Burpdog Posted August 20, 2006 Share Posted August 20, 2006 This was posted while the board was down. I copied it so it wouldn't be lost. Sending my sympathy Please forgive the mistakes, it is through many tears that I write this message. My Sweet, Sweet, Mattie Girl, Sunrise- March, 1995 Sunset-August 12, 2006 (See my beautiful girl --Okie Shanai on greyhound database website) Our lives change in a matter of hours. Mine will never be the same. This hole in my heart will never heal. No sign that anything was wrong until Saturday morning. Except a few yelps and a brief tilting of the head Thursday. Seizure Saturday morning, collapsed at the hospital. We took her to the specialist in Columbia Saturday afternoon per animal hospital's suggestion. Cancer in the brain. She had two more seizures while they examined her. Then I had to make the biggest decision of my life and I don't know that I will ever be comfortable with the one that I made. Who am I to play God? Why do we turn to paper and pen (and in this case, e-mail) when we lose a loved one? Does writing about how we feel (even though words can not describe it) and putting memories on paper help us feel better? Probably not. Are we afraid that if we don't get those memories down on paper, that they too, will be removed from our lives? maybe. But we do it, I do it, knowing that no one will ever be able to understand. We make them read our memories, because something inside us wants to believe that we can make people see just how special of a bond it was. And ofcourse they will say they understand, to try to make us feel better.. they have to say that...even when they don't understand...they can't. because they don't know. Each person grieves differently, and each person has their own memories of loved ones. Some of us will even say out loud "You don't understand, OUR bond was SPECIAL, it was different." And so it was with you, my sweet Mattie Girl. I can't stop the tears, where do they all come from? Seems like they will never stop. Each time i think they have stopped, ,something else reminds me of you, Mattie Girl. I can't walk into my room without seeing you laying on the bed, waiting for me to touch you, pet you, play with you the way i always did every time i walked in. I can't lay in the bed without seeing your beautiful eyes looking at me, watching TV with me. You'd lay still as long as i was petting your head and as soon as I'd stop, up came your paw, every time. I'd stop on purpose just to see you move your paw close to me it was so cute. You'd want me to pet you all night, but we'd drift off to sleep. I can't pull into, or out of, the driveway without seeing your head (just your eyes and ears) at the window watching me. Ofcourse you knew when I was leaving, but how you ever knew when I was coming home I don't know. But there you'd be. Could you hear my car at the top of the street? Stef said you'd go to the window 1 minute before my car would pull in, every time. I won't be able to sit in the backyard, without seeing you run a quick lap, come over to be petted, run a lap, come over to be petted. Putting your head down between my knees for that special "back of the neck" rub. How do I explain to Spike & Rosie why you didn't come home with me? I sat on the floor with them as soon as I came in the back door. Did my tears tell them all they needed to know? What do they think I did with you? Do they blame me? Do they think you just left like the fostered dogs "just leave"? Do they think they are next? that I'm going to just "get rid off them"? Your collar laid beside me on the floor. Then it was gone. Rosie took it to her bed. Who will lick Rosie's pannus eyes? Who will she hide behind when she is scared? Who will she lay with when the storms come? She felt your strength. You were so strong...but yet, you too, were a baby. My Baby. I'll still see you do your dance when it's time to be fed or go for a walk. Those were some of the last words I spoke in your ear: "Wanna go for a walk?" Because those were your favorite words. And "I Love You, I'll see you on the other side", was also whispered in your ear as you left and went on to Rainbow Bridge. God had to hear me calling Him as you left me. Mattie Girl, You are supposed to be laying here next to me right now. Our world revolved around you. Me, Spike and Rosie. We will be lost without you. They wouldn't eat unless YOU ate, they wouldn't sleep unless YOU slept, they wouldn't go outside unless YOU went outside. What do we do now?????? You were my first greyhound, you won't be my last. But not another one will ever be able to reach that place in my heart that you did. Not another will ever take your place. Not one will bark at me three times when I say "I Love You" like you did. Not one will be able to look into my soul like you did. Run Happy, Girl. Run Happy. And come running to me when I get there. Quote Diane & The Senior Gang Burpdog Biscuits Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Devotion Posted August 20, 2006 Share Posted August 20, 2006 prayers for peace and comfort. I am sorry for your loss. What a greyt love you shared with your girl Mattie. Quote Pam with greys Avril, Dalton & Zeus & Diddy the dachshund & Miss Buzz the kitty Devotion, Jingle Bells, Rocky, Hans, Harbor, Lennon, NoLa, Scooter, Naomi and Scout at the bridge Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheFullHouse Posted August 20, 2006 Share Posted August 20, 2006 I'm so very sorry for your loss. Godspeed Mattie Quote Judy, mom to Darth Vader, Bandita, And Angel Forever in our hearts, DeeYoGee, Dani, Emmy, Andy, Heart, Saint, Valentino, Arrow, Gee, Bebe, Jilly Bean, Bullitt, Pistol, Junior, Sammie, Joey, Gizmo, Do Bee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iluvgreys Posted August 20, 2006 Share Posted August 20, 2006 What a very touching tribute to your precious Mattie girl. I'm so very sorry for your loss. I'm sure your girlie has been welcomed to the Bridge by our beloved angels and is in their exquisite care. Quote Jeanne with Remington & Scooter the cat....and Beloved Bridge Angels Sandee, Shari, Wells, Derby, Phoenix, Jerry Lee and Finnian.....If tears could build a stairway, and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heavenand bring you home again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ss556 Posted August 20, 2006 Share Posted August 20, 2006 I am so sorry for your loss. May you find peace and comfort through the memories of your sweet girl. Godspeed Mattie. