Struggling To Bond...

[Guest Zoopy]

I've had my new grey just over a month, early days I know and a steep learning curve for sure. I'd had my previous dog for 15 years and lost him in January, he was a cross breed. Some people told me it was too soon to get another and I'm starting to wonder if that's true or if it's the breed I really can't bond with.

Maybe I didn't do sufficient research about the breed, but the rescue group quizzed me thoroughly and I answered honestly.

I can't even put my finger on exactly why we haven't bonded, or why I haven't bonded with him I should say.

Anyone on here had similar feelings when they had their first greyhound, especially if you've had other breeds in the past, I'd be interested to hear your thoughts.

[Roo]

Greys can be tricky. Some come in, make themselves right at home, and bond instantly to you (and you to them). Others come in and take months to truly come out of their shells, and until they do, it can be tough to really feel like you've bonded with them. Personally, I'd give it time and put a little extra effort into bonding with him. Fun training sessions, play sessions if he's into playing, walks in neat places, outings to fun spots, etc.

 

I know how you feel, except kind of opposite. I'm a lifelong greyhound person who adopted a small terrier. Having an entirely different breed was basically culture shock It took me 6 months to feel like her personality had fully emerged and she was my dog. Took me forever to really bond with her! She took to me right away, following me everywhere, wanting to snuggle, and I snuggled her and reciprocated the love, but I still didn't feel like she was my girl until like 6 months after adoption. Now she's my little sidekick and copilot (literally - she rides in the passenger seat ) and I've definitely bonded with her, but I thought it would never happen.

[XTRAWLD]

I've always felt that a greyhound isn't really a dog. Not a dog in the typical sense of the term anyway and I agree that bonding can be difficult with this breed. They don't play and fetch and snuggle and rough and tumble or just be a dog if you've been used to other breeds. Of course personality has a lot to do with it too but I like to say they are more of a companion style dog if that makes sense. You will bond, but maybe not in the sense that you are accustomed to. You are his hoomin and 1 month really isn't a long time. Kasey took about a year to come out of his shell, and Ryder about 3 months. They are all different with how they come around.

[Guest Zoopy]

Thank you for the replies, I felt bad even admitting this but had to get it off my chest. I know its early days, guess I'm worried it will never happen!

[turbotaina]

My dog Turbo (in my avatar), was a bit...difficult when I first adopted him and I started off wondering what I'd gotten myself into. He was a cool dog, and I liked him immediately when I pulled him off the track hauler, but when I adopted him about 2 months later, we just didn't hit it off immediately. A month in and we started bonding a bit after he had been attacked by another dog and I had to nurse him post-surgery. A year in and I couldn't have imagined my life without him. He turned into my best friend, my travel companion and just a really wonderful, irreplaceable buddy. I was completely heartbroken when I lost him. We adopted another dog quickly because Turbo had turned into my (then depressed) husband's de facto therapy dog. My husband chose our next greyhound, Heyokha, who is not a dog I would have chosen. He was very, very different from Turbo, though I knew I wouldn't have the same dog. We took a while to bond also (mostly because he kept trying to kill my cats ). He's been a challenging dog, but he's very, very smart and we've grown on each other. Crow was pretty easy to love because he's dumb as a brick and really snuggley (Though his puppy barking when he's bored drives us *all* nuts.) All this to day, yeah, it can take time. Some dogs are immediate, some take a while.

[GeorgeofNE]

I've lived with dogs my entire life, and I have to say, greyhounds are a bit weird!

 

Give it some more time. Maybe try to teach him something?

 

I felt the same way when I got my first. There were days when he frustrated me so much I fantasized about driving over to Raynham Park (the closed track in Massachusetts) and leaving a note on his collar that said, "You had him most of his life, take him back, please!" But of course I didn't. Cried and cried for days when he died years later. Can't imagine my life without my current guy, who actually needed me, unlike the first, who really truly seemed like he was only really interested in himself and how fabulous he thought he was! LOL!

Edited April 20, 2017 by GeorgeofNE

[tiffwee]

I've had mine a little over a month and he comes out of his shell a bit more everyday. At first he was SO shy but now when I come home he hops around and smiles a ton....even starting to show a small (tiny) bit of interest in toys. I see progress every week.

[JohnF]

This is normal, especially after you have recently lost a dog.

What needs to happen is lots of shared expereinces doing different things, then one day your new dog will emerge from its shell of protection (like the circle of fear that wildlife have), get something just right and you'll say to yourself.... 'I'm so proud'

Peggy, my current Grey, is much more aloof than her cuddly, leany predecessor. She's her own dog and her personality is just as valued.

[Guest Zoopy]

Thank you all, I know it will take time and I do admit that my last dog was, to me, perfect in every way but I'm sure he wasn't in the beginning but that was so long ago. I need to give it time 😊

[greysmom]

You'll be fine. Really! It's only been a month.

