We had no warning about China's cancer. The day she was diagnosed was the day we helped her cross. The suddenness of it was part of the reason I think it hit us so hard. I know you are in a lot of pain right now. Those of us who have lost our pets empathize.
Cry and scream as much as you want. That is part of the grieving process.
One day you will feel better. In the meantime, please know we are all here for you.