Quality Of Life...*original Post Is From 2008*

[Guest WhippetsOwnMe]

I was involved in a rescue from a horrible hoarding situation. The hoarder was also the breeder of these animals, which were of an already timid breed. I had to euthanize several of them, much to my horror, as they couldn't be tamed (I worked with them for months and months). Most were young, healthy, and drop dead gorgeous. ALL the dogs were timid from this situation, but a few were literally feral. Several were old and while they had no specific illness such as cancer, needed to be let go because age and poor care rendered them just... weak, unable to eat (rotten out teeth and jaws), etc. Very sad, very hard... but I know my vet and I made the right choices.

[Guest greyhound1]

Yes I did. Our older sheltie's heart failure was to much. We had to put her down 4 months ago.

[Guest fatesrelease]

It is difficult to put an animal you love down. They aren't just animals or pets. They are part of your family, and are your friends and companions. It is never an easy or enjoyable thing to do, and it never wil be. I'm sorry to all of you who have lost your friends. *hugs*

[Remolacha]

Thank you Heather for starting this discussion. I haven't been able to read everyones replies, but I will work my way through them as I can.

 

I currently have a cat going through a lot of what Grandpa is doing. OK, not barking , but vocalizing for no apparent reason, sometimes not seeming to be aware of me, sometimes confused, sometimes fine. Physically he checks out ok, so I just have to wait and see. (he's 15)

 

I just had a conversation with a friend at work whose cat is old and starting to have health issues. She's never had to make "the decision" before, and wanted to talk to me about how you do it (the emotional part). We talked a bit, and I told her I'd be glad to talk to her again when the time came. Unfortunately, I have plenty of experience.

 

And last, I am still struggling quite a bit with Sugar's death. I know she could have lasted a few more days, maybe even a week, so in that sense, I followed the "better a day to soon" rule. I still believe I did the right thing. She had problems getting around, and absolutely hated being helped. I promised her I would never put her through that again, and I kept that promise, but I still killed my dog, and sometimes it feels like it is killing me.

 

I know most of us have all been through this, and will go through it again. It is the downside of loving someone who has such a shorter life span. Is it worth the pain? Of course (for me, anyway). But it still hurts, it sucks, there's no way to avoid that.

 

I hope everyone who has animals they are "watching" has many more good quality days, weeks, months ahead, and when the time comes to let them go, know you are not alone.

[Sorcha]

..We're going to the vet on Friday with Grandpa...I'm not really sure why. I'm hoping they can help. He seems to be losing his mind. He stands and barks for no reason and at nothing. If I let him, he'll bark and bark until he's choking and can't breathe (he's got laryngeal paralysis). He doesn't seem scared, he's just barking. If you call his name sometimes he looks at you, sometimes he looks in a completely opposite direction seemingly at something. If you call his name again, he'll walk towards whatever it is he's looking at, but it's not us. He's become pretty restless....goes through fits of getting up and down a lot and can't seem to get comfortable or be satisfied with any bed. Nothing seems to make him happy. These are some pretty big changes for him as he's always been the most chilled out, relaxed dog I've ever known (he's been known to roach on the exam room floor at the vet's office).

 

But, he goes out at every turn out. Loves to run if we let him (not in this heat with his breathing problems). Eats great. Loves ear scritchies. He's not ready to go anywhere in the near future, but I just feel like this barking is the first sign on a road I'm not ready to go down. He's probably going to deteriorate to a point where we have to make a decision. I hate that. I really really really hate that.

 

He doesn't really have any of the classic symptoms of canine cognitive dysfunction so I'm not sure anipryl will be an option...I guess we'll see what the vet says.

 

Sigh. Why do they have to get old I know many people dread a limp for obvious reasons. Me, I dread their 14th birthday. We've never had a dog make it to 15

 

I have not read everyone's responses, but from what you describe it seems to me he could have something along the lines of Canine Cognitive Dysfunction, go to this link. Sending positive thoughts, deciding on what is in your dog's best interest is a hard thing to come to terms with when euthanasia seems the best option.

 

[carronstar]

Heather,

 

I'm so sorry Grandpa is going through this. I have had to make the dreaded decision twice, and I can honestly say it was the hardest thing I have ever done. I lost my father 10 years ago but making that decision was harder. I know that sounds really bad but it was very difficult for me.

