. It isn't u. I know its hard not to take it personally.

Edited March 22, 2010 by rschultz

[Guest oldNELLIE]

I have to agree with Bang_o_rama...we joke that Nellie is like a teenager. She stares at us and I can just hear her saying "I can't wait to move out of here"

 

She is always happy to see us when we come home, but she sleeps most of the day and sighs and begs for food when she is awake. She plays sometimes...but not too often. She LOVES her walks, but as we also live in a condo, there is only so much walking we can do!

 

I have just realized we don't have a silly, goofy greyhound. I see some pictures here of GHs with big smiles and their tongues hanging out...that is just not Nellie. She is much more pensive and calm. She doesn't cuddle. But every once and a while she comes over for some scratches and give a big content grone...and I know she is happy with us

[Guest jenznaz]

I pretty much feel the same way about my newbie, but I stop myself from humanzing him too much. You're obviously caring for all of Kaya's health and emotional needs. Could it be she's not feeling well, or maybe she just needs a little more time to figure out the way her new world works?

 

I really wouldn't take it so personally, in my opinion.

 

I often wish Xilo were more affectionate and energetic, but I've chosen to love and accept him as he is...and remember I've only had him a little over 4 weeks! He could change...

Edited March 22, 2010 by jenznaz

[EnzaFerrari]

I think we should be clear that dogs really aren't capable of malice and she isn't doing anything with the intention of hurting you/making you depressed.

 

You've only had her for four months so she is still coming out of her shell and things are still new for her etc. Enza - the stuffie loving monster - could care less about them for the first six months I had her. But here are just a few other thoughts/comments.

 

1) You said your husband travels a lot - it could be she misses him or is wondering where he is.

 

2) break up the routine. I have a condo with no yard and often throw Enza into the car and drive off to a new place to explore on walks.

 

3) Give her something yummy to chew on - bully sticks, sweet potatoes, stuffed kongs, busy balls (my favorite).

 

4) She is probably feeding off of your energy. If you are feeling stressed and depressed, she will feed off of that and the result will be a quieter dog. I know when I'm an emotional mess, Enza retreats a bit.

 

5) I second taking a class together - it will really teach you both how to "read" each other.

 

6) Relax.

 

7) Relax.

[Guest widowcali]

Now that the weather is getting Chamber of Commerce perfect out here, Widow want's to be outside all the time. She is my mama's girl, so I know that it's just the fact that the sun is shining, there is a wonderful breeze, and it's nice and quiet outside. She much prefers to be laying on her pillow in the middle of the yard. She does the sighing and moping when I drag her inside also.

[Guest Greyt_dog_lover]

I agree with Enza, dogs don't have the cognizant ability to "emotionally punish" a human, I am going to take your post as you attempting to add humor to the situation. I would agree with everyone's postings about changing routines, maybe obedience class, ect. Also, as others have said, she is new, relax. In another year you will have a different hound than you have now. It really does take a while for their personalities to fully bloom.

 

Chad

[Guest Drumhellergrey]

Until last week Kaya was opening up, happy and social. We have had her for four months. She played a lot, roached, loved her toys etc. Her progress with us has been amazing.

 

Now that the weather is warmer, she wants to be outside all of the time (which is normal) however, she is now ignoring me in the house and sighs and groans all of the time while staring into space. She seems really depressed and won't interact with me in the house. She even gives me dirty looks.

 

I work from home and I have to ignore her while doing so. She has made it clear that she does not like it when I work. She is bored out of her mind and taking it out on me, but I have to work!

 

She has a "boyfriend" in the neighborhood (an old retriever) who she visits a few times a week. She gets plenty of exercise and meets lots of people and other dogs on her walks. She is well socialized. As soon as she is home she wants nothing to do with me. She has plenty of things to chew and play with and isn't interested in them anymore. It seems that she doesn't really want to sleep either.

 

We can't afford another hound at the moment and I try to give her as much stimulation as possible. Yet she is now totally shutting down when at home with me. We live in a condo and do not have a yard. My husband is also away on business a lot so that doesn't help things. She has done this before (for a week) and the only thing that changed her behavior was visiting my family in another city. She bounced back after that. Now she is back into stink face mode. It seems like she resents me.

 

She has met other greyhounds ( they live far away) but seems to be more interested in other types of dogs. She loves to play. Yet she won't play with me in the house anymore.

 

I have spent way too much money on toys etc. She is making me depressed. She is retreating into a little bubble. She has gone from affectionate and playful to morose and brooding.

 

I'm going to somewhat agree with what most others are saying,"don't read too much into her behavior".

 

I'm also going to say that perhaps the bonding process hasn't totally happened between you two yet. How often do you get out and walk together? I ask this, as I have spent all morning reading the thread entitled "How Often Do You Walk Your Grey?", and it brings up a few theories regarding the bonding process and walking.

