Not Coping Well

[djsgreys]

It is so hard to read the pain in grief in your post - especially because it so closely mirrors how I feel.

 

I have 8 greys at home, but losing Suzy was just about the hardest thing I have ever, ever gone through. And I still am not coping well with it - every day I wish when I get home that she will somehow be there even though in my head I know she won't be.

 

When the time is right, and the right hound needs you . . . . you will honor your special girl by giving the greytest possible home to another hound in need.

 

to you.

[Guest BradyzMommy]

Follow your heart, give yourself time to grieve, cry, mope and do whatever you need to do......

[greytpups]

My message won't be too long (I hope!) because so many others have expressed the feelings I felt losing Bailey in Dec. We had to make a decision to let her go the same day as she was diagnosed and we had no idea she was so sick. Losing my heart dog was so painful, for days I felt I could barely function. I had trouble eating and sleeping. However, we always said that in honour of Bailey's memory we would adopt another grey because so many need loving homes. Bailey opened us up to this wonderful world of greyhounds and greyhound people, and for that I will always have her to thank. She was a blessing in disguise and came into my life when I really needed her. I always said that she saved me.

 

We still have Ben and each day I forced myself to care for him. It didn't mean I loved him any less, I love him soooooooo much, it just meant that I could barely care for myself and wanted the awful pain to go away. But 10 days later we adopted Brooke. Initially, I was afraid I wouldn't be able to love another one like I love Bailey. That lasted for about 10 seconds until she walked into the room. Her foster dad said he could tell she was the one just by the look in my eyes. No one will ever replace Bailey and I still love and miss her terribly. But the pain is easing and Brooke has been the best grief councellor. Brooke is an addition because my heart is big and the pain of losing my baby will never equal the joy I experienced with her in my life. I've never regretted following my heart. And I love my baby Brooke soooooooooo much.

[MP_the4pack]

There's a greyhound rescue about an hour from me (Fast friends of Boonsboro, MD) but I feel a bit awkward about calling and asking if I can randomly go cuddle some hounds...

 

It's a greyhound group. They'll understand. You'll be amazed at how fast they'll invite you down. They do know what you're going through. (do they have a kennel or just fosters? That would make a difference). And if it's a kennel, they probably would love to have the dogs handled and walked.

[Guest Adrianne]

You certainly don't have to feel like you're on a time schedule of any kind. Everyone is different and has to do what is right for them. Something I believe with all my heart now because of everything that's happened in just the last week is this: when the right dog comes along, be it sooner or be it later, you'll know it. And the timing of it won't seem important. It will be all about the dog.

 

I hope that makes sense.

 

I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I know how painful it is.

[Guest tricolorhounds]

I know what you are going through having recently lost my best friend

 

I am also EXTREMELY shy and have a hard time making phone calls... so here you go.

 

Hi, my name is ______ and I just lost my Greyhound. She had been with me for _____ years and I'm missing her terribly. I was wondering if it would be possible for me to come out and hang out with some Greyhounds? Honestly, there probably isn't anyone there that hasn't been in your shoes and would love for you to come out.

[Guest tricolorhounds]

 

I feel a bit like bringing home another greyhound ASAP is disrespectful to Brandy's memory..

 

Don't look at it as being disrespectful, look at it as honoring her memory. Brandy showed you how special Greyhound are and she would be very pleased to see how your heart has grown big enough to welcome another special Greyhound into your life.

 

 

We brought home a big puppy to help not only my heart heal and grow but to cheer up our 4 hound who were grieving at her loss also. Our new goofball puts smiles on our faces every day!!

[KF_in_Georgia]

I brought Jacey-Kasey home 8 days after my Oreo died. I felt then--and still feel--that adopting another greyhound was the best tribute I could pay Oreo: that she had made it impossible for me to be without another greyhound.

 

I already had Sam in my life when Oreo died. He didn't seem to miss her; he took delight in the my sofa, my food, my mom, my everything approach. But every time I fed him (filling one bowl instead of two) or hugged him (hey, shouldn't there be another dog wrapped in my other arm?), I missed Oreo. So six days after Oreo died, I filed an adoption application. Since the group knew me, there wasn't any delay in adopting. It wasn't a match made in heaven. Every day--in every way--Jacey said, "I'm not Oreo!" But she needed me, and we've worked things out. (It's been nearly 4 years.)

 

If the adoption group near you has a web site that lists their current adoptables, go look at the pictures. Don't look in terms of choosing one of the dogs. Just look at pictures, read any info, and think what you could offer any one of those dogs. And see if the group has any meet-and-greets scheduled. You could go, meet with other owners, pet their dogs (often, meet-and-greet dogs are not dogs looking for new homes), and get your greyhound "fix." If you wind up crying over your Brandy, I bet you'll get hugs. I'm sure you'll get lots of understanding.