 

Consider that your dog has had, basically, a whole life before coming to you. Depending on his personality, it can take a while for him to learn about his *new* life and to deal with all of that. His breeding has also programmed him to be more independent than other kinds of dogs you may have had. It's more like you and he are new roommates, suddenly thrown together on the first day of college. Sometimes you hit it right off, sometimes it takes a while.

 

Do stuff together. Share experiences with him. Talk or read out loud to him. Go to a basic training class (with a positive reinforcement only trainer). Teach him stuff. Walking is a great bonding exercise for both of you.

 

You'll be fine. Really!

[greyhoundlady]

Oh they are definitely different from other breeds. Before I went the greyhound route I had mixed breeds and then a purebred German Shepherd - I loved that girl. When she passed I adopted my first grey, a female, who was so sweet that I went and adopted a male grey a couple months later. He was a handful and at first I thought I took on too much. He became my heart dog and I still tear up thinking of him and missing him so much. When he passed, I adopted another grey and he was the most charismatic, outgoing, confident boy I had ever come across. I didn't feel I could bond with him though in the way I had done with my heart dog. This one acted like he could care less if I was around or not as long as he could do his own thing. I worked from home so I was always around, but he was like 'blah' with me.

 

I mentioned to my husband how I felt. He laughed and said that whenever I would leave the house without Bu, he would howl and howl mournfully that I was gone (and he didn't have separation anxiety). When I would get home though, he is not impressed with me. I didn't believe this until my husband recorded the moaning.

 

Funny how they are. They are so smart and regal - at least the ones I have had. I now have a shy little grey who can frustrate me with her stubbornness, but I get such happiness with this breed and their personalities. I haven't met two that are exactly alike. I think you will be fine and become attached to your hound. Just give it time.

[Guest Zoopy]

I love hearing your stories, especially that some of you didn't bond straight away, it makes me feel better about how I feel right now so thank you.

[Sundrop]

It's absolutely normal, as others have stated. We've had six greyhounds since 2004 (two at a time) and we've had a few that I bonded with immediately and others it took me months & months to feel bonded. For me, it's especially hard to bond with one after I've lost one, just as you have. At times I've thought it was because I didn't wait long enough, but honestly, I don't think it would matter if I waited 2 months or 12 months - I'd still miss the one I just lost. I would still need to teach the new hound all the rules. I'd still have to learn the new hound's personality and boundaries, and I would still have to adjust to life with a new soul in it.

 

This was especially acute when I lost my boy, Deacon, back in April 2015. We had two easy hounds; sweet, gentle, funny, loving and both knew the rules and followed them. Deacon was a really special guy and we lost him so quickly and unexpectedly...but we both are committed to giving homes to as many ex-racers as possible, so we only waited around 2 months to adopt again. Our new boy, Finn, was right off the track, he was young (3), stubborn (ARG!) and a bit insecure which came out as being growly. Having him here only made me miss Deacon more. I felt guilty about it and didn't feel like we were bonding at all. It took a good long time until I felt like Finn was "our boy" - and it probably took him as long to adjust to us. We lost our girl, Tilly, the following February and I was resolute to wait longer until we adopted again. She went through so much and she never lost her sweet, gentle demeanor and I was just devastated.

 

But...Finn starting having panic episodes - lasting hours - and that's when I realized that he was my boy. I was so worried about him.

 

Don't worry if you don't "feel it" yet - just be patient, go on walks, do lots of training (with treats!), have lots of fun together and get a great brush so you can groom him a bit. Once your new hound starts to feel at home, he'll blossom and it will be such a rewarding experience.

 

Good luck and welcome to the greyhound cult!

[ShebasMom]

Greys can be tricky. Some come in, make themselves right at home, and bond instantly to you (and you to them). Others come in and take months to truly come out of their shells, and until they do, it can be tough to really feel like you've bonded with them. Personally, I'd give it time and put a little extra effort into bonding with him. Fun training sessions, play sessions if he's into playing, walks in neat places, outings to fun spots, etc.

 

I know how you feel, except kind of opposite. I'm a lifelong greyhound person who adopted a small terrier. Having an entirely different breed was basically culture shock It took me 6 months to feel like her personality had fully emerged and she was my dog. Took me forever to really bond with her! She took to me right away, following me everywhere, wanting to snuggle, and I snuggled her and reciprocated the love, but I still didn't feel like she was my girl until like 6 months after adoption. Now she's my little sidekick and copilot (literally - she rides in the passenger seat ) and I've definitely bonded with her, but I thought it would never happen.

This reply interested me in that when Sheba passes, I decided I need to get a much smaller dog. I've had Great Danes and "downsized" to Greyhounds, but at 73 years old, I feel I will need a dog I can pick up when necessary. Having had and loved large dogs all my adult life, though, I worry I won't be able to bond with a small dog as I've never been partial to them. At this point I have no idea what small dog it will be. Sheba is 9 years old and hopefully has some good years left in her.

