Heart Breaking Decision

[Yamaha_gurl]

Winnie: If I were to rehome Ami I'm not sure that I would get another due to the fact that I'd be fearful of receiving another difficult dog; I knew there would be an adjustment period but I wasn't expecting this

 

 

Every dog is different. I was a first time dog owner when I adopted my Bella. There was no transition, no agression, no sleep startle, no peeing....nothing. She took to stairs on the second day, was small dog friendly...etc. It just goes to show you, each dog is different. Don't say no to the breed IF you can't handle her, think about just saying no to her, and yes to another.

[Guest RMarie]

I agree with Maggie. There is no shame in saying she is too much to handle. You need to find the right fit. You need to stress to your group that you need an "easy" dog, being that you're a first time dog owner. If they're not willing to help you, then find another group who is willing. It's better for all parties involved that the right dog be placed in the right home.

[winnie]

 

And yes, it's nice to have an easy dog, but working through a relationship with a "difficult" dog can teach us so much about ourselves

 

Yes, but perhaps a "difficult" dog isn't the right dog for a first time adopter. We certainly don't want groups turning people off to the breed! Our first greyhound was so easy. We joke that they gave us Celeste first to rope us in.

[NeylasMom]

The behavior described doesn't mean that Ami is an aggressive dog. It sounds like she is very stressed and insecure, and hasn't learned to trust you. There are many reasons this can happen, and sometimes we unknowingly make things worse by how we interact with dogs. Interactions that may seem natural and loving from a human perspective can be scary and intimidating from a dog's perspective. Some dogs are just more sensitive to handling and body language than others, and one with Ami's issues will especially be challenging for first time owners.

 

While you've mentioned that you've "tried everything", you haven't given any details about what exactly you've tried, and what kinds of training methods you've used. Any kind of confrontational or dominance-based approach runs the risk of making aggressive behavior worse. I hope the trainer you have coming out is one who uses rewards and positive reinforcement, has a sound understanding of learning theory, and can apply methods like desensitization and counter-conditioning.

 

The bottom line comes down to how much you feel like you can handle, how committed you are to making it work, and perhaps accepting that Ami may always have some limitations on what she can tolerate. There is nothing wrong with coming to the decision that she is not the right dog for your family. If you choose to keep and work with her, there are a lot of resources available.

This

[Brandiandwe]

Yay for getting her out on the deck!

[Rustyroo]

Ok, take this for what it's worth and I'll make it short. Twelve years ago we adopted our first greyhound. He was difficult and not a good fit for our family so we returned him, and I was devastated. I thought I failed him. After the return to the group I called the adoption office at Dairyland and talked with the adoption rep there for a really long time. Basically she said, I think you need a bounce and we have two here, so why don't you come and meet them...so we did. That day we brought home Rusty. He was my baby, my heart dog. We had him for almost 8 years. I miss him like crazy everyday. So the moral of my story is, the right dog is out there for you. Don't give up on dogs or the breed because the first one didn't work out.

[Guest grey_dreams]

 

Yes, but perhaps a "difficult" dog isn't the right dog for a first time adopter. We certainly don't want groups turning people off to the breed! Our first greyhound was so easy. We joke that they gave us Celeste first to rope us in.

 

I was responding to her statement that "There's gotta be a reason why the Universe sent me a difficult doggie." Agree that a challenging dog shouldn't be homed with a first-time adopter, but sometimes things work out in unexpected ways. Zuki and me were like that. The adoption group did not want me to choose him, but the universe had other plans. I was a first-time dog mom, and Zuki was extremely challenging. But he was also my heart and soul, and he taught me so much about myself, and we both learned new things together about life. I wouldn't trade those challenges for anything. Again, not for every first-time owner, but I was only responding to what she said, because it reminded me of my beloved Zuki

[JJNg]

There's gotta be a reason why the Universe sent me a difficult doggie.

 

If you decide to stick with her and work things through, like grey_dreams mentioned, you'll learn more about yourself, and about dogs, than you ever would with an 'easy' dog. It's easy to take things for granted with an easy dog who tolerates whatever we want to do and whatever mistakes we make. A difficult dog forces us to learn more about natural dog behavior, and figure out how to interact in ways that truly take into account the dog's perspective.

 

My difficult dog was my second, but having a previous easy dog did nothing to prepare me for the challenges of a low-threshold, fear-aggressive/reactive dog. That second dog was the one who helped bring me to my current views about training and behavior. He's the reason I'm so against forceful, dominance-based techniques because those types of methods were what I tried first, based on the recommendations of the 'professionals' I initially consulted. All they achieved were to make the aggression much worse and damage the relationship and trust we had. I learned many lessons the hard way, tried lots of different things, and it was a process of trial and error to find what worked for my boy.

