Struggling after 4 months - bad fit or just need more time?

[Anon]

Hi

Looking for some advice and thoughts, currently feeling very low and stressed so please try to be kind.

We adopted our 5 year old ex-racing boy 4 months ago (our first dog).

We were told he was dog safe when we got him (important as I have dogs in the wider family) but soon found he wasn't when we walked him around our area. He snapped a few times and pulled a lot on the lead, etc. We spoke to the adoption centre and visited again so they could reassess and sure enough he was fine with their two dogs - disinterested but tolerant and unconcerned by them.

After 6 weeks (in mid December) we saw a behaviourist who told us his reactions to other dogs on our walks was fear based and showed us how to work on desensitising him with lots of treats. We have been doing that, with no real noticeable improvement so far. We have been able to introduce him to a friend's dog in the same way as he met the adoption centre's dogs, and he was unsure at first but then fine. However he still dislikes dogs on walks etc and will lunge if they get too close so this means we don't walk him in busy areas.

We have worked on lead training and now he is great on a lead while calm. However we're coming to realise that it's not just dogs he's scared of,  he finds the whole environment of the world -  or at least our area - scary. He gets very stressed very quickly which manifests in pulling, dandruff, lip licking, complete loss of focus.

We try and minimise his walks as much as possible but we live in an apartment so every toilet break means going outside and potentially seeing a dog. We stick to our carpark/courtyard as it's the quietist space possible but there are still the occasional dogs and also noises of other people coming and going through doors, cars passing by, people walking by the gates out on the street. He finds all of this worrying. For the last two weeks we have not been leaving the courtyard at all and slowly working up to going outside again. Some days it goes better than others.

He also had separation anxiety - with behaviourists' help he has been doing well with this and we're up to around 30 minutes alone and he is lying on the sofa when we come home, which is great to see.

However the stress and pressure of managing his behaviour outside, and not being able to go anywhere with him, is really taking its toll on me and my partner. We moved to a new city last year so don't have a support system here to be able to get a break (and with Covid no one is allowed in our home anyway). Also because of Covid it's not really possible to go and try and find quieter places to walk him in the countryside etc.

In the house he doesn't seem particularly attached to us - he is happy hanging out in his own bed. He went through a phase of getting on the bed in the mornings to nap and say hello to us but doesn't do that anymore. When we got him he would lean on us to be rubbed but doesn't do that anymore either. He will play with us and gets excited about going for his walks (even though he finds them stressful...)

Overall though he seems to be getting more anxious about the world (and us) not less anxious. We are beginning to wonder if he is not the right dog for us and would be happier elsewhere. We are trying our best for him but are finding it really difficult. We know there is no 'perfect' dog which is why we have been determined to stick it out and make it work, but at the same time it feels like everything is a challenge and maybe we're just not a good fit for each other?

We are happy to move to a quieter area for him and get a house with a garden but realistically that is a few months away, and even then it won't be remote countryside living so he may still find it difficult. I'm not sure how much we should expect to adapt our lifestyle to make it work -  originally we wanted a dog who could come out with us e.g. to get a coffee, meet and walk with other dogs comfortably, and even go on holiday with us to the seaside occasionally. At the minute none of that seems possible and while we know they take time adjust and we're happy to put in work (like we have been doing) we ultimately wanted a grey who would be happy to be our companion in those things. 
 

Would appreciate any thoughts and advice on whether he will be able to learn to cope and just needs more time, or if he would be better off elsewhere. We could be way overthinking it and worrying too much about how stressed he is all the time, but we just want to do what's best for him.

 

 

 

Edited February 28, 2021 by Anon

[Anon]

Also worth adding as I mentioned we are in a new city with no support system and have had limited contact with friends and family for months as we've been in and out of lockdown. We are both feeling quite low. Not sure if that is making this all seem worse t so time will do wonders, or whether it's another reason we're not the best people to have him. 

[1Moregrey]

Welcome,  

They do take time to adjust, your behaviorist might be the best one to answer your question.  As they know both of you.

They each have there own challenges and personalities.  Some just fit right in and are easy for first time adopters. In my experience they are the confident to a little reserve dogs.   You need to keep in mind that just because they tested well at the adoption group does not mean it will be the same in the real world.  The dogs and cats used to test are often pets of greyhound owners and are exposed to many greyhounds.  They are being handled by experienced handlers too.

My opinion it comes down to a few things.  1.  What your behaviorist thinks.  2.  Are you willing and able to put in the work.  It is one thing to practice in a controlled environment another in the real world.  3.  Are you just so overwhelmed and disappointed that it is not turning out how you anticipated.

If you can work with your behaviorist to build confidence with your boy and get him used to the new sights and sounds you will have the dog you want.  He sounds like he is teaching you a lot.  I hope you are up to the challenge.

The apartment does add a change that a single family home would not.

You can not make a bad decision if you keep what is best for all in mind.

Remember to breath and relax if you stick with it you will be amazed at the bond you have at a year.  Some just take more time to settle in to life outside the kennel.

 

[Anya]

Give him more time. His world has changed drastically and he's still getting used to his new surroundings, his new people and new distractions, so he very likely is still nervous and afraid. 

If it's any consolation I had/have the same problems with my grey. Adopted just 5+ months ago, she would bark, lunge and bare her teeth at any dog we met on our walks. It got to the point where I was afraid to walk her (twice she took off and dragged me along the ground!). I'm still working on this, but she has improved immensely since the early days. When I see a dog approaching, I shorten her leash, talk to her, tell her what a good girl she is, use the "look at me" command and just keep walking. I also have treats handy, so that if she is more focused on the other dog than me, I wave the cookie in front of her nose which breaks her concentration and she focuses on the treat. I also kept her muzzled for the first month +. 

