Not Coping Well

[starhound]

Some of you may have seen the thread I started in the Health & Medical section a few days ago: http://forum.greytalk.com/index.php/topic/250343-brandy-is-at-the-e-vet-tonight/page__p__4444790entry4444790

 

Unfortunately she didn't survive the stroke and I'm having the hardest time without her.

I've had greyhounds all my life as my family raced them and I could never be without one.. but this is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. I'm even a little ashamed to say that this is proving to be harder to cope with than the death of (human) family members. Brandy was a personal rescue case (I went and got her from appauling conditions myself) and ended up being my therapy dog. For 5 years we were together 24/7. She went everywhere with me. We immigrated to the USA together.. no way was I coming here without her. I didn't live with my family so I was closer to my dog than I was my own family. I've had lots of greyhounds but none bonded to me like Brandy did.

 

I've never had a greyhound die and been without an existing greyhound to help me cope.. but this time I have no greyhound to hug, to help me through. I'm lucky to have my husband and friends here for me but all I can think about is my hound.

Today I was going to go volunteer at the humane society but I don't know if I'm ready. The thought of seeing other dog breeds feels crushing, and obviously any dog that isn't my Brandy.

I called my mum who said I should contact a greyhound rescue as soon as possible to try to help ease my loss but I just don't think it's a good idea yet. Maybe I need a push though.. I have absolutely no idea.

I just feel so lost without my her.

I just don't seem to be taking comfort in anything like I was able to when I went through losing other greyhounds.

I don't know how on earth I'm meant to cope with this.

 

I think it would help a lot right now to hear from greyhound owners who understand the breed..

[Burpdog]

Listen to your Mom. She knows you

[starhound]

Listen to your Mom. She knows you

 

I feel a bit like bringing home another greyhound ASAP is disrespectful to Brandy's memory.. and might stress out both the greyhound adoption group and the innocent hound if all I'm doing is crying, panicking and moping (as my days seem to be filled with this)

[Batmom]

You don't have to bring a dog home right away, but you might be able to go help with some doggies -- work with a dog who needs some people time or practice walking on a leash or grooming, or help sort out donations or clean kennels ...... Surely your Brandy would want you to help others as you helped her?

 

It's OK to cry and mope. Give yourself some time.

 

Sending big fat hugs your way.

[MP_the4pack]

I'm in your shoes right now. I just lost my heart and soul girl.

 

I do have other hounds at home, but Pearl was the cuddler. The shadow. My right hand man(girl). The others are just there.

I did go to the big NGAP adoption kennels in Philly to "walk the dogs" and some are real cuddlers, so I did feel better. But interestingly enough, I didn't want to adopt any (yet).

 

So is there a greyhound kennel nearby? It might help.

 

But, I do understand where you're coming from. I'm devastated without my Pearl.

 

{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}

[Guest larock]

It's so hard to read the pain in your post, it takes many of us back to when we lost our own special greyhound. While everyone has to greive their own way I've always felt the best remedy is another greyhound. So I think I'm with your Mom on this one.

[Guest budsmom]

I think your mum is right. I believe that the greatest tribute we can give to the beloved animals that leave us is to bring another of their kind into our lives. You still have all this love inside you to give, you just need someone to give it to, and I can't think of a more worthy recipient than another greyhound. ((((hugs))))

[PattyE]

 

I'm sorry you are going through this. I know it is very hard. Four years ago, my dog of 15 years died. I was so lonely. I had always had pets in my house. My husband's family told me to enjoy my freedom. They are not pet people. It was so lonely coming home to an empty house. My husband and I planned to wait six months before adopting again, but we only made it three months and it was a long three months for me. My dogs mean everything to me.

 

I hope your heart heals quickly. Brandy would want you to be happy.

[starhound]

I'm in your shoes right now. I just lost my heart and soul girl.

 

I do have other hounds at home, but Pearl was the cuddler. The shadow. My right hand man(girl). The others are just there.

I did go to the big NGAP adoption kennels in Philly to "walk the dogs" and some are real cuddlers, so I did feel better. But interestingly enough, I didn't want to adopt any (yet).

 

So is there a greyhound kennel nearby? It might help.

 

But, I do understand where you're coming from. I'm devastated without my Pearl.

 

{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}

 

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this dreadful pain too. *hugs*

There's a greyhound rescue about an hour from me (Fast friends of Boonsboro, MD) but I feel a bit awkward about calling and asking if I can randomly go cuddle some hounds... I'm extremely shy and I'm not the best talker, as much as I wish I was.

 

My husband's family told me to enjoy my freedom. They are not pet people.