 

I hope this helps you out.

Edited March 22, 2010 by Drumhellergrey

[Guest poischiche]

Yes she has kongs, stuffies things to chew... everything.

 

She is treating me like her servant. She doesn't ask for much except her morning pee. She knows her schedule (maybe too well) and she waits until I take her out. She will only stare at me for everything else. I do have a hard time reading her. She's my first greyhound and very different from the other dogs that I have had.

 

Gee, maybe I am boring! I also notice that she prefers the company of men. She goes bonkers over young men with short dark hair, because they probably remind her of someone. She isn't really interested in women. Which sucks for me.

 

I give her lots of lovies, and always talk to her (and sing to her) and give her massages. Thats how I brought her out of her shell in the first place. She was a very timid and distant girl when we first got her. Maybe I cater to her too much? Yet, If I ignore her, she ignores me.

 

I've been trying to make her work for treats etc. Otherwise she becomes very pushy and a mooch.

 

My husband thinks she is taking me for granted as I have introduced her into a whole new world and gave her a lot of confidence. She was a bit of a spook before. Now she is really curious. She misses my husband and now will not greet him when he comes home, she idolized him before.

 

I agree a class would be great for her. I have been thinking of that. But I don't have a car at the moment.

 

We have also had dogs come over to visit but she does not like other dogs in HER home. She doesn't like sharing her space.

[Guest Drumhellergrey]

Also, it does kind of sound like you could be humanizing some of her traits.

 

Be patient and loving. I'm sure she will come around.

 

Mine is occasionally broody looking, but only when I break from HIS ROUTINE...LOL

[Guest TeddysMom]

If you live close to a GH group, maybe you could offer to foster. You would be helping another hound and giving Kaya a companion.

[lilythetigerdog]

She sounds happy to me. Ours groan and moan, but only when they are content. Silver just groaned now, and he is cozy in his bed with his mouth half open. It sounds like she is secure with you and your DH coming and going, which might be why she doesn't spring to the door anymore. Ours don't jump up when DH come home either, but they still love him.

 

It will just take time to read her signals a little better.

 

FWIW - I get stink-eye (and "dirty looks") all the time but I know it's because they love me because they don't do it for anyone else. Well, DH gets stink-eye too.

[fourofem]

House was kinda the same way when I got him. He wouldn't lay in the same room with us...he would lay on the bed in the kitchen by himself rather than come in the den to be with us. I thought he was just going to be a loner. It took him a couple of months but now he's usually where we are. I wouldn't fret too much.

[greysmom]

OK, I'm going to take a somewhat opposite tack here.

 

Sounds to me like you want your cake and to eat it too. You want her to be loving and interact with you, yet by your own admission, you have to work from home and ignore her. She knows what the daily routine is and she follows it. It seems like she's learning the rules really well! You're working = she leaves you alone. She's come out of her shell and settled into your household without many problems, and is doing what 99.99% of greyhounds do all day - they sleep and laze around. The behavior you're describing sounds perfectly normal to me.

 

If you wanted a dog to interact with you 24/7 then a greyhound wasn't the right breed. I'm also home most of the time and my four will spend considerable time off on their own somewhere - unless I have food or treats, or are going outside! Then, I'm their best friend! They all go through spurts of playing with toys, though one of my boys is pretty unmotivated by them and prefers to just carry them around.

 

I will also say that dogs do not act resentful, angry, spiteful or any other human emotion. Try reading Patricia McConnell's "The Other End of the Leash." It will give you a better insight into what an how your dog thinks.

[jetcitywoman]

Yes she has kongs, stuffies things to chew... everything.

 

She is treating me like her servant. She doesn't ask for much except her morning pee. She knows her schedule (maybe too well) and she waits until I take her out. She will only stare at me for everything else. I do have a hard time reading her. She's my first greyhound and very different from the other dogs that I have had.

 

Gee, maybe I am boring! I also notice that she prefers the company of men. She goes bonkers over young men with short dark hair, because they probably remind her of someone. She isn't really interested in women. Which sucks for me.

 

I give her lots of lovies, and always talk to her (and sing to her) and give her massages. Thats how I brought her out of her shell in the first place. She was a very timid and distant girl when we first got her. Maybe I cater to her too much? Yet, If I ignore her, she ignores me.

 

I've been trying to make her work for treats etc. Otherwise she becomes very pushy and a mooch.

 

My husband thinks she is taking me for granted as I have introduced her into a whole new world and gave her a lot of confidence. She was a bit of a spook before. Now she is really curious. She misses my husband and now will not greet him when he comes home, she idolized him before.

 

I agree a class would be great for her. I have been thinking of that. But I don't have a car at the moment.

 

We have also had dogs come over to visit but she does not like other dogs in HER home. She doesn't like sharing her space.

