Sorry Family. It's My Dog

[Guest DragonflyDM]

My house is filled with one grown up (reluctantly me), a 14 year old daughter, a greyhound, two cats, three crested geckos. The pecking order has always gone (in my estimation) cats, dad, daughter, geckos. In fact, when we had dogs previous it went cats, dad, daughter, dogs ...

 

Now Boomer has fit into the family really well. The cats are adjusting to their new role lower on the totem-- but Boomer has set up his understanding of the house: Dad, Boomer, daughter, cats, geckos. When I am not in the room and he NEEDS to cooperate he will listen to my daughter, but otherwise he is totally deaf to her commands.

 

Actually Boomer is deaf to almost everyone but me. Even in obedience training, I have to leave the area for my daughter to even start training with him-- but she is soft voiced without much authority.

 

Recently, when I left him and her alone for an afternoon, my daughter said that he jumped on her bed (the first time that every happened) and when she reached over to pet him for a minute, he eventually (but not right away) barked at her. She shooed him off the bed and he wasn't angry. But it was the first sign that maybe he isn't the family dog but MY dog.

 

We figure that he thinks he might be able to take the alpha spot (as I reckon it) when I am not home. We are working on that-- and it is a process (we have only had Boomer in the house about three months or so)-- BUT HERE IS MY QUESTION:

 

Do you find that some greys are breeds that really just bond with one owner?

 

He has almost perfect recall with me. He will stay for me. He will "leave it" for me. However, none of these commands work from anyone else.

 

And don't get me wrong: Boomer is not aggressive. My daughter and him share hugs and kisses all the time. The cats may get an occasional growl or bark to get off the bed if he is not in the mood for them, but then will let them crawl all over him the next day (which I find amazing so soon after adopting him). I am just curious why I am the only person he really listens to. It would be nice to have my daughter one day have the same authority in the house, someday-- but perhaps that will never happen.

Edited March 20, 2012 by DragonflyDM

[Guest june]

I think greys, like most breeds, are individuals. My first grey is totally focused on me; I am her person. My other two tend to like all people equally.

 

From your post I'd say you are the person who takes the alpha spot in your home and everyone else finds their place in the pecking order. At 14 your daughter is still young enough she can learn to be more assertive with Boomer . . . if she wants to. At that age their interests can change often and quickly. He should, however, know that he needs to listen to her when you are not home.

[kamsmom]

Isis only listens to me. My family laugh all the time because they will be calling her and calling her to get off the couch to go outside, I will walk in and just casually say, "Isis, go outside" and she jumps and goes while everyone rolls their eyes

 

It's not like she won't ever do things for them but she chooses to have selective hearing around them

[Guest HHHounds]

Over the years, we have had various hounds in our household which also contains 3 kids (now 17,15 and almost 13). I do need the hounds to listen to the kids too, so I have them help me with enough tasks such as feeding, walking, giving treats etc, so the hounds will obey the kids when I need to be occupied elsewhere...

[Guest FastDogsOwnMe]

My dogs are all pretty much one person dogs. Whippets especially. My old boy does love my husband, though! But he's definitely my dog.

[Guest mariah]

Who does most of the feeding of meals, walks, etc. in your house? Is there any way to have your daughter doing most of these things for a while? Some dogs tend to bond more with their primary caregiver. Chips was definitely a one-person dog. Gussie is not that way, but since I'm inevitably the one who spends the most time with her, we preemptively had BF doing most of the walking and feeding for the first month or so. If your daughter isn't interested in–or isn't able to–take over the bulk of the dog-related responsibilities for a while, it may be more of a drawn-out process, but you can get him to bond with and respect the other members of the family...though he'll probably always love you the most.

[maggiespet]

I am Maggie's person. Period. She doesn't particularly want any love, pets, attention from anyone but me. She won't eat if DH or DS make her meal. If they call her name she doesn't raise her head - she'll open her eyes because she did hear them but then ignores them. She saves all her love for me. I've always attributed this to her extreme sassy-ness. OK - actually b*%$@-ness. But it's OK with me. I love her - she loves me. We're happy!

