Car Anxiety, Fearful, Frustrating, Early Onset Dementia?

[gazehund]

Spaceman Coen, and Eety Beety Sweety Edie. From your siggy.

 

Maybe it is just the way you write but I don't think everyone here can be wrong about the way

you present your feelings about Coen. What I read, in print, from Coen's foster home and now your home 3 years later is that a once happy, engaged, delightful hound is now neurotic, anxious

and quite clearly disliked. Please explain to me the harm in returning him to the group so he can find a home that wants him and more important deserves him? He is now going to be forced into

agility when he clearly has many more issues that need to be resolved. Why set him up to fail

once again? Isn't he enough of a failure in your eyes? You don't owe any of us an explanation but you started this topic. I know I am not the only person here saddened and dismayed by what you write about Coen.

[vjgrey]

I know I am not the only person here saddened and dismayed by what you write about Coen.

 

No, you're not. It's extremely sad when strangers who have never met Coen feel more empathy and love for him than someone who's lived with him for three years.

[Guest verthib]

Yes, what I wrote does seem harsh. But I still agree, as does my husband with everything I wrote. Yes, I was venting, but the fact is, his behavior is not typical dog behavior. Now you will defend that greyhounds are not typical dogs. Yes, I know that. I also know, that his behavior is not typical greyhound behavior. I do believe in conditioning. That's why my frustration exists. If we've been doing the same thing, every day, saying the same commands everyday, I expect a certain amount of recognition. Why then, does my female understand EVERYTHING and hasn't had a day of formal training, besides what we do at home?

I'll be updating with the progress of our new training classes.

 

 

Definition of insanity as I have been taught: "Doing the same thing over and over expecting different results and still getting the same, and always trying to get a different result"

 

It sounds to me like you have two different dogs in your home, "Little Miss Perfect" and "Mr. Can't Do Anything Right or as Good As Little Miss Perfect".

 

Dogs, like people are all different. I come from a family of 5 children, my oldest brother is a very highly respected community leader/politician, me I was a harley riding hippie, the other three are somewhere inbetween. My parents loved us all and understood the differences in all 5 of us.

 

As far as having dogs just to have them do what we want when we want them to, I thought that was why we had husbands, and I did what people are asking you to do with Coen, I bounced them, and they ended up in other homes.

 

My dogs all get equally called doofus/goober/nutjob/brainless wonder dog, but they all get it said with love and all of them know I absolutely adore each and every one, especially for their quirks. If you really did mean what you said in your original post, send Coen here, I have been known for taking the quirky ones in and just letting them be quirky. What he would have, as every dog deserves, is total love for the being he is.

 

Expectations are difficult to live with. If all I expect my dogs to do is breathe in and breathe out, they will not let me down. Everything else is just a gift from them. But then, I have my dogs for the sheer pleasure, enjoyment and love that my dogs and I share.

 

 

So well said !!!!! (about the husbands too! )

[TheFullHouse]

I have a little girl who has "issues". She had them when she was adopted out the first time and she came to me with them. We've worked through a lot of them but she has been with me almost 4 years now. Do I resent her because she's not like my others? Not a chance, do I treat her differently, in certain circumstances yes I do and in others no I don't. She's horribly thunderphobic. If I subscribed to your way of thinking I'd just tell her to suck it up and stop shaking. Do you honestly think she would understand that? Seriously? She can't help it. She's not doing it to annoy me. I try my best to help her and I'm there for her during the storms, that's my job as an adopter and as the person who loves her, flaws and all. I've never pushed her beyond her breaking point.

 

To be honest, if this all started with Coen when your husband went away, it tells me you're not dealing with him the way he needs you to, not the way you want to deal with him. If he walks well for your husband and not you, the fault lies with you, not Coen. Your siggy speaks volumes. It's perfectly clear you prefer your perfect princess over Coen and he deserves a home where his people love him for who he is and don't expect things from him he can't give. That's it, I'm done with this because my heart hurts for your boy. Everyone can see it but you.

[GeorgeofNE]

I know I am not the only person here saddened and dismayed by what you write about Coen.

