Alone Training -- Are We Doing This Right?

[Guest dougbb]

I know there are loads of threads on alone training for separation anxiety here, but I have a specific question to which I couldn't find an answer:

 

When, exactly, are we supposed to cut the training session short with our return?

 

More explanation: we've been working with Doug (who we've had for nearly three months) almost daily on his SA. We currently have a laptop camera set up in the bedroom with him; when we leave on our training sessions, we take the second laptop with us so we can watch his reaction, or listen from far enough away that he can't hear us.

 

For the past week, we haven't made any progress. The pattern is always the same:

 

1. Doug works on his Kong(s).

2. When that's through (doesn't matter whether it takes two minutes or forty) he stays on his bed for a minute or two, then gets up to find the hallway baby-gated off. This realization is accompanied with a short bout of whining.

3. He returns to his bed, though he never fully relaxes or falls asleep. He stays there for five to ten minutes.

4. Then, up again, to the gate, with more insistent whining. By now he's panting.

5. Then he either lies back down or paces for another five minutes.

6. Then back to the babygate to whine, much louder now. Sometimes this escalates to barking; sometimes he lies down or paces for another few minutes, then the barking commences.

 

Typically it takes about twenty-five or thirty minutes before the barking begins, so we always return before then, during one of the intervals when he's lying down.

 

So: are we doing this wrong? Should we actually be returning during the minute he's content on his bed, Kong finished, and focus on lengthening that moment? Or should we keep doing what we're doing -- returning when the anxiety is still relatively mild?

 

I would love to hear from people who have successfully used the Patricia McConnell-style behavior modification program, or people who have consulted with behaviorists for their dog's separation anxiety. Thank you!

 

(A few other notes: we leave quiet classical music and a fan on, a shirt of ours with him in bed, extraordinarily delicious things in his Kongs, change up the times of day we train, etc.)

Edited April 10, 2012 by dougbb

[GeorgeofNE]

Just to clarify--is he confined to your bedroom?

 

Many dogs just despise being confined, period.

 

The only thing that worked for me was letting my dog roam freely. He still got stressed, a bit, but he no longer made noise.

 

I've had him for four years, and I still have to give him a Kong when I leave, and unless it's Monday-Friday, my neighbor tells me he cries for about a minute. He just NEEDS his routine! But that's a lot better than the hour after hour of howling at the top of his lungs when I first got him!

[Guest BrianRke]

Just to clarify--is he confined to your bedroom?

 

Many dogs just despise being confined, period.

 

The only thing that worked for me was letting my dog roam freely. He still got stressed, a bit, but he no longer made noise.

 

I've had him for four years, and I still have to give him a Kong when I leave, and unless it's Monday-Friday, my neighbor tells me he cries for about a minute. He just NEEDS his routine! But that's a lot better than the hour after hour of howling at the top of his lungs when I first got him!

Thats a good point. Mine hate to be confined to one area.

 

I would like to add one more thought. Can he see you leaving out the door? If he is in a bedroom or can not see you leave, he may think you are still in the house somewhere.

 

One time, I took my dogs to my mom's so she could watch them for a couple hours while I was having some work done to my house. I brought the dogs in and all 3 of them wanted to go out in her back yard. While they were out there, I left and went back home. My mom called me and said they were whining and looking all over the house for me. I went back over and let them watch me leave and they were fine after that.

 

Just a thought.

[Guest dougbb]

Just to clarify--is he confined to your bedroom?

 

Many dogs just despise being confined, period.

 

The only thing that worked for me was letting my dog roam freely. He still got stressed, a bit, but he no longer made noise.

 

I've had him for four years, and I still have to give him a Kong when I leave, and unless it's Monday-Friday, my neighbor tells me he cries for about a minute. He just NEEDS his routine! But that's a lot better than the hour after hour of howling at the top of his lungs when I first got him!

 

We're gating him in with access to the bedroom and hallway because (1) the air conditioner is in the bedroom, which will be critical come summer and (2) when given free reign of the apartment, he ends up right next to the front door, listening to every little sound from the stairwell, which, with several neighbors coming and going, sets off the anxiety and barking even earlier. We're also hoping to get him less fixated on the front door.