He may sense your fear too, (they are very sensitive dogs) so project an air of confidence  and leadership when walking him and he will feel protected. Keep working with the behaviourist. 

My girl also had separation anxiety, so I got her a Kong, stuffed it with kibble and topped it off with peanut butter and froze it. That keeps her busy for awhile. I also leave the radio on for her.

He will come out of his shell. it just takes time. Give him lots of love and positive reinforcement and I guarantee you, you will have a completely different dog.

Best of luck and keep us posted!

Edited February 28, 2021 by Anya

[mansbestfriend]

Hi. First of all give yourself a huge pat on the back for doing so well to help your dog. 

Has the dog been to a vet for a medical checkup?  It sounds like you have some good advice from the behaviorist, and you've followed through with the training and advice, and more.

If it just isn't working out, it isn't your fault, nor the dog's fault. Sometimes it just doesn't work. I'd also say that the well-being of all concerned is important.

Cheers.

 

[HeyRunDog]

You greyhound has been parachuted into a strange noisy world that he doesn't understand and is looking to his new mentors which things are safe and what to be afraid of. If you act concerned and worried and fuss over him he'll think that there is something to worry about but if you act confidently and show no concern he'll eventually pick up on that and start to relax himself. Don't reward or comfort him when he's acting scared as he'll think that he's right to act the way he is but be ready with praise and or a treat when he doesn't.

I agree with 1Moregrey, relax and take a moment to breath. Only you can make the decision if he's the right hound for you and no-one will judge you whatever you decide.

Time, patience and a sense of humour works wonders

[Anon]

Thank you everyone, it's really helpful to get some outside perspective and thoughts.

We have come to the decision to return him to the adoption group. I'm sure he would improve with time but I'm also sure there is another home out there for him where he wouldn't have to learn to be comfortable with all these things, and could have a lifestyle more inline with his needs. Or maybe he will just find humans who are better equipped to help him without finding it stressful and then passing that anxiety onto him. We spoke to our behaviourist and he reiterated that he will need a lot of work and that requires a family who can cope with that , and while we're willing we're obviously not able. 

I feel heartbroken and like after wanting a greyhound for so long we have failed him and ourselves. But for everyone's wellbeing this is probably best.

 

Thanks again.

 

Edited March 1, 2021 by Anon

[HeyRunDog]

50 minutes ago, Anon said:

Thank you everyone, it's really helpful to get some outside perspective and thoughts.

We have come to the decision to return him to the adoption group. I'm sure he would improve with time but I'm also sure there is another home out there for him where he wouldn't have to learn to be comfortable with all these things, and could have a lifestyle more inline with his needs. Or maybe he will just find humans who are better equipped to help him without finding it stressful and then passing that anxiety onto him. We spoke to our behaviourist and he reiterated that he will need a lot of work and that requires a family who can cope with that , and while we're willing we're obviously not able. 

I feel heartbroken and like after wanting a greyhound for so long we have failed him and ourselves. But for everyone's wellbeing this is probably best.

 

Thanks again.

 

You have not failed, you just didn't have a greyhound that suited you. Greyhounds have as many personalities and traits as people, you don't get on with everyone you meet for what ever reason so why should you get on with every greyhound?

I hope it hasn't put you off adopting another hound, and if it hasn't have a word with the adoption group to see if you can foster with a view to adoption.

[Anon]

18 minutes ago, HeyRunDog said:

You have not failed, you just didn't have a greyhound that suited you. Greyhounds have as many personalities and traits as people, you don't get on with everyone you meet for what ever reason so why should you get on with every greyhound?

I hope it hasn't put you off adopting another hound, and if it hasn't have a word with the adoption group to see if you can foster with a view to adoption.

Thank you, that's a logical way of looking at it.

I think we will try again in the future - no doubt they're still lovely dogs. Perhaps when we're in a house with a garden to make things a bit easier from the outset. And if we do will definitely ask about fostering first.

Thanks again

 

 

[1Moregrey]

You will be great greyhound parents,  you did everything and more for your greyhound.  When you look back I hope you will see all the things you learned from your hound and when/if you get another you will take those skills with you.  I know it is never an easy process, thanks for looking out for all of you.

There is a great fitting greyhound out there for you in time you will find each other.

[Anon]

45 minutes ago, 1Moregrey said:

You will be great greyhound parents,  you did everything and more for your greyhound.  When you look back I hope you will see all the things you learned from your hound and when/if you get another you will take those skills with you.  I know it is never an easy process, thanks for looking out for all of you.

There is a great fitting greyhound out there for you in time you will find each other.

Thank you - really means a lot  

[zimsmom]

I had to return my first greyhound over 15 years ago.  Just could not handle her prey drive.  I was overwhelmed.  I now have owned 4 greyhounds and feels so much more experienced.  An older dog may suit you better.  Best of luck.  Your a responsible dog owner 

[Anon]

 

19 hours ago, zimsmom said:

I had to return my first greyhound over 15 years ago.  Just could not handle her prey drive.  I was overwhelmed.  I now have owned 4 greyhounds and feels so much more experienced.  An older dog may suit you better.  Best of luck.  Your a responsible dog owner 

 

Thank you - appreciate that. Hopefully there are lots more greys to come for us too