sarabz Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 I lost my Cocker Spaniel, Holly, on September 1, 2000. I've never really talked about her. She was a Christmas present as a puppy. The first dog that was really, truly mine. I missed her so much when I went to college - she lived with my mom for a while and then an uncle of mine. Then when I graduated and moved into an apartment, she came with me. When circumstances suddenly changed a few months after graduating and I decided to move to Michigan, she was moving with me. The movers had finished packing and loading furniture, the U-Haul I was driving from Connecticut to Michigan was packed and I was ready to go. Holly was acting oddly, but she was always a little odd and stubborn and I was too self-absorbed to see that something was really wrong. About an hour into the drive, when I was in a completely strange town, I realized she was really, really sick. I frantically drove around until I found someone who could direct me to a vet's office. In tears I brought her in and almost immediately the vet told me she had bloat and couldn't be saved. I was a wreck. My poor pup lost her life because I wasn't paying enough attention to her. I still have her ashes - I don't have a place to bury them and can't stand to see them. It's taken me ten years to let go of some of her dishes, toys, collars and coat, but I still have a few things. I can't rid myself of the overwhelming guilt that I killed her. It's what took me so long to adopt another dog and part of why I get so uptight with DH when something's even remotely off with Bella. Thanks for listening. Quote Dave (GLS DeviousDavid) - 6/27/18 Gracie (AMF Saying Grace) - 10/21/12 Bella (KT Britta) - 4/29/05 to 2/13/20 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robinw Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 I'm so sorry. Don't beat yourself up, especially after all of these years. Think about how young you were when that happened. Additionally, how many people would know to think about bloat, especially if they weren't associated with some kind of dog community. You took her for help as soon as your realized something was wrong. Quote Xavi the galgo and Peter the cat. Missing Iker the galgo ?-Feb.9/19, Treasure (USS Treasure) April 12/01-May 6/13, Phoenix (Hallo Top Son) Dec.14/99-June 4/11 and Loca (Reko Swahili) Oct.9/95 - June 1/09, Allen the boss cat, died late November, 2021, age 19. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest zombrie Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 Don't guilt yourself over this. It's easy to not pay attention to what's going around you when you are in the middle of a move, it's frazzling and stressful. There is no way you could have known something was really wrong if she was only a little off - it could have been easily shrugged off by anyone of us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest PhillyPups Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 I am so sorry this happened, especially at such a young age for you. It is nothing you did wrong - I never heard of bloat until I got greyhounds and I have had dogs my whole life. :forgive yourself just as Holly would want you to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lakota Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 Don't be so hard on yourself. I've heard that even if it is caught early, the survival rate for bloat is not good. I guess what I am saying is you don't know that if you had taken her earlier the outcome would have been any better. It just shows how much you loved her that you are still upset by this today. You're a good dog companion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sarabz Posted February 10, 2011 Author Share Posted February 10, 2011 See, these comments are exactly why I finally posted this here. You all say the best things - not to just forgive myself but the understanding. Thanks so much. Quote Dave (GLS DeviousDavid) - 6/27/18 Gracie (AMF Saying Grace) - 10/21/12 Bella (KT Britta) - 4/29/05 to 2/13/20 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest jettcricket Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 ...Oh, my heart goes out to you....your girl knows you loved her. Don't hold onto the guilt...your little Holly wouldn't have wanted it that way. Embrace the good times and all the love that you shared with her.....sending you peace and white light so your heart can heal.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zimsmom Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 Holly & Bella would want you to forgive yourself; although to me forgiveness is not needed. You took care of Holly to the best of our ability. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Swifthounds Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 Please don't beat yourself up over a case of bloat. By the time a dog has symptoms, even if you recognize them early, chances of survival are not good, even with immediate emergency surgery. You could have spotted the signs at the outset and rushed her to the best specialty vet in the country and still lost your best friend. With medical but not surgical intervention there's an 80% or so risk of death and up to 1/3 of dog with surgical intervention don't survive. Bloat is just frequently fatal regardless. It's obvious that you loved her and she loved you in return. She wouldn't want you to feel this much guilt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saharasmom Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 I'm so sorry you lost Holly in such a tragic way. It wasn't your fault, but just a tragic accident. I've had dogs all my life and have never heard of a smaller dog getting bloat. I'm sure that Holly wouldn't want you to be unhappy or to feel guilty. Quote Rebeccawith Atlas the borzoi, Luna the pyr, and Madison the cat, always missing Sahara(Flyin Tara Lyn) and Coltrane(Blue on By) the greyhounds Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carronstar Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 Holly knew very deeply and very strongly in her heart how much you loved her. What happened could so easily have happened to any one of us. Release the guilt and just let your love for Holly stay with you. That is all she would want. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batmom Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 Just hugs. Quote Star aka Starz Ovation (Ronco x Oneco Maggie*, litter #48538), Coco aka Low Key (Kiowa Mon Manny x Party Hardy, litter # 59881), and mom in IllinoisWe miss Reko Batman (Trouper Zeke x Marque Louisiana), 11/15/95-6/29/06, Rocco the thistledown whippet, 04/29/93-10/14/08, Reko Zema (Mo Kick x Reko Princess), 8/16/98-4/18/10, the most beautiful girl in the whole USA, my good egg Joseph aka Won by a Nose (Oneco Cufflink x Buy Back), 09/22/2003-03/01/2013, and our gentle sweet Gidget (Digitizer, Dodgem by Design x Sobe Mulberry), 1/29/2006-11/22/2014, gone much too soon. Never forgetting CJC's Buckshot, 1/2/07-10/25/10. