Feel Out Of My Depth. Is It More Than Separation Anxiety

[Guest Wasserbuffel]

The issue was getting the dog out of the living room into the kitchen so she could close off the living room before leaving the house.

 

This will have to become part of the training. Make going into the kitchen a happy occasion. Try finding a high value treat that she likes and have your wife give it to her each time she takes her into the kitchen. Have her take the dog into the kitchen, get the treat, then NOT leave just as often as she is doing it before leaving.

 

 

Mostly, just relax. The stress is really coming through in your posts, I'm sure the dog can feel it. Working on the alone training needs to be stress free and calm. You're trying to get the dog to understand that your leaving isn't a big deal, so you have to put yourself into the mind of it not being a big deal.

 

It sounds like things are improving, that's good. Don't worry about using the leash for a while. I tethered my dog to me for the first few weeks at home, but now she will follow verbal and even non-verbal commands to go where I want her.

 

Jayne had some separation anxiety when I first got her. She was crated, so I didn't have the destruction you're having, but I could hear her howling from a house or two down the block. Within a couple weeks, with alone training and bonding, she settled down. It took her a bit longer to get over her unhappy if we were working out in the yard and she was in the house. Now, though, she's completely fine with all our comings and goings. She knows her routine and will go into her crate without more prompting than my walking toward the stairs in the morning. It's been three years, but she still gets a cookie each and every time I crate her, so that helps he enthusiasm. Plus, she just really likes her crate. She even sleeps in it at night, which was her own choice, not mine.

Edited May 15, 2013 by Jayne

[Batmom]

If the living room is dog's favorite hangout spot, it *might* be worthwhile to do some extra dogproofing in that room and let her stay there when you leave. Then just a matter of getting her to be cheerful about having her muzzle popped on.

 

I say "might" because I know it can be really hard to rearrange/move everything precious, dangerous, etc. Something to roll around in your mind tho.

[greysmom]

Some dogs aren't treat motivated, so you'll need to do some experimenting to find what works. I would first try upping the treat value considerably - smelly cheese, liverwurst, hotdogs, vienna sausages, pieces of baked chicken or roast beef - see if any of those work for her. If she just doesn't care about food one way or another (I feel your pain as I have two of those), try a squeaky toy or chew bone. Basically anything she likes can be used as a motivator. A lot of training success is all about your presentation. Even a correction can be made in a positive fashion.

 

Remember, she's probably never had many treats before, so you will need to "load" a positive response to them. When you find something she likes, just sit with her until your both calm - read a book or the paper and basically ignore her. Once she calm, still ignoring her, toss her a treat. With a quiet "Good girl!" Toss treats to her all over her bed, though where she can reach them. Once she will reliably go get the treat, you can begin tossing them farther away. You should be able to ultimately toss the treat, with the command "Eva UP!" and get her moving. She will soon be responding to the command without the treat toss.

 

Alternatively, if you need to get her to move off her bed, walk up to the side of her (less threatening than from head on or behind), clip on the lead, say "Eva UP!" (or whatever word you want though I would not use "come" - reserve that word for recall training), give a quick small jerk (almost a shake) on the leash at the same time and begin walking forward. If she moves, then immediately "YES!" Good girl!" and give her a treat. If she doesn't move, try the command once more. If she still doesn't move, say the command and sort of shuffle forward, invading her space a bit and crowding her to get her moving. AS SOON AS SHE DOES stop crowding, and treat with lots of praise.

 

All her reactions are perfectly normal greyhound behaviors. She's not broken. She just needs some extra time and patience to figure things out. You're not going to break her or harm her in the meantime as long as you are calm and consistent and just love her.

 

If she seems like too much for you and your wife to deal with (and I can understand if your wife has some disability issues), then speak to your group about returning her sooner rather than later. Hopefully they will have a better match for you. Unfortunately, some greyhounds don't show their true colors until they get into an actual home situation. And a dog that was perfectly fine and friendly in the kennel, will become anxious when her environment is drastically changed. It happens. A lot. So don't feel like a greyhound isn't the dog for you - you were right in the first place with your analysis. It just might not be *this* one.

[Guest Giselle]

I already posted a step-by-step training plan on your other thread regarding these same issues, so here are my last thoughts. You have three options:

 

1) Do nothing, and hope that it gets better over time. However, behavior problems usually don't "heal" on their own.

2) Train the dog using the steps outlined both in this thread and the other thread. If you've no previous experience with behavior modification, this will be very difficult to learn on your own. Mistakes will happen, and the training will probably take a long time if you've never done it before.

3) Consult a professional dog behaviorist - one with a strong background in learning theory and progressive techniques. This requires financial investment, but the training will happen faster and more successfully.

 

Those are your options. If you wanted a dog that required absolutely no work, perhaps it is time to consider the option to return this dog and adopt a more stable dog. BUT I caution you to avoid the simple way out because the reality is that virtually ALL newly adopted dogs display some type of separation anxiety. Whether it's a greyhound, a lab, a young puppy, a 5-year-old racer, I've noticed that most newly adopted dogs show some level of separation anxiety. It seems that this is what owning a dog means in modern society.

