Two Days After Otis Went To The Bridge

[Aerosmom]

Don't blame yourself. I know what your mean about reliving the last awful moments. I did that with Snickers -- things happened so suddenly with her and there was nothing I could do. I think she had a embolism and she collapsed at the vet while we were waiting for her fourth chemo. I was so traumatized that I couldn't drive down the same route even though I had to go somewhere the next day -- I took another way because it all kept coming back to me like a flashback. Put one foot ahead of the other and try to do things that distract you from your thoughts until you are strong enough to deal with them. Allow yourself some healing time; you aren't being disloyal to Otis. It really will get easier for you with time. :grouphug

[Wonder]

Linda

I am so sorry

I have no answers nor have I felt this pain yet but I can sympathize with you and offer a hug

 

I meant to tell you that I was surprised at how well you looked yesterday. I wasn't even sure you'd be at the M&G.

 

Thinking of you

 

[VinnieAndRexsMom]

I lost Rex just as fast and I lost him to hemangiosarcoma that I did not know he had.

 

I know this may seem silly, but the man makes sense. Dr. Phil would say something like... Are you going to let Otis's life be defined by that last moment, that one event, or are you going to remember him for all the years he was with you?

 

Me speaking again, You need to remember Otis by all the seconds, minutes, hours, days, and years you had together.

Otis doesn't blame you. You need to stop balming you.

 

You miss him. It hurts. Otis touched your life, and now without him your life has changed.

 

Losing Rex was terribly hard on me. Losing Vinnie six months later nearly killed me.

I'm still here and you will be, too. It's too soon for it not to hurt. It has to hurt to get past the pain.

 

Keep talking and writing about Oris. Share Otis stories. It will help.

Sending hugs,

[Madeara]

Oh you poor dear I wish I could give you a hug and help you in some way. No it isn't fair, they should stay with us until we can go together. only in a perfect world. You did your best, I hope one day you will remember him in happier days.

 

 

[MerlinsMum]

Give yourself time.... be gentle to yourself. You're hurting so terribly now, but let the love that you and Otis shared be more than what happened on his last day. He was bigger than death, and what you shared was infinitely bigger than just his last day. Give yourself time to heal and soon the beautiful memories you shared, those moments that count, will come to the surface again, and that is how you should remember him... the happy times, a life shared.

 

We're here for you. :grouphug

[MP_the4pack]

Although I'm not a proponent of this, after my youngest brother died, all of us (my parents and sibblings) needed a little medical help.

 

Why don't you go visit your doctor. He might be able to give you something to take the edge off. I'm not talking about getting high, stoned or drunk. Just a little help. There will stll be tons of tears, but the feeling of your heart just exploding out of your chest may disappear.

 

Pease don't beat yourself up. It happened very fast. I had my Brindle at the vets that day she died from hemangio. They still waited to see if meds would work and tried a test and waited. Did something else and waited. So, the outcome for Otis probably would not have changed.

 

But wherever he is now, he's probably fretting that you're so upset, when everything is fine where he is now.

Edited March 3, 2008 by MP_the4pack

[CaliforniaGreys]

Guilt...it's an emotion I wish didn't exisit.There is nothing that can be said to ease this pain. Everytime someone loses one, I swear it takes a piece of everyone's heart.You really loved Otis, that is obvious. And I hope that Otis sends you a sign that he's okay and will always be watching over you. He is pain free, and you gave him that. The last selfless act of love. My heart really goes out to you.

[Guest argolola]

My heart is breaking for you. Sending you a big hug.

[Guest CookieLover]

As everyone else has said - move through the grief, live through it, but don't waste time on guilt. NO ONE, including yourself, can have expected you to do anything except love your dog as much as you did. Otis would never have wanted you to beat yourself up. Honor his love by loving him and yourself and moving to a place where you can remember all the wonderful memories of your life with him.

 

Love and prayers being sent to you to speed your recovery!

[Guest tricolorhounds]

Someone I loved very much wrote this for me when I lost my Doberman. Hallie had been my constant companion. I was there when he was born and he was by my side for 10 years. Whenever I think about my beautiful boy and the tears well up, I think of this and my thoughts turn to the good times.

 

 

Remember Me,

As I remember You.

Eternally grateful,

For the Love we've Shared.

[Guest jettcricket]

Lots of good, wonderful advise being given here. So many of us know how you are feeling...please know that you are not alone and that we care, we really care and know how incredibly hard it is.

 

We grieve for dogs that we've never met....they truly are such a special breed.

 

I don't think we ever get over the loss of a beloved pet, but we do learn to move on.

 

Hang in there...it will get easier.