[krissy]

In the first 8 months that we had Summit I was the only person he would listen to. But it makes sense. I am his primary care taker. I walk him 3 times a day. I feed him twice a day. I work on his training. Why WOULD he listen to my boyfriend who rarely does anything other than pet him and play with him? In fact, one time at obedience class we had a substitute trainer (our regular trainer was out of town so she had one of her other trainers take the class for her that night) who I don't think really respected greyhounds as being a capable obedience breed. She used each dog once to demonstrate each exercise. She borrowed Summit for one. She needed him to sit first before she could show what we were doing. She asked him 3 times and he just stood there staring at her. So she returned him to me suggesting that I needed to work on his sit command. I said, "He sits for me" looked at him and said "Summit, sit". Boom. Butt hit the floor. Now he'll sit for BF and for friends/family, but up to about a year after adoption... good luck. And at this point he's really only interested in doing what the BF says if I'm not somewhere else and if he has food in his hand.

[BootsyCollins]

Argos was 100% my dog. He pretty much ignored my husband, and wouldn't even leave the house to go for walks with him unless I walked out the door also. Bootsy is much more an equal opportunity lover, but he doesn't respond to anyone's voice but mine when we're in the house.

[Guest Wasserbuffel]

I wasn't home a couple months ago when Jayne tipped up the deck stairs and sliced open the skin on her front legs pretty badly. After she allowed DH to carry her into the house and put her on the couch, that was it. He tried to check out the wounds but got snarled at. He tried to muzzle her but she continued to snarl and not cooperate.

 

I came home. She let me approach and put the muzzle on her. Her only reaction was to look at me with big sad eyes and try to shake with her paw. She never once snarled when I prodded legs to see the extent of the damage or while I held her in the car on the way to the emergency vet.

 

Definitely Mama's girl. Although, she does listen to DH most of the time.

[DocsDoctor]

Over the years, we have had various hounds in our household which also contains 3 kids (now 17,15 and almost 13). I do need the hounds to listen to the kids too, so I have them help me with enough tasks such as feeding, walking, giving treats etc, so the hounds will obey the kids when I need to be occupied elsewhere...

 

Just what I was going to suggest for the OP.

[Feisty49]

My house is filled with one grown up (reluctantly me), a 14 year old daughter, a greyhound, two cats, three crested geckos. The pecking order has always gone (in my estimation) cats, dad, daughter, geckos. In fact, when we had dogs previous it went cats, dad, daughter, dogs ...

 

 

Do you think Boomer realizes that your daughter is, in your estimation, way down in the pecking order? I'm a widow so most of the time it's only me at home, but when my 6-year-old granddaughter visits, Annie Bella knows that my GD is second in pecking order, right after me. I love and adore Annie Bella, but people come first.

[Guest DragonflyDM]

Over the years, we have had various hounds in our household which also contains 3 kids (now 17,15 and almost 13). I do need the hounds to listen to the kids too, so I have them help me with enough tasks such as feeding, walking, giving treats etc, so the hounds will obey the kids when I need to be occupied elsewhere...

 

Just what I was going to suggest for the OP.

 

My daughter does feed Boomer in the afternoon and takes him out to potty, but she doesn't do much else. She does give him treats. She tries as much as any teen can be expected to do any chore.

 

I was just curious. I have always owned collies or lab mixes. Greys are certainly less family pleasers.

 

And by contrast, Boomer spends ALL his free time with me. After work, we are together. On the weekend, we are at the park. He sleeps in my bed. I put in the time. But I did with all my dogs and they love everyone.

[greysmom]

If she doesn't do anything else with him, then it's only natural that he would see himself as above her in the pecking order. You have a nice calm, non-aggressive greyhound. He sees your daughter as you see her, and treats her accordingly. If your dog had a different personality, you could be looking at growling, or even bites in your future.

 

Just my opinion, but any human should be able to have the respect of any animal in the house. Even young children are capable of learning how to be a leader. (Notice I did NOT say "dominate" or "dominant" in any form.)

 

Greys can be one person dogs. However, I would say that three months is not long enough for your dog's personality to completely come out. As he becomes more comfortable and settled, he may morph a bit more into a more-than-one-person dog. And if your daughter doesn't care that the dog won't do anything she asks, then there's no problem anyway.

[Guest DragonflyDM]

If she doesn't do anything else with him, then it's only natural that he would see himself as above her in the pecking order. You have a nice calm, non-aggressive greyhound. He sees your daughter as you see her, and treats her accordingly. If your dog had a different personality, you could be looking at growling, or even bites in your future.

 

Just my opinion, but any human should be able to have the respect of any animal in the house. Even young children are capable of learning how to be a leader. (Notice I did NOT say "dominate" or "dominant" in any form.)