 

No, you're not. It's extremely sad when strangers who have never met Coen feel more empathy and love for him than someone who's lived with him for three years.

 

No, you're not. I find this post to be probably the most upsetting one I've ever read. I'm not 100% sure why, but I do.

[Jackandgrey]

I am nearly speechless reading this whole thread. And I am so very very sad for this dog. He deserves so much better than this. I am dismayed by the OPs beliefs about sharing one's life with a dog. And I sit here with a sinking feeling that nothing is going to get better for him because all the excellent and knowledgeable advice is falling in deaf ears.

[macoduck]

Saddlewags, I don't know what part of the country you are stationed. If you are in eastern NC I would like to help you. Not sure how, but my offer to help is there.

[Guest FullMetalFrank]

I know I am not the only person here saddened and dismayed by what you write about Coen.

 

No, you're not. It's extremely sad when strangers who have never met Coen feel more empathy and love for him than someone who's lived with him for three years.

 

No, you're not. I find this post to be probably the most upsetting one I've ever read. I'm not 100% sure why, but I do.

I feel that way, too.

[Guest FullMetalFrank]

And one more thing; because I just can't seem to get poor Coen off my mind...

 

They don't have that much time with us. Really. They don't. You say he's nearly 7. For us, around 7 or 8 is when you start letting little thoughts creep in; "gee, he's getting a lot more grey." Or, "it's just a muscle strain, right?" when your hound has a limp; secretly praying that it isn't the unmentionable monster. You ponder how much you've grown in the past few years; start thinking you should take more pictures; go on more trips together. And once in a very sad little while, you think of how you will ever manage if (and you know you really mean when) it is time for him to leave you. And just the thought brings a tear to your eye; no matter if he has just peed on the rug or stolen your last slice of pizza from the counter. Ask pretty much anyone here who has loved and lost a hound; even the ones who have pages of threads about trash stealing, mail shredding, SA, etc... Sometimes especially those "problem" hounds... The common thread? No matter how long he was here, it could never have been enough. And how they'd give anything to have that mess to clean up again; anything to take one last walk or car trip or have one last chance to thank them for the love and trust they've given you. The UNCONDITIONAL love they gave you.

 

If you really don't enjoy the time you spend with Coen, you are squandering away precious time he has to be with someone who would. You seem to adore your little girl hound; Coen deserves this, too.

[4My2Greys]

And one more thing; because I just can't seem to get poor Coen off my mind...

 

They don't have that much time with us. Really. They don't. You say he's nearly 7. For us, around 7 or 8 is when you start letting little thoughts creep in; "gee, he's getting a lot more grey." Or, "it's just a muscle strain, right?" when your hound has a limp; secretly praying that it isn't the unmentionable monster. You ponder how much you've grown in the past few years; start thinking you should take more pictures; go on more trips together. And once in a very sad little while, you think of how you will ever manage if (and you know you really mean when) it is time for him to leave you. And just the thought brings a tear to your eye; no matter if he has just peed on the rug or stolen your last slice of pizza from the counter. Ask pretty much anyone here who has loved and lost a hound; even the ones who have pages of threads about trash stealing, mail shredding, SA, etc... Sometimes especially those "problem" hounds... The common thread? No matter how long he was here, it could never have been enough. And how they'd give anything to have that mess to clean up again; anything to take one last walk or car trip or have one last chance to thank them for the love and trust they've given you. The UNCONDITIONAL love they gave you.

 

If you really don't enjoy the time you spend with Coen, you are squandering away precious time he has to be with someone who would. You seem to adore your little girl hound; Coen deserves this, too.

 

Just last night when reading this thread, it's sad to say, but I couldn't help to think how much luckier the greys in the osteo thread are than Coen. Even though they have a looming death sentence over their head each and everyone of them are deeply loved for the treasured companions they are. Each moment with them is considered a precious gift.

Coen deserves to be loved no less than this.

[FiveRoooooers]

I am nearly speechless reading this whole thread. And I am so very very sad for this dog. He deserves so much better than this. I am dismayed by the OPs beliefs about sharing one's life with a dog. And I sit here with a sinking feeling that nothing is going to get better for him because all the excellent and knowledgeable advice is falling in deaf ears.

