Help With Dog Terrified Of Husband

[Guest AhSookieSookie]

Hello again... I posted on here before about our greyhound Sookie whom we adopted on 3/6 of this year. She is rather shy other than with me, my daughter, and my parents. She is downright terrified of my husband and avoidant of most others although will go up and sniff others depending on her mood. With me she is crazy goofy- play bow, chitter, jumping. and bouncing. We tried Jamie hand feeding her, doing her walks, soliciting attention, high value treats. It seems the more he would try to make friends the worse she got. We have had to crate her if I am not home as he cant catch her to put his hands on her. We tried crating her with the leash so that he could just reach in and take the leash but she refuses to come out of the crate for him. I dont want him to attempt to force her out so the days that I work she is crated for almost 13 hrs. We have gone to him pretty much completely ignoring her but she is still terrified of him. She will jump up as soon as he approaches or enters a room and she freaks if she feels the least bit cornered or squeezed. The other thing is any time he comes in the front door, comes up the basement stairs, or often if he just comes out of another room she will start barking at him. I have been telling her "No bark" and trying to praise her when she is quiet.

 

Just looking for two things: 1)please tell me someone has had this happen and that after 6 months the dog and said individual are chums!

2)Should I/he be attempting anything else? I dont want to make things worse yet I feel so terrible that Jamie cant interact with the dog and I know it is making him feel awful because it really seems to be mostly him (although as I said before she would prefer to avoid many others). Tonight I just put her on the leash as he was laying on the couch and treated her every time we stopped in front of him. I did place treats in his hand and as long as my hand stayed touching his she would eat off of his hand. Should I just have him drop treats anytime she walks by or wait for any type of advancement towards him?

 

Due to work schedules for the both of us, it is just not feasible that he be the only one that walks (but he cant get her out of the crate anyways) or feeds etc.

 

Once she is outside, he can walk her on a leash. She will still attempt to avoid an intentional touch but will brush up against him, walk calmly beside him.

 

Thanks for any help!

 

-Sara

[robinw]

What do you think would happen if she wasn't crated?

[macoduck]

Does she react similarly to men the same age or appearance of your husband?

[krissy]

I don't really have anything constructive to add. I'm sure those with more experience than me will be able to help you out with some ideas.

 

I'm just curious how you guys came to adopt Sookie? Was she fostered and then chosen for you guys based on her personality and what you wanted, or did you pick her out from a kennel? I'm basically just wondering if she displayed this amount of fear towards your husband when you were picking her out, or in her foster home, etc.

[JJNg]

Sorry to hear Sookie hasn't made much progress with your husband. You got a lot of good advice in your previous thread. Some dogs respond well to having all good things come from the scary person, but it sounds like you've been using this approach and Sookie has gotten worse.

 

The other approach is having the scary person ignore the dog completely and allow her to made the advances at her own pace. Sounds like you've switched more to this approach, but I'd suggest going back to your previous thread (Link Here) and review the responses from kudzu and NeylasMom.

 

Since the more proactive approach of having Jamie handfeeding, soliciting attention, walking her, etc may have scared her more, it may take even more time and patience for her to get over the rough start and learn to trust him. IMO, the best way for Jamie to help her along this path is to ignore her and not try to force any attention on her. While I know this is hard when he wants so much to interact with her, even friendly intentions can be overwhelming for a shy dog.

 

How long has it been since you starting having him completely ignore her? I would continue with this until she shows signs of starting to relax in his presence before trying anything else. After she seems more at ease when he's around, have him try casually dropping treats, but remember to continue to ignore her - no eye contact, no approaching, etc.

 

If you're not already familiar with calming signals, I would strongly recommend learning about them to help you read Sookie's more subtle body language. You and Jamie can also use calming signals yourselves to try to help put her more at ease. Here's a good article about calming signals: Canine Calming Signals and Stress

 

For more info, I'd recommend getting Turid Rugaas's book and DVD on calming signals - they are listed in the Other Resources section at the bottom of the article above. Best of luck, and hopefully with time, Sookie will be just as comfortable with Jamie as she is with you.