[Guest WarmheartedPups]

Linda

I am so sorry

I have no answers nor have I felt this pain yet but I can sympathize with you and offer a hug

 

I meant to tell you that I was surprised at how well you looked yesterday. I wasn't even sure you'd be at the M&G.

 

Thinking of you

 

 

 

Lou said i needed to get out and come to the M & G .....come for a minute if need be. ....and I came for Roo....she is not herself. All she does is sleep...and she wants to be alone. She is eating and drinking.....but she slept right through her dinner time....normally she is barking at me 20 minutes before dinner....so she keeps me going a bit. Tonight I will take her for a walk even though that is the last thing I want to do....but it will help us both.

 

I have given up trying to put on make up

 

Thanks so much for the hug yesterday.....it all helps.

 

 

Linda--- I'm still here for you OK? Otis wouldn't want you to worry and you know he would never put that kind of pressure on you.

 

 

Thank you for your offer of support....it means so much.

Edited March 4, 2008 by WarmheartedPups

[Guest WarmheartedPups]

I want to thank everyone for all their kind words and offers of support. Its so wonderful to hear how many people liked Otis. It all means so much to me.

 

Everything everyone says is so true....and I know it.....and I am trying to get there......really I am. I just feel stuck and maybe like Xan says....get in there and dive straight through it. Otis was brave and so am I.

 

I dont know how I would be getting through this without all of you.

 

I am forever thankful.

 

Linda

[Wonder]

Linda-

I wish there were something I could do.

My heart just aches for your pain.

[Guest McGreyt]

If you can, focus on all the living and loving Otis enjoyed prior to the end. That's what matters.

[jenners]

I just feel stuck and maybe like Xan says....get in there and dive straight through it. Otis was brave and so am I.

Linda

It does take time and work, sweetie, to turn off that loop in your brain. I've been there, too, and I promise it will get better. You can and will soon have only the best BEST BEST memories of Otis in you; only the best. He knew you did all you could, and you did do all you could, and that will sink in with time. In the meantime, feel held and supported and understood in the loving hands of us, your friends, with the beautiful smiling face of Otis looking down and loving you.

 

Jennifer

 

 

 

[HeyGrey]

Our dear companions love us and death cannot diminish love. Grief is a physical and emotional process which time and friendship and the heartbeats of greyhounds will ease. The last gifts our beloved greyhounds give us are forgiveness, courage to go on and a greyter understanding of the need to share love. If the terrible pain of losing my Danny was the price I paid for all I learned, all the love he gave, the laughter, the quiet joy I will endure it gladly because he was the best blessing next to my son. Danny opened my heart to adopting Mick much sooner than I thought I'd be ready. It was -15F with -45F windchills and I was laying in bed under 5 quilts and crying because I didn't have my Danny to walk. I knew I had to get another greyhound. You have Roo who needs you. Grieve fully, deeply but get your butt out there and walk and love up your other grey - you'll feel better. I'm sorry to lecture because everyone grieves in their own way. Grief is terribly intimate. I just want to help and you are not alone.

[Greytlady94]

There are many of us here who likely wish "if only". For me it is "if only I had taken her one day sooner she would not have had that last awful night". We are mere mortals and do not have the ability to see that tomorrow will be worse, not better. I am so sorry for your pain, I do understand.

[Guest goddessgina]

I know exactly how you feel. It's hard for you to believe, but you will get through this. Please don't beat yourself up about this, Otis wouldn't want to see you so upset, especially if he thinks that such pain is caused by him. Remember the good times you had together.

[Wendie]

Just wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you :grouphug

[Guest WarmheartedPups]

I am feeling a little better tonight. I have talked with a number of people....some people that I have never met and I am feeling very blessed right now....all the support and caring and wisdom and butt kicking...I have never had a support system like this and friends that care so much.

 

I took Roo for a walk on this cold cold night.....she just wants to sleep...so we dusted off the cobwebs and went out.....it was the last thing I wanted to do....but for Roo I could do it. She is very bewildered.

 

 

Otis just touched my soul so deeply.....I will get through this.....

 

Such wisdom from all of you.....I cannot thank you enough.

 

[Guest Ohiogreymom]

I'm so sorry! Please take care of yourself.

[Guest Vinnie]

So many of us understand what you are going through, the pain, the anger, the crying, the helplessness. Our furkids are everything to us and it is so hard to let them go - even when you know it is the right thing to do. I was so lost after Vinnie went to the Bridge - almost 2 years ago. And while I wouldn't give up his sister Gracie for the world , there are so many times I feel cheated - he had so much more life to live and love to give - why did it have to be him, why did I have to make the sacrifice. And I can see you doing the same thing with your loving, goofy boy Otis.