 

I'm not sure whether he's bothered by the confinement. He doesn't even try to break through the gate -- super, because the thing is horribly constructed! I basically just leave it leaning across the doorway and call it a gate. He never touches it.

 

I do wonder, however, whether seeing us leave through the door is important to the training's success. As is, we slip out when he's working on the Kong, out of sight. However, we always leave with a cue word -- "be a good boy" -- to signify both that we're leaving and will be back shortly enough.

Edited April 10, 2012 by dougbb

[Guest dougbb]

Just to clarify--is he confined to your bedroom?

 

Many dogs just despise being confined, period.

 

The only thing that worked for me was letting my dog roam freely. He still got stressed, a bit, but he no longer made noise.

 

I've had him for four years, and I still have to give him a Kong when I leave, and unless it's Monday-Friday, my neighbor tells me he cries for about a minute. He just NEEDS his routine! But that's a lot better than the hour after hour of howling at the top of his lungs when I first got him!

Thats a good point. Mine hate to be confined to one area.

 

I would like to add one more thought. Can he see you leaving out the door? If he is in a bedroom or can not see you leave, he may think you are still in the house somewhere.

 

One time, I took my dogs to my mom's so she could watch them for a couple hours while I was having some work done to my house. I brought the dogs in and all 3 of them wanted to go out in her back yard. While they were out there, I left and went back home. My mom called me and said they were whining and looking all over the house for me. I went back over and let them watch me leave and they were fine after that.

 

Just a thought.

 

Yeah, I'm wondering that too . . . but when we come back, he always gets up and comes to the gate (which has a view of the front door), watching us re-enter, so you'd think by now he knows Kong + cue words + baby gate + no humans = they left through the front door. If we don't see improvement this week, we could drag the bed out to our apartment's hallway, away from the stariwell noises while still in view of the front door . . . So complicated!

Edited April 10, 2012 by dougbb

[Guest DragonflyDM]

Separation anxiety is just that….anxiety-- an irrational fear or dread. Your dog does not have the confidence of being independent and on his own. It has looked to you for strength and you have left… you have abandoned your dog (in their mind) and left them vulnerable.

 

So work on getting your dog independently confident. Have them spend time in another room while you are home.

Don’t give too much energy in feeling bad or trying to be overly excited when you leave or when you get home.

Give your dog a LOT of exercise before you leave.

Explore opportunities for your dog to explore and work his mind.

Up the game by adding more and more obedience training-- it is not about compliance but building confidence.

Take opportunities to take short exists from the house and then come back (start with a minute, and build up slowly to an hour). Do it often. Take some time in the evening to leave the house and come back, leave the house and come back.

 

In essence, you are teaching your dog (slowly but surely) that his fears are a false conditioning. You recondition the brain to create new paradigms and beliefs.

 

With that said-- some dogs have very early childhood/puppyhood trauma and you may never fully remove that discontent-- but you can make it manageable.

[Guest beemico]

We had a similar issue with our guy. We did a lot of the same things you're doing, and I totally agree with what DragonflyDM has recommended.

 

However, for us, at the time, the apartment management complained about the noise, so we ended up purchasing an anti-bark device that emits a high pitch ultrasonic sound when it detects noise.

Having that actually made a huge difference. It stopped our guy from barking and working himself up. Watching him on a laptop like you, we found that after the first few barks, he learned to just relax and lay down in his crate since there was nothing else to do.

 

A few months after that, after more training and him understanding the schedule, he was totally fine.

 

Hope that helps! Goodluck!

[GeorgeofNE]

Don't worry about the A/C too much. As long as it's on, and he has access to the cool room, he should use it if he gets warm!

 

My dog, given free reign (granted, I have a condo which isn't all that big) to his giant dog bed and my Tempur Pedic bed sleeps on a throw rug at the door. He waits for me there. I guess he's afraid he might not see me if I sneak in...