[phall]

I would give Sookie more time. I've had a number of shy greyhounds (I'm just drawn to them and currently have one). Each dog is different in how quickly they adjust. My current shy girl is very fearful of my husband. We've had her about two months now and we don't expect any big changes in that behavior for a while. I would continue to have your husband completely ignore her except to occasionally walk by her crate when she's in it and toss her a really good treat. Even in doing that, he wouldn't look at her, talk to her or do any kind of acknowledgement to her. He wouldn't even stop - just toss the treat as he walks by. In time she should associate him walking by with good things and you can then begin to make very slight changes - stopping briefly or a few words, but only one thing at a time. It's a very slow process.

 

A couple of invaluable resources for you - www.fearfuldogs.com. Plus, there is a Yahoo group for owners of shy dogs. The people there are exraordinary and so willing to help. They have lots and lots of experience - to learn more about the group, visit http:///groups.yahoo.com/group/shy-k9s.

 

The shy ones are a challenge, but so very rewarding. Good luck.

 

Pat

[Guest Patience]

I'm so sorry to hear it's gotten worse. I don't have any advice but I do want to offer encouragement. Gracie was such a challenge when we first got her that my husband and I each had days when we just about gave up on her. It's so frustrating, I know. But, Gracie is now so fun and affectionate with both of us.

[kamsmom]

I would have your husband doing the feeding. Even if she is pickier in the beginning, once she is hungry she will eat. Make it exciting, add some treat or wet food to it. Your husband shouldn't act as if it's a big deal and you and your daughter should sit on the couch or be in another room.

 

I wouldn't crate her for 13 hours either. When your husband gets home he can open the crate door, snap a leash on her and take her for a walk. This will get her outside to go to the bathroom and he and she can bond more on those walks. Again tho, he shouldn't act as if it's a big deal, just make it more routine.

 

I have a very, very shy grey and she loves my husband. The thing is he never asks her for anything. He doesn't try to pet her, he doesn't really even talk to her and it seems the less engagement he has the more she tries to be with him. She follows him around the house and he never makes a big deal about it. I try all the time to talk to her and pet her and hug her and she pulls away from me... So, your husband just needs to "play hard to get"

[Batmom]

Some good advice from kamsmom and others.

 

You're describing approximately the way my angel Zema was with my late father ... in the beginning. Not a problem when he just visited, but more significant when we stayed with my parents for a time. Dad ignored her ... and after about 6 months he magically became her favorite person in the entire world.

[cleptogrey]

we went thru this with annie and my son-in-law. the "kids" spend extended time w/ us and their parents in spain every summer, so it was not a weekend visit. with other men she was fine, just ignacio. ignacio has excellent karma w/ dogs except annie. she used to retreat to the furtherst corner of the house- the back of the bedroom or hide in the yard when she was let out and he was here. he couldn't give her high quailty treats, speak in front of her or even move without annie running for her life.

 

my adoption rep, who is also a vet told me to have ignacio ignore her. it worked, eventually she came up to him on her own terms and was able to stay in the same room as long as their wasn't eye contact. at first i thought it could be his accent, maybe a bad experience w/ kennel help but then she pulled the same act w/ my 87 year old mother when she was staying here during a local black-out.she even pulled this w/ my sister who was visiting and we sound the same. cookies in her pocket fixed that one, but we have the same vocal intonation.

 

it took time, ignoring and patience. when she finally went up to the individuals who spooked her it was at the dinner table. i generally forbid any dog near the table, but not annie. now 13 months later she walks up to ignacio for treats and even does some basic obedince work with him- she looks him right in the eye and focuses- all for a treat, but who cares!she also plays with him in the yard:)

 

it is frustrating, but time will help. just be patient and love her for who she is. it took over a year for annie to blossom. she still barks when company gets up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. everyone who visits has better bladder control thanks to annie.