 

This post isn't meant to convince you to keep Ami. Working with a difficult dog is not for everyone, and it can be long, hard road, and a bit of an emotional roller coaster. But if you feel up for the challenge, and are willing to accept your dog for who she is regardless of how much or how little progress you make, it can be an amazingly rewarding experience.

[Guest Amis_Ma]

:readGood morning *takes a sip of coffee*

 

So we had an uneventful day yesterday! No snarly-cranky Amis. Yay! I went home on my lunch hour and was able to bribe her on to the back deck with treats. She pooped and peed yay! Again I hate having allowing her to do this on our deck but for the time being it's either there or in our house. Before returning for work we had a quick game of indoor fetch which rarely lasts long and off I went.

 

When I returned home after work she greeted me as usual, her tail helicoptering so vigorously I thought she'd lift off lol I got her back out on the deck to do her business.

 

At meal time I decided to hand feed her, as she seems to like this, and I use it as an opportunity for us to bond and get slobber all over my hands.

 

She lazed around most of the evening and we had some cuddles.

 

At bed time I led a trail of goodies leading to the deck, she did her business than ran back inside directly to her crate where she settles for the night.

 

We never have a problem getting her out to her pen in the morning but this morning, oh-ohhh, she ran to the back door leading to the deck. Out come the treats again and I was able to redirect her to the front door and out in to her pen.

 

She was fed and I took off for work, my partner following soon after.

 

So the trainer comes this evening! I read all of your posts and cut and pasted your recommendation in to an email and sent it to her, I want to make sure that she is well aware of the type of training Ami requires.

 

*takes another sip of coffee*

 

I will update you all tomorrow morning to let you know how our session went! Wish us luck. We appreciate all of your feedback

 

I'm optimistic that we will get through this

 

 

[ozgirl2]

I was a first-time dog owner when I got Cody and she was a 'difficult' dog... separation anxiety, wanted to eat my cat, etc. My group wouldn't take her back!! (And of course I'd bonded with her anyway) So people of GT, don't assume that all groups are great & work with you - this same group refused to take a friend's grey back - told them she'd have to put the dog down if they returned him!! Eventually, after trying everything, as a last resort, they did return him & she found him a great home with someone home all day. So... 1 & 1/2 years of torment for them AND the dog because of the group owner....

 

Hope training goes well tonight!! Sometimes, something just clicks in their grey-brains & they realize they're home & can trust....

 

Hugs!

[Guest Wasserbuffel]

Yay! If luring with food works, keep with it.

 

Part of her issue might be that she's just really sensitive to the cold. Where did she race? Have you tried putting her coat on when she goes out? I'll put Jayne's coat on her if it's particularly cold or windy. I don't do it all the time, but she's lived her whole life in this climate (within 100 miles of home).

 

You say when she's going outside you're putting her into a pen. I'm assuming it's an area you've fenced off for her to potty in. If so, is it large enough for her, is it clean enough, comfortable to walk in? Has something happened within the pen to scare her into wanting to avoid it?

 

I've got a potty yard for my dog too. It's about 8 feet by 12 feet. I put straw down on the ground for her to walk on. It keeps her feet relatively dry, always mud-free, and makes pickup a breeze. My grey isn't bothered by a couple poos left on the ground before I clean them up, but other dogs might be more picky. (My dog is a creature of habit, and as such never ends up pooping on her walking path, so stepping in it isn't an issue. She's so regular, in fact, that I can walk in her pen at night, barefoot, and not worry about getting my feet dirty.)

 

 

 

At meal time I decided to hand feed her, as she seems to like this, and I use it as an opportunity for us to bond and get slobber all over my hands.

 

This is an excellent idea. Make it fun. Do simple training exercises while you're at it. Targeting, watch me, wait, and shake are all pretty easy to do a couple of at meal times. As a bonus, getting her to keep focus on you at mealtimes can help translate to focusing on you while on walks and help curb her reactivity around other dogs.

[Guest RMarie]

Good work and good luck!!!!!

[KickReturn]

Glad your having some success.

 

In a similar vein to what others are advising about training, please try and remember how emotionally sensitive some Greyhounds can be. There are some where even raising your voice to them would be a mistake. Always try to be positive, even when things go bad.

 

FWIW we had occasional growling for almost two years in what is as close to a perfect dog as you will find. At first I was terrified but then I became very proud that my dog had so much spirit that it was willing to tell the other household members when he wanted his space. It is his right afterall.

[Guest Wasserbuffel]

 

 

try and remember how emotionally sensitive some Greyhounds can be.

 

Good point. Dogs can be sensitive about the weirdest things. Mine didn't make a single complaint one night we were sleeping in a tent with a violent thunderstorm raging around us, and her face in a puddle of water that had leaked in the tent. Yet she gets freaked out when DH tosses a baseball around the back yard, and will remain edgy for a couple days after she witnesses it.

