Aggression Towards My Husband

[Guest laura150]

Hi-We've had Ernie since August. He's a great pup and I love him so much and we've certainly heavily bonded. A little background:

My husband is a trainer and works early in the morning and later in the evening to I am the primary food giver and walker. When my husband is home for feedings, we make sure he's the one to give it to Ernie.

 

Being a trainer, it works out that my husband is home a lot of the time during the day so Ernie is never alone for long periods which we thought would be perfect. However, Ernie will not go outside with my husband. If my husband even shows him the leash, he bares his teeth and will sometimes lunge. He's never bitten my husband, but his bark/snarl is really scary. Ernie has only done it to me a few times (going out when it's raining and in the beginning, I think I sleep startled him).

 

What we did to try and help him bond was to give him less food for breakfast and dinner and do a hand feeding in the middle of the day. Ernie happily takes food and treats from him, he just won't go out.

 

I should also add that we have a dog walker who will come over sometimes if my husband has a long morning and won't be home. He goes out with him just fine.

 

So I'll have fed Ernie in the morning and will have run him and we're home by 7:30 or so. My husband will get home around 12:30 or so and he won't want to go out. My husband will try again a few hours later and no dice. He doesn't always snarl but my husband is afraid to put his leash on him and get that close.

 

We've talked about any sort of traumatic experience the dog may have had while on an early walk with my husband and he cannot think of one thing-getting scratched, a scary sound, stepping on his paw, etc. And when I take him out and those things happen, he's never afraid of me.

 

Now, when I'm home, my husband can get his leash on him and take him outside.

 

We obviously know that Ernie has a trust issue with my husband and doesn't feel completely safe around him. But we can't figure out why so we don't know what behavior to eliminate.

 

He's not scared of my husband. My husband will set out his yoga mat on the floor and Ernie will walk over to him and sniff his face and look for pets and be fine.

So what gives?

Anyone have any experience or any advice?

Edited January 10, 2014 by laura150

[Guest laura150]

Also, whenever my husband is home for walk time and on the weekends, we go together.

[Guest grey_dreams]

I had the same experience. Zuki was absolutely fine to go out with me, and with me and my partner, but absolutely refused to go out alone with my partner. We lived in a very busy city, and Zuki just didn't trust that my partner would keep him safe. There are many things that can appear dangerous to a dog that humans may not even notice, and depending on how shy Ernie is (shy of unknown things outside that he can't control), he could be spooked by a flag flapping in the wind, or a trash can sitting on the sidewalk, or a plastic bag blowing across the street. Zuki never did trust my partner (and later I didn't either ).

 

Just keep working at it, going out together but letting your husband hold the leash. One thing that we tried that never worked, was to go out together, with partner holding the leash, and I would slowly lag back until they were walking alone together. Every single time, Zuki knew I wasn't with them anymore, and he would turn into a statue and refuse to move.

Edited January 10, 2014 by grey_dreams

[Guest DeniseL]

Miami would bite us when we were putting his collar on. The behaviorist showed us a way to hold the collar with one hand in front of his head and then put a SUPER YUMMY treat on the other side. Miami would slip his head into the collar. Follow up with a few more SUPER YUMMY treats and we were good to go!

[Guest laura150]

By nature, I'm someone who pays close attention to anything, my husband (thank goodness for our relationship!!) isn't like that. So, he may not be as sensitive to the trash cans and loud noises. But why would he be afraid to go out?

 

I'm also very, very affectionate with Ernie because I love him so much. So I obviously high pitch chat with him a lot and my husband doesn't do that. Could he not feel bonded by that (as silly as that sounds).

 

I like the yummy treat idea for the leash! My husband could at least show him the leash and throw a yummy treat his way for a few times and see if he can make any progress that way. He just doesn't want to approach him on his bed.

[gryhndsr4us]

If he is going to his bed to get him that could be part of the problem. He needs to try to get Ernie to come to him. Try very yummy treats ( chicken or hot dogs), no leash a few days. Then with leash in hand, but don't try to put it on. Then yummy treats and put on leash.