 

Seeing his pix and hearing his stories always made me laugh, and all I can suggest is that you let him do the same for you now. Go back and read your stories and look at his pictures, feel him all around you as he tells you he loves you and that he'll be waiting for you at the Bridge with Dewey. My heart breaks when I look at my last minutes with our Angel, he would always curl up in my lap, and he was there when all of a sudden he got up just after she gave him his shot - and in my eyes it was like he was trying to run away from what I was doing for him - rationally I know that is not true, he was just going over to his dad as we were on the floor with him with our wonderful oncologist - Vinnie had even gone over to her and mussed her hair for her(his suggestion on how she should wear her hair for her wedding that weekend). - but in my eyes, it felt like he was accusing me of not doing enough for him. I know that is wrong for me as well as you. You did everything you could for him and even your vets office did not see anything.

 

So, remember Otis, continue to love him, and let him help heal your heart. And when you need to rant and rage against the world, remember, we are all here for you too. Feel free to pm if you need or want to. And again, hugs to you and yours, I am truly sorry you lost your beautiful and goofy boy. He will be missed by all of us.

 

(If anything is misspelled or not making sense, it's because I was crying through this entire post, see, this is what happens when a person can't cry anymore, someone else picks up where they left off).

[Forevermybabies]

It's almost one a.m., and I'm just sitting here thinking about you and Otis, so I decided to come here... I haven't been on GT for a long while, but it's too late to do much else.

 

It really is so unfair. You're right, Linda. It's just not freaking fair. When I first saw your email, I felt just the way you said, Like there had to be some mistake. What else could explain our wonderful friend being taken from us? I don't know. I still don't know.

 

What I DO know is that every decision that you have ever made for those dogs was made out of love. You have never waited too long or not tried hard enough. You are going to question everything you did this weekend because it's what we do when we don't understand what happened. And the questions change depending on what happened... "Was it too soon?" "Was it too late?" Did I wait too long or not long enough? You question because you can't wrap your mind around something that just makes no damned sense. Cancer, stroke, aneurism, whatever...it's just not right. Otis isn't here, and there's no way to make that seem like the right thing. No answer will EVER satisfy the question of Why Otis? Because there's no good answer.

 

Otis shouldn't be gone. No other answer will ever be right.

 

I'd like to say that there's a short cut to make this pain stop, or at least buy you some surcease. But you know from your experience with Dewey that there's not. It just hurts like a **. (And yes, I know that will only show up as asterisks, but I still had to write it because there's just no other word.)

 

I also agree that you have to find a way to get that last image of Otis out of your head. You have to remember him the way he was every other moment of your lives together - as a beautiful, wonderful dog.

 

Otis had the softest ears...And this look on his face that could just melt your heart. Having Otis there with you was a kind of peace. Like whatever else was going on, when you would kiss his cheek, your heart felt calm. He was kind of a Zen dog. I feel really lucky to have known him, to have gotten to share my universe with a being that was here with us for the sole purpose to sharing love. My God, really, what else is there? If you can find a piece of that calmness, of that peace, that Otis brought. If you can hold in your heart the memory of what he wanted you to have, then THAT is the peace you seek - the one that he brought you. Because Linda, he gave you that love to keep. He didn't take it with him. He gave and gave and gave. What he took with him was the love that you gave him. If there's respite to be had from the grief of losing Otis, let it be the salve of the love that he left you with.

 

I don't understand why Otis. Why now? Why? I don't know. It's not fair. It's not right. But we got to have him here with US. For the ephemeral time that he had here, you got to hold him and love him and snuggle and sleep with him. I got to pet him and kiss him and laugh at his sweet cuteness. Aren't we LUCKY? We really are. And unfortunately, the measure of our grief is the depth of our love. And it's bottomless.

 

I remember reading something (probably here) that was a story of a religious leader who said, to a grieving parishioner, Would you have loved him less, so that your grief would not be so deep? And you know the answer. You couldn't have loved him any differently than you did.

 

Anyway, that's a long freaking way of saying that it's okay to question, and grieve and feel like the ground should swallow you whole.

 

And it will get better eventually.

 

And Otis will remain forever in the hearts of everyone who knew him. He wasn't just any dog, he was OTIS! He was amazing. There are dogs, and then there are dogs. And then there's Otis. And when I picture his face, his ears at half mast as when he was expecting something good...I smile through tears.

 

 

 

 

[Guest vahoundlover]

 

Otis knows how much he is loved...he knows you did everything you could....he knows that never, not even for one minute would you put his life in jeopardy.....Otis knows your heart is broken, listen to him, he will help heal it.....

 

You wouldn't feel so much pain and despair if there hadn't been so much love......carry that love with you, in your heart and memories and know that you had one hell of a great friend and he will be waiting for you, to cross the Bridge together.