[Guest barnsleyfan]

Thanks again everyone. Had a long chat with my wife last night as she seems to be the one that has most of the problems to deal with whilst I am work. I therefore feel a little guilty. Basically if it continues the same long term she will probably not be able to cope. However, she is probably more appreciative of the fact that all dogs need time to adapt than I am and wants to give her more time. We will be volounteering at the rescue centre this weekend so we will have a chat with them for their thoughts. This is assuming we can get her in the car and she travels the 20 minute trip - havent took her anywhere near the car yet!

[Guest maidmarcia]

Sorry to hear about your difficult situation It's tough sometimes. I remember the first three nights I had Licorice, he cried all night. I felt like I was going crazy. Finally someone from the local rescue group suggested to me that I place him in his crate in our bedroom. We didn't have a problem since then, and now two years later he sleeps all over the apartment.

 

There's obviously something she finds comforting about the living room. Could you move her crate into there and let her stay there during the day?

Also, another thought...what are your floors like in your house? I only ask because my poor boy is deathly afraid of tile/linoleum or anything that looks or feel remotely slippery/shiny. I have amusing stories I could tell about him being "stuck" in the middle of a pet store because he was too scared to walk or move.

 

Of all of these issues, as other posters have said, the most important thing for you to do is try not to worry or get stressed. I know it must be frustrating because you're nervous that things won't work out, but dogs are incredibly intuitive about those feelings. Make a schedule and stick to it. For example, take her outside and let her run, wear herself out. When a dog is tired, usually they have less energy for anxiety.

 

Keep us updated.

[Guest chickenpotpie]

As a new dog owner, you sound stressed out. Both of you need to relax, give lots of encouragement to the dog, and just take it easy. IMO when she's out for walks, you have to be confident. When she's walking, talk to her, tell her what a good girl she is, how pretty she is, etc. keep it light. When my pup freaks out on walks (which is really rare now) I laugh and say come on silly dog. she quickly settles because mommy isn't worried. If she statues, which she did in the first 3 days with us, I stand near her, give her pats and let her know its OK. Give her about 20-30 seconds so she knows I'm with her every step of the way, then tell her, lets go. The more confidence you display on walks, the better your dog will be.

 

Another thing I do is I've introduced her to my singing voice. I'm not a singer by any means, but hey, she associates that with happiness now. I always laugh around her, which makes her give me lots of doggie smiles and tail wags. In the mornings, when I'm making her breakfast, we play a game. She'll come in the kitchen and play bow, and I say, who's the pretty girl? she gives me a tail wag and bark! LOL I laugh and we do it again 2-3 times. That cements how our days go.

 

I also hand feed her at times (she can be so lazy!!)

 

I make sure that I look her over after every walk. That includes her mouth. She's now very used to me touching her at any time, that also cements our bond as well.

 

My girl dosen't get on furniture, basically because we don't want it, and she dosen't either really! but she's got 3 beds so that lazy ol mom dosen't have to move them around so much.

 

We watch tv together in the evening, its always fun, especially watching animal shows.

 

I think that you and your wife just needs to find your rythm with your pup. When I first got her, I was a bit anxious and scared I was doing it all wrong. I realized that hey, I'm not ,but she feels MY anxiety which is never good! When I decided to just enjoy her being here, we met more closely in the middle. We still have our issues, she can be stubborn sometimes, but she also realizes I love her and I'm not going anywhere, even if I go into the next room.

 

as far as car rides, she loves them. Sometimes we just go for a just because ride. We went to the car wash once and that was a blast!

 

 

 

My girl is a big velcro dog, but, she is ok being left alone for short amounts of time now.

 

Don't give up on her, all three of you just need a bit of time is all.

[Guest barnsleyfan]

thanks again everyone. Now on day 10, and have had some success and some failures. Went for first ride in car yesterday. Getting her onto back seat was amusing. Wife sat in one side and i went to other side with dog and wife tried to encourage her to come to her. No way was she getting in. So took her back around to wifes side and wife got out whilst we decided what to try next. Whilst we were talking dog just jumped straight in!!! Gave her a PB Kong and she laid down almost straight away and for the 20 min journey to rescue centre. Also took her for a walk down to local river bank. She walked straight into water upto about 6 inch deep before leash stopped her going further. That was a shock - first dog i have had that seems to like water! Seems happier walking now, guess the time she was spooked on day 3 upset her for a while and we havent been back to that place. Not had a single accident in house, and is settled midnight - 7:30am when she can see our bed.

 

Just need to get to the point where we can leave her occasionally, preferably for 3-4 hours !!!

 

One strange thing - she seems to have a poor memory!!! She can be all over me or my son. We go out for a few hours and come back and it is like she has temporarily forgot who we are and she shies/runs away from us. She will then apporach us a few minutes later. Is this common?

Edited May 20, 2013 by barnsleyfan

[greysmom]

Yes, it's normal. Pretty soon she'll be doing the opposite - acting like she hasn't seen you in DAYS and DAYS when you've been gone 30 minutes!