[JJNg]

Pay attention to your husband's body language and how he's approaching Ernie. There may be something about his approach that is different from your approach which Ernie finds threatening. Direct face-on approaches, direct eye contact, and being leaned over are all threatening from a dog's perspective. And I definitely agree that if he's approaching Ernie while he's lying down in his bed, that's part of the problem.

 

Is the problem with attaching the leash itself? Or is Ernie also uncomfortable leaving the house with your husband, or walking with him? If you put his leash on, then hand it to your husband to take him out to walk, how does he do?

 

It would be helpful for both of you to become more familiar with the subtle body language that tells you a dog is uncomfortable or stressed. Chances are that he's showing a lot of signals before he gets to the point of baring his teeth and lunging. Here's a good article with more info:

http://www.greenacreskennel.com/dog-behavior-and-training/canine-calming-signals-and-stress

[Guest laura150]

Ernie doesn't get up when he arrives home so he's usually on his bed in the living room when my husband tries to get him to go out. He's not too keen on high pitching baby talking to Ernie but that's the only thing that works to get him excited and up. He did manage to get him off of his bed yesterday and got him excited and as soon as he took the leash out of our basket, Ernie snarled.

 

If I'm home, my husband can get the leash on him and take him out. Same if he takes him in the car to the dog park. Ernie will happily go with him but if it's a walk around the block, he'll usually want to turn around and come home after awhile.

 

So it's usually on his bed, yesterday was the first time he snarled while standing.

 

We're going to try hot dogs and as soon as my husband shows Ernie the leash, he's going to toss a little piece of hot dog his way and keep doing baby steps so Ernie will hopefully associate the leash with delicousness. Then graduate to hopefully him getting up for another treat and then my husband can get the leash on him and feed him a treat at the same time.

[Guest Greyt_dog_lover]

Personally what I would try to do is modify the feeding schedule so that your husband is the only one that feeds Ernie. Then have your husband hand-feed Ernie. That means sitting down on the floor, and holding the food in his hands and having Ernie eat out of his hands. Each and every meal this way. This is a very effective and quick way to establish trust and a bond between human and hound. I had a very shy girl that was terrified of me, so much so that if I even looked in her direction she would run and hide at the back of her crate and tremble. I hand-fed her for about 3 months as well as did all of her training and such. After about 6 months she is my little girl. It takes a lot of effort to establish trust, but once it is there, the hound will do anything for its human. I would also strongly suggest your husband take Ernie for basic obedience training. You can attend as well, but he should be the one doing all of the exercises until the trust bond is established. Long story short, you should start to take a back seat to everything (including the affection!) and your husband should start being the primary care giver in every sense with Ernie.

 

One last thing, Ernie is not showing "aggression" towards your husband as you titled this post, but rather he is communicating his fear of your husband when approached. Growling is not mean to instigate confrontation, it is meant to avert confrontation.

Edited January 10, 2014 by Greyt_dog_lover

[silverfish]

Is your husband a dog trainer? If so, what does he think the solution should be, and what has he tried?

 

Do you ever go out together, and if so, does your husband take the leash? Do you watch closely for body language from Ernie to see if he gives any clues as to what's bothering him?

[Guest laura150]

Sorry, I shouldn't have called it aggression.

 

No, he's a personal trainer. I wish he was a dog trainer!

 

He does take him out and holds his leash when we go for walks/runs together and is totally fine. Ernie would even walk away with my husband and leave me behind and not think twice about it.

It's more of his behavior when my husband takes the leash out to get him to go for a walk. We can't figure out why he's scared of the leash when he holds it out. When I'm home, he'll let my husband put it on.

 

I know he'd probably rather sleep than go outside to go to the bathroom, but that can't be the reason why he snarls/feels stressed when my husband tries to take him out the in the afternoon.

[Guest Wasserbuffel]

You say Ernie is happy to be leashed to be leashed by husband to ride in the car, but not for a walk? Husband might try offering a ride instead. Take him around the block in the car, then for a walk once they're back home. Over time Ernie would gain a more positive association with husband holding the leash, and leaving the house with him, and they can phase out the car ride portion.

