Guest joedogs_mom Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 I'm not sure if this should be in this forum, although it would make sense... But when does the guilt go away? The guilty feeling of not doing enough for hounds we've had to say goodbye to? Joe needs a better tribute, too, and I'm working on it. I'm sad and mad all at the same time...he SHOULD have lived longer. I want to blame myself for not being patient enough with the situation, not trying alternative meds or treatments, not waiting another day, not doing surgery, ugh. Sorry to ramble...just seeking some encouragement. I know we made the right decision...I just hate it. I hate it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Greytluv Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 I don't have any wise words for you. I think we all go through this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dante2zoe Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 As hard as it is, you did what you felt was best for Joe and his interests. You know you did the right thing. I have been in your shoes (not with a grey) and it is so hard. I hope you find peace. Quote Cindy with Miss Fancypants, Paris Bueller, Zeke, and Angus Dante (Dg's Boyd), Zoe (In a While), Brady (Devilish Effect), Goose (BG Shotgun), Maverick (BG ShoMe), Maggie (All Trades Jax), Sherman (LNB Herman Bad) and Indy (BYB whippet) forever in my heart The flame that burns the brightest, burns the fastest and leaves the biggest shadow Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaliforniaGreys Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 I sure wish I knew the answer to this, and even though we make that selfless decision to let them go out of love, the guilt always creeps up. I guess it's all part of the process.You're in our thoughts and out prayers Quote Missing my little Misty who took a huge piece of my heart with her on 5/2/09, and Ekko, on 6/28/12 For the sick, the lost, and the homeless Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Pipi5 Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 (edited) Laura, I think sometimes the pain makes us feel guilty. When Dear died in January, I felt bad for so many things...I knew we did everything we could for him, from what I read about hermangio sarcoma...but I wished there was more I could've done. I sometimes wish a million times I had not put him through the surgery, at the same time I cherish those 3 weeks extra that I had him. I cherish the week I took off work to be with him, hold him, stroke his beautiful coat. I think with time...the pain doesn't go away, it seems to lighten. The good memories take over your mind & heart...you might find that you don't cry as much. You never stop thinking about them. Your heart hurts, but I like to believe that when that happens, he's getting more snuggly closer to me. I'm sure he's left the door cracked open just a wee bit for another to come in who needs your love & your warmth. God put him here to teach you something...I'm sure you know what it is. Through your pain & experience, you will help someone else. Edited December 1, 2008 by Pipi5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest mecki Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 If it's any comfort at all, you're not alone...I feel everything you mention. It's been a week for me, so I'm chaulking it up to "normal" Although I wish it would go away, maybe by thinking these thoughts, it keeps me from letting go completely. Just thinking out loud. I feel badly for anyone who has to go through this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
macoduck Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 I re-read your medical posts on Joe and I wouldn't have done anything differently. We only dishonor them if we forget them with callousness and casualness. Joe was very obviously a much loved family member. I've always thought that each day of heartbreak I felt at the loss of one of my greys was equal to them enjoying being at the Bridge being pain free more and more... Quote Freshy (Droopys Fresh), NoAh the podenco orito, Howie the portuguese podengo maneto Angels: Rita the podenco maneta, Lila, the podenco, Mr X aka Denali, Lulu the podenco andaluz, Hada the podenco maneta, Georgie Girl (UMR Cordella), Charlie the iggy, Mazy (CBR Crazy Girl), Potato, my mystery ibizan girl, Allen (M's Pretty Boy), Percy (Fast But True), Mikey (Doray's Patuti), Pudge le mutt, Tessa the iggy, Possum (Apostle), Gracie (Dusty Lady), Harold (Slatex Harold), "Cousin" Simon our step-iggy, Little Dude the iggy ,Bandit (Bb Blue Jay), Niña the galgo, Wally (Allen Hogg), Thane (Pog Mo Thoine), Oliver (JJ Special Agent), Comet, & Rosie our original mutt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batmom Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 There isn't anything else or better you could have done. I know it's hard to come to peace with that. Your love for him, all the things he taught you, the care you gave him, the knowing what he needed when -- those are the best tribute a dog could have. Gentle hugs. Quote Star aka Starz Ovation (Ronco x Oneco Maggie*, litter #48538), Coco aka Low Key (Kiowa Mon Manny x Party Hardy, litter # 59881), and mom in IllinoisWe miss Reko Batman (Trouper Zeke x Marque Louisiana), 11/15/95-6/29/06, Rocco the thistledown whippet, 04/29/93-10/14/08, Reko Zema (Mo Kick x Reko Princess), 8/16/98-4/18/10, the most beautiful girl in the whole USA, my good egg Joseph aka Won by a Nose (Oneco Cufflink x Buy Back), 09/22/2003-03/01/2013, and our gentle sweet Gidget (Digitizer, Dodgem by Design x Sobe Mulberry), 1/29/2006-11/22/2014, gone much too soon. Never forgetting CJC's Buckshot, 1/2/07-10/25/10. