Girly Girl Diagnosed With Os 12/3

[Batmom]

Glad she is doing pretty well so far. Happy Birthday, gallant girl!

[Guest ronka68]

Girly Girl had her 4th of 6 chemo treatments this past Friday. I’ve been feeling that something wasn’t right since the 3rd treatment though there wasn’t anything apparently wrong with her. Just a bad feeling. Up to now she’d been having nausea and diarrhea after each treatment for a little while and then she was fine. She had returned to the sweet girl that I had before diagnosis minus one leg which wasn’t slowing her down in the least. Her regular doc was on vacation at chemo treatment #3 so I set my feeling aside. Unfortunately it continued and got worse. So at chemo treatment #4 this past Friday I mentioned it to Dr. Romansik who was back from vacation. Luckily, he is a doc who does not discount bad feelings. He did some extra tests including a chest x-ray and found a spot on her lung. He said he isn’t sure what it is and is having a radiologist read it. I won’t hear back until mid-week this coming week. But I’m pretty sure I know what we’ll hear back. I guess I’m not sure why I think that is lucky. Maybe it would be better not to know.

 

I was so sure we’d beat the odds and make it for years. I believed it with all my heart. Now I’m trying so hard to reconcile myself to the reality of how this is going to go. How to watch my heart dog slowly, or maybe quickly, be consumed by some horrible thing from the inside. To go from my loving, lively sweet baby to a shell. To watch the lights go out. To find a way to let her go far sooner than I planned.

 

I thought maybe living with this for as long as we have now I would be better prepared when we hit this event horizon. But I find I’m not. I’m still angry. And devastated. And wondering how I’ll make what time she has left as loving and good as possible when I can’t even hold it together for more than a few hours at a time. Knowing that I’ll never have another dog like this in my life again, and all I got was three years with her. That I’m powerless to help her. That nothing I did could save her.

 

Well, I guess just being able to get that out was helpful. That’s the hell of it. That there is nothing I can do. Nothing but type my frustrations here. I am thankful for this forum and all of the support I have received here.

 

Veronica

[Guest Energy11]

I KNOW how you feel! I DO KNOW, believe me!

 

I watched my husband Bob die of cancer. Being a paramedic, I did all his palliative care. It was both good and bad, and I am glad I could do it. It will be eight years Sept. 15th, and I still relive it at times. I also lost Max, whom I had for about a year, to Osteo, and watched him, as well.

 

There will be good and bad times, but, TRY to focus on the good! Spend all the time you can with Girly Girl, too! I send you strength, love, many hugs and prayers, as I DO know what this is like

 

Dee

 

 

[Houndtime]

So sad. I am very sorry to read this. No matter how long they stay, they never stay long enough. Keep your spirits up; your girl feeds off of your emotions. Make each special and memorable. We are all here for you. I wish you both the best for many days to come.

[Guest Greytluv]

[Guest Adrianne]

 

I thought maybe living with this for as long as we have now I would be better prepared when we hit this event horizon. But I find I'm not. I'm still angry. And devastated. And wondering how I'll make what time she has left as loving and good as possible when I can't even hold it together for more than a few hours at a time. Knowing that I'll never have another dog like this in my life again, and all I got was three years with her. That I'm powerless to help her. That nothing I did could save her.

 

 

 

I don't think you're ever prepared, no matter how much time you have beforehand. The pain and grief is the same, like a knife to the heart. However, you have the blessing of time left with her, and it is a blessing. No matter how difficult and tiring the road is now, there is true joy to be experienced in the final days. I feel it's a great honor to give love and care to our babies when the inevitable is upon us. And it's possible to still have hope in these days. Hope doesn't cost a thing, and miracles do happen.

 

And you're not alone. And while you may be powerless to rid her of this hideous disease, you have all the power in the world to love her. We can't save them, but we can love them like they love us.

[Guest Energy11]

I thought maybe living with this for as long as we have now I would be better prepared when we hit this event horizon. But I find I'm not. I'm still angry. And devastated. And wondering how I'll make what time she has left as loving and good as possible when I can't even hold it together for more than a few hours at a time. Knowing that I'll never have another dog like this in my life again, and all I got was three years with her. That I'm powerless to help her. That nothing I did could save her.

 

 

 

I don't think you're ever prepared, no matter how much time you have beforehand. The pain and grief is the same, like a knife to the heart. However, you have the blessing of time left with her, and it is a blessing. No matter how difficult and tiring the road is now, there is true joy to be experienced in the final days. I feel it's a great honor to give love and care to our babies when the inevitable is upon us. And it's possible to still have hope in these days. Hope doesn't cost a thing, and miracles do happen.

 

And you're not alone. And while you may be powerless to rid her of this hideous disease, you have all the power in the world to love her. We can't save them, but we can love them like they love us.

