Some of you may remember that our beloved Border Collie was diagnosed with malignant melanoma of her upper gum line last summer. Since then she has had monthly debulking procedures to extend her life. The last one was almost three weeks ago and the tumor had traveled to her throat. The vet thought that it might hemorrhage but we went through with the surgery anyway, knowing that there was no other choice than to just put her to sleep, as she was having trouble breathing. She survived that surgery and came home happy and wagging her tail. She has been failing though over the past week. This morning, she refused to eat for the first time and is drinking very little. I know that these are signs that her life is coming to an end.
The tumor has now invaded her nose and probably back in her throat. It is relentless and horribly aggressive. However, she does not seem to be in pain and even though she isn't eating, she still follows me around the house, albeit very, very slowly. She's getting weaker and I know that she will be leaving us soon.
I'm having a terrible time dealing with losing her. It's not as if I haven't been prepared for this. Our vet told us that he never, ever expected that she would still be alive and happy eight months from this horrible diagnosis. She was "supposed" to only live a month or two. But Mittens is the best dog ever. She's tough and brave and she is my best friend in the world.
How do I get through this? It is very, very important to me that she pass away as naturally as possible at home, as long as she is not suffering. So it seems that our very sad vigil has begun. I can't stop crying. Sometimes it feels as if it is unbearable.