Will I Ever Be Able To Love Another Dog?

[MilliesMom]

It's been nearly 8 months since Millie had to go to the Bridge. One night, she couldn't

stand up or lie down without screaming and despite our best efforts to find out what was

wrong other than old age, we had no choice but to put her to sleep.

It was horribly upsetting, obviously, but the longer it's been, the more ready I've become

to get another dog. I had several dogs before her, but I hadn't had such a strong bond

with any of the others.

As I commonly do, I was watching Emergency Vets this morning, and a Husky who had

been hit by a car (although she wasn't bleeding or anything) started screaming and

screaming, and it brought back memories of Millie's last hours. I was crying and shaking

so hard that I had to turn off the TV. It brought back how terribly helpless I felt to see

my loving companion in such pain.

I can't believe I'm still so emotional about this, and I'm wondering whether I'll ever be

ready to love another dog.

[Guest Champsmom]

All I can say is you may or may not everyones greiving period is different . Just know that your presious dog loved you unconditionally till the end and she knew that you did everything possible for her and I know that you will never forget her. Give it time

[Pippin]

Give yourself time. You had Millie for years, I assume (sorry, I'm not familiar with your story), and she was an integral part of your life.

 

When a spouse or other close family member dies, it can take upwards of 2 years to process the grief (or longer).

 

Millie was a close family member. Allow yourself to grieve her. When the time is right for another dog, you'll know.

[MilliesMom]

Thank you for your kind words.

We had Millie for 13 1/2 years. She passed away 10 days before her 15th birthday.

A month later, my son and I went to a meet-and-greet to see if we could look at a grey and not see Millie. We were a bit tentative, then all of a sudden, someone accidently stepped on one of the dogs' feet, and the poor thing started to scream. I took off shaking like a leaf down another aisle of Petsmart and could not stop crying. I just had to get out of there.

I felt so helpess during Mil's last few hours. I had just given her a bath, and she had some food and was going to lie down on some covers on the floor next to the bed and couldn't get comfortable. She just kept moving around and then started with this blood-curdling screaming. Hubby and son had fallen asleep in the other room, and I tried to call for them but couldn't. For 10 minutes I tried to hold her so she wouldn't scream, and finally, I cradled her in my arms and told her it was OK to go. Finally, I was able to get her on her feet for a few seconds, and I ran in and got my hubby and son. Steven (son) carried her outside to see if it would be easier for her to stand on the grass, but she couldn't hold herself up. She screamed; my teenager sobbed. I got on the phone with my sister who would meet us at the emergency clinic, and around midnight, I got into the car and drove while Steven held Millie in the back. Half the way she was screaming, and Steven was pleading with her, "Please don't do this." I cannot tell you how awful it was to see two of the most precious beings in my life fall apart.

To make a long story short, they couldn't find anything wrong. They put her on a couple of IVs with steroids and pain medication to give her a chance to snap out of it. At 3 in the morning, she started again. Around 7, DH moved her to our regular vet who still couldn't find anything. The plan was to give her one more IV and see what would happen. By 10:30, we got a call that she was in pain, and that we had to have her put to sleep.

DH came home from work, and Steven and I drove there with her favorite bear and a picture of "my kids" sleeping together--both heads on the pillow--when they were young. Millie was in a drug-induced stupor until Steven spoke to her and showed her the picture, and then she tried to get up and started screaming again. My son began yelling to, "Do it now! Do it now!" He left the room, and believe me, it was a blessing that we were able to send her to the Bridge.

I had never been with a pet who was being put to sleep before (scared, I guess), but I promised Millie that the last face she'd see would be mine, and I've never regretted that decision.

I'll never replace her, but as I have a chronic health condition and didn't cry much anymore, it seemed like a good time to consider bringing home another companion. Perhaps it's not.

[PatricksMom]

I'm so sorry that you lost Millie, obviously she was very loved and meant a lot to you. You'll never forget her, but eventually the pain will fade into happier memories. Take all the time you need, and don't beat yourself up for not "getting over it." You lost a beloved family member and it's only natural to grieve.

[Guest Gosia]

OMG... I can't stop crying... I can't imagine such pain...