[NeylasMom]

What about someone else's suggestion to shovel a path for her in the snow?

[Brandiandwe]

Awesome news! And really good that she went to the back door. She's learnt that's often where she needs to go. It means she's trainable! You might find that a bit more focused tim with her will settle her down. Good luck with the trainer.

[Guest Amis_Ma]

In tears. I think I need to return her. The trainer was fantastic and worked with Ami for 2hrs. She suggested that this is unusual for a greyhound but in her professional opinion Ami is not pet material due to her aggression. Ami was very aggressive with her just training her to sit. She said she could be trained but it would take a lot of time, money, and dedication. Even than she said we could never trust her and would always have to be on out guard. She has a difficult time believing that she was termerment tested. She said that she would never had accepted her as a potential adoptee.

 

I'm attached to her now but I always knew in my heart that she was not a good fit, especially as a first time dog owner.

 

I can't stop crying. I feel terrible and guilty but I know I can't handle her.

 

I researched greys for 3 yrs and was so excited to had finally made the decision to adopt. I never in a million years expected to be this difficult.

 

Not sure I will ever get another dog; she's been soo much work and I convinced myself I"m just a bad dog owner. I thought owning a dog was going to be such a pleasure. I wanted a compation, a friend, a buddy I could take places with me. Being a dog owner has provided me with very little pleasure and now heartbreak.

 

Here come the tears again.

[Batmom]

I can't say this is the right dog for you, but I can say you landed a truly incompetent and useless trainer. I'd return the trainer and consider returning the dog.

 

 

 

Lest anyone wonder why I consider the trainer truly incompetent and useless on so little evidence: What on earth was the trainer doing trying to teach the dog (moreover, a dog who's shown signs of nervousness) to sit? That wasn't the problem. The problem was the family and dog performing ordinary tasks together without strife. Ai yi yi yi yi.

 

 

 

ETA: You aren't an incompetent dog owner. You have a dog who isn't suited to your family right now -- her needs don't match your capabilities. There's no shame in that. Sorrow and plenty of it, but no shame at all.

Edited December 6, 2013 by Batmom

[NeylasMom]

I can't say this is the right dog for you, but I can say you landed a truly incompetent and useless trainer. I'd return the trainer and consider returning the dog.

 

 

 

Lest anyone wonder why I consider the trainer truly incompetent and useless on so little evidence: What on earth was the trainer doing trying to teach the dog (moreover, a dog who's shown signs of nervousness) to sit? That wasn't the problem. The problem was the family and dog performing ordinary tasks together without strife. Ai yi yi yi yi.

 

 

 

ETA: You aren't an incompetent dog owner. You have a dog who isn't suited to your family right now -- her needs don't match your capabilities. There's no shame in that. Sorrow and plenty of it, but no shame at all.

I couldn't have said it, all of it, better.

[45MPHK9]

I can't say this is the right dog for you, but I can say you landed a truly incompetent and useless trainer. I'd return the trainer and consider returning the dog.

 

Amen.

[Guest LunaTheGreyt]

It took Luna 6 months of being 'home' to be responsive to learning "sit." If you really want to keep Ami, you need a different trainer, that is, a legitimate dog behaviorist.

 

Luna can be difficult at times with resource guarding but it's not to the point that I can't handle it. When I was first dealing with her separation anxiety I seriously considered returning her, but decided to get a second dog instead. I sincerely hope you find peace with whatever decision you make. You will not have failed Ami if you return her, I promise.

[Guest Amis_Ma]

Do you all think it would be best to return her? She's so much work and I'm often scared of her.

[Guest LunaTheGreyt]

Do you all think it would be best to return her? She's so much work and I'm often scared of her.

 

If you are scared of her, she can sense it. She might do better starting over in a new environment. But, it sounds like you are really torn. I would probably seek a second opinion from a better trainer before doing anything drastic.

[Riverhound]

Geez, we've had Brees for two years and she's still not ready to learn to sit. That trainer is a moron.

 

If you're truly afraid of her, then she should go back. Don't return based on what the trainer said and did, and do give her treats, love, and reassurance after what was surely a bad experience for her.

[Batmom]

From what you've said, I do think it would be best for you to return her. Her needs and yours don't match right now. It sounds like you would do best with an easygoing, confident dog who might make a few mistakes early on (such as a few potty accidents or counter surfing) but who is interested in you people, toys, activities, etc.

 

That doesn't describe your dog at this point. She sounds like a rather uncertain and frightened dog who needs time to observe what's going on and people who have a little arsenal of techniques for managing that without getting growled at or enduring endless puddles on the floor.

 

Doesn't mean you're a bad family or she's a bad dog. Not at all. Just a matter of who needs what at this point in time.