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest greybookends Posted August 20, 2006 Share Posted August 20, 2006 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Houndtime Posted August 20, 2006 Share Posted August 20, 2006 I have tears for your loss. You wrote a beautiful tribute to your girl. Sweet Mattie Girl is an angel now. Make yourself familiar with the angels, and behold them frequently in spirit; for without being seen, they are present with you. St. Francis de Salles Mattie is gone from this earth, but not from your heart. Quote Irene Ullmann w/Flying Odin and Mama Mia in Lower Delaware Angels Brandy, John E, American Idol, Paul, Fuzzy and Shine Handcrafted Greyhound and Custom Clocks http://www.houndtime.com Zoom Doggies-Racing Coats for Racing Greyhounds Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patricia Posted August 20, 2006 Share Posted August 20, 2006 I am so sorry for your loss ...Run free sweet Mattie Girl...Our Angels will show you the way. Quote Patti-Mommy of Lady Sophia 7-28-92 - 8-3-04... LaceyLaine 8-2-94-12-5-07... Flash Gordon 7-14-99 - 8-29-09... BrookLynne...Pavé Maria... and 18 Bridge Kids. WATCHING OVER US~SOPHIA~QUEENIE~LACEY LAINE~ CODY ANGELO~FLASH GORDON. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest argolola Posted August 20, 2006 Share Posted August 20, 2006 I'm so sorry for your loss. Please take comfort in knowing that you gave her a wonderful life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nyGreys Posted August 20, 2006 Share Posted August 20, 2006 I am so sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gogh4It Posted August 20, 2006 Share Posted August 20, 2006 Burpdog thank you for being so thoughtful..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grey14me Posted August 20, 2006 Share Posted August 20, 2006 I am so very sorry Quote Michelle...forever missing her girls, Holly 5/22/99-9/13/10 and Bailey 8/1/93-7/11/05 Religion is the smile on a dog...Edie Brickell Wag more, bark less :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DoneRacin Posted August 21, 2006 Share Posted August 21, 2006 Burpdog, thank you so much for reposting my message. And thank all of you for the kind words, thoughts, prayers and flowers. The tears came back as I read them, but they are good tears. We are doing better. Time does help....but what has helped the most is looking at the old pictures of Mattie when I first got her, she was so scared and skinny....Through the years she became so beautiful and trusting, and that alone has reassured me that I did make a difference in her life. I hope I made her as happy as she made me. It is cruel that they do not live as long as us....just plain cruel....there has to be a reasoning somewhere. Thank you all again, Donna Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batmom Posted August 21, 2006 Share Posted August 21, 2006 I'm so sorry your beautiful girl had to leave. Sometimes I think they don't live as long as us because they each have something to teach us, be it patience or taking pleasure in ordinary things or simply loving without reservation .... as you loved your girlie. Godspeed, sweetheart. Quote Star aka Starz Ovation (Ronco x Oneco Maggie*, litter #48538), Coco aka Low Key (Kiowa Mon Manny x Party Hardy, litter # 59881), and mom in IllinoisWe miss Reko Batman (Trouper Zeke x Marque Louisiana), 11/15/95-6/29/06, Rocco the thistledown whippet, 04/29/93-10/14/08, Reko Zema (Mo Kick x Reko Princess), 8/16/98-4/18/10, the most beautiful girl in the whole USA, my good egg Joseph aka Won by a Nose (Oneco Cufflink x Buy Back), 09/22/2003-03/01/2013, and our gentle sweet Gidget (Digitizer, Dodgem by Design x Sobe Mulberry), 1/29/2006-11/22/2014, gone much too soon. Never forgetting CJC's Buckshot, 1/2/07-10/25/10. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest vahoundlover Posted August 21, 2006 Share Posted August 21, 2006 I am so sorry I know what it's like to lose a special baby. Runfree Mattie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest K9_Lady Posted August 21, 2006 Share Posted August 21, 2006 Thank you for sharing, that was so beautiful and from the heart. And from my heart I do believe we will see all who went before us again. Mattie will always be in your heart and at your side. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Aggie94 Posted August 21, 2006 Share Posted August 21, 2006 I'm so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Becki Posted August 21, 2006 Share Posted August 21, 2006 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest gottaluvgreysindy Posted August 21, 2006 Share Posted August 21, 2006 Typing through tears of my own. What a beautiful piece you've written. Godspeed sweet girl and lots of prayers to ease your pain! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guinness_the_greyt Posted August 21, 2006 Share Posted August 21, 2006 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest rsqdogsmom Posted August 21, 2006 Share Posted August 21, 2006 Good Speed, Mattie Girl. May you continue to find comfort in your memories of your baby. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Greymom Posted August 22, 2006 Share Posted August 22, 2006 Sending prayers to help through this difficult time. I am so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest TBSFlame Posted August 22, 2006 Share Posted August 22, 2006 I am so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beltane Posted August 22, 2006 Share Posted August 22, 2006 I am so very sorry. You are in my thoughts. Quote "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has." --- Margaret Mead Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tracey Posted August 22, 2006 Share Posted August 22, 2006 I'm so very sorry for your loss. Quote ...............Chase (FTH Smooth Talker), Morgan (Cata), Reggie (Gable Caney), Rufus (Reward RJ). Fosters check in, but they don't check out. Forever loved -- Cosmo (System Br Mynoel), March 11, 2002 - October 8, 2009.Miss Cosmo was a lady. And a lady always knows when to leave. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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