 

 

Well said, and how true!

[Batmom]

Veronica, my heart goes out to you.

 

I can only tell you what helped me: To tell myself that this was the price I had to pay for having those good years with my pup. That if it had to happen, better with me than with someone who might let pup suffer, or who might not bother to celebrate the good days, however few they might be.

 

Each day got a little easier. Not easy, but easier. We made some new routines, such as a spoonful of ice cream every night.

 

You are going to lose her -- I hope and pray later rather than sooner -- but remember, she will never ever lose you. You will always be there for her. A dog could want no more than that.

 

Hugs.

[Guest bigorangedog]

I'm so sorry. I don't know whether you've followed Whitey's story, but we're in the same boat with you. I really thought we had this thing licked, but here it is again in his other front leg and his spine - after only 4 months. I'm mad as hell that I couldn't save him, after everything we did.

 

I saw his xrays, and his spine looks like a disaster. But for the past week he's been trotting around like there's nothing wrong with him, digging his holes one-handed. Today we had a downturn that I don't know if he'll recover from. I'm worried he may have a fracture in the 'good' leg, and we may be saying goodbye to him very soon. Such a spunky, perky, determined and brave little guy. There won't be another like him, that's for sure.

 

So, I know how you feel and I'm sorry. I hope you have some good times with her yet. Are you starting the Metronomic protocol? (Doxyrubicin, Cyclophosphamide, Alendronate and an NSAID) Depending on how aggressive it is, you can still get a lot of good time after you find lung mets. Sending many good thoughts your way.

[djsgreys]

I am so sorry. I've been there myself and am still angry that Osteo robbed me of my precious Suzy. All I can offer is the advice given to me by a good good friend, celebrate every moment, take a ton a pictures and never let her see you cry.

 

My thoughts are with you.

[GreyPoopon]

I can't think of anything to add to what Adrianne and Batmom have said.

 

I'm sorry.

 

[MP_the4pack]

For 6 years I fought tooth and nail to keep my Pearl happy and feeling greyt with heart disease and hypertension. We lost control of her BP several times.

I always thought I'd lose her to a stroke from the hypertension or congestive heart failure from her heart disease.

 

Cancer took her. In one fell swoop........one month.........and she was gone.

 

No matter how much we try to prepare, you can't. I currently have an OS girl (Pearl's sister) who went the amp route in Oct, but her time is probably coming soon too. And there's not a dang thing I can do about it.

 

It's like knowing you're going to get hit in the gut with a baseball bat. You know it. You know it's going to come. But there's nothing you can do to stop it except wait and take the blow.

 

Edited April 12, 2010 by MP_the4pack

[nyGreys]

I'm sorry you're going through this.

[Guest bigorangedog]

It's like knowing you're going to get hit in the gut with a baseball bat. You know it. You know it's going to come. But there's nothing you can do to stop it except wait and take the blow.

 

That is it exactly. And then you put your name back on the list and wait to get hit again.

Edited April 12, 2010 by bigorangedog

[MP_the4pack]

It's like knowing you're going to get hit in the gut with a baseball bat. You know it. You know it's going to come. But there's nothing you can do to stop it except wait and take the blow.

 

That is it exactly. And then you put your name back on the list and wait to get hit again.

 

Got that right. Why oh why do we put our names back on that list?

 

 

But, one thing I do know watching my Diamond. She has been pain free for months. So if you had 2 months or 4 months.....your babies have been free of the terrible pain of OS. I'm sure they think it was worth it.

[Guest ronka68]

I wish I were strong enough not to cry in front of Girly Girl. I have no idea how this will play out now that the lung mets have shown up. What treatment is available or if there is any point to it. Should I just keep her comfortable and let her go? Is prolonging things just selfish of me because with all my heart I want to keep her here with me until the very last. But I also know that I wouldn’t ever want to put her through unnecessary treatment or pain just because I want her with me. Everyone says “you’ll know when it’s time.” But will I really be able to see that clearly given my pain at losing her?

 

Beyond that I can’t even imagine another one after Girly Girl. I have Blue and I know he’ll need a companion. He has terrible separation anxiety but I just can’t even wrap my head around adding another hound after Girly Girl. I have a very hard time just typing “after Girly Girl.”

 

I guess I’ll know a whole lot more about our reality when I hear from Dr. Romansik tomorrow or Wednesday. Then I can’t escape our future any longer. I’m so sorry for all of you who are in the same boat as I am. I can only imagine the pain you all have. And still you took the time to comfort me and share your experience. I truly appreciate that.

 

Veronica

[Batmom]

Just sending more hugs.

[MP_the4pack]

Now is not the time to think of another. Concentrate on Girly Girl.