 

This is something I'm truly struggling with at the moment. DH called out from work for the first two nights to stay at home and comfort me, and his Boss made this rude implication that dogs aren't something to cry over.

It makes me so angry, because I value dogs over most people.

[Guest Adrianne]

I lost my angel, my love, my heart, Wilbur, on the 15th of February. He had been with me for 8 years and was the only greyhound I've ever had. He was my third child, and I was devastated. I thought it would be months, if ever, before I could adopt again. Along came Larry....

 

Larry Needs a Home

 

I'm So Ezcited

 

Larry's Homecoming

 

 

I thought like you--that it would be disrespectful to Wilbur's memory, but now I feel I'm honoring him. It's amazing the healing power of these dogs. I will never, ever in a million years forget my Wilbur or stop loving him. He will ALWAYS be my baby boy. But Larry brings me joy.

 

 

Don't try to replace Brandy; you never will. Instead, think of all the wonderful, deserving hounds out there who would love a chance to warm your heart and your couch.

Edited March 2, 2010 by Adrianne

[Guest greysonly]

I agree that another hound would help ease your pain. I too just lost my heart dog Jazz in January. I had two dogs at home to help me but I still felt empty with only two dogs. I adopted Myles and he has brought so much happiness back into my life. I don't feel like I disrespected Jazz at all in fact I believe he sent me Myles to help me with my broken heart. Yes I still miss Jazz so much and he will always have a special place in my heart... but I have to say that I agree with your Mom and I think another hound would really help.

[Guest VaGreymom]

I understand how you feel, loosing my precious girl in December. I do have other greyhounds at home that have helped me get through this most difficult time. Don't be uncomfortable calling any group to say you want to come love on the hounds. All groups are willing to have an extra pair of hands on deck, you would be helping them out. If you are not ready to adopt another greyhound consider fostering for a group. I understand you are shy but I think Brandy will help you make that call. Many hugs to you..

[starhound]

I understand you are shy but I think Brandy will help you make that call. Many hugs to you..

 

I will try to gather some energy to make a call to them later or tomorrow... it sounds silly but I have some awful phone anxiety.

 

Today I'm going to get a 'thank you' card for my vet (not the E-vet) because she hugged me when Brandy had to be put to sleep and she was very supportive and gentle. She loved Brandy as her patient in her previous visits and that's enough for me to adore somebody, so at least I have one task to put thought into today.

 

Oh, the joys of being unemployed..

[CaliforniaGreys]

Here you will find so so many of us who know the pain you're going through only too well.

What will differ is how we all handle it, and by that I mean some feel bringing another pup home helps, some who think waiting awhile is best, and some who feel spending time with pups at a kennel helps.

Not any one thing is universal.

 

When I lost Misty in May, I had Wayne and Ekko here and I have to admit it didn't help me ease the pain, but what it did do is force me to have to get out of bed each morning and function because they needed me and I needed to be there for them. I needed to console them as well because they missed her as much as I did.

 

Whatever you decide to do will be right for you, and I believe that our heart leads us.

 

You will be in my thoughts and my prayers

[ozgirl2]

Hi Starhound... I'm in Maryland too. If you'd like to call me (I know, the phone!), feel free! I lost my only greyhound Cody 5 years ago - circumstances didn't allow me to get another then and I've stayed grey-less. But I do love them all!! And I understand your pain quite well...

 

I volunteer with Greyhound Welfare, also in MD. No kennels to visit, but we have lots of open houses where you could come love on some dogs (fosters and ambassadogs both). And don't worry about losing it at the OH - I did that a bunch at first and everyone there understands...

 

Email me at ozgirl2 at verizon dot net (just put in the @ and . instead of the words...) if you'd like... I'll give you my phone number _ I'm in Prince Georges Co but that's not too far away...

 

 

Jeannine

Edited March 2, 2010 by ozgirl2

[Guest Greytluv]

I think going to the kennel and helping will lift your spirits. Don't go with the thought of adopting, just go to help in any way you can

[starhound]

Hi Starhound... I'm in Maryland too. If you'd like to call me (I know, the phone!), feel free! I lost my only greyhound Cody 5 years ago - circumstances didn't allow me to get another then and I've stayed grey-less. But I do love them all!! And I understand your pain quite well...

 

I volunteer with Greyhound Welfare, also in MD. No kennels to visit, but we have lots of open houses where you could come love on some dogs (fosters and ambassadogs both). And don't worry about losing it at the OH - I did that a bunch at first and everyone there understands...

 

Email me at ozgirl2 at verizon dot net (just put in the @ and . instead of the words...) if you'd like... I'll give you my phone number _ I'm in Prince Georges Co but that's not too far away...