I woke up in the middle of the night thinking about Coen and wondering how to help him. From what I've read here and all the good advice, talking doesn't seem to be doing it. To use another example, if a horse is designed to be a jumper and really wants to be a jumper but is made to be a cutting horse (for example), that horse is going to be miserable and not the best cutting horse it could be. It wants to be a jumper and when it's a happy horse, usually it is successful and not sullen or depressed. I always compare our dogs to snowflakes, no two are alike, and that includes their personalities. They have to be who they are, not who we think they should be. If Coen is not the dog you want, at the very least you owe it to him to return him so that he can find his real home where he is appreciated for who he is.

[Guest verthib]

Where do you live? At this point I'm willing to take Coen. I literally cried reading FullMetalFrank's post... Coen deserves to be loved and appreciated for who he is and what qualities he has. I am willing to take him.... I'm in CT.

 

 

[Guest sheila]

Where do you live? At this point I'm willing to take Coen. I literally cried reading FullMetalFrank's post... Coen deserves to be loved and appreciated for who he is and what qualities he has. I am willing to take him.... I'm in CT.

 

 

 

I had that same feeling all day too, except I'm in Nebraska. I don't *think* I have the space for another, but I could make it work for awhile or maybe longer and even crazier....when I think of Coen I think of this song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sk2izNnDy-Y

[Guest PhillyPups]

I know I am not the only person here saddened and dismayed by what you write about Coen.

 

No, you're not. It's extremely sad when strangers who have never met Coen feel more empathy and love for him than someone who's lived with him for three years.

 

No, you're not. I find this post to be probably the most upsetting one I've ever read. I'm not 100% sure why, but I do.

 

I know, I feel the same way also.

 

Coen has stayed on my mind and in my heart. As I sit here and stroke my goofy little Gizmo's head, (who still has a bit of fuzz on his mouth from eating my newest slipper) my heart is sending messages to Coen, this is the love and understanding you deserve.

 

It is sad when a person holds the fate of their companion in their hands and won't do what is best for the companion for whatever reason, but the person can bounce the dog. I wish Coen could just gather his stuff and strut his wonderful self back to his adoption grouop, or call the adoption coordinator and say, "hey this just isn't working out, come get me."

 

I think of the "problem" dogs I have lost, and many of us here have lost, I would move heaven and earth to have the "problem" here with me just one more day. Please let Coen find the love and understanding he deserves as it appears you,obviously, are incapable of giving to him. If you are near the Philly area, let me know.

[vjgrey]

I'm in DC and will drive the eight hours (I think you're in South Carolina?) each way to get him if I need to. With Gabe fighting Osteo, I'm not really in a place to take on another hound right now, but i'm sure there's someone in the area who will.

[mychip1]

My heart just breaks.....

[Guest PhillyPups]

I'm in DC and will drive the eight hours (I think you're in South Carolina?) each way to get him if I need to. With Gabe fighting Osteo, I'm not really in a place to take on another hound right now, but i'm sure there's someone in the area who will.

 

A couple hours south of me, we can do a roadtrip. ~ sigh ~

[Guest courser]

I feel like I need to step in again. I actually know this dog - it was my foster and I am this family's adoption rep. I know this family and they are great owners. This is a dog that pulls excitedly on walks and likes to go for walks like many other greyhounds. He isn't "dragged" on walks like someone posted. This is a dog that pants in the car and drools probably more from excitement than stress. This is not a spook and is a happy dog that still greets his owners happily bouncing and wagging his tail when they get home. Sounds like a happy dog that likes the people he lives with to me. He is not a needy greyhound and is perfectly happy to be by himself sleeping on a bed most of the day but that doesn't mean he is depressed or unhappy like his owner originally thought. He would be miserable if his owners listened to the advice they are getting and gave him up after all the years he has been in this home.