Edited April 25, 2011 by cleptogrey

[Guest Greyt_dog_lover]

I believe I mentioned hand feeding every single meal and other things for your hubby to do. One question, what does "We have had to crate her if I am not home as he cant catch her to put his hands on her" mean? Is your husband actively pursuing her to get a leash on or anything else? If so, this is in DIRECT opposition to what he needs to do. She needs to come to him, he NEVER should be the one going to her. You really need him to be the only one that feeds her, no questions. He needs to sit down, hold his hand behind his back, and let her come to him to eat. This will take time, and is a pain in the butt, but really, if he has started "chasing" her to put a leash on, or other things, you don't really have many options. Above all, he needs to be extra patient with her and be sure to not make eye contact, carry objects in his hands around her, speak loudly, move fast. Things can work, he just has to work hard with her for a few weeks/months. It will get better, honest.

 

Chad

[kamsmom]

I'm going to disagree just a little on the hand feeding. I think it's good in some cases but when the dog is already scared then I think just being the one to put the bowl out can do wonders. He can sit beside the bowl silently while she eats as well. And that is one of the tricks, you have to be silent. No walking around and fidgeting with things. Get the food, put it in the bowl and then sit or stand quietly. After she gains a bit more trust and will stay in the same room then start with some hand feeding.

 

I just think sometimes we all have to take smaller steps and asking a dog to eat out of our hands is sometimes very intrusive. It has it's place but with this one I would start even slower.

[Guest Greyt_dog_lover]

Kam,

I agree that it is very tough, but if the hound is already to the point of barking, it is beyond the "waiting" for her to come around method. Without active behavior modification, I doubt she will come around.

 

Sookie,

What does your hound do when she is eating out of the bowl and your husband comes into the room? The easy way to decide what to do is based upon this answer. If she will not eat when your husband is in the same room, then you cant really do the getting close when she is eating routine. If she will eat, then that is good, so you can expand on that.

 

Personally, my suggestions are based on the fact that I foster and I am not one to "let things take their course". I teach stairs in one day, I teach a hound to jump into a vehicle in one day, etc. Take my suggestions with a grain of salt knowing how I do things. I have to teach hounds to do things in a relatively short amount of time since I don't know how long I will have a hound before they move onto their forever home. I don't want to pass along a hound to someone with the basics still needing to be addressed. Just the way I do things.

 

Chad

[Batmom]

I think you guys (kamsmom and Greyt_dog_lover) are actually on the same page, just a matter of what level of interaction the hound will be receptive to at this time.

 

Couple things that can be useful with almost all shy/frightened dogs:

 

1. Don't look at her. If approaching, go shoulder first with face turned away.

2. Get down on the floor. For example, if she's nervous about eating with dad in the room, dad could sit down on the floor some ways off, with his back turned toward her.

[cleptogrey]

i agree w/ batmom in not looking at her. but disagree on getting down on the floor. that's her space and she needs to be secure knowing that the floor is safe and her's. time will fix all, remember it took 13 months for annie to finally befriend ignacio on her own terms. she took almost as long to befriend my mother and she readily takes treats from her now.

 

if anything i would try a round of basic obedience, that promotes security and will put her in a safe environment where other people(the trainers) will gently touch her(stand-stay for examination).do talk to the trainer first. a good trainer knows how to handle the situation, annie most definately benifited from basic training even though it wasn't her cup of tea. but it helped break the ice

 

patience is the key to success!!

