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Finding A Way To Heal...

Guest guinness_the_greyt

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Guest guinness_the_greyt

I took some friends advice and just started writing about my Harley boy... since my still aches... and I can't seem to heal. And to my surprise it's helping. Here is something I jotted down the other day. Please do not correct my grammar and spelling....


This always seems to be the way it happens... When you stop looking you find your yourself face to face with your new love. At least that’s how it worked for me. I will never forget that day... It was a Saturday like any other Saturday in the Arizona summer. The pavement swirled with heat and I was sweaty and irritated. I walked into the store to buy my friends wretched cat some food and there you stood. Too skinny - I doubt you’d seen a bath in weeks - your nails were overgrown and filled with grime... But you had these chestnut eyes that danced with light and boy did they make me swoon.


I took you home with me that day. I was nervous. You seemed so rough, wise beyond your years, and you seemed almost sly. I had never been this bold before - this brazen. Rarely had I ever leaped without thinking things through. So I invited my friends over that evening to meet you. I suppose I needed affirmations that I had made the right choice. You were so clingy and nervous that night. Smiling too much - exposing your crooked teeth and horrible underbite. It’s understandable that my friends would be hesitant. And come to think of it you were wearing a spiked leather collar and that could have intimidated anyone! But I wanted so badly to be your guardian, your secret angel, and your best friend. How would I know how quickly that role would reverse?


I had nine amazing years with you. And all the things I wanted to be for you - you were for me. I am eternally grateful to you. Christ! I drug you everywhere with me! To the coffee shop, the bank, across the country and back again, to friends houses you never really enjoyed and through it all not one complaint or refusal to go. It never bothered me when we were together that strangers shyed away. I wrote them off as ignorant and shallow. Much too dumb to understand that your body was just an ugly shell for your soul. I too had always felt I was in the wrong body. So screw them for being shallow!


After seven years together we discovered that tumors were turning cancerous and there was not a thing we could do about it. We were told it could be weeks, months, or years. Luckily for us we had years. But that day all we could do was go home and trudge on with life as normal. I tried desperately everyday to talk to a God I had never known. I prayed that you would have no pain, no suffering, but I prayed most that I would have the strength to let you go. I could no longer remember what my life was like without you in it.


That last day when I looked into your eyes I knew... The light that had always been so bright in those eyes I adored was gone. You were just a mere fraction of who you were the day before. On the way to the hospital I clung tight to you. As if holding onto you would squash the voice in my head telling me we were on a one way trip. - It wasn’t long before they told me that were losing you. I felt so vacant and alone. - I prayed I would find my voice when they allowed me to hold you one last time. When I laid down next to you, you felt so small and fragile. - Not my tough guy, my protector, my confident. I started to sing to you as if this was just another lazy Sunday morning and I made up songs to sing while we laid in bed. It was then that you waged your tail again and nuzzled your head deep into my shoulder and fell asleep. I felt it was your way of telling me you were ready. It was only then that I could allow the vet to let you go.


My Harley boy and his chestnut eyes....

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Guest Valliejo2001

What a lovely tribute to your baby. I feel your pain as we lost our 10 year old Maggie Sue last Nevember. My heart still aches for her. She was our first.






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What a touching tribute to sweet Harley...He will always watch over you until you meet again. :grouphug:grouphug:grouphug:grouphug


Patti-Mommy of Lady Sophia 7-28-92 - 8-3-04... LaceyLaine 8-2-94-12-5-07...

Flash Gordon 7-14-99 - 8-29-09... BrookLynne...Pavé Maria... and 18 Bridge Kids.




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I am sorry fory your loss, buy my how wonderful that you had such a wonderful bond. I think your story is simply touching and a true tribute to how this amazing breed touches our souls.



Praying for all the missing greys!

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Amanda, that was so beautiful. I don't know if you've always been a wonderful writer, or if that is Harley coming through...either way, it's a very touching tribute...thanks for sharing it. :grouphug:f_white



Michelle...forever missing her girls, Holly 5/22/99-9/13/10 and Bailey 8/1/93-7/11/05

Religion is the smile on a dog...Edie Brickell

Wag more, bark less :-)

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Guest how888

What a beautiful journal you must have because those words just flowed through my heart. "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" Harley is looking down ,along with our bridge angels, watching us go through life til one day we can all meet n greet one more time.Keep writing and may you have days where you can find peace in knowing Harley will always be with you in spirit.I know Howie is with me when I feel his presence. God Bless and thank you for sharing your journal. :grouphug

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