 

 

Jeannine

 

Thank you so much, I will email you..

[Guest ss556]

I know how you feel, but my grey was my one and only grey in my life. don't feel ashamed about how much you are grieving Brandy's loss. I felt the same way when I lost Alan - it was as difficult if not more than when I lost my mom years ago. He was like a child to me and it's still hard some days. I haven't adopted again but most others do. Do whatever feels right. Hugs to you.

[Guest PiagetsMom]

There's a greyhound rescue about an hour from me (Fast friends of Boonsboro, MD) but I feel a bit awkward about calling and asking if I can randomly go cuddle some hounds... I'm extremely shy and I'm not the best talker, as much as I wish I was.

 

 

 

Call them.....explain your situation......I think they'll understand. And, like Batmom said, you don't have to bring a pup home with you. There are lots of ways to be involved with the pups (organized walks, bath brigades, and possibly other help around the kennel) until you are ready to open your home to another pup.

 

I know how hard this is. Some bring a pup home very quickly, others, like myself, wait. It took me almost a year before I adopted Piaget. There is no right way - just listen to your heart.

Edited March 2, 2010 by PiagetsMom

[Guest dobiegrey]

:grouphugPlease try to not feel bad or ashamed for feeling so sad, she was a huge part of your life! Remember her spirit is always close by. As far as the people who think a dog or cat is not worth crying over, I truly feel so sorry for them because they have missed out on incredible love and committment that our hounds give us. Everyone of us has gone through what you are going through now and we understand and you have tons of cyber hugs coming your way so take comfort in that and remember we all cope differently, please follow your heart, your will never "replace" Brandy, but do honor her memory by saving another houndie when you are ready, there are so many that need us. You did not choose for Brandy to pass so you could get another hound, it was her time and you will ALWAYS love her and cherish her memory. Even years from now there will be times that you think of her and you will tear up but mostly you will smile because you were so very lucky to be her mum!!

Lots of hugs coming your way!!

 

Lou

[JohnF]

Sadly I know just how bad it is to lose a special 'heart dog' when there isn't another canine in the family to provide that essential sense of continuity and meaning. This happened to me 23 01 09 when Angel needed to be PTS when her CRF symptoms became just to dire for her to go on. I'm a guy who is not normally used to doing things like crying and walking up the hill to the church etc but I did all of that on the day Angel went. I think an extra special dog needs a special kind of approach, full-on and let everything go, so that the natural healling process of greiving can get going. I'm new here so nobody will know how special Angel was, nor anything of her rescue story - if you visit pbase.com and type in 'fast angel' it will take you to her photo gallery. (pic attached running along the surfline)

And it wasn't easy coping in the weeks after - no dog in the home = a huge deep hole of emptiness. About 3 weeks out I decided I needed another greyhound and took a little black and white girl on from a rescue. It wasn't straight forward and it looked like it wasn't going to work out because of a high prey drive for small animals and a very hard eye on little dogs. (My dogs ultimately need to be able to be off leash for a while to play with their friends in the park.) So again, putting the dog's needs first and before she bonded, she was returned to the rescue. Now I'm mentioning this because if I had been stronger (longer out from losing Angel) I might have had confidence enough to turn that dog around with regard to knowing that small dogs are proper dogs. So it felt like another bereveavement! I think I'm saying don't go there too soon. After another few weeks I did manage to sucessfully adopt 'Peggy' who came here as an initially fearful and spooky little greyhound. With the help of calming signals she was drawn out of that state and became able to live a noraml rescue greyhound life. What am I saying here? A challenge is actually a good thing after you've lost a 'heart dog' because you'll be drawing on everything your dog taught you to help the new one settle in. Respectful, right, and another Grey saved. You may not get another 'heart dog' again, ever, but at least you'll be back to where you need to be.

A few years ago when our Great Dane was getting old we took on a little Borzoi puppy - the Great Dane taught it everything and went on to live to 12 which is fantastic for one of those big dogs. I'll try to do the same next time.