[brandimom]

I feel your pain as I have lost so many greys in the past. Sending gentle hugs to you. What has worked for me does not work for everyone but I have always gotten another grey the same month that I lost another grey. It makes room for another grey coming off the track to go into a kennel/rescue group. This is how I choose to honor the memory of my past greys. Do what your heart tells you to do and talk to your mum.

[Guest isntitgreyt]

I am so sorry for your loss. Run Free Sweet Girl....

[Guest Flysmom]

I am so sorry that you feel so lost! Been there a year ago and I can imagine what you are going thru!

 

I don't think it is disrespectful to get another Greyhound, in a way you would honor Brandy. Nothing can replace her and your feelings for her, but getting another Greyhound might make life a bit better. How about helping a Group out and taking in a Foster?

Go with your heart. It is rough loosing a beloved Greyhound, and don't feel bad that you did not have the same sadness when a human family member passed, you are not the first one who feels this way nor will you be the last!

 

Sending you peace and hugs!

[Greys4Us]

I just saw your post and certainly understand what you are going through. So many others have described their loses here too. Losing our beloved hounds is certainly harder than we could ever imagine. My husband and I adopted our first greyhound in the early 1990s. Cody was our first greyhound and he brought something into our lives I've never experienced before even though I had dogs all my life. When we lost him to IBD on February 18, 2002, I thought I lost a part of myself with him. I don't have to look that date up. It's in my heart and each year I remember and think about him and miss him on the anniversary of his death. I knew at the time that I could NEVER let this pain happen again and decided that I could not ever have another dog that would replace Cody. My vet called one morning a few weeks after we lost Cody to tell me that a greyhound adoption group was having a meet and greet near us. He told me that he knew how we felt but that he felt he should at least give us the option of talking to them. He said something very important that I think back on: he said that each person must grieve in their own way and take the time they need to work through their grief. Only I would know what is best for me. My husband and I talked about it and we went to that meet and greet. I met the woman who had two sweet brindle boys looking for a home. I could not even think about it. The pain was too raw. We talked for awhile and I took a business card.

 

Later that week, I just picked up the card and called the woman I met at the meet and greet. I told her that there was no way that I would EVER want to adopt another greyhound. But why did I call her? By the time I got off the phone, I had agreed to foster the two boys I had met at the meet and greet. This started off slowly. My husband and I fostered at least ten dogs for this group. We could not allow ourselves to betray Cody's memory. Then in August 2002 a sweet five year old black male named Valentino came to our house. He never left. That year Cassie, Ford and Ajay also stayed.

 

In 2005, my husband and I founded our own greyhound adoption group. Three hundred dogs later, my Cody is still my love. He always will be, although he nows shares a spot in my heart with our bridge hounds Ford, Valentino, Apache, Craiger, Keisha and Kenny. Cody started us on the path we now travel.

 

Each dog has brought something so special into our lives. And I feel that what we are doing honors their memories.

 

I know this pain is raw and you are hurting. Please feel free to call me any time. And tears are permitted and even expected.

 

Hettie

P.S. There are a lot of hounds here that really LOVE being hugged!!!

[MandysMom]

I so understand how you feel. When my Dalmatian passed away after a short illness, I alternated between being frantic and extreme depression. I didn't want to come home because she was not here and when I was home, I didn't want to wake up. I started working crazy hours just to avoid coming home. I had a good friend who would come and physically pull me out of my office and follow me home, then call me daily to make sure I was getting out of bed and moving. My circumstances prevented me from adopting for almost a year, so I spent much of that time volunteering for an all-breed rescue group--they always needed extra hands to hold dogs at meet and greets. Eventually I was able to adopt my Mandy.

 

I don't know where you are in Maryland, I am in Northern Virginia. You can email me on my aol account (bmlarison). If you want to meet up, Mandy always enjoys being loved on. Feel free to drop me a line if you just need an understanding shoulder as well.

[Guest trevdog]

Hang in there, we are all here with you....I felt much the same way, Trevor was my heart dog. When he left, I vowed never to have another dog again. That lasted all of a day as when I went home that night, a neighbor was walking his greyhound and I almost lost it. I knew I couldn't be without a grey and Trevor would want me to help someone else have a super life. So Ossie came home 3 weeks later. He is my momma's boy, my bodyguard, my shadow. He needed me just as much as I needed him. Make the call when you are ready, it's ok to shed a few tears on the phone too, they will understand. I have 3 greys now and they are are very special, but none of them will replace that spot in my heart that belongs to Trevor. They all have their own place there anyway.

[Guest zoolaine]

Why don't you just email the group. I found this page with an email address on it:

 

http://greytdogs.org/contacts.html

 

It seems to be the same group????? I HATE the phone and would totally email over calling.

 

I agree that you should go and do some volunteer work. Just go and enjoy being with the dogs. You will know when the time is right for you to adopt again.

[GreyAcresMom]

Tho I have 5 more Greyhounds here, after I lose Domino, I truly felt myself withdrawing from my other hounds: even my littles.

 

It is something that we never get over, just learn to deal with. May your heart heal with all the wonderful memories that you have...

