When Does It Stop Hurting?

[Guest guinness_the_greyt]

I lost my Harley on December 28th.... within a few hours of falling ill he was gone. An internal tumor that we didn't know about burst inside him and he bled out at the hospital until I let him go.

 

Can someone please tell me I will no longer cry when I think of him?

 

When will I find myself no longer looking for him around the house?

 

When will I stop waking up in the middle of night when I reach for him and he's not there?

 

When will I have the strength to let go of his things? His special food is still in the bin....

 

Will there ever be a time I can talk about him without choking?

 

Does it really get better with time?

 

Why didn't it hurt this bad when I lost the previous 5 dogs in my life?

 

When will I stop being angry with all the "greyhound people" who never let Harley around them because he wasn't a greyhound? It never bothered me too much until he was gone.

 

Am I nuts.... I mean does anyone else understand how this feels?

[patricia]

I am so sorry. I wonder if it ever stops hurting.

[Guest PhillyPups]

I wish I could give you positive words. I still cry over my Runner and The Divine Ms. SugarBear. Runner left suddenly, while at a M&G to go race in the wind, and The Divine One I lost a yer and a half ago. there is a part of my heart that will always be theirs, I have found that my heart has many spaces, one space belongs to Stepper, one part belongs to Zeus, one part to BarbieJade, one part to Pancho. I do everything I do for the greys in honor of Runner and SugarBear. I have tears as I write this. I have their kennel collars, I have certain things that were theirs that I will NEVER part with, and will not use for any other hound. I have found that they greyhounds touch my soul in a way no other living being ever has or ever will. Peace be with you...

[HJsM]

I'm sorry. I wish I could tell you that you will wake up and feel at peace about it SOON, but I don't know that. It's over stated but true: everyone grieves at their own pace. So, if you need to cry every day, then cry every day. If you need to feel mad, feel mad...or feel happy over great memories, also allow yourself to do THAT. My dog has been gone 3 years this year and it could be YESTERDAY that she died suddenly right there in front of me and I could not do a darn thing to save her.....the ONLY thing I can tell you is that, no, it probably does not hurt as bad today as it did maybe even a few a few months ago...and that God (who is my higher power) put people and things in my life that eventually brought me around to understanding WHY she had to go when she did. I definitely believe there is a reason for things even if we don't know AT THE TIME why they are happening.

 

So, hang in there and don't feel like you "have to get over it" or whatever those with less intense feelings about their pets may have you believe. Take your own sweet time and soon you WILL see more light.

[Guest MaxGreys]

February 17th 2004 my Penny went to the bridge. I still miss her terribly. I can only say, the pain does ease but they never leave your heart.

[iluvgreys]

Harley was your heart dog, and was loved dearly and tenderly by you with your whole heart. The heartache of loss does get better with time... he died so suddenly and you had no time to prepare for his leaving. Your heart will heal in it's own time, and the joyful memories of your precious boy will begin to override the pain. This poem always brings me comfort, knowing that my beloved Bridge angels are still with me in spirit, if I allow myself to be aware.

 

Do not stand at my grave and weep.

I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,

I am the diamond glints on the snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain,

I am the gentle autumn’s rain.

When you awaken in the morning’s hush,

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circled flight.

I am the stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,

I am not there, I did not die….

Anonymous

[Burpdog]

Your loss is very new. It does get easier with time but I don't think the pain ever goes away--it just dulls and has relief through other loves in life. If I didn't have the others to hug & nuzzle me during these times, I'd go nuts.

 

Every person is different. For me, I grieve for a time, then I do not dwell on the passing, but the time spent living. It's the only way I can deal with it, espcially since I love the seniors so much.

 

I think of special "pictures" of those who have gone--Magic flying over the doorway, Solo chattering, Scooby with his paw hooked over his ear, SieSie knitting, Shadow running in the yard, Jodie grinning, Burp doing his 10 o clock snack stomp, etc. etc. Sometimes, the pictures bring tears, but usually a big smile and make my heart sing.

 

A sudden loss is a shock. In some ways hospice care prepares you. It also makes one aware that going quickly can be a blessing. It does not seem like it at the time, but it's something you realize down the road. It was that way with my mother and my father. They both went to sleep one day and didn't wake up. Unexpected, and a shock and also a blessing.

 

You don't ever have to get rid of his special things (unless maybe the food gets buggy ) if you don't want to. Hold on to them as long as you need to.

 

It's my personal belief that Harley is not that far from you and probably very close to you. You just can't see him anymore. But you will, one day.....

 

[Guest argolola]

I'm so sorry. Hugs are coming your way.

