A Year Without My Naz

[Guest jenznaz]

Last year on this date I woke up and knew it was the day. I called out of work and spent the entire day alternating between sobbing and resignation; guilt and acceptance. I can honestly say this was the single most raw and soul-wrenching experience of my human life.

 

A good friend was there for me and drove us to the vet. Naz had a amazing veterinarian who talked me through all the steps, cried with me, and reassured me that I was doing the right thing – she saw so many patients whose owners had kept them alive for far too long, and that it was better a day too soon than a day too late.

 

I still can’t even type this without bursting into tears at the memory of his still body in my arms – Naz was never still a single day that I knew him. I lit incense outside before being driven home to help his soul move on to be reincarnated.

 

My husband met me outside and we walked Naz’s normal night-walk-route. We weren’t ok for a long time – my husband developed some awful anxiety and health problems he attributes to his inability to know how to grieve.

 

A year has passed and I don’t cry anymore when the light catches his name on the plaque on his box of ashes. My stomach doesn’t turn every time I see his well worn collars. We adopted again three months ago.

 

I felt closer to Naz than any human relative. He was my soul dog, and it feels shallow to say I’m afraid I might never have that experience again.

 

I wrote this silly poem for him

 

Atascocita AJ is what you were named,

But to be a great racer was not your fame.

Two races won out of twenty-eight,

Maybe you were too slow out of the gate.

 

But oh! When I met you in that commuter lot,

How my heart went flippity-flop!

Into the tiny car we all somehow crammed,

Off to your new life in a strange, foreign land…

 

You snapped at my son – not once but twice,

You ate from the trash, didn’t heed our advice.

Bit at pit bulls and newfies alike,

Pulled on the leash when we’d go for a hike.

 

But time and trust mellowed you out,

That you were worth every effort, there is no doubt.

I loved your habits, your softness, that piece missing from your ear,

Your bossy attitude, your total lack of fear.

 

My big brindle boy, why did you have to leave?

At first there seemed to be no end to my grief.

But I took comfort that we had made the right choice

In ending your pain; we knew you had no voice.

 

I will love you forever, but perhaps my heart will mend,

If I can find another greyhound-best-friend.

You were supposed to be ours, ended up being mine,

My Nazzie, my soul-dog, we’ll meet again in Time.

 

[TheFullHouse]

That first year without them is so hard. What a sweet poem, I know he'd love it.

[nyGreys]

What a lovely poem. Beautiful angel.

[racindog]

I just know he's smiling at that poem and basking in your love. He will always be with you.

[grey14me]

:grouphug

[grey14me]

:grouphug

[Batmom]

What a lovely poem for him.

 

You and your family are in my thoughts today.

 

Rest well, Naz.

[robinw]

Such a beautiful poem for a beautiful hound.

[Guest how888]

Last year on this date I woke up and knew it was the day. I called out of work and spent the entire day alternating between sobbing and resignation; guilt and acceptance. I can honestly say this was the single most raw and soul-wrenching experience of my human life.

 

A good friend was there for me and drove us to the vet. Naz had a amazing veterinarian who talked me through all the steps, cried with me, and reassured me that I was doing the right thing – she saw so many patients whose owners had kept them alive for far too long, and that it was better a day too soon than a day too late.

 

I still can’t even type this without bursting into tears at the memory of his still body in my arms – Naz was never still a single day that I knew him. I lit incense outside before being driven home to help his soul move on to be reincarnated.

 

My husband met me outside and we walked Naz’s normal night-walk-route. We weren’t ok for a long time – my husband developed some awful anxiety and health problems he attributes to his inability to know how to grieve.

 

A year has passed and I don’t cry anymore when the light catches his name on the plaque on his box of ashes. My stomach doesn’t turn every time I see his well worn collars. We adopted again three months ago.

 

I felt closer to Naz than any human relative. He was my soul dog, and it feels shallow to say I’m afraid I might never have that experience again.

 

I wrote this silly poem for him

 

Atascocita AJ is what you were named,

But to be a great racer was not your fame.

Two races won out of twenty-eight,

Maybe you were too slow out of the gate.

 

But oh! When I met you in that commuter lot,

How my heart went flippity-flop!

Into the tiny car we all somehow crammed,

Off to your new life in a strange, foreign land…

 

You snapped at my son – not once but twice,

You ate from the trash, didn’t heed our advice.

Bit at pit bulls and newfies alike,

Pulled on the leash when we’d go for a hike.

 

But time and trust mellowed you out,

That you were worth every effort, there is no doubt.

I loved your habits, your softness, that piece missing from your ear,

Your bossy attitude, your total lack of fear.

 

My big brindle boy, why did you have to leave?

At first there seemed to be no end to my grief.

But I took comfort that we had made the right choice

In ending your pain; we knew you had no voice.

 

I will love you forever, but perhaps my heart will mend,

If I can find another greyhound-best-friend.

You were supposed to be ours, ended up being mine,

My Nazzie, my soul-dog, we’ll meet again in Time.

 

I read the poem and got my husband up and read it to him.. You wrote that? It made me cry so much , I miss Nike.. I just want to tell you I am sooooo sorry.. Please can I use your poem? I need to send it to my family. It is so sweet..

[Guest jenznaz]

I read the poem and got my husband up and read it to him.. You wrote that? It made me cry so much , I miss Nike.. I just want to tell you I am sooooo sorry.. Please can I use your poem? I need to send it to my family. It is so sweet..

 

Of course you can use it! Thank you for the kind words, I know how much you miss Nike

[HJsM]

It's hard isn't it? Good thoughts to you and yours..

[Guest ss556]

What a nice poem for such a sweetie. Hugs to you.

[greypuppyluv]

 

I felt closer to Naz than any human relative. He was my soul dog, and it feels shallow to say I'm afraid I might never have that experience again.

 

 

I had that same kind of relationship with our whippet, Piper. I knew he was a once-in-a-lifetime dog and that when I lost him, I wouldn't ever have that same experience with another dog again. It's hard. But, you go on to adopt again, and you love the new dog.....in a different way. And that's ok. Nothing can replace what you had with the first dog, but I think you'll find that the new dog will work it's way into your heart.....you just have to give it time.

[Guest redreed]