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygang Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 Look to your heart, even though it's breaking because of your loss, if you asked yourself the question, 'did I do right by my hound?' and the answer loud and clear will be YES.... ALWAYS... Don't second guess and torture yourself, been there already so speak with experience..... Quote Run free our beloved Sir Snowy, Pip, Queenie, Sadie, Tess & Rosie until we meet again......I would rather feel the thorn than to never see the rose Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grey14me Posted December 1, 2008 Share Posted December 1, 2008 Quote Michelle...forever missing her girls, Holly 5/22/99-9/13/10 and Bailey 8/1/93-7/11/05 Religion is the smile on a dog...Edie Brickell Wag more, bark less :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest TBSFlame Posted December 1, 2008 Share Posted December 1, 2008 We lost Tessie this past September to LP. I still feel guilty. Why didn't I do the tie-back surgery before it was too late. She hated the vet more than anyone and that is why I didn't do it. At the time it seems like it was right for her. Now I am not so sure. I understand what you are going through. It is so difficult to know what to do sometimes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iluvgreys Posted December 1, 2008 Share Posted December 1, 2008 Be gentle with yourself. You showered Joe with love, and made the best decisions possible for him, all along the way. Remember the times he made you laugh and the cuddle time. He's only a whisper away, in spirit. Quote Jeanne with Remington & Scooter the cat....and Beloved Bridge Angels Sandee, Shari, Wells, Derby, Phoenix, Jerry Lee and Finnian.....If tears could build a stairway, and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heavenand bring you home again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest PhillyPups Posted December 1, 2008 Share Posted December 1, 2008 Oh Laura, I know how totally ripped you are. and know I am feeling the same I find I cannot think of them without tears streaming down my face, and feeling I failed TigerPower cause I somehow can't keep the cancer away from my dogs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest isntitgreyt Posted December 1, 2008 Share Posted December 1, 2008 The decision you had to make is a hard one that many people have had to make. You knew in your heart it was what was best and you have to believe in yourself. Know that Joe is running free now with no pain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest IrskasMom Posted December 1, 2008 Share Posted December 1, 2008 Somebody else already said ...... you are not alone. It has been three Years and I still feel guilty . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tornadosgirl Posted December 1, 2008 Share Posted December 1, 2008 (edited) I'm going thru this too. It is difficult. I think only time can help.I know I had her well-being as THE most important thing to remember. I know that I did what I thought was best for Penny. Edited December 1, 2008 by tornadosgirl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest dofarrel Posted December 1, 2008 Share Posted December 1, 2008 Having gone through this just yesterday with my sweet Doonie...I know just how you feel. No matter how much I know in my rational mind that letting go and helping Doonie take her last step in this world was right, I miss her terribly. Her couch is empty, and a hole is in my heart. If I could do anything to have just one more happy and healthy day with her I would. But in my heart of hearts, I could not bear to see her suffer. Just remember all of the love you gave to your boy, and all of the affection and love he gave back. Sometimes all we, as their companions and friends can do, is free them from their pain and help them leave this world filled with the love in our hearts. My deepest sympathies for you and your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MandysMom Posted December 1, 2008 Share Posted December 1, 2008 I understand what you're feeling. With my Dalmatian, I kept going back over (and over and over) things in my mind, second-guessing the decisions I made during her final illness and beating myself up. I did that for a while, then had to sort of kick myself out of it by reminding myself that I did the very best I could with the information I had. "Could've, should've, would've" wasn't helping me, it was hurting me. I tried to do what was best for her, not for me. You did the same thing. Remember that your baby knew you loved him and remember the good times. It's never easy, in fact it stinks that we have to make "the" decision. You are not alone. Talking it out with good friends can really help. Composing a rememberance can help--here on Greytalk and/or on other tribute sites (I did one on In Memory of Pets -- http://www.in-memory-of-pets.com/personalt...te.php?ID=42437 ). Also, sometimes you just have to let yourself cry and shout because it's not fair. My thoughts are with you. Beverly Quote Beverly. Missing my happy toy-flinging boy Sammy (Where's Mandrill), (8/12/2009-9/30-2021) Desperately missing my angel Mandy (BB's Luv) [7/1/2000 - 9/18/2012]. Always missing Meg the Dalmatian and Ralph Malph the Pekeapoo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest HHDesigns Posted December 1, 2008 Share Posted December 1, 2008 (edited) Eveyone here