[greyhoundlady]

Maybe Ernie is bothered by your husband standing/bending over him. Is he very tall? Could your husband try sitting down and calling Ernie to him with a handful of very tasty treats? If he comes to him, while your husband is sitting, he could give him the treats and put his leash on, keep giving him the treats, get up and go for a walk, still giving treats. Ernie might then associate all good things happening.

[silverfish]

Ah .. thanks for clearing that up! I suppose a personal trainer wouldn't necessarily 'talk dog'!

 

I wonder if he's standing directly in front of Ernie and staring at him while holding out the lead? Does he sound gruff? My DH does. I tell him all the time that he is 'growling' at the dogs.

Do you know what I'd do? I'd get him to read a book on basic dog signals so that he knows what Ernie is saying and also what he's 'saying' to Ernie, non-verbally. Might that help?

 

Sorry, I shouldn't have called it aggression.

 

No, he's a personal trainer. I wish he was a dog trainer!

 

He does take him out and holds his leash when we go for walks/runs together and is totally fine. Ernie would even walk away with my husband and leave me behind and not think twice about it.

It's more of his behavior when my husband takes the leash out to get him to go for a walk. We can't figure out why he's scared of the leash when he holds it out. When I'm home, he'll let my husband put it on.

 

 

[JJNg]

Lots of good responses. I just had a couple more additions. The suggestion of your husband taking Ernie to a basic obedience class is a good idea, but make sure it's one that is based on rewards, treats, and positive reinforcement. A traditional class that based on theories of dominance and leash corrections will make things worse. Hopefully trainers in your area are more progressive - we still have mostly 'old school' trainers around here.

 

Since the snarling seems to be mostly associated with the your husband handling the leash and trying to approach to put it on, I would pay very close attention to body language, as I mentioned in my previous response. I would suspect that there's something about your husband's approach, and/or how he approached Ernie to leash him in the past that established a negative association. Is he very direct? Does he lean over Ernie? Reach over his head from above to hook on the leash? Reaching out and leaning toward a dog can be seen as threatening gestures. I think greyhoundlady's suggestion to have your husband try sitting is a good one. If he's sits and encourages Ernie to come to him, then reaches from underneath his neck to hook on the leash, it's a much less intimidating approach.

[Guest iconsmum]

Why don't you have your dog wear a light drag line 24/7, about 6-8 feet long until you get this fixed. Every hour (or whatever's convenient) your husband casually scoops up the END of the line away from the dog, drops 1 little piece of something nice on the floor and takes the dog around the house for a turn or two, straight ahead without changing direction, then he just drops the line and walks away, no talking and no reward - wasn't that a nice walk. Did you know that you can get much closer to a hesitant or aggressive dog by simply turning around and quietly walking backward toward it? Ask him to turn his shoulder to the dog long before he picks the line up and to think in terms of the dog being close but looking at the back of your husband's thigh as they walk. Pretty soon this is going to evolve into your swinging the front door open and letting it push you backwards "hidden" as your husband and the dog march straight out over the doorsill, do an even-paced, two-house-wide loop, march back home and into the house, *all the while with the dog still looking at your husband's rear. The next time is identical except the loop goes in the other direction so the dog is being escorted rather than predicting direction.

The one thing I harp about all the time when teaching students to teach dogs is: "dead silence, shut your mouth"; i.e., don't help yourself along by chattering. Voice gets in the way of the smoothness of actions and makes people much more likely to give a dog conflicting signals, especially when you're not 100% confident about the issue at hand. Silence, on the other hand, allows you to become aware of your body's language; if you allow that to be all you have, you're equalizing your capability to your dog's.

[GeorgeofNE]

Iconsmom had the very same idea I had!

 

I'd just let the dog drag a light leash around all day. Obviously not attached to a martingale...

 

And I'd get a new leash. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it can't hurt.

 

And don't go TO the dog. Call the dog to him. Stand at the door, call the dog, give him a treat, calmly take hold of the collar, fish the leash off the ground, and out you go!

 

The real point is to TOTALLY change what he's presently doing since it clearly doesn't work. Trying to figure out a dog's mind can be challenging and sometimes not even worth it. Just do something different!

[Guest laura150]

Thanks, everyone! This is all really helpful.

