MachosMom

It has been a bumpy two days with Macho. We are trying to up his meds, but part of me is sad that we may be rapidly approaching time to say goodbye. He isnt really eating. He will take a few bites then head butt the food and try to cover it with his blankie... Sometimes he will then go ahead an eat, sometimes only if we hand feed him.,. And this AM nothing worked to get more than a couple bites. Attitude wise he is himself but thats not a factor for me (it does seem a small factor for my partner to whom macho seems to be her other half) He did ok outside, and my partner doesn't think we are there yet. I, however, feel we are so close. Part of me wants to just make that call, but I am determined to see if we will pull through with up'd pain meds. Part of me also feels that doing that is just prolonging it. It doesnt help that we have people telling is what they think we should do - thereby making me second guess what kind of mom I an to him. Sigh, trying to do right by him. This so stinks!!!

Oh no!!!! I was happy at the better and now i an sad at the newer update! Come on Nube you can do this! Sending you and Nube many hugs.

For us warm compresses and gentle massage works to help reduce the swelling.

I am so sorry. He was so handsome and sounds like a true gentleman. Run with the wind sweet boy.

Sending positive vibes to you and Nube today!

I'm sorry to hear this. I teared up reading about him and seeing his handsome face. I'm glad he went in your lap, surrounded by your love. I'm sure he and Dante are busy not only peeing in the best spots, and rolling in the best grass, but watching over you and sending their love.

I'm so sorry. Thank you for sharing her story and photos. She sounds like she was a hoot!

Carol, thank you again for wise words! I am currently awake earlier than I need to be for work just so that Macho can have time to play in the dirt in our yard before we all head out an while the house is quiet. And FedEx is such a cutie pie! ((hugs to you and him))

Also checking in on you and Nube. Hugs to you!

(((hugs))) i love Tristan photos!!!! Especially his kidney bean and in the car photo!!! I know what ya mean about doubts, but I know you are doing the best for him and you can tell by his face he knows he is loved!

Thank you, everyone! I could crawl thru this forum and hug you all. Such wise advice. Thank you. I think it is a double edged sword for me. I will feel like I failed either way - whether he passes still happy and smiling or by telling us it is time. Such a crappy stinkin disease! Thank you all for your support. I hope one day we can meet. Part of me really would rather he go smiling... So i can remember him easier that way. For now, one day at a time. Not sure yet when my partner wants to schedule the xrays. May be a few weeks as is so... Gonna try to stay upbeat!

So, I didn't know where else to vent or ramble. I'm not really sure which it is to be honest. Macho is doing well, so you would think I would be upbeat and thrilled right? In a way I am. Today has just been a rough day for me, not him. (He had a blast snoozing and chilling with his buds at a meet and greet!). As you know, we've opted to just manage his pain. This is going really well so far. We seem to be in a good cycle where his pain medicine needs are low and he is perky and silly (as much as he can be really). All that said - I am terrified that we are going to meet the end, not by him being in pain and showing us that he wants to leave, but by getting a bone fracture. How am I going to do that? What if that happens and I have to let him go when he is still himself and happy and smiling? I will feel like I let him down because I don't have the funds to do any other treatment, and even if I did I am not sure I would put him through all of that. I know I can't control how the end will meet us, and I know it will happen. I am just not sure if I can deal with it and feel comfortable letting him go if it comes by way of a fracture or broken bone. His tumor is pretty big. And I know that's probably the inevitable, though I am hoping not. I just know I am going to feel like I failed him if that's how I have to say goodbye. My partner and I are debating when to do the next xray on his leg to see how it's going. Terrified that when we do that will be when we have to bring him home, have a goodbye party with his buddies and say goodbye. Gosh, I'm tearing up already. I am trying to remain positive, because he is. But this is lurking in the back of my mind :sad1 Anyway, sorry to be a downer, but I didn't know where else to let this out where someone would understand.

You got it! Positive healing vibes headed your way.

Sending positive vibes your way! Hope she is okay.

I am so sorry! What a handsome face, run free.

Oh no! I am also heartbroken to read this! i am so so sorry. I was hoping she would be able to pull through. Sending you strength and love.

((((hugs)))) to you and Havoc. It is the worst thing to have to decide and I still have moments I doubt my decision with Macho but I know I chose what is right for us.

Sending prayers, strength, and white light to you and your girl.

What a wonderful rememberance post. I am so sorry, but I am glad he was at home with you.

Hugs to you and Nube. I am hoping he gets feeling better soon!

What a handsome boy he was! Look at that grin! Big BIG hugs to you. I am so sorry

Well dang it, this is a very bad news day. I am so so sorry to you as well, and extend my condolences and strength. I know you did the right thing. You did everything out of love for her, and that is what matters most.

Ohhh no! Kelly! I am so so so sorry! I wasn't expecting to read this My heart breaks for you. I am glad he went in your arms and at home, but I am so sorry. Sending you love. You gave him so much love and I am glad.

I am so sorry. Run with the wind sweet girl!