[Guest Lisa_n_Dusty]

You will be able to love another some day. I thought the same way when my Dusty died and questioned weather I could do it again. My feelings on the matter was the fact that these greys need us and need our love. Alfie is a charmer and wants my love soooo much how can I not give it back? God Bless you and the pain you are feeling but, I have all the confideance that Millie will send you another to love. I now picture Dusty smiling down on me with pride that I am giving another a home.

[grey14me]

I am so sorry for your loss, Millie must've been a very special girl. I haven't yet gone through what you have, but since my Bailey is getting older it does cross my mind and I wonder the same thing...would I ever be able to have another? I've decided to believe that Bailey will tell me when it's time and she'll help me pick...somehow. After my father's death, someone sent me a card that said something about the stars not really being stars at all, but the light from our loved ones watching us from above...I thought that was a really nice thing to believe in...so I believe Millie is up there watching you too...

[Houndmom]

You will be one day. Everyone reacts differently to the loss of a beloved pet. We adopted Willow a month after Darwin died and I believe it truly helped me deal with my grief. It has been a year and a half since his death and I still cry for him on occasion, especially when I answer posts and e-mails regarding a pet's passing or I'm outside looking at the stars. I miss him and nothing will ever replace him in my heart but I know I have the love to share with another....and that is my Willow. One day you'll run across another that will give you a special feeling and then you will know that it is time. Time to move on but never time to forget.

[Guest Arias_Mom]

your story reminds me of the loss of my Min schnauzer "playful" she was 7 when i had to have her put to sleep. One night she started having convulsions and I was alone. I nearly lost it but knew she needed my comfort. Whe Dh got home we took her to the vet and found she was in kidney failure and nothing coud be done. A week later this lady wanted me to dogsit her beagle mix. I wan't ready but they were missionaries and were going away for a monthe and were going to take her to the pound. About 3 weeks later we discovered she had heartworms and called the owners to let them know and was told they could not afford to have her taken care of. We did and she has been with us ever since. Although I lover her a lot I feel she did not get the bonding that she should have because my heart still hurt. Then Aria and Ami came and Now I have 4 wonderful dogs that I can't imagine my life without. In your own time you will be able to get another dog. I believe there is a special grey waiting for you and Millie will direct you to him or her. Playful sent me Amadeus.

Sheila

[Guest Gale]

It will happen one day when you're ready. We helped our heart-dog to the bridge this past October. Griffy, our other sweet goofy grey became so depressed after Ibis passed that our vet and the president of our adoption group strongly advised us to get another dog in the house for Griffy's sake. We took in a foster about a month after Ibis passed and then adopted him two weeks later. Although I felt a strong affection for him, I didn't love him with my whole heart the way I do with Griffin and with Ibis. Just the other day, I was playing with Orion and he did something cute and I hugged him and felt that overwhelming love for him. He snuck right into my heart without me being aware of it. I miss Ibis every day that goes by but I feel a strong bond and now a strong love for our new little fellow.

Don't worry. It will happen when you least expect it and when the time is right.

[Burpdog]

This is hard for me to share

 

You had her for so long! I understand painfull death

 

I lost Eliza in November of 1998, Jesse in May 1999, Burp in December 1999, Trevor in May 2000, Scooby in October of 2000 and Jodie in May of 2002. People ask me how I can go though what I have.

 

I still cry tons of tears for Eliza (neglected my stewardship), and I do cry for the others, but I had no control over their leaving--it was their time.

 

I have learned that when one leaves, another is waiting to be loved and needs a home. If I concentrated on the dying, and not the living & loving, I wouldn't have Shadow, SieSie, Heart & Austin and with losing so many I, quite frankly, would go out of my mind!

 

So, my only advice is to concentrate on the love she gave to you, not on her passing. Sometimes it is hard to celebrate life--but it is such a tribute to those gone on

[Forevermybabies]

It's so hard to deal with the loss of our dear friends, and to think of getting another...well, that, too, is difficult.