 

I knew I was doing the right thing, but saying goodbye and knowing that I would not see my sweet little angel again was unbearable. After each loss I told myself that I would not get that attached to another pet. I found that my life felt very empty without the unconditional love that only comes from a dog.

 

After really thinking it all over, the love and good times they give us so out weigh the pain of losing them. That is what really matters.

 

 

Please excuse me for kidnapping your post but you said nearly the exact thing I was going to write (if you substitute grandmother for father). It has been 4 years since I had to make that decision for Scarlett and it still haunts me.

 

At some level, I have to say that people in my neighborhood unwittingly made the pure fact of the decision easier for me. There was the shepherd who lost the use of his legs, so his owner rigged up a harness and a little red wagon for him to get out of the house and to the park; a chocolate lab whose owners brought her to the park in a jogging stroller for a year, even though she could only hobble a step or two. I know that they did what they did out of love for their companion animals. I also know that I have to be strong enough to make the decision without factoring myself into it. I have to choose what is right for my girls. I made that promise when I got Scarlett 19 years ago and I will stick to it.

[greyhoundlov]

What made it so difficult for me with Freddie was that we scheduled his euthenasia. With other pets, you take them to the emergency room or the vet and they are sick or whatever, but you handle it right then and there. We had an appointment to kill him. At my house. Was he ready? Yes. He was gone in less than 5 seconds. Does that make me feel any better? No.

[Guest gottaluvgreysindy]

WOW....reading all the replies (or most of them) was tough. I wish I could say this topic is not currently on my mind but it is and it is comforting to know that I'm not alone as well. I have had to make this call two times previously and it is the worst feeling ever. Just thinking of it puts a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. I keep saying to myself....Don't be selfish.

Deuce (my 24 1/2 osteo surviving boy) is acting different these days and I have to be real with myself which I put off several times a day. For now he is still roaching, eating and going outside to potty on his own so we will keep going, but when that day comes.....I just don't know what I will do with myself

[Guest BlueCrab]

We've had to make the decision many times and like so many others I'm crying as I read this.

 

Ottto was the one that always haunts me. He bloated, which was horrible - happened at 10 pm. E-vet tubed him and supposedly the stomach straightened out. The morning after, we got him out of the e-vet and the entire day was spent at our own vet trying to stabilize. The next morning was cold and rainy. He wanted to go out to pee so we draped a fleece dog coat over him to warm him and helped him out to the yard. It was extraordinarily clear to DH and me that it was time when he walked thru the yard and kept heading towards the woods down the lane. We steered him back and he turned right around and headed for the woods again. He was telling us what he needed. We took him back inside, got a little more sleep & love time with him on the floor and then made the trip when the vet opened.

 

I look at my kids now and dread the day we'll have to make the decision but DH and I are of like minds on this stuff so I'm happy at least about that much.

 

But y'know, there are two things that burn me when this topic comes up. Maybe this is where the "vent and rant" part of the title comes in. The first is the people who say they can't be with their animal when it happens - that they'll drop the animal off at the doctor (or worse, at the 'pound' - seen that, too) and then leave. I understand it's upsetting and there are some people who can't be there, but I feel we owe it to our pets to stand by them in the end (see previous reference to the 10-commandments of animal ownership - thanks for putting the link in!). The other thing that burns me is folks who, once they've gone thru it, say they'll never own another animal because of the pain. In a way I guess I understand that, too, but there are so many animals that need good homes I hate to see this be the reason a person decides not to adopt. I guess if you can't handle this most basic truth of animal ownership then perhaps it's a sound decision on your part not to do it again. But still I hate to see it be a reason.

 

Ack. Crying at my desk again. Never looks good, does it.

