Greymom_chi - My heart goes out to you. You're in good company here. This is a horrible thing to go through, and all of us know exactly what you're feeling. There aren't many times that someone can say that and it be true.
I don't have any advice for your question. I do however send love and support. If you need to vent, cry, anything, I'm here. I can't make the cancer go away, although I wish I could. I'd still have my Macho.