 

I wasn't sure that I wanted another after Joe died...at least not for a while. But every day I cried, and the wound was so painful. My DH finally took me to the track, and we brought home Angel that day. I wasn't sure that I would even be able to bond with her through my grief. But I did, and her presence (and then Festus and SM) eased the pain so much, I can't tell you. They gave me LIFE to focus on instead of grief and memories. I have Joe's picture here at my desk, and I often look up and see him looking back at me. He is with me always. His ashes on the mantel, his pictures everywhere, his collar in a handmade jar. I know that Joe is at peace now, and I know that animals forgive us and love us eternally. My love for Joe is not diminished by my love for Angel and Festus and Sunscreen Man, it is proven.

[iluvgreys]

Such touching and loving experiences have been shared in this thread. Makes me cry to read all the posts. Your last hours with Millie were terribly traumatic. In time, that pain will fade and your memories of her many years of health and joyous times will be strong. I have experienced the spirit of my heart dog returning through other physical beings... and believe that "death" is only a temporary transitional state. My grey angel boy, Wells responds to the names of my previous retriever heart dogs and has let me know that he's "back", just in different form. Millie will guide you to your heart healer when the time is right.

[JeaniesMom]

Millie's Mom , I'm so sorry The passing of your beloved Millie was very tragic event for you and your family . I find comfort in these words . " Their only with us for a short time but for them it was a lifetime " I know it's a phrase I read from one of the Greytalkers but , I can't remember who . . .

One day there will be another dog to share his life with you , it will take time but , you'll know when that time comes .

[MilliesMom]

I am truly overwhelmed by the kindness offered to me today on this board. I share in the grief for your furbabies, and yet I'm filled with hope that when the time is right, Millie will send me someone else to love.

I did have a visitation. (Our family is famous for these.)

Millie had a thing about garbage. Quelle surprise! I dare not leave a little bag filled with garbage anywhere near her or out of my sight or she'd pull it out, feast, and then tear the bag into little pieces. About a week after her passing, I had a little plastic grocery/garbage bag on the kitchen table. I had filled it with some garbage and was meaning to take it out but left it there and hopped onto the computer. A couple of minutes later, I heard the bag rustling. Neither the heat nor the a/c was on to move the plastic, and there wasn't a door or window open. That was in August, and it hasn't happened since.

[Guest rescuedgreys]

Dear Millie's Mom, I understand how you feel.

I unexpectedly lost my dear Bullet last week to cancer, he was almost 9 years old. It was very heartbreaking, he was my friend and companion for 6 years.

A week before he crossed the Rainbow Bridge I took in a foster grey to find him a good home. But since Bullet is gone now I decided that the new guy Waldo can stay with me. I still feel guilty to love and care about him. On the other side I believe that he was sent by an angel to keep me and my other grey GreenBean company. My little girl GreenBean is deaf and needs a buddy while I am not home.

You will know when the right dog crosses your path. Then it will be alright and you won't feel guilty loving another dog. Give it time, don't feel bad if it takes longer than you think it should take.

[Guest TorynUs]

We too didn't know if we could take in another after the passing of our Mini-Schnauzer, Genny, in June, just 2 weeks shy of her 14th birthday. She had been with us since our youngest son was 8 weeks old and we too were with her when it was her time to go. It was a very difficult time but the decision was the only one, and the right one for her. Late August rolled around and we found ourselves researching greys after meeting some. Tory came into our lives, and no kidding, she is our Genny in a greyhound body!--and we never intended on "looking" for a dog that would have so many similar personality traits as our schnauzer, but it happened. Thinking it could very well be that Genny guided us to Tory, knowing exactly what we needed. ( now who guided us to Dobie is ANOTHER question! hahaha....) But in time you will know when you are ready. I STILL cry just looking at another schnauzer and I can recall how much we loved her and she loved us, and how much she is missed. That feeling will never go away for me, but I too feel that we have the love to give more wonderful pets, and we needed their love too. Good luck to you and I am sorry for your loss. It is the hardest part of pet ownership.

[MilliesMom]

Dear hooked & rescuedgreys:

So sorry for your losses.

I've been looking over the net for months. I just don't want a grey that looks too much like Millie.

I saw a cute little girl posted down in Tucson (we're in Phoenix.) One ear's up, the other's down.