[queenwinniesmom]

This is a topic that strikes a very emotional chord with everyone, though we are all different in the way we are able to handle this situation. Though some of us are able to be more philosophical (maybe not the right word), some of us will forever be tormented by the decision. While there are so many euphemisms that soften the reality of death, I personally feel that the word "killing" when used to describe ending the suffering of a beloved pet, only prolongs the pain of an act that is necessary. As Winterwish said, what if we did not have the ability to end that suffering? That said, I suppose the other question here is what constitutes suffering. I have believed for some time that I know what that is. Sometimes it is so visible and heartbreaking, the outer physical manifestation of age or disease or trauma such as an accident or injury. But I believe that the suffering that is not so phyically present can sometimes be just as real. Pain that is only recognized in the eyes or demeanor or actions; anguish, confusion, loss of joy or dignity, and just being too tired to go on. If we truly know and understand our pets, I feel this is something we can see, with our eyes, realistically, and with our hearts. They can't tell us with words, of course, and often we have to be guided by our own understanding of what is best. But sometimes I think that without speaking, they can let us know. The day that we put Winnie to sleep last year right before we went to Dewey, she looked at me, and as clearly as if she had spoken, told me she was so very tired, and that it was time. She was in advanced kidney failure, and we could have kept her with us longer with bags of fluids. She was such a tough old girl that I think she actually could have made it to Dewey, but it would have been more than bittersweet. It would have hugely compromised the last few days of her life, stolen her pride (to Winnie, a very real emotion) because she wouldn't have been able to do the things she wanted to do, and the attention she would have gotten would have been more from pity than admiration. I couldn't do that to her, and I don't regret I allowed her to leave us in the way she chose.

Of course, the answers are not always that clear, and that is why it is so painful. I've made the decision many, many times, and each situation, like each animal, was unique. Though there are some that I miss as much today as I did years ago, the ones that bring more sadness are the ones when I know I waited too long. I truly feel that a day or even a week too soon, in the larger scheme of things, is not worth our pain or guilt when compared to years (or however long) of comfort, security, happiness, and love. They live in the moment, feeling that joy, knowing and appreciating what we are able to give them, and have no fear of the sadness that we know is coming.

I may be able to put this in another perspective. On August 18th, my best friend died of breast cancer that metasticized in her liver and bones. She was so very sick, as her body began to shut down. In the last 3 weeks of her life, she knew she was dying, and we talked about this, the fear, the mystery, and finally, the resignation. She told me and her family that she did not want heroic measures to be taken---no machines, no tubes. She was able to communicate these wishes to us, and I would have felt terrible if these wishes had not been respected. And they were. She died with the dignity that she wanted and deserved. Is it really any different?

[Guest PhillyPups]

Okay, I have held off reading this thread ~ to you all. Heather, I am sitting here thinking of you all with tears streaming down my face ~

 

Heather, I am walking this road with you, with my Stepper ~ Stepper is aging, and that is the downside of loving him and sharing our journey as long as we have been able to. Stepper will be 13 the 10th of this month, for me it seems that 13 is the number I get (except SugarBear she was 14.5 with osteo. Stepper is (I hate to use the term was) my goofy man, and I can not picture him not always being there with me. Stepper is the nurse of my pack, his age is catching up with him, he raced 224 races, sat in the adoption kennel for 1-1/2 years with everyone passing him over, he is my rock. I just lose it thinking of him not being with me forever.

 

to you both.

[Blaidd49]

Something like Anipryl may well help though it doesn't happen over night

It is always hard to quantify quality of life - there is our perspective and then the animal's perspective and that is where it gets difficult - we are making a life or death decision for another creature and the only input we are getting from that creature has to be interpreted to the best of our ability.

What is the right time for one dog and owner may not be the right time for another.

Pam

 

 

 

I have not read everyone's responses, but from what you describe it seems to me he could have something along the lines of Canine Cognitive Dysfunction, go to this link. Sending positive thoughts, deciding on what is in your dog's best interest is a hard thing to come to terms with when euthanasia seems the best option.

 

[Burpdog]

She died with the dignity that she wanted and deserved. Is it really any different?

 

Very different as she was able to communicate verbally her wishes. We must interpret and be very in tune with our animals.

 

No, I don't believe in mercy killing, I believe in keeping humans comfortable--there is no reason to suffer extreme pain as I have seen happen. We have the medications to temper and soften the suffering.

 

However, this is the very thing we do with our animals. Here is something I wrote on another board when a member questioned what is right:

 

One answer was:

 

"My vet always says, make a list of their three favourite things. When they can no longer do one or two of those things.. then it's time to decide"

 

to which I replied

 

The problem with that is their favorite things change as their body changes and their mind changes.