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3vagreys Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 Hugs from me too. I almost know how you feel. My little Echo was so sick and I didn't realize just how sick she was for a few days. You can't feel guilty. We can't all be vets. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BertnLil Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 Quote Pam with Sockem the GH, Birdie the JRT, Osorno the chocolate lab, and Shelby the shepherd mix. Missing Clarice (1991-2007) and Lily (2004-2012), always in our hearts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turbotaina Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 Sara, don't beat yourself up Quote Meredith with Heyokha (HUS Me Teddy) and Crow (Mike Milbury). Missing Turbo (Sendahl Boss), Pancho, JoJo, and "Fat Stacks" Juana, the psycho kitty. Canku wakan kin manipi."Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities." - Voltaire Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SAVED2 Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 This was not your fault , your little girl is in a place with GOD where the lion lies with the lamb , a place far beyond our imagination. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest BlueCrab Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 So sorry to hear about Holly's loss. As others have said, please do not beat yourself up about it. We lost my heart dog, Otto, to bloat about 5 years ago. We caught it moments after it started (I knew immediately what it was) and made the frantic 15-minute trip to the e-vet with me holding him, sobbing uncontrollably and giving the e-vet cell-phone updates as we drove. It was pouring rain and late at night, and I kept screaming at my husband to run the red lights as we came to them. I really was out of my mind. We still lost him despite all we tried to do. It's a horrible thing but there is often so little that can be done, even when caught really early. Hugs to you... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Burpdog Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 Quote Diane & The Senior Gang Burpdog Biscuits Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sarabz Posted February 11, 2011 Author Share Posted February 11, 2011 Thank you all, really. I wish I had talked to people a long time ago. Besides my family, I mean. I tried telling a therapist, but just never connected with her. Really helps talking to dog people who really get it. I had no idea bloat was so hard to recover from, even if caught early - I thought it was more like horse colic, where there are lots of different levels of severity and if you catch it early and it's not really severe you can save the animal. Guess not. You all have helped - your words are very comforting. Thank you. Prin-Raff's Holly Go Lightly (hey, I was a kid and had just seen "Breakfast at Tiffany's") November 1989-September 1, 2000 Quote Dave (GLS DeviousDavid) - 6/27/18 Gracie (AMF Saying Grace) - 10/21/12 Bella (KT Britta) - 4/29/05 to 2/13/20 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MerlinsMum Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 Oh my goodness - your post made my eyes leak. You did NOT kill your dog. Please don't beat yourself up - you must, must let go of the guilt. You didn't do anything wrong! Many people don't know a thing about bloat, I myself had never heard of it until I joined the greyhound community. You were young, you were moving which is a big and stressful event in any person's life, let alone when you're heading to a new life after college!... and you had no reason to suspect that something like gastric torsion could happen to a dog. You should spend the rest of your life remembering the lovely, happy times you spent with Holly, not burdened by misplaced guilt. Many, many hugs to you. Quote Kerry with Lupin in beautiful coastal Maine. Missing Pippin, my best friend and sweet little heart-healer 2013-2023 Also missing the best wizard in the world, Merlin, and my sweet 80lb limpet, Sagan, every single day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nyGreys Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
racindog Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 (edited) WHEN I LOST MY SOULMATE SLIM TO BLOAT/GDV at only six years old that is when I learned that there is NOTHING you can do to keep them from crossing over when it is their time to do so. I would take Slim to the vet immediately if there was even the slightest hint that something was amiss. Thus he was there very early. It was a state of the art facility with a surgeon and otherr vets standing by who began operating immediately. Everything looked so good I was told I could probably take him home in a few days. THEN HE CODED. They got him back. THEN HE CODED AGAIN there were additional complications like DIC. It was really bad after that-he suffered-they told me he did- and he ultimately crossed over. At the same time there was a news story about another dog with griveous ought to be fatal injuries who completely recovered without hardly any medical intervention. Thats when I really started noticing that whether or not they "get well" really didn't depend on the treatment they got. The mascot at the animal control here basically had chewed her own leg off to survive before she was rescued and wound up living a happy healthy tripod life as a pet. Others die for whatever reason when relatively minor leg injuries are treated. None of that matters. Its out of our hands. I prayed and suffered and learned that 'the soul of every living thing is in the hands of God' (Job 12:10). All we can do is the best we can do for them and hope it isn't their time. But if its their time the best doctor in the world can't save them and if it isn't they won't die even without treatment. There really was nothing you could have done. You may think you could have but really you did not have any control over what happenned. You did all anybody could have done. She knows this and has probably been wishing all these years that you would learn it too so you wouldn't be hurting so bad. I didn't mean to be too forward and apologize if I came on too strong.. Just wanted to share my experience strength and hope with you of a very painfully learned lesson. Edited February 11, 2011 by racindog Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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