 

So if your guy can see the door, he MIGHT be happier.

 

I believe you said before you're leaving on a radio or the TV. That should help with the noise. Also, just TIME. He'll get used to the noises and they won't bother him.

 

Maintain those good relationships with your neighbors! I think you're doing very well, and making progress.

[XTRAWLD]

Congrats on your effort. I do not have much more to add, however continue working on it. Great job!!

 

I do however see that the WHEN question wasn't answered. I wonder if you should be returning when he is content (maybe step 3?)...but I really don't know.

[Guest dougbb]

Thanks for the support and advice! We'll look into moving his bed into the hallway and maybe even getting an ultrasonic bark deterrent (we've had neighbor complaints as well). I know for a fact that alone training goes terrifically when Doug is exhausted -- but it takes A LOT to get him to that state. We're extending the morning walk to a full hour and he's still perky when we get home.

 

Again, if anyone has successfully used alone training to assuage separation anxiety, I would love to hear about your experience. And, of course, if anyone knows the answer to my original question -- when exactly we're supposed to return in the training process -- do let me know. We've been coming back in after the initial bout of quiet whining, since he's lying down and relatively calm then, but haven't been able to lengthen that time. Thanks!

[Jimbuck]

I've been dealing with SA since I adopted Freddy over 4 months ago. We've come a long ways but he still has some issues we are working with. It's definitely a 1 step forward, 2 steps back process and can be a challenge to really gauge if you've made any progress at all. I use a vibration/sonic collar and that has really helped in curbing the barking. As for alone training, I slowly built up time away and would come back before the whining began. I'm not sure how much this part of the process helped as much as just practicing the alone training until your head explodes. Also, having barriers set up to avoid having the dog walk everywhere with you seemed to help us as well. When I would leave, I'd give the Kong and make sure that he saw me slowly back up and exit out the front door to make sure he was aware of me leaving. If he would whine or pant, I'd stop...wait for him to settle then continue backing up and leaving. The first week or two of this process took me 10-15 minutes just to walk out my front door. The same process was used when entering the house. If he became anxious or whined, I would pause and wait until he was calm and relaxed before continuing to come in the house. I found that entering the house is equally as important as the leaving portion in regards to SA and time and patience should be spent on both parts.

 

There are many varying opinions on effectively resolving SA so I'd try some different things and find what works for you. Have you tried a Thundershirt or DAP diffuser? If you have neighbors to keep happy, I'd suggest talking with them to make sure your on the same page and actively working to resolve the issue. Another idea is talking with your vet to see what pharmaceutical options may be available since you've got neighbors to keep happy and might not have as much time to resolve things. Good luck with the process! You'll get there.

[Guest NJgrey]

Ellie had some SA when we got her, would say a normal amount. The full time barking and whining stopped after about two weeks, but she still did it off and on for 2-3 months. During that time we had her baby-gated into our living room/ kitchen area. We'd come home to find the gate chewed and claw marks up the walls where she was trying to jump it. One day she figured out how to open the baby-gate latch on her own so that was that. Funny thing, once she got free reign of the house, she was perfect.

 

If possible try leaving him with just your front apartment door gated off with a set-up similar to this (not this exact model, just an example of something that will keep him from being right up against the only way in or out of the place.)

 

http://www.ohmydogsupplies.com/adaptable-modular-pet-gate.html

 

Don't make a big deal when you go, don't make a big deal when you get back. Don't make a big deal with him unless he's laying quietly somewhere. Just do your thing. You're lucky you have the luxury of seeing what he's doing. My wife and I both work full time, so it was sink or swim.

 

As for the neighbors, you might want to write a note and keep it pinned to your door explaining the situation, or if you know who has been complaining, talk to them directly. People usually are a lot more understanding when you put a face on a situation.

[Jackandgrey]

A quick answer to the when question. You need to return before your dog reaches threshold. In other words before the anxiety kicks in. Ideally along with your daily routine, if you can do the in and out and in and out all evening till you and the dog are bored silly , it will help. Also make sure you leave in and come back in unanticipated lengths of time ie 3 mins 7 mins 5 mins 10 minutes 3 minutes 15 minutes etc but always return before the dog gets anxious.