 

I think it's more important to decide if they are happy. Doesn't mean happy like they used to be happy, but happy with where they are. Some dogs can fall in their poop and hop right up with a smile on their face and run into the house. Others are humiliated. It's our job to figure out the difference.

 

I will support them if they want to live as long as I can. With Heart, I was ready for her to move on 3 months before she was ready! And, in case anyone wonders, I had two vets who came to the house who saw her every week and agreed. With SieSie I had to make the decision for her as she would have crawled on her elbows to live.

 

Regardless it's an awful burden. One we don't enjoy but is necessary.

 

I think it's important to keep them out of pain if they are enjoying life. I knew when the pain meds didn't cut it with Ivey and Mahogany and sent them off.

 

People can say so many things, but bottom line, it's you that has to look into their eyes and make the decision. It's not easy, but it shouldn't be.

 

[Remolacha]

The absolute hardest thing I've ever done is to put down my cat whose kidneys had failed. Even with his kidneys completely shut down, he was not ready to go. Should I have just let him die on his own? I didn't want him to suffer, and he was past anything medicine could do for him. When their spirit is still willing, but their body has failed them, that is when (I believe) we have to step in and make the hard decision, but oh does it hurt

[Bevd]

What made it so difficult for me with Freddie was that we scheduled his euthenasia. With other pets, you take them to the emergency room or the vet and they are sick or whatever, but you handle it right then and there. We had an appointment to kill him. At my house. Was he ready? Yes. He was gone in less than 5 seconds. Does that make me feel any better? No.

You didn't have an appointment to kill him Mary. Killing is a cold, nasty thing which isn't done with love or care or kindness. The appointment you made for Freddy was to have him released from his discomfort and to allow him to be at peace. There's a massive difference

[Guest LokisMom]

What made it so difficult for me with Freddie was that we scheduled his euthenasia. With other pets, you take them to the emergency room or the vet and they are sick or whatever, but you handle it right then and there. We had an appointment to kill him. At my house. Was he ready? Yes. He was gone in less than 5 seconds. Does that make me feel any better? No.

You didn't have an appointment to kill him Mary. Killing is a cold, nasty thing which isn't done with love or care or kindness. The appointment you made for Freddy was to have him released from his discomfort and to allow him to be at peace. There's a massive difference

 

 

Yeah, I think at least using softer language might help with some of the guilt. It is not as though any of you got bored with the dog and decided to have it killed, you chose to end their suffering.

 

Physical suffering is not the only kind. I don't have a good animal example but my aunt died of a brain tumor. She went downhill from a funny, smart, caring, amazing woman to a woman who would just sit and stare. She would pick up a book or a newspaper and hold it, staring blankly, like she knew she was supposed to do something with it but not what. She often had a pained, confused expression on her face, like what little was left of her knew that things weren't quite right. She was not able to tell us no machines, no tubes,etc because her mind was too far gone at that point. We had to make the decision (although we were not able legally to make the decision months before, we were able to make the choice to let her go once her body began to fail). She was forced to suffer for months with her mind failing and gone but we had to wait until her body gave out. It was the worst thing I have ever watched.

 

We have been given a gift, the ability to save our beloved pets from the he** some humans are forced to suffer. I think sparing them pain, humiliation, suffering is a positive thing, not a negative. It is a tough decision and it should be but it is not a decision to "kill," it is a decision to love enough to let go.

[Charlies_Dad]

This is such a hard subject to discuss because we all feel many things and much of it comes back to guilt and regret. I have had similar experiences that others have expressed and the one way I look at having to make such a hard decision is what would l like to have done if it was me? If I am in pain, my quality of life is decreasing significantly and I have little to no chance of recovery, then I would like someone to help me along to my eternal rest. Yes this gets into a very contentious subject, not trying to go there, just trying to explain my reasons and how I can stand by my decisions which have all be hard. I can't keep them around forever, I wish I could, at least until I am ready to go but I can't. What I will do is make their lives as comfortable as possible and their life as best possible and if I can't then I'll hold them, hug them, kiss them goodbye and whisper in their ears that I will see them again.