[Guest RMarie]

Sounds like you're making progress! That's great news. Despite her odd behavior, she sounds rather brave. Just about nothing bothers James. He's rather fearless. But, getting into water? No way.

 

Keep working with her. Give it time. She's going to come out of her shell and amaze you!!!

[RedHead]

I know it is hard, but IMO one of the best things you can do with your type of dog is to ignore them for most of the time and let them observe you from a distance and approach when they decide they are ready. I know our instincts are to be with them, pet them, coddle them, reassure them, etc. but those are largely human emotions and your dog has already shown you that she trusts you most when you basically aren't paying attention to her. For example, at this point I would never walk towards her to pet her, I would always wait for her to come to you on her own. You can try to entice her by having delicious treats on you all of the time and giving them to her when she approaches (but again, don't call her over and be over excited even looking at a dog can intimidate them. Let her come completely on her own will). The fact that she is coming over to you but then sometimes runs away when she first sees you, just shows that she doesn't completely trust you yet, but it sounds like she is slowly overcoming it. Once she understands that you understand what she is trying to communicate, she will trust you more and more. Good luck and keep working!

[BatterseaBrindl]

Glad that things are better!

One day at a time.......

[Guest barnsleyfan]

Fast forward one year.....

After about 4 weeks we went back to rescue centre and told them we were having problems and may need to return her. We were abruptly met with a "well you need to make a decision immediately - she either stays today or you keep her " which shocked me somewhat. My wife simply wasn't ready to give up so we decided to give it another go.

 

It has been an eventful year.

Eva is still very timid and wary or other people and dogs which causes some problems

She loves travelling in the back seat of the car

She sleeps on her bed at corner of our bedroom - this seems to be her special place as she will go there whenever we are out, and also often when we are doing our own things in the house

Despite having toys lying around she has never been interested, until about 8 months in - something just clicked and now she has a squeaky green fur top that she loves to carry around and chew, and for last month has been tossing it in the air in the garden

She still likes my wife much more than me! I get in from work and she may lift her head in my direction and look away. My wife comes in and she goes mad!!!

We have been camping in a tent which she coped with well

For last month she has given a paw on demand (although we hadn't really tried it before)

She likes to play, but after a while its as though she thinks 'what am I doing' and then she stops. I can get her bark, which took a long time!

 

When people said it could take a year to settle I didn't believe them, but I now realise she is still in that stage

Edited June 6, 2014 by barnsleyfan

[Guest LazyBlaze]

That's a nice update. I'm glad Eva's settling in and starting to relax and have fun, and glad for you too that you're starting to enjoy her. Sounds like she just needed/needs plenty time and patience. Doing some obedience/tricks like paw, sit, lie down etc. for treats really helps with the bonding in my experience.

 

Hope you have lots of good times together in future. Enjoy yourselves .

[greysmom]

It really can take that long! Glad things are looking up, and also that you decided to stick it out! Good job!

[GeorgeofNE]

My dog had terrible S.A. when I got him. Believe me, they know the difference between "human isn't here" and "human is in the other room and won't let me in."

 

My dog has everything any dog could ever want in terms of sleep options: a queen size Tempur-Pedic bed, a gigantic Victoria Peak dog bed--he sleeps with me at night, and when I am home, on his delicious dog bed (or the couch). And despite having been with me for six year, when I am not home he sleep directly in front of the door. Even though his bed and his couch are, literally, a couple of feet away.

 

She's going to sleep where she is comfortable sleeping when you're gone. For my dog, he HAS to sleep on the spot he last saw me, and where he knows I will magicallyl reappear at some point. I know this, because I have a surveillance system and he rarely moves from that spot during his 9 hours alone Monday-Friday. And if I'm home? He never, ever, ever sleeps there!

 

I don't know if they have D.A.P. diffusers in England, but if they do, that seemed to help George a bit. Also, lots of exercise helped. I admit, George is not shy or spooky in the least, so long walks were easy.

 

But what made him stop howling for hours on end was not confining him in any way. He just didn't tolerate it. And he was a racer for years--so it's not like he wasn't used to it!

There is a huge difference between being in a crate at the kennel with dogs below you, next to you, and across from you, and being in a confined space, alone, in a strange place. So you may actually find that confining her to the kitchen is causing more stress than is worth.

 

Dog proof to the best of your ability, get up early and walk, walk, walk, and be patient!

[Brandiandwe]

Great update! The changes won't stop at a year. After 2 years, my two girls are finally starting to greet DH when he gets home and approach him for affection. It just took them that long.

[scullysmum]

Agree that you need to allow her upstairs at bedtime......

How is she ever going to bond with your family if you make her stay downstairs for almost half the time you are home?!?!?

I just wanted to say that none of our greys has ever slept in the bedroom with us and they didn't have any trouble bonding with us. I actually think that it can help them to be more self reliant thus reducing separation anxiety, but it probably depends on the specific family/home environment. It may help this dog.