I imagine her around here, and then I started wondering how it would be to have another one eating out of Millie's bowl. I never moved it. I still haven't thrown away her bag of food or her toothbrush. Sometimes, I still can't believe she's gone.

[Forevermybabies]

One day after Joe died, I was lying in bed when I saw a brindle back end with a white-tipped tail run out of the room. I didn't hear anything at all, which was odd, because out the door of our room is two wood steps leading down to the hardwood floor, so you always hear thumps and the ticking of toenails. I was so tired, I just thought, eh, it's Angel.

 

But then I thought, WAIT a sec...Angel doesn't have a white-tipped tail...does she???? I got up and checked. Not only was she lying there at my feet, but she does NOT have a white-tipped tail. Joe did.

 

That was the one and only time I ever saw anything. I know that others have also experienced this. It's an interesting thing for them to let you know they are still there.

[patricia]

I am so sorry for your loss and your pain. One day you WILL love again...I promise!

Our beloved Truffles was also screaming in pain and seizing as well. He had a very bad heart condition and they think a brain tumor. I know that we kept him by our side too long. It was our hope that he would go peacefully and on his own because we had never assisted a babe to the Bridge before. We knew without a shadow of a doubt that we must assist him. We had valium for him when his seizures became out of control which helped him on our way to the vet. We decided to give him a double dosage and we held him and loved him and talked to him all day long. We told him about the journey he was about to take. We told him that he was taking part of our hearts to carry him safely. We told him how he would be missed and always loved and only a heartbeat away. On our way to the vet he began screaming again and as difficult as it was we knew that we were making the right decision. Our vet gave him a shot and he slept peacefully in our arms. This was our last hour with him and then she gave him the forever sleep shot. We spent more time with him after and I took the hair that she shaved from his leg...and I covered him with his blankie. His ashes are in our bedroom along with his collar and a small statue of St. Francis sits next to his urn. Our Truffles was almost 19 and his leaving left such a big ache in our hearts.

Three months later Fred got me Cody Angelo for my birthday. I was not sure how I/we would feel about Cody Boy but something told me that he was a special boy...he was born the day that Truffles crossed over. Then I felt as though Truffles was watching from the Bridge and feeling replaced...which sent me on a big guilt trip...I kept telling Truffles that he would never be replaced and that our hearts were always big enough for one more. Then Cody would do things that only Truffles would do and I thought how could he know this? When one of us would sneeze...Truffles would always come running as fast as he could and he would cry and lick your whole face...and we would reassure him that we were ok...Cody Boy also does this. Cody also lays on the same exact spot on the couch where Truffles would lay. Cody also is our only one that is more than curious with Truffles ashes...we have moved them up one shelf. It came to us that Truffles had for sure sent us Cody Boy.

I know that it is different with everyone...but in our case, Cody's arrival helped heal our hearts. Never a day goes by that we do not think about ALL of our angels and yes we still cry sometimes...but...we ARE able to talk about them and laugh about those silly things that they did that just captured our hearts. The pain will always be there for us...but eventually most of that pain is replaced by beautiful memories and thus the circle of life continues...and it will someday for you also. Millie will send you a special babe...I just know that she will. Many hugs coming your way...hugs for all of us who have lost companions...and hugs to all of our angels...Run free sweet babes of ours.

 

 

[MilliesMom]

Wonderful story, joesgp:)

Thanks for sharing.

[MilliesMom]

Patricia,

You'll never know how much your story has touched me.

I'm sorry about the loss of your beloved Truffles and so happy that Cody came along.

Where in Chicago are you, BTW? We're transplants from the north side.

[DeputysMom]

You will be able to love again. I thought when we lost our first grey, Deputy, I could never love another. I tried so hard not to love April, and she ended up being my heart dog. When we lost her, it was almost unbearable. I love Baby differently than I loved my others, I think it is normal to love each dog a little differently. Each time we have lost a grey, some weird twist of fate has brought us another within a couple weeks, for some that would seem crazy but it has worked for us.

 

Only time will mend your broken heart ...and you will know when to open up your heart again.

[patricia]

Millie's Mom...we are in the Schaumburg/Bartlett area.