[Guest Izzy2]

When i went to get my first greyhound i hadn't long lost my Leonberger Chinook who was my soulmate....He'd been with me since a puppy and was just a few months old when i had my son. I only really went to look and had no intention of getting a girl but Lily. Came out of the kennels gave me a kiss and that was that ....So she chose me !!! I did find it hard with her at first not what i was expecting and my uncle had had 2 ex racers so i wasn't new as such to the breed. At times i would despair especially getting her off the bed where she would growl and bear her teeth ...BUT she eventually got to know me and visa versa her teeth chatter with excitement when I come home she snuggles with me on the bed and on the settee. Biffo whom I recently rehomed is completely different he's a complete nutter with a soft toy or anything of mine but is sooo chilled out. Believe me you will bond and you'll look back and think why did I worry. As Greysmom said do things together they are rather a unique breed !!! And she gives great advice 😁😁😁

Please keep us updated

[Brandiandwe]

Paige took about 3 years to bond with my husband. 3 years of her tolerating his pats, cuddles, walking her and being around. Then one say she just went 'I'm your Princess!'. They're all different.

 

ETA. It took me a while to bond with her too. She was highly prey driven, leash reactive and a complete nightmare. But she was good for Brandi so I persevered. Then about a month in, I was sitting on the couch, and I just looked at her and thought 'I don't know if I can do this anymore.' Just looked at me, climbed very slowly up onto the couch, turned around beside me, flopped down with her head under my arm and her body up against me. Then she let out the biggest sigh and relaxed. And I realised how tense and upset she'd been for so long. So she finally found a safe place. But, yeah. She then wouldn't eat for anyone else (that's still standard) until she started accepting food from DH at the three year mark. We've had her over 5 years now and I wouldn't trade her.

Edited April 21, 2017 by Brandiandwe

[Guest Zoopy]

Thank you all. I will persevere, it's not even that he's a bad dog. He's lived in a home before for 3 years so all the expected problems have previously been dealt with. He's clean in the house, quiet when left ( now I give him run of downstairs) and doesn't touch anything he's not meant to. If anything that makes me feel worse about not bonding as he's doing nothing wrong. He's not overly loving but maybe that won't change and I will just get used to his way.

Thanks for all the advice, will keep you updated of course.

[Ragsysmum]

Sounds like a lovely, easy dog you have there. Just relax, enjoy him and give it time. Be lovely to hear from you in 6 months time when he has wormed his way into your heart and you can't imagine life without him!

[robinw]

I thought my first greyhound absolutely hated me. He was so unlike the mixed breeds dog I had always lived with, but eventually came around. Sometimes it can take a while, and it's so much fun watching break out of their shells!

 

Relax and give it some time.

Edited April 21, 2017 by robinw

[Guest xengab]

I think it's just the grieving process. I had a similar thing with my current cat. Had my last two for 16years, both passed within 18 months of each other. We got a new cat and it just felt, odd and nothing much towards it. Nothing wrong with it, was everything we'd wanted and asked for to fit in with out household. It has take ME, a year to feel something more then "cute cat" towards it.

 

My best advice for bonding time with a dog is training, sit, down, stay, recall. Even if he knows them, going over skills will help.
Also greys DO play fetch, and DO play with balls etc. Mine does, we were told to not expect him to but when he saw that WE loved this game, he learned it quickly.

Give him a chance and give yourself a break. Are you caring for him? Yes. Is he in safe place? Yes. Is his needs being met? Yes! Spend time with him, walk him, feed him and that's pretty much all a dog wants from us. If in say 6-8 months you still feel the same, then maybe you haven't bonded. But your grey hasn't been harmed or short changed or anything like that.

[Guest Zoopy]

Thank you all. I'm sure it will come with time. He is of course being well looked after and I'm really trying to connect with him as I did my last dog, bless him he's got a lot to live up to!

[KickReturn]

My first took almost a year. He was deeply depressed from leaving the track, it was my first dog, and I didn't know what to do. He was willing to walk so that's what we did, many hours per day, mile after mile. Very un-greyhound like behaviour. At about the one year mark - boom - he became my soul-mate (with all due respect to my human soul-mate). You will find some activity over which you will bond and build trust, perhaps it's walking, hiking, going on adventures together, visits to other people, other places, etc. Remember these dogs grow up in the company of other dogs. Humans have to earn their trust and respect, and for some it can take a while. I found shared adventures to be the best for bonding.

Edited April 22, 2017 by KickReturn

[Guest Zoopy]

Quick question as I am new to the breed as I said. He seems to get excited with me more than my partner or daughter, I do the majority of walks. Earlier he was wagging his tail, no growling but got right in my face, I was sat, and curled his top lip up to show his teeth, made me jump feet, should I be concerned?

[greysmom]

Google "greyhound smiling" to see if that's what it is. Or perhaps someone will drop by and post a pic of their dog smiling. It looks scary and terrifying, but it's really a good thing! Sounds like he feels like he's bonding with you just fine!

[Guest Zoopy]

If it was smiling it was still scary and possibly something I'd rather he did further away from my face 😞