 

But I do want to post something for you to think about now. It will be easier than to wait until she's gone and you hadn't planned.

Do you know what you're going to do with her when she crosses the Bridge? Cremation, burial?

I wasn't prepared when I lost Topaz, my first. I buried her in the back yard. But, eventually I'll move and she'll stay behind. It bothers me now, 10 yrs later.

I cremated Brindle, but the hospital she was at took care of all details and she was returned in a beautiful elegant box with a lock and key. So, I thought all places did it like that.

It took years for me to look in the box and her cremains were sealed in a plastic bag and the bag in cloth. Her cremains were a fine ash.

I lost Pearl 3 months ago. My vet came out to the house. (the first I've done this). He said that their office does cremations, so I thought I'd get them similarly handled (maybe in a tin box but otherwise in the same shape as Brindle). They weren't.

I won't go into details. Just suffice to say I won't be doing that again. I have now researched a place that will take my baby away when I lose her (instead of me transporting the body to the vets) and prepare her in dignity.

 

I think it'll help you if you can find some time to do it now and not wait. You will have enough emotional trauma going on. You don't need the aftercare worries.

 

I'm sorry to have to bring up such unpleasant details, but I'm still traumatized at how Pearl's after treatment went.

 

And it's okay to cry. I cried the entire month I knew I was losing Topaz and Pearl (Brindle passed in less than 12 hrs). Just love on them. That they understand.

 

I'm so sorry you're going thru this.

[mom2four]

Veronica, I'm just reading this thread. We, too have a Grey with OS, Jamey. He's been fighting for a year now. Last year, April 15th we heard him cry in pain for the first time. Our thoughts are with you, it is not easy! Has anyone suggested to join Circle of Grey, a yahoo group where all the greys are fighting or have fought cancer?? It is a tremendous support group!

[sabrina]

Sorry Girly Girl hugs to you & your mom

[Batmom]

Just checking in on you and your sweetie today. We here are thinking of you and hoping you are having some ice cream and naps in the sunshine.

[Guest ronka68]

First, thank you MP_the4Pack for giving me that advice. I had given it some thought. I know I want her cremated. I can’t stand the thought of not having her with me in some form so if it has to be in an urn on a shelf then that is how it will be. But I guess beyond that I hadn’t thought and I didn’t realize there was more to it. I did wonder a little how you knew whether you were getting back your own ashes or just some random ashes.

 

But at the end of this incredible emotional, draining, tiring, incredible week, I have news I never expected to share. So far on this journey we have had only one thing break our way-the fact that Girly Girl had osteosarcoma instead of hemangiosarcoma. And there were a lot of forks in this road where we could have had very good news and it just didn’t happen. Until yesterday.

 

The radiologists report on the lung x-rays was late (of course) and Dr. Romansik didn’t get it until late afternoon yesterday. According to the interpretation by the radiologist, and Dr. Romansik now concurs-the spot is not lung metastasis but an artifact on the film or an abnormality in the way her rib meets the cartilage. The radiologist didn’t see the spot in subsequent views, only in one view. So the plan is we’ll recheck in 12 weeks and continue on with the treatment plan as is.

 

Girly Girl gets a reprieve and I don’t know if I can take more of these emotional roller coaster rides. I know the doctors have to prepare you for the worst but I wonder if they understand just how much of a toll it takes. Dr. Romansik didn’t seem to understand why I was sobbing when he told me that she didn’t have lung mets. I couldn’t have been the first person. The experience leaves me still shaken and scared about how tenuous Girly Girl’s survival is. So I’m hoping for a weekend of good sleep and then I’ll try to pick up the pieces of my positive attitude and get back in the fight.

 

Thanks once again for all of you.

 

Veronica

[Guest Energy11]

I KNOW what this is like, Veronica, and it SUCKS!!!!

 

**I lost a husband to cancer, and the doctors did NOT know what it was! I did, ... anyway, I was on one HEck of an emotional roller coaster ride!! It took a huge toll, so much so, I left emergency medicine.

 

I feel you pain, and I DO understand! Please, TRY to relax, and spend a WONDERFUL, FUN weekend with you Girly Girl!

 

Sending you all the love, hugs and strength I can! Dee

 

p.s. ... I had my DH cremated and my Bold Energy. Per my late Dh's will, he and Energy's ashes were spread on the beach where we lived at the time. I have some to be spread with me. I also have Dasher's and Max's ashes... You just have to trust the integrity of the crematory, and know, you have the "right" ashes.

Edited April 16, 2010 by Energy11

[Batmom]

One day at a time, no matter how many, and I hope that is a LOT! .

 

Hugs.

[robinw]

OMG, what an emotional roller coster you've had! You're both in my thoughts