[Guest grey_dreams]

I agree with others that most/many dogs prefer to have free roam rather than confinement when you are gone. For dogs with SA, you really have to take baby steps, and it's best to dedicate a couple of days to alone training. Start by only stepping out the door, closing it, and then coming right back in. Do that about 5-10 times. The next step is to close the door, stay outside for about 3-5 seconds, and then re-enter, do that about 5-10 times. Progressively increase the time outside to 1 minute, then 3 minutes, then 5 minutes. Keep mixing it up with only closing the door and re-entering, and with different times outside the door, and keep doing lots of reps. Before you reach 10 minutes away, you will have already left about 100 times. Your neighbors will think you are insane (let them ). You dog will be bored senseless with you leaving and returning, but that is exactly what you want . If things go well, you can work up to about 15 minutes away on the first day. Once you reach 20 minutes away, things go much faster, and you can add time increments of 10-30 minutes, depending on your dog's reaction. Remember to keep mixing it up too, so you might be gone 30 minutes one time and 30 seconds the next time. Once you reach 1 hour, you can add time increments of 30-60 minutes. Keep working at it for at least two days, three or four days is better. This process takes some effort, but it's worked very well for us. I learned this the hard way when my first dog came home, and he howled so much when I left that a neighbor called the police and the animal protection association. After the training he didn't howl anymore, and the animal protection officer became a good friend .

[Guest jbbuzby]

According to Patricia McConnell's book, you need to come back *before* he starts showing any signs of anxiety. I would say in your case, this is while he is still working at the kong. You leave him with the kong for 2 minutes, come back, take away the kong so he's thinking "Oh man! I wasn't finished with that yet!" so he looks forward to you leaving. From there, you increase the time. Perhaps you should leave several frozen kongs with him, since it sounds like he remains distracted? In any case, you return before he misses you and make it 100% fun while you are gone with no inbetween. Eventually, you may be able to return when he goes back to laying down after glancing at the gate (since this behavior sounds good) but he shouldn't escalate into the pacing/whining if you're going to move forward.

 

I went to heck and back again with this with my male. Ultimately, we ended up getting a second grey and putting him on fluoxetine, while still following McConnell's text, "I'll be home soon." Now I can leave freely with no trouble...it only took about a year!

[Guest DragonflyDM]

And there is no reason why you can’t start this process without leaving home. Have them do “stay” and work until you can leave the room. Get them spending time in another room by themselves and enjoy it. It also works on independence and confidence training.

[jaym1]

you want to return BEFORE he starts displaying his anxiety behaviors. if that means running up to the gate, or whining, or just staring at the gate it doesnt matter. return before he starts doing it. unfortunately this means youre going to be entering and exiting RAPIDLY, and for a long time. i have been dealing with this for many months, but it is getting better.

 

interestingly, i can leave him for much longer at night than during the day. he seems to recognize that during the day i am more likely to be leaving for work, whereas at night, i am likely just leaving for a little while.

 

another important element of alone training is to never leave him alone for longer than he can tolerate. the idea being that, once his anxiety attack begins, it re-instills a sense of dread at the prospect of being left alone, and that will trigger a response any time you leave him. this can make building up a tolerance very difficult, if not outright impossible. thus, if you can leave him with a friend, bring him to work, or put him in daycare for a few months, you will likely have much greater success with away training.

 

as to the kong thing, i found that wasnt good enough. i only really started making progress once i left treats that far and away exceeded his normal ones. a kong was ok, but with a bully stick he would go nuts, and i could have driven my car through the living room without him so much as flinching. and after a few sessions of returning and picking it up immediately, he realized that my away time was when he could really get at the treat. so go for something that your dog really, really, really prizes, and ONLY give ti to him during away training.

[NeylasMom]

ISo: are we doing this wrong? Should we actually be returning during the minute he's content on his bed, Kong finished, and focus on lengthening that moment?