I think our biggest hurdle is my husband getting Ernie off of his bed to the door to go out. He won't come to my husband no matter what treat he offers and my husband has tried every which way to attach the leash, sitting, standing, walking backwards, etc. There must have been some interaction with my husband and Ernie that he can't figure out that is scaring Ernie.

 

Once Ernie would be at the door, I know he'd happily go out.

 

My husband does hand feeding in the afternoon with him and he happily takes that food and treats with him. We wonder if my husband can get him up once and take him out and then immediately hand feed him afterwards so Ernie will associate the hand feed with going for a pee walk first.

 

I want them to bond and I also want to know that I can be away from the house for a night or something and won't have to call a dog walker to come take Ernie out even when my husband is home!

[greylyn]

Maybe Ernie just doesn't want/need to pee in the afternoon

[Guest iconsmum]

Thanks, everyone! This is all really helpful.

I think our biggest hurdle is my husband getting Ernie off of his bed to the door to go out. He won't come to my husband no matter what treat he offers and my husband has tried every which way to attach the leash, sitting, standing, walking backwards, etc. There must have been some interaction with my husband and Ernie that he can't figure out that is scaring Ernie.

 

Once Ernie would be at the door, I know he'd happily go out.

 

My husband does hand feeding in the afternoon with him and he happily takes that food and treats with him. We wonder if my husband can get him up once and take him out and then immediately hand feed him afterwards so Ernie will associate the hand feed with going for a pee walk first.

 

I want them to bond and I also want to know that I can be away from the house for a night or something and won't have to call a dog walker to come take Ernie out even when my husband is home!

 

 

new dog protocol: dragline - 24/7 in the house and it's the thing you use to take him outside. FOR YOUR HUSBAND: Don't call him to you - that's a different exercise - you don't need it now.

- just bend over facing away from him, and pick up the line at the END. Close your hand over the

line, toss a treat toward him and WALK AWAY with him as soon as he's swallowed the treat - don't look at him and don't talk to him. See my first post.

[Guest Giselle]

I can allllmost guarantee that it's your husband's body language. Reread JJNG's response and watch your husband carefully. Even better, take a video! If we can see it in action, we can pinpoint what behaviors are scaring the dog. FYI, I made a blog post about exactly this and I explain the issues about common body language errors, including talking in a "happy high pitched voice".

 

Here's an excerpt:

 

 

The key to using food is presenting it in non-threatening ways. This means using side-approaches and not towering above or in front of the dog. Start by giving small morsels of food while the dog is in his bed. Then, hold the food farther away from the bed so that the dog must stretch to reach it. Then, hold it slightly farther out so that the dog must get up. Keep doing this until the dog is up out of his bed. Over time, you should fade out the food and only reward once he is completely up and out of his bed.

http://www.progressdog.com/1/post/2013/07/help-how-do-i-get-my-dog-off-his-bed.html

[Guest laura150]

Thanks everyone! We have found Ernie's food crack, chicken jerky hard biscuits (made in the USA-don't worry!). Just the sound of the rustling bag gets him on his feet!

 

I think it probably is my husbands body language. He's very tall and a first time dog owner (I grew up with dogs my whole life) so he's not too familiar with approaching dogs. He is learning and doesn't lean over him in the least or go square on. He waits for Ernie to approach him and it's worked great!

Ernie even went to my husband's side of the bed these past few mornings for pets!

 

My husband will continue to work on his non-threatening approaches and hopefully it will continue to get better!

[Batmom]

Great news!

 

[JJNg]

Great to hear! Please continue to keep us posted.

[krissn333]

Oh that's happy news - thanks for the great update!

 

When my parents first adopted Goody, she was TERRIFIED of my dad and my brother. Never any aggression from her, but, they were at a loss as to how to work with her. They are both abrupt men, not very graceful. They'd try sitting and giving her special treats, and she would come and take them, but, if they weren't sitting and offering her food, she would avoid them.

 

The breakthrough was when we figured out just HOW MUCH she LOVED walks. She was never a big food hound but say the W word and she would go bonkers. We had Dad or my brother always walk her while Mom walked Sunny. It wasn't long before Dad and Brett were her favorite guys!

 

Sorry so long... all of this to say - all it takes is finding something that makes them MORE excited than ANYTHING else.