So hang in there and don't let that grief bottle itself up, wait just until you're strong enough to adopt another and actually stand up for it no matter how difficult it may be. It might be a month, it might be 4, but with Spring just here it's a great time to get out and about and have those shared experiences that help create a bond. It won't detract anything from your lost dog's memory, just give it continuity and added meaning,

[racindog]

Believe me I know. My Slim is and was closer to me than family. He is my soulmate, my spirit guide. He will be waiting to help me to the other side when my time comes to cross over. We never spent a single night apart until that fateful night. The agony you are going through is not uncommon. Some dogs just have a special unexplainable realtionship to us. My opinion is that you need greyhound love! I think you should get another greyhound immediately if not sooner for the understanding and companionship. You don't have to formally adopt one so soon-take home one of the fosters that are in dire need. You're in dire need too. Luckily when Slim crossed over I had my other pack members to help me-especially Minny. I honestly don't know if I could have gone on without their help which I believe is why the good Lord had me blessed by their presence. Minny's perception of what was going on and his understanding and compassion and wisdom were without question invaluable. It was a complete surprise also. He had never previously given any hint that would suggust he was capable of such amazing empathy and compassion. I know when my first greyt Ivy crossed over I felt like I was literally crazy without any greyhound love in my life. She was an only greyhound and I sensed I needed a hound terrible to help me through the grieving and I was madly intent on getting one ASAP and Goldie came home ~less than a week after she crossed over. I meant no disrespect to her and she knows it. She knows I desperately needed the special love of a greyhound to get through her crossing over. And thats the way it was. I don't know how it worked. I just know that somehow just having Goldie to love and be loved by helped me through the grieving process when I don't know anything else could have. You don't have anything to lose by checking it out. Get a hound and see if that incomparable greyhound love and wisdom doesn't help you in ways you can't imagine right now. Bless you. You are in my prayers and please consider getting another hound ASAP. I think you need the love and understanding that only they can share with you and that it will help you immensely. It certainly has helped me more than words can say. They know. They understand.

[Guest mcsheltie]

I hope you will find the strength to make the call. You will be among kindred spirits. The people you will be calling understand more than anyone what it feels like to loose a big part of your heart. So don't feel awkward. You'll find the understanding you need and I bet you will make a new human friend in the process.

 

You haven't lost Brandy forever, she's just gone on to the next part of her life. If you allow it, she will lead you to the next part of your life too. Go, cry and hug on the hounds. Everyone will understand. It will help you and when you meet your next hound, you'll know it.

 

I am sending prayers that you will soon find peace.

Edited March 2, 2010 by mcsheltie

[Guest Ref]

Hi Starhound

We lost Sarah on 21st of January really suddenly 3 days after becoming really ill. We know how you feel, your heart is breaking and you don't know what to do for the best. I'm at home pretty much 24/7 & was with her all the time, I used to talk to her about everything - she was such a good friend and listener! It makes me sound really weak but for the first week after our boys went off to school & Andy went to work I used to go back to bed for the rest of the day & just cry and think of her.

 

Part of me thought perhaps it would be better not have another dog as I can't walk them now, which means Andy does everything. Up at 6am for a 30 minute walk - stressful day at work in the City - home around 7pm and out on an immediate 45 minute walk when he gets in, then dinner an hour of tv then to bed and then it all starts again the next day.

 

It came to head when one of his work mates who had been off sick came back to work and asked him how Sarah was. He broke down in tears in front of a room full of "ruthless city types". I knew then that we both needed another dog. So we adopted Ali in February. I think it was 3 weeks after Sarah died. We did feel so guilty, but we had so many reassuring replys on here that helped us so much and was told by a sweet person that another dog is "a great grief councillor" and I don't think I've ever been told anything so true.

 

Ali is younger and races around the house causing havoc most of the time, but she has bought the smile back to our faces and our 3 teenage boys adore her. She isn't a replacement for Sarah, no dog could be, but a new addition to our family.

 

In fact today we had delivered a huge (I mean really huge) photo of Sarah that looks like a painting and takes up a big part of our living room wall. So I managed to hang it myself and I'm waiting for Andy to come and see it. Sarah is still with us just like your baby will always be with you.

[TheFullHouse]

When we lost Emmy, my heart broke into a million pieces, she was so ill and I knew she would be leaving but what I wasn't prepared for was losing her brother Andy 3 months to the day after losing Emmy. I was away at the time and not being here with him destroyed me. I didn't think I would ever get over losing the two so close together. I just went through the days, didn't want to do much of anything and cried all the time. I didn't think I would survive, honestly, until one day JoeyB needed a foster home. I can tell you, it was the best decision I ever made. Bringing him into our home gave me something to do every day. Even though I had all the other hounds, they were all settled, JoeyB needed us. I still grieved for my babies but I had something else to occupy my mind and my time.

 

Try getting in touch with a group and becoming a foster home. Any hound you bring in will need your help in adjusting to life outside of the track. It will give you something to occupy your mind and your time so grieving will be much easier. Your feelings that you would somehow be dishonoring the memory of your baby, to the contrary, you will be honoring the memory of your sweetie by helping another hound in need.

 

My heart goes out to you, I've been there.