 

The owners have said they love him and would never give him up. They were just frustrated and may have used the wrong words in their frustration or when commenting back but they came here for HELP. The owners have had a variety of tests on him to rule out health issues. They have called and talked to their adoption rep - me. They have followed every bit of advice immediately and are even taking a class with him to help their relationship. I don't know how many of you actually work with adopters but that type of family is RARE, VERY RARE and should be commended instead of attacked. Communities like this should be about education and support, not ganging up on people asking for help. What does a thread like this turned into really accomplish? What are the chances that these people will ever post or ask for help here again? What are the chances that others that read this thread will post similar questions for fear of being treated the same way? I have heard from many people that threads like this made them leave Greytalk or stop posting.

 

I am not sure why people are weighing in on agility as the wrong training method for a dog they do not know. From the comments I suspect it is because they don't know much if anything about agility. Dogs aren't "forced" to do agility - they do it because they love it. Purely positive methods are used and everything is a game. The first thing dogs learn is that their owner is the most fun thing in the ring - more fun than doing zoomies, marking or sniffing around. The owner learns how to be fun and mesmerizing to the dog. The dog learns that the owner has all the treats and gives out a LOT of them when he does certain things. The dog starts trying out new behaviors to earn a treat and magically learns to "work". The dog learns to listen, pay attention and focus on his owner and his owner learns to focus and pay attention on him. Owners learn what motivates each dog and how to communicate with him. The owner learns how the dog learns and what methods work to train him. Dogs start off on leash so they learn how to heel next to his owner and learn the self control necessary to stop pulling. Coen will learn that obstacles and new things are easy and fun with mom's help which builds trust and confidence. Add to that regular car rides and from training area where he has all this fun and our car problem may also be solved if it is stress related.

 

Dogs that are doing agility aren't just running the course on their own, they are totally focused and in tune with their owner and are having a great time. That is exactly the type of relationship that Coen's mom wants. Coen gets the fun of going to class once a week with other greyhounds and his mom gets the support of other greyhound owners and a professional positive trainer. I am also taking this class and have worked with this trainer for years with all my greyhounds.

 

Coen's mom has already posted how much fun they BOTH had at their first class. Our instructor raved to me about what a great team they are so it seems like everything is going well here in South Carolina even if things have gotten totally out of control on this thread.

[Guest FullMetalFrank]

I am glad that someone who knows Coen and his family has weighed in. But go back and read the first post; and then imagine that you don't know these people or the hound in question. And FYI it was the OP who first stated that the dog was dragged on walks.

[Guest PhillyPups]

After you read the first post, read your adopter's remarks in her siggy about the two greyhounds that she has, one not nice, one perfect. Read them as if you do not know her.

 

Rather than come and attack us for our responses, maybe a discussion with your friend about positive feelings and speaking kindly on an internet message board about Coen, who you placed in her home. Not only do greyhounds like to have jobs to do, they are also in tune to our feelings about them. No one would have given "negative responses" had your friend been a bit more favorable to Coen and a little less comparing of her two, dang your friend even said her husband read her post and thought it was harsh, then later said that everything in her original post was true.

 

I am here for one reason, the greyhounds, and yes, I have been doing greyhound adoption for many years, placing many of them, repossessing them if/when necessary, and all the other parts involved. The training that was suggested to your friend was obedience training first, as she came here with behaviorial/obedience issues.

[Guest 4dogscrazy]

See, I was under the impression the only reasons she was taking classes with him is so he wouldn't be so dumb, and so he would do whatever she wants.

[Guest FreddyGirl]

This thread exemplifies so clearly how careful we must be when putting words to paper without the cues people get from our body language, intonation, volume, etc...

[gazehund]

See, I was under the impression the only reasons she was taking classes with him is so he wouldn't be so dumb, and so he would do whatever she wants.

 

Yeah me too. I wish Coen well with his early onset dementia.

 

I am glad that someone who knows Coen and his family has weighed in. But go back and read the first post; and then imagine that you don't know these people or the hound in question. And FYI it was the OP who first stated that the dog was dragged on walks.

 

Uh huh.