has said it well -- you did the right and unselfish thing for Joe, but I know that it's easy to second guess in hindsight. One of the worst things is to keep them here longer than we should because we are selfish. I know how hard it is ... he was fairly young and you didn't have him as long as you would have liked, all things I can relate to because of my experience with Threat as he was only 7 and I only had him a few years. But every day we have them is cherished and I don't think it ever seems long enough. Certainly time will help, but there will always be that special place in your heart just for Joe. I'm here for you if you want to get together, do lunch or whatever .. hugs dearie... Edited December 1, 2008 by HHDesigns Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scullysmum Posted December 1, 2008 Share Posted December 1, 2008 I still have the odd days five years after losing my boy Mulder when I have those thoughts too....but most days I just remember all the wonderful times we had together, and I'm not just saying that to make you feel better....the good days eventually outweigh the bad ones. I can't help thinking that if it didn't hurt so much when we lose our babies then it wasn't al that it should have been and I try now to live each day with my pup at a time, just like they do. I still have the odd days five years after losing my boy Mulder when I have those thoughts too....but most days I just remember all the wonderful times we had together, and I'm not just saying that to make you feel better....the good days eventually outweigh the bad ones. I can't help thinking that if it didn't hurt so much when we lose our babies then it wasn't al that it should have been and I try now to live each day with my pup at a time, just like they do. I still have the odd days five years after losing my boy Mulder when I have those thoughts too....but most days I just remember all the wonderful times we had together, and I'm not just saying that to make you feel better....the good days eventually outweigh the bad ones. I can't help thinking that if it didn't hurt so much when we lose our babies then it wasn't al that it should have been and I try now to live each day with my pup at a time, just like they do. Quote <p>"One day I hope to be the person my dog thinks I am"Sadi's Pet Pages Sadi's Greyhound Data PageMulder1/9/95-21/3/04 Scully1/9/95-16/2/05Sadi 7/4/99 - 23/6/13 CroftviewRGT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scottandjo Posted December 1, 2008 Share Posted December 1, 2008 This is a subject that really hits home for me. There is not a day goes by that I don't think that I should have tried something different this past October with Cherry. All I can say is we sure do have company here at GT, and that in our rational hearts we know we did the right thing for our greyts. If we could only find a way to make getting our emotional hearts back in order. I am holding on to the fact that we had some really great times together, or this wouldn't hurt so much. I am hurting right with you and feel your pain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest joedogs_mom Posted December 1, 2008 Share Posted December 1, 2008 (edited) Thank you everyone -- it has really been therapeutic to read your responses...I am thinking about everyone of you who has experienced a loss, especially a recent one. Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers and cherishing my memories of Joe in happier times. Edited December 1, 2008 by joedogs_mom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penelopesslave Posted December 1, 2008 Share Posted December 1, 2008 I have been second-guessing our decision to let Bell go since we made it last week. I know in my heart it was probably the right thing to do, but then I see a picture of her and it seems like her eyes are asking me-- did you really try everything? Why didn't you catch this problem a year ago? I hope someday I an be at peace with our choice but for now the guilt is overwhelming. I miss her every minute of every day. Quote Melissa, Penelope (LC's Wild Rose) Missing sweet Bell (EMK Bolivar Bell). I'll never forget you. "If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man." - Mark Twain {image removed, taller than 150px} Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest joedogs_mom Posted December 1, 2008 Share Posted December 1, 2008 I have been second-guessing our decision to let Bell go since we made it last week. I know in my heart it was probably the right thing to do, but then I see a picture of her and it seems like her eyes are asking me-- did you really try everything? Why didn't you catch this problem a year ago? I hope someday I an be at peace with our choice but for now the guilt is overwhelming. I miss her every minute of every day. Trust me -- I know how you feel...you are not alone and are in my thoughts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LolasMom Posted December 1, 2008 Share Posted December 1, 2008 I have been second-guessing our decision to let Bell go since we made it last week. I know in my heart it was probably the right thing to do, but then I see a picture of her and it seems like her eyes are asking me-- did you really try everything? Why didn't you catch this problem a year ago? I hope someday I an be at peace with our choice but for now the guilt is overwhelming. I miss her every minute of every day. Trust me -- I know how you feel...you are not alone and are in my thoughts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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