Yes.

 

Also, you should reward him when you come back. Bits of canned chicken that's been drained work very nicely. Obviously you need to return before he gets anxious, otherwise you're rewarding the wrong behavior.

 

Also, try without the baby gate if you haven't. Turned out for Violet she needed to be able to come to the front door to watch me come and go if she wanted to. Early on she would check periodically through the first 30 minutes or so, then go settle in my bed. That switched to only coming to check in after some time had passed (maybe a few hours) and now she generally doesn't do it at all although if I'm gone a particularly long time on a given day, she may be lying at the top of the stairs watching the door when I come home.

 

I btw painstakingly went through the alone training with her crated for weeks and weeks. We made progress but it was very slow and in the meantime I still needed to leave her when I went to work, which would not go well. Finally, we were about to move her to another home (she was my foster at this point) when I decided to try her out of the crate. Viola, she just needed access to the door. I didn't have to do any training after htat, I just gradually lengthened my absences until we had worked up to a full work day. And she does get a nice stuffed kong when I leave each morning.

 

ETA: Oh, we did try a couple of medications. Short acting Xanax didn't make a dent in it. Amitriptiline, which is an anti-depressant used to treat SA in dogs helped with her overall level of anxiety and made a positive impact on some other issues, but it didn't make much of a dent in her behavior when left alone crated. She is still on a lower dose of that medication, I've weaned her down successfully quite a bit, but after this last reduction I've noticed more chewing, getting into dirty laundry, etc. when I'm gone a full day. I think that's more somewhat boredom/somewhat wanting me to come down, not actual SA, but clearly it takes the edge off. You may need to look into using a medication to help while you do the training, especially if you do have to leave for longer periods and don't have another option like doggie daycare.

 

Last, but not least, I don't knwo if you have other dogs. I don't think Violet could be an only dog, many SA dogs cannot without a lot of work. She definitely needs to be in the room where Zuri is when I'm gone (another issue I think we were having with the crate; he is still crated in my bedroom and her crate was in my living room. I had moved it so they could see each other, but I don't think that was sufficient). Anyway, all of this to say, if you ahve another dog, they should have access to each other. Or you might try dogsitting to see if that helps him at all.

Edited April 12, 2012 by NeylasMom

[Guest dougbb]

Thanks for the advice everyone! We'll start training over again in the living room, where he has access to the door. This time we have his bed in the furthest corner, away from the door and the echo-y apartment stairwell noises that were upsetting him last time we tried leaving him in the living room. We're starting back at the two minute mark (before the initial bout of whining); I'm taking the afternoon off work and hope to get him comfortable with a few more minutes today. We'll see . . .

 

One thing I've noticed: it doesn't matter how long it takes him to finish the Kong (or bully stick, etc.) -- no matter what, after about a minute or two of finishing the treat, his anxiety kicks in. We used to give him bully sticks thinking that, since it would tie up a good half hour, we were over the hump of his SA. But sure enough, right after finishing the stick, he'd come to the door whining. That (and concerns about choking) is why we switched to using Kongs -- we need to focus on him being comfortable alone once the treat is done.

At this point, with a Kong, he doesn't care that we're picking up keys and pulling on jackets and backing out the door -- again, he only starts worrying once the Kong's empty. Quite the foodie over here.

 

ETA: I largely work from home, so, following Patricia McConnell's advice, we haven't had to leave him alone to the point where the barking starts for at least three weeks now. If I need to be gone during the day, I take him to daycare. But this is pricey, open only 7am-7pm, and anxiety-creating for Doug in a different way -- I practically have to pull him out of the car and into the facility. So, I'd rather him be comfortable at home than have him deal with the daycare hoopla.

 

We have a one-dog stipulation in our rental contract, which extends to June 2013, so getting a second hound is out. Also, on the advice of our vet, we have him on fluoexetine, which over the past three weeks hasn't made too much of a dent. We'll keep him on it for at least another 6 weeks before deciding whether to discard with it. Ok. On to alone training!