 

She sounds exactly like Capri. It also sounds like you've never had a cat. Greyhounds are a little bit like cats, in that they are pretty independent and sleep a lot. I think you just need to A) learn how to read her, which will come in time, and get used to her personality. See if you can find a dog trainer who will come to your house for a few one-on-two sessions. That's what I did, and Capri really blossomed.

 

I do admit they are a little hard to read. I loved the book by McConnell that described facial expressions, and after that I made sure to watch Capri's face. I found that in general she's pretty stoic. She smiles on rare occasions, but almost always is expressionless. I have learned to read her whole body and understand her pretty well.

 

Oh, another suggestion that may help: see if there are other grey owners near you who you can occasionally walk or socialize with. It will help you if you can compare notes about your dogs.

 

One more, just a note of sympathy. My husband and I both work from home a few days a week. We've both made the observation that after a couple of days being home with Capri she seems to be getting bored with us. Whoever is home gets greeted less enthusiastically, compared to the one who has been gone for several hours. So that observation may be true, or maybe we're reading too much into it along with you! At any rate, don't worry too much about it.

[Batmom]

She knows what the daily routine is and she follows it. It seems like she's learning the rules really well! You're working = she leaves you alone. She's come out of her shell and settled into your household without many problems, and is doing what 99.99% of greyhounds do all day - they sleep and laze around. The behavior you're describing sounds perfectly normal to me.

 

Exactly that.

 

And the reason my late dad referred to greyhounds as "plant life."

[inugrey]

OMG Batmom that is awesome! I am so going to use that in the future.

[TheFullHouse]

She's also female and a lot of female greyhounds are very independent. I have 3 females and none of mine need me for anything until they're ready for me. They want my attention when they need to go out, eat, want a treat. The rest of the time they're doing their own thing. I can try to get them to play with me but if they're not in the mood they just stare at me as if to say "you must be joking". Some people get those sweet snuggly girl hounds, I've not had one like that. My boys on the other hand are absolutely opposite, I'm the center of their world.

[Guest sheila]

one thing that stood out to me is that this hound wants a doggie friend. Look at it this way: If you were adopted by a den of wolves who fed you, played with you and kept you warm you would learn to love them. However you would likely still yearn for one of your own to buddy up with.

I know you said that you can't afford another dog at this time. Is there any chance you could be a foster home for now? The costs of the fostering would likely be taken care of by the group and you would be helping both your dog, the foster dog, and the potential adoptive family.

Just a thought.

[ozgirl2]

I think you said you work from home... maybe since you're worrying about her being depressed, you're disturbing her routine or something? Cody used to HATE it when I was home during the day! (Like on weekends) she'd look at me and sigh heavily like "You're disturbing my SLEEP, woman! You're not supposed to be here till 4pm!"

 

Greys take at least 6 months to really come out of their shells and sometimes longer. Also, somewhere between 3 and 6 months is usually when they start getting really comfortable in their homes, and sometimes strat testing their boundaries.

 

Just give her time, and maybe ignore her while you're working, keep to the potty/walk schedules.

 

I also agree with taking a class with her - will give her some more mental stimulation, then you can work on training a few times a day with her too!

[Guest Swifthounds]

I, admittedly, haven't been a single hound household in a long time. I did raise a greyhound puppy while a full time college student and also working part time (yes, my schedule revolved around blocks of puppy time and classes). That little pup is now 10 (and I'm still 25! Magic!)

 

It sounds like you're doing a good job with her. She's not trying to make you feel bad. She's expressing her confusion in dog language. She doesn't know why your husband is gone sometimes. She has probably learned by now that he leaves, but he always comes back. Once they figure that out, the leaving is usually less stressful. Working from home can be quite confusing for a dog. You spend time with her. You walk her. You play with her. You go out and hunt for great toys for her. And sometimes, you ignore her and she doesn't understand why. I'm not saying that to hurt your feelings, but rather to illustrate her lack of understanding. She doesn't know why sometimes she gets a lot of attention and sometimes you ignore her. You've undoubtedly spent a lot of good, quality time with her which has helped her settle in, but it also highlights a contrast between your behavior sometimes and at other times.

 

What I have done with my hounds is create a whole set of language they understand that distinguishes work time from play time. I use a word for work time and a different word for social time. It doesn't matter what you choose as long as it's something you're comfortable saying out loud. Give her a place to settle (a bed in your home office, space in another room, whatever) and give her a special toy or treat to occupy her. When you go to start work, get her settled and use the designated word to signal work time. When you have time for a break (or lunch, or are done for the day) use the word for social time and interact with her (a short walk, a little play in the yard, anything that gives her your undivided attention). Gradually, this will set the boundaries and she'll develop a framework for understand work time vs. free time.

[Jester]

OK, I think this is really, really simple. You note that she was silly and playful until last week, which is when the weather got nice and she wanted to spend more time outside. I think she's simply worn out from extra exercise. Greyhounds are LAZY.