 

I don't think it ever stops hurting, but time does ease the pain. I have found (after losing both children) that doing something in their name does help. I made a donation in memory, etc. This way you are helping someone in the name of your sweet pup.

 

Love never dies.

Edited February 4, 2005 by argolola

[Guest DogGone]

I am so sorry. And I do understand. I don't think the hurt ever goes away, it just doesn't hurt quite as much. I too have kept collars or tags from my bridge kids. And I have photo's of them here in my office. I comfort myself by knowing that we shared wonderful times together and that I gave them a good home where they did not want for anything. Everyone is different, but it does help me to adopt another. I believe my bridge kids would be honored knowing that I've given another deserving animal a home. It never replaces the one that is gone, but it does help me focus on the present and future.

[Guest Sara]

Yes, I understand. I lost my baby boy last week. I still can't put away his things either. And I swear I hear him sometimes. {{hugs}} I know how you feel. Maybe it will help knowing that Harley isn't the only "newcomer" at the Rainbow Bridge. He & Hank can explore & learn about their new place together. I am a little comforted because I felt like I saw this week from Hank, telling me he was ok.

 

p.s. Something I'm doing this weekend is starting a scrapbook, I'm thinking it as a "memory book". I will fill it full of pictures and also memories, and funny stories about Hank. I want to remember all the little things he did and all the silly times we had. I think my biggest fear is forgetting those, so that's why I decided to make it.

Edited February 4, 2005 by Sara

[mareyeka]

It doesn't stop hurting, but it starts to hurt less after a while. We lost our Rox a year ago on January 6th. It still hurts. But I loved him so much, that I know he will always be in my heart.

[Guest Meredith]

The pain you feel now is a reflection of the immense love you have for him. Give yourself time, sweetie. And you'll always miss him, but he'll always be with you.

 

I heard an animal communicator on the radio recently talking to a woman who had lost her heart-pet, and wondered if he was still with her, even though she had moved. The pet psychic person said that your pets never leave you - they haunt your heart forever (in a good way). And when you swear you hear them - you do. They want you to know they're still there, still loving you.

 

Of all the dogs my grandma had, two were the most special. Pencil drawings of them (done by my artist stepmom from photographs) hang in her den, and their collars, tags attached, hang beneath. Their ashes sit on a shelf in her home office. When I was in high school, I found out that my mom and dad (long since divorced) had still kept our dachshund Snoopy's bowl and collar and favorite toys all those years - she had been hit by a car when I was in kindergarten. But they couldn't bear to throw her things away, even 10 years later.

 

So hold on to whatever you need to hold on to. Do whatever you need to do to work through your grief. Just give yourself time.

[Guest Aggie94]

First off I lost my heart dog a year ago last month. There are days that I just cry and cry for her and other days that I think happy. I have her collar with tags hanging on my rear view mirror. I'll never take it away. We lost our grey Zak(to cancer) 2 years ago in May and he has never been to our new house. We were in the process of selling old and building our new when we lost him in May. We moved in October. I swear I saw him waiting at the door to come in with the other two (one of which he never met). I think he was telling me he is okay and he know's where we moved. I told my dad when he was struggling with the impending loss of his dog in June, I like to think that it is just time to make room for a new one to love. Not saying that will happen right away, I'm just now getting a new grey tomorrow to love and it took me a little over a year to finally decide to apply. I've got tears in my eyes now writing about them. Big hugs again to you. It does ease a little.

 

Michelle

Edited February 4, 2005 by Aggie94

[grey14me]

Oh Amanda, I had no idea...I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear Harley

[Guest Reesesmom]

[gacaseys]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I feel your pain. I can't say that the pain will go away, but it will lessen in time and the memories will make you smile; not cry. Hang in there! And know you are not along.

[Guest Lunula]

I'm so sorry for your loss. It took me years before I even wanted to think of getting another dog after our husky passed away (at 15 years old). She was such a sweet, gentle & loving dog and even now I still think of her - but now I just remember all the funny & sweet things she used to do and it makes me smile.

[Guest DaffyToons]

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I don't know if the pain ever goes away entirely, maybe it dulls a little over time? But the tears are always near the surface, and that's o.k.

 

It will be two years next month that I lost my heart, Lexi. I think of her every day, and I sometimes cry. I can't read anything about the Rainbow Bridge or someone else's loss without tears flowing so i can't read the words anymore.

 

But I know I love her with all my heart.

[scullysmum]

I am so sorry to hear about Harley. The pain doesn't really go away, but you get used to it, and you will find yourself remembering good things that will bring you comfort in time.