 

Greys can be one person dogs. However, I would say that three months is not long enough for your dog's personality to completely come out. As he becomes more comfortable and settled, he may morph a bit more into a more-than-one-person dog. And if your daughter doesn't care that the dog won't do anything she asks, then there's no problem anyway.

 

I agree with you about him not really "coming out" into his full "doggyness" yet. He still surprises me daily with something new. I don't think that Boomer is ever going to be dangerous to the family. But I know that some dogs bond with one person. Other breeds traditionally don't. I was just curious if that is something that might be expected with Boomer, and it looks like that might happen.

 

We are a nice quiet house. We don't do the shouting at people or animals. Like my daughter, if Boomer does something I don't like "they just know" because I have my daddy laser eyes.

 

All I can say is that it is much easier to train that dog than it is my daughter. LMAO!

[Sambuca]

I think every dog is different. I've had Bu for 3 years and hes a total slut. He just loves love. Hes pretty well trained, but he mainly listens to me. The main reason is that most of what he knows I didn't intentionally teach him. I always talk to him and tell him whats happening. Because hes smart hes figured out what much of it means. Unfortunately, due to it bring unintentional, he knows unconventional commands. Instead of"walk" he knows "are you full of sh@#". So if someone asks if hes wants to go for a walk, he may not respond. Same with"crate" for him it's"go to jail". He also knows "stay", "wait", and" stay here". They all have different meanings to us, but other people wouldn't know that so chances are Bu wouldn't do what they wanted, but what they're asking, creating confusion. I also live alone so hes just used to me.

Sailor is a1 woman dog at this point. He just takes awhile to trust anyone.

Both boys were shy and weren't sure about people when I got them so I worked for their trust and I'm very respectful towards then and their quirks so we are very bonded.

[Guest Wasserbuffel]

Same with"crate" for him it's"go to jail

 

This had me rolling. I tell Jayne to go to her room, but never thought to call her crate jail!

[Sambuca]

Same with"crate" for him it's"go to jail

 

This had me rolling. I tell Jayne to go to her room, but never thought to call her crate jail!

 

Yea, whenever I'm on the phone I have to tell him to.

The funny part about "are you full of sh#@"is that he couldn't care less about going for a walk normally, but if he has to poop he starts jumping up and down and acts like a maniac if I ask.

[Brandiandwe]

I've spent most of the time with ours two. They are both more closely bonded to me. PK has only just started to warm up to DH though Brandi loves attention from anyone. But I'm the one they listen to every time, I'm the one they follow round the house and I'm the one who they trust. It's down to time and effort, but even with equal time and effort, I suspect that they both put me above DH.

[Guest sheila]

When I am not in the room and he NEEDS to cooperate he will listen to my daughter, but otherwise he is totally deaf to her commands.

 

Actually Boomer is deaf to almost everyone but me. Even in obedience training, I have to leave the area for my daughter to even start training with him-- but she is soft voiced without much authority.

 

 

 

This stood out to me and compelled me to share this. It might be of use.

When my DD and I were working with her dog (a non grey) many yrs ago I noticed a dynamic. My DD was also giving commands in a soft voice w/o much authority and I coached her on this, however the dog still did not cooperate consistently. That was until I noticed that whenever she gave a command I would be watching the dogs reaction and the dog would look at me (and ignore my DD). When I focused my eyes on my DD (instead of the dog) the dog would obey her. It was like I was the authority in the room, but when I was looking at DD the dog read that as DD being the authority and followed her commands.

[NeylasMom]

 

I agree with you about him not really "coming out" into his full "doggyness" yet. He still surprises me daily with something new. I don't think that Boomer is ever going to be dangerous to the family. But I know that some dogs bond with one person. Other breeds traditionally don't. I was just curious if that is something that might be expected with Boomer, and it looks like that might happen.

I don't think a broad generalization like that applies. I think it's just the dynamics of your household. If your daughter doesn't have a strong desire to bond with him and doesn't routinely do the activities that would lead to a stronger bond, it's not going to happen.

 

As far as training class goes, try giving her some pieces of really fatty steak next time and see if he changes his tune.

[silverfish]

First, I'd like to say that three months is early days when it comes to a dog settling in and showing his true personality. Secondly, that Greysmom is right to make a distinction between having authority and being dominant. I don't l like all the 'alpha' talk, some of it is so misguided and can be very damaging to your dog and to you.