[Guest AhSookieSookie]

On the crating for 13 hrs- Sookie does have some separation anxiety when away from me. Whining, digging, biting the crate door, etc. This has greatly improved with more crate time and I have switched back to exclusively feeing her in her crate. I leave the door open when we are home and she goes in and out, often going in and sleeping for hours at a time. When I have to work (RN with 12 hr shifts) Jamie was totally unable to approach her. We started crating her and he would try to get her out of the crate. This was before we started crating with the leash on. She would freak and blow right through him. Once she was loose in the house, there was no way he could catch her and she would pee everywhere and be sooo scared she would defecate if he tried to approach her (to the point she jumped over the kitchen table and pooped on the wall). We started crating her with the leash, having him place his leg against the crate door and slowly reach for the leash but then she hunkered into the back of the crate and would not come out at all. This is when I decided to have him completely ignore her. But I guess I'm just frustrated because it really seems to be just him she so is sooo reactive to. I feel like the weeks we have done of him completely ignoring havent really done anything other than her now increasing barking at him when he enters from anywhere. I love this dog. She's awesome in every other way. I am just disheartened to not be making any progress.

[RobinM]

It took my DH over 3 months for Chloe to go anywhere near him. He would approach her on his knees, literally. She would lie in her crate, door off and he would take his lap top and sit outside of her crate and just hang out. he would give her a small treat or 2 while he sat on the floor, sometimes he would read and after a while she started coming to him.

 

Fast forward to 4 years later and this crazy BIOTCH is all over him!!!! Give it time. let himn feed her and give her the things she loves most.

[robinw]

How did your DH try to catch her? Did he chase her or follow her through the house? That may have scared her. Maybe a better approach would be to have him relax and sit someplace that is totally unthreatening, such as on the sofa. Once she settles down and realizes that he's not trying to hurt her, she may relax and approach him. She's probably scared. I feel bad that she is crated for such a long time. I really recommend that your DH stop trying to catch her, that he give her meals and treats and that he stops approaching her except to feed. Let her get used to him and see that he won't hurt her.

[45MPHK9]

Wishing only the best for your family and for Sookie.

Edited April 26, 2011 by 45MPHK9

[Guest gurehaundo]

We first met Tenn at a Greyhound picnic that was being put on by the adoption group. Tenn was obviously nervous being around so many people, but she did not appear terrified of my husband. I adopted Tenn that day and was able to pick her up the next day. Once we were at home, she was very much afraid of my husband. At three years old and being a coyote-hunting Greyhound, this was Tenn's first time living in a house. She was great with my kids, other dogs, and me, but she would hide under my desk and bark at my husband. I would say it took her about a year to really start to love on him. Now she acts like he's her boyfriend! She follows him everywhere. It's disgusting. She was not only afraid of my husband, but of all men. What brought all of our hounds out of their shells - all three of them were really shy - was traveling and staying in hotels with them. I'm not sure exactly why. Maybe it's a trust thing. We once drove halfway across the country and back. We also have other dogs so I'm sure that helped immensely. We've had Tenn now for about two-and-a-half years and she is one of our most outgoing hounds. She loves all people! Patience and time are definitely key factors, but sometimes you just don't have the time. In our case, we had to travel to New York because my mother-in-law had passed away and my husband needed to take care of some things with his family's home. We opted to take our five dogs (at the time, we now have six) with us. Maybe if your husband takes Sookie out for car rides and does things outside of the home that kind of forces her to interact with him would help. I'm definitely not an expert. These are things I'm just remembering what may have helped Tenn. Our Jac was really, really shy. He was scared of everyone, though. We had to drive four hours to Denver and had to stay in a hotel just to attend the picnic where we adopted Tenn. We'd only had Jac about two months before we adopted Tenn. He was a different dog after that first hotel stay. Now we're constantly tripping over him!

 

You have some good suggestions already from others. I'm just wishing you luck! I think Sookie will come around eventually. I also hope that your husband will not be discouraged.

[cleptogrey]

i'm worried about leaving a leash on her when she is crated, just re-read your post. that is DANGEROUS!!! even collars are dangerous when a dog is crated!

 

i'm glad you are looking for support thru greytalk, have you spoken directly to your adoption rep??

[Batmom]

i'm worried about leaving a leash on her when she is crated, just re-read your post. that is DANGEROUS!!! even collars are dangerous when a dog is crated!

 

 

Ditto. And thank you cleptogrey for catching that.