[Guest jettcricket]

My heart goes out to you...I don't think that I've ever grieved as much in losing a pet as when I lost both my Jett and Cricket. It will be almost 2 years in May since Jett passed and last month was a year for my baby girl, Cricket. There are days when it's incredibly hard....and I choke back my tears. I'm still waiting for the day that I can think about them and smile....your certainly not alone as many of us have and are going thru the same thing.

 

We can lean on each other for comfort and strength.....hugs to you during this most emotional time.

[ozgirl2]

Hi Starhound... I'm in Maryland too. If you'd like to call me (I know, the phone!), feel free! I lost my only greyhound Cody 5 years ago - circumstances didn't allow me to get another then and I've stayed grey-less. But I do love them all!! And I understand your pain quite well...

 

I volunteer with Greyhound Welfare, also in MD. No kennels to visit, but we have lots of open houses where you could come love on some dogs (fosters and ambassadogs both). And don't worry about losing it at the OH - I did that a bunch at first and everyone there understands...

 

Email me at ozgirl2 at verizon dot net (just put in the @ and . instead of the words...) if you'd like... I'll give you my phone number _ I'm in Prince Georges Co but that's not too far away...

 

 

Jeannine

 

Thank you so much, I will email you..

 

 

Hi - if you emailed and didn't put something about greys in the subject box, I may have deleted it! So IF you already emailed me, please send it again!!!!! Or just put Starhound in the subject... thanks...

[giadog]

I'm so sorry you're in such pain. My heart goes out to you.

[Guest jade1046]

I'm so very sorry for your loss. It's good you found this site - we've all been there and know how you feel.

[Guest LadyChester]

My heart goes out to you. Everyone deals with loss in their own way and their own time. At some point, perhaps fostering might be a way to honor your girl. You'll know when the time is right. Hugs to you.

[starhound]

Hi - if you emailed and didn't put something about greys in the subject box, I may have deleted it! So IF you already emailed me, please send it again!!!!! Or just put Starhound in the subject... thanks...

 

No problem, I will resend it now..

thank you all for the kind messages.. I don't feel as alone.. nor as guilty about adopting another greyhound. There's no way I'm ready yet and it still hurts so badly, but eventually I will be able to adopt again. The days aren't really any easier.. the fact she isn't here is stabbing and I get reminders every time I move around my living space. This time last week, her symptoms were probably just starting.. I can't believe it's almost been a week.

 

I emailed a few places and both advised me to go to a greyhound meet n greet... this weekend there's one at a Petsmart in Owings Mills so I'm going to try and attend that. I just have a feeling seeing hounds will make me burst into tears all over again but I'm sure hound people will understand.

 

We did feel so guilty, but we had so many reassuring replys on here that helped us so much and was told by a sweet person that another dog is "a great grief councillor" and I don't think I've ever been told anything so true.

 

Every reply to this has helped me emotionally and has comforted me.. this sentence means a lot to me though and it is so very true.

I was planning to get a second greyhound in a few months, had Brandy still been with me.. she would have enjoyed the company.

[Guest Smiley]

I am so very sorry for your loss. It's beyond painful. We just lost our Smiley 6 weeks ago and it was very quick and traumatic. I still cry everyday and miss him so, so much. I can't tell you what the right thing to do about adopting another-only you can decide that. I truly believe that the dog we have lost will send you the "right" one when the time is right. I do think being around other dogs whether at the humane society or your local grey rescue may help. It's just a hard process. I am sending you many, many hugs. I understand how very painful this journey is and I will be keeping you close in my thoughts and heart.

[Guest dramaqueen]

when I lost my kobi in Oct of 2006, I cried constantly (he was my 1st). I thought the only way to honor him was to save another. I waited one month & gave in and rescued another who ne4eded me & it was the best cure for my grief. She made me laugh and remember Kobi and I would smile when I thought of him. It's almost 4 yrs later and I constantly think of him to this day. We never forget, but we can save another who needs us. Wghen the time is right you WILL go & adopt another but when YOU are ready.

[Guest EmbersDad]

"when the last rose of summer pricks my finger....i will walk alone, by the black muddy river..." the last rose pricked my finger in jan 09 when my first grey, ember, died from osteo. we werent even done with chemo yet :-( althea had just recently come into our lives, yet for the first week after she passed, i wanted nothhing to do with her, nor she with me. i really was alone, and found solace and comfort here, and the folks here took care of me. i understand what you must be feeling. it will get better, trust me. one day you will be able to look back at the memories and smile. for me, when one leaves, it just means another is out there who needs me. you have been given some great advice. fostering and going to meet & greets are great ideas...and if you flunk fostering...well, thats a good and worthy "F" :-)it might also help if you shared some pictures and stories of brandy with us. im sure everyone would love to hear more about her. as mickey hart once sang, "as long as songs of mine are sung, im with you on this earth...."

Edited March 5, 2010 by EmbersDad