 

In answer to your questions, well, in this house it's always been me the dogs look to (and obey) first, but we all put that down to the fact that when we got our first dog, I was the only one who knew anything about dog ownership at all. I was the one who looked as if I knew what I was doing, therefore they trusted me. My boys were young (nine and fourteen) and loved playing with Jim but not much else, so the boys and the dog loved each other right from the start but they had to grown into the disclipline of living with dogs and they all did fine.

 

The interesting thing is that it's the younger one my dogs have always loved and respected more, and I put that down to the fact that he's a calmer person, very clear in what he wants and firm when he asks them to do something, but also that he simply understands them better. However hard the older one tries (even now he's 30 yrs old) he will never have the same rapport. My husband .. well, he tries, bless him. But he's apt to give commands as suggestions and in a conversational tone, and then he wonders why it doesn't work so well.

 

Your daughter is inexperienced with dogs, and she is soft-voiced. She may also be a little vague (to a dog's eyes) in her body language and the way she asks them to do something. I don't know how old Boomer is, but when she was trying to get him off the bed, she may well have been doing something with her voice or body that made him think she was playing, which could be why he barked. I remember this happening a lot with Jim and the boys - and even my DH! The reason I'm wondering about this is that dogs bark when they're playful, or sometimes when they're confused. It's not common to hear an aggressive bark within the family as a warning. They tend to growl if they need to signal displeasure with a family member.

 

What does the trainer say about how your daughter interacts with Boomer?

[jetcitywoman]

When I am not in the room and he NEEDS to cooperate he will listen to my daughter, but otherwise he is totally deaf to her commands.

 

Actually Boomer is deaf to almost everyone but me. Even in obedience training, I have to leave the area for my daughter to even start training with him-- but she is soft voiced without much authority.

 

 

 

This stood out to me and compelled me to share this. It might be of use.

When my DD and I were working with her dog (a non grey) many yrs ago I noticed a dynamic. My DD was also giving commands in a soft voice w/o much authority and I coached her on this, however the dog still did not cooperate consistently. That was until I noticed that whenever she gave a command I would be watching the dogs reaction and the dog would look at me (and ignore my DD). When I focused my eyes on my DD (instead of the dog) the dog would obey her. It was like I was the authority in the room, but when I was looking at DD the dog read that as DD being the authority and followed her commands.

 

Yes, this exactly. When we first got Capri I was working from home at the time while DH was going into the office every day, so she bonded pretty tightly to me and he was like a visitor. When we hired a dog trainer for basic obedience, the trainer had both of us try each command to get the hang of it. When it was DH's turn, Capri would look at me as if asking permission to do what he said. The trainer (who is GREAT) coached me to turn my back or at least not make eye contact with her when she did that. It worked, over a few weeks she was responding to both of us equally.

 

To the OP, I would recommend coaching your daughter a bit on assertiveness and projecting authority. It's really important, both for her relationship with this dog, all dogs and even to her career and future life. (I used to be timid, so I know, the meek won't inherit the earth but they will get overlooked for promotions and opportunities at every chance!)

 

I also want to say that it is very possible for a dog to be bonded to one person but still respect the authority of all people. This is important, you AND your daughter must be the leaders in your "pack". Letting the dog ignore your daughter can be the first step to an ugly dynamic. I doubt a greyhound will go this far, but think of little yappers that snap and growl at the husband when he tries to get in bed with his wife, or sit on the couch next to her. When the dog starts to protect you from your family members, it's gone too far.

[Guest DragonflyDM]

Like I said....easier to train a dog than a teen.

 

We are trying something new this week. I am having my daughter sleep in my room this week. She kicks Boomer off the bed (nicely). But the bed seems to be a status symbol for Boomer. So I am hoping that works.

 

I have started her feeding Boomer in the afternoon and taking him out for the afternoon potty.

 

She is still only casually invested in "my grey" but we will see how things work out as time passes.

 

Boomer tests limits with the cats sometimes too. Normally he is totally indifferent to them. Other times he wants to let them know the bed (or his dog beg) are a Boomer only zone with a bit of a growl. He might give a bark if they don't heed his warning-- but he never moves from his spot and just goes back to laying down.

 

He is totally not food aggressive with people or other animals.

 

For the most part-- this guy is such a great dog.

 

My exwife says that my daughter has the same transition adjustment with her new step-father (i.e. working out new roles, and adjusting). But she did OK with that guy and he has never bitten my daughter either.

[Riverhound]

 

 

My exwife says that my daughter has the same transition adjustment with her new step-father (i.e. working out new roles, and adjusting). But she did OK with that guy and he has never bitten my daughter either.

 

:lol