[Hubcitypam]

Couple things that can be useful with almost all shy/frightened dogs:

1. Don't look at her. If approaching, go shoulder first with face turned away.

2. Get down on the floor. For example, if she's nervous about eating with dad in the room, dad could sit down on the floor some ways off, with his back turned toward her.

Exactlty.

I am no expert and missed the first thread but you might have DH just sit in the room where the crate is with it open and his back to her and avoid eye contact. Have DH toss some high value treats in a decreasing area and see if she comes near. Over and over even if he isn't walking her. Like 5 times a day. Rinse and repeat. Rome wasn't built in a day.

 

please don't crate a dog wearing a leash.

[JJNg]

Once she was loose in the house, there was no way he could catch her and she would pee everywhere and be sooo scared she would defecate if he tried to approach her (to the point she jumped over the kitchen table and pooped on the wall).

After a traumatic experience like this, she will need a lot of time to recover and it will take even longer for her to learn to trust Jamie. How long has it been since there have been any interactions like this? I'm sure I'm just stating the obvious, but these interactions must be completely avoided for Sookie to be able to make any progress.

 

But I guess I'm just frustrated because it really seems to be just him she so is sooo reactive to.

Totally understandable, but I would try to look at it from Sookie's perspective and see if that helps you at least not be as frustrated. You've only had her for 7 weeks, and for at least part of that time it sounds like Jamie wasn't ignoring her and maybe trying a little too hard to make friends with her. For whatever reason, Sookie was leery of your husband from the beginning, and being too proactive and experiences like the one described above would have set her back and made her even more terrified of him. It will take a lot more time and patience, but I believe that Sookie can learn to trust Jamie, but she has to be given the chance to progress at her own pace.

 

I feel like the weeks we have done of him completely ignoring havent really done anything other than her now increasing barking at him when he enters from anywhere.

I take it that Jamie no longer tries to get her to take her out or interact with her at all? When did you start with that approach? Did the barking start after he'd stopped trying to work with her, or had it started before that?

 

Regarding the different opinions about handfeeding, I think Sookie's response will give you the answer to the best way to proceed with her. You mentioned in your first post to this thread that you'd "tried Jamie hand feeding her, doing her walks, soliciting attention, high value treats. It seems the more he would try to make friends the worse she got." From that statement, it sounds the amount of interaction you tried was too much for her to handle, but if you break it down and give more details about how she reacted, maybe we can help fine tune our suggestions.

 

In your last response to your first thread, written on March 17th, you reported that Sookie was making progress with Jamie handfeeding her and was eating from his hand fairly consistently. Did he continue with that, and what happened?

 

If you decide to try having Jamie sit near her while she eats, I think that may be a good approach to start. As others have mentioned, have him sit with his back or side to her and don't look at her at all. It may even help if he has a book to read, or works on a laptop - anything to engage his attention elsewhere so he isn't tempted to watch her, and in her eyes, he's doing something unrelated to her, so he doesn't appear suspicious.

 

You've mentioned that Sookie will walk with Jamie calmly once they are outside. Is her body language truly relaxed, or is she nervous at all? If she is truly relaxed, it might be a good idea to continue having him walk her, as long as you're the one to get her, take her outside, and hand him the leash, so that she isn't stressed by him trying to get her.

 

I wouldn't have him solicit attention from her at all at this point. That's too much direct attention. Let her make the advances and he can casually drop treats near her without any kind of direct attention. Learn her body language and use calming signals. She'll tell you whether the method you're trying is working by how she responds.

 

The early signs of progress will probably not be her approaching or wanting attention from Jamie. You want to just see her relax and no longer be afraid when he is in the room. Once she gets to that point, you should start to see more progress, but he still can't push the issue or it may set her back again.

[Guest Desonia]

I was going to right something ... but what jjng wrote is so complete and true.

I can add that thanks to your previous post and answers you had, we did well with Marty I think he's 50% better and I'm confident he will progress even more.

You can do it!! I'm sending your family and Sookie positive vibes!!