I'm so sorry for your loss of Baker .
Grief is terribly painful and there is no easy way to get through it, but remember that all the emotions you are feeling are part of the grieving process, and know that everything passes and changes: you will not always feel the way you do now.
Perhaps when you feel able, you'll find some comfort in thinking of ways to honour his memory, maybe with a scrapbook of favourite photos etc, or by looking for a beautiful photo frame for a special photo, or a plant or tree for the garden - whatever feels right to you.
"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness but of power. They are messengers of overwhelming grief and of unspeakable love." -Washington Irving