[FiveRoooooers]

I believe there are more well-intentioned, well-stated, helpful, positive posts in this thread than there are of the other variety, although it does have its share of those. What I read from the foster and that from the OP are at different ends of the spectrum so it *is* hard to know just what is real and of course *we are not there* with Coen to know, either. If the OP wants to rehome Coen there are offers from those who will take him and from those who will help make that happen. If they decide to keep him and work with him, we wish everyone the best.

 

I think the bottom line is that we want what is best for Coen.

[TheFullHouse]

I feel like I need to step in again. I actually know this dog - it was my foster and I am this family's adoption rep. I know this family and they are great owners. This is a dog that pulls excitedly on walks and likes to go for walks like many other greyhounds. He isn't "dragged" on walks like someone posted. This is a dog that pants in the car and drools probably more from excitement than stress. This is not a spook and is a happy dog that still greets his owners happily bouncing and wagging his tail when they get home. Sounds like a happy dog that likes the people he lives with to me. He is not a needy greyhound and is perfectly happy to be by himself sleeping on a bed most of the day but that doesn't mean he is depressed or unhappy like his owner originally thought. He would be miserable if his owners listened to the advice they are getting and gave him up after all the years he has been in this home.

 

The owners have said they love him and would never give him up. They were just frustrated and may have used the wrong words in their frustration or when commenting back but they came here for HELP. The owners have had a variety of tests on him to rule out health issues. They have called and talked to their adoption rep - me. They have followed every bit of advice immediately and are even taking a class with him to help their relationship. I don't know how many of you actually work with adopters but that type of family is RARE, VERY RARE and should be commended instead of attacked. Communities like this should be about education and support, not ganging up on people asking for help. What does a thread like this turned into really accomplish? What are the chances that these people will ever post or ask for help here again? What are the chances that others that read this thread will post similar questions for fear of being treated the same way? I have heard from many people that threads like this made them leave Greytalk or stop posting.

 

I am not sure why people are weighing in on agility as the wrong training method for a dog they do not know. From the comments I suspect it is because they don't know much if anything about agility. Dogs aren't "forced" to do agility - they do it because they love it. Purely positive methods are used and everything is a game. The first thing dogs learn is that their owner is the most fun thing in the ring - more fun than doing zoomies, marking or sniffing around. The owner learns how to be fun and mesmerizing to the dog. The dog learns that the owner has all the treats and gives out a LOT of them when he does certain things. The dog starts trying out new behaviors to earn a treat and magically learns to "work". The dog learns to listen, pay attention and focus on his owner and his owner learns to focus and pay attention on him. Owners learn what motivates each dog and how to communicate with him. The owner learns how the dog learns and what methods work to train him. Dogs start off on leash so they learn how to heel next to his owner and learn the self control necessary to stop pulling. Coen will learn that obstacles and new things are easy and fun with mom's help which builds trust and confidence. Add to that regular car rides and from training area where he has all this fun and our car problem may also be solved if it is stress related.

 

Dogs that are doing agility aren't just running the course on their own, they are totally focused and in tune with their owner and are having a great time. That is exactly the type of relationship that Coen's mom wants. Coen gets the fun of going to class once a week with other greyhounds and his mom gets the support of other greyhound owners and a professional positive trainer. I am also taking this class and have worked with this trainer for years with all my greyhounds.

 

Coen's mom has already posted how much fun they BOTH had at their first class. Our instructor raved to me about what a great team they are so it seems like everything is going well here in South Carolina even if things have gotten totally out of control on this thread.

 

 

I'm not one that jumps in and is harsh with people, especially new posters, but from the original post until now, there has been more back peddling, changing of story, blaming Coen and a number of other things that have gone on with this thread every time the OP posted. If you and she are upset because you think people on this site have ganged up on her, then I suggest she never post another problem on GT and take all her problems to you. You seem to know the dog and the situation and can be of the most help. I'm not sure why she even posted here in the first place and just didn't contact you with all her concerns. You seem to be in the best position to help Coen. Coming down on the heads of the members of GT who honestly wanted to help him doesn't do anything but get the members who spent time trying to help angry.

 

I honestly wish for the best for Coen and hope the steps you all are taking get the results you desire.