 

 

[ShantisMom]

I am hoping your appointment today goes well and they have some wonderful answers for you. We are thinking of you and Grandpa today.

[Guest vahoundlover]

Thinking about you guys

[Guest BradyzMommy]

We had no choice when it came to freeing Brady from his pain. His body made the decision on it's own and as much as we prayed and hoped for a different outcome, it never came to be. We had made the decision to wait 24 hrs and if there was no improvement, we would let him go. In those additional 24 hours, his health worsened. I can only pray that he did not suffer because of our decision based on the advice of his vet.

 

5 weeks to the day that Brady passed, I came home to find that my 17 year old cat was having trouble breathing. I knew that she had experienced a great life. I know that she felt unconditional love. I know that she was happy. But most importantly, i knew that it was in her best interest that i let her go. i held her as she left and thanked her for the joy and love she brought into my life.

 

 

:grouphug

 

[galgrey]

Just saw this read and read all the posts through copious tears. To Heather and everyone else facing this right now I feel your anguish and pain. And to those of us still struggling to find peace with a decision already made ... I feel your anguish and your pain as well.

[Guest PhillyPups]

Heather,

 

How did Grandpa make out Friday? He has been on my mind and in my prayers.

[ShantisMom]

Mine too. I keep checking back her to see.

[GreytNut]

I've had to put one pet down due to old age and two pets down for terminal illnesses, but each time it was a decision that was less than clear-cut. It's one thing if they're bleeding on the table or obviously mangled or in screaming agony. It's an entirely different decision when the signs are more subtle.

 

In the case of the old dog, Chita was nearly blind, weak and toothless. One day she wouldn't get up on her own and had to be carried everywhere, and she refused to eat. It was if she had given up, but there didn't appear to be anything physically wrong. I figured she was telling us it was time to go, but if we'd been so inclined we could probably have force-fed her and kept her alive. It didn't seem to be doing her any favors. I had a 21-year-old cat that I grew up with who had kidney failure, and again it was a quality of life issue. I could've kept pumping SQ fluids into Sapphy and prolonged her life, but one morning I found her sleeping in a puddle of her own urine. When she woke up and realized she was soaked in pee, she let out a terrible wail and I knew that it would be that day. There was comfort in that decision, though, because Sapphy purred when we walked into the vet's office (unheard of) and she struggled to get out of my arms and onto the exam table. She stared that vet right in the eye when he gave her the shot. Didn't struggle, didn't require any restraint, didn't even flinch. She knew exactly what was happening and she was clearly saying, "It's about damn time!" For Argus, he had osteo and was terminal, but it was a complete judgment call on my part as to whether he was in "too much" pain. How much is "too much?" It depends on the dog. In his case, I made the choice when he whimpered in spite of the morphine and Tramadol and would no longer eat anything... even the yummiest, most savory treats. Eating was his greatest pleasure in life and it was gone.

 

Each time, it still feels awful. There's that terrible moment when you think, "OMG, what have I done? I just killed my dog!" But it's too late to take it back. And yet I do think it's a gift. Contrary to popular belief, death is not the worst thing in the world. Unrelenting suffering--whether mental or physical--with no hope of a better tomorrow is the worst thing in the world.

 

Edited September 7, 2008 by GreytNut

[ElizabethGPAPS]

I am currently struggling with this with Isabella, and have been for quite some time. Every couple of weeks I make the decision to call the Vet - but then I talk myself out of it. She doesn't have a disease that I can point at and say "This will kill her. This has her suffering and pain-ridden". She's just old and falling apart by degrees.

 

What I struggle with most is that Isabella hasn't given me any indication that SHE'S ready to go. People keep saying "You'll know - they'll tell you". What I know is that my 15 year old, incontinent, shuffling old bag of bones is fiercely hanging onto life for some reason. Her mind is sharp, her organs are all working okay and she still regards me with a calculating eye. How can I take life away from her? How can I just have her killed? Who would I be doing it for, exactly? So yes, I know what you're talking about. I just don't know the guilt because I haven't yet had to courage to take it on. Just as I don't know if euthanizing her would be for my benefit or hers, I also don't know if NOT euthanizing her is for my benefit or hers.