Edited April 12, 2012 by dougbb

[Guest DragonflyDM]

Thanks for the advice everyone! We'll start the training over again in the living room, where he has access to the door. This time we have his bed in the furthest corner, away from the door and the echo-y apartment stairwell noises that were upsetting him the last time we tried keeping him in the living room. We're starting back at the two minute mark (before the initial bout of whining); I'm taking the afternoon off work and hope to get him comfortable with a few more minutes today. We'll see . . .

 

One thing I've noticed: it doesn't matter how long it takes him to finish the Kong (or bully stick, etc.) -- no matter what, after about a minute or two of finishing the treat, his anxiety kicks in. We used to give him bully sticks thinking that, since it would tie up a good half hour, we were over the hump of his SA. But sure enough, right after finishing the stick, he'd come to the door looking for us. That (and concerns about choking) is why we switched to using Kongs -- we need to focus on him being comfortable alone once the treat is done.

 

At this point, with a Kong, he doesn't care that we're picking up keys and pulling on jackets and backing out the door -- again, he only starts worrying once the Kong's empty. Quite the foodie we have on our hands.

 

I am wondering if it not SA mixed with boredom. If he is fine with you gone when he is occupied.

[NeylasMom]

 

At this point, with a Kong, he doesn't care that we're picking up keys and pulling on jackets and backing out the door -- again, he only starts worrying once the Kong's empty. Quite the foodie over here.

I would do the training without the kong then. When you actually need to leave the house you can still give it (and try layering PB with kibble from his meal and freezing it the night before so it lasts longer), but when you're working on SA training, don't use it. Just leave, come back before he's anxious, reward, repeat. You may have ot start from scratch, but while it's often teeny tiny baby steps at the beginning, once you work up to a half an hour or an hour you can usually start making bigger jumps. The main thing is not to rush it at all. I would consider anything that isn't being totally calm - panting, pacing, getting up and staring at the door - as anxiety and return before it happens.

 

You could leave a radio on quietly to block out some of the outside noises. I used to do this since I'm in a condo building. You just need to be careful that he doesn't associate it with you leaving so you'll want it on some of the time that you're home as well initially.

 

If fluoxitine isn't helping, it may not be the ride med for him. You could try switching to either Chlomicalm or Amitriptiline. The latter is a human med and is dirt cheap at human pharmacies. I can't remember if you have to get Chlomicalm from the vet or not. Also, one thing to consider - the veterinary behaviorist I've worked with on some tough foster cases said she's seen some dogs not respond to or as well to generic fluoxitine as they do the doggie version, Reconcile, which is made by the Prozac folks. So she suggests starting the dog on Reconcile and once you see improvement, switchign to generic and seeing if it still helps. The generic also doesn't come in the best dosage amts for dogs.

 

Good luck.

[Guest jbbuzby]

You say he's fine as long as there is food/treats?!

 

I would get a tub of kongs/rubbery stuffable toys and food dispensers, put a large variety of stuff in them, and let him have at it! Then come back and pick them all up, toss them back in the tub, and then repeat whenever you come and go. I don't know if this would work as he might tire of it after a few hours, but it would be worth a try! For my dog, he would completely ignore things like that. There could be filet minion on a plate in front of him, and nada. Seems silly, but you can condition his brain to last long periods of time while being busy, and that the fun things happen when you're gone, making him look forward to it .

 

And yes, give the fluoxetine a few more weeks. After that, it's true it may not be the right med for him. Strangely enough, several drops of rescue remedy on a tasty treat 20 minutes before I'd leave also seemed to take the edge off of my SA male. Maybe worth a try? It can't hurt at least. I wish you both the best of luck! SA is NO FUN at all!!!!

[Guest aowam]

I agree with pretty much everyone here. The problem for me at first was the crate which he absolutely hated (and still does), so we let him out of that and he was almost 80% better. I know they say that you should ignore him before you leave, but I've found for my boy that the words "be a good boy" or whatever was a cue for him that I'm leaving. Now the moment I say it he immediately runs to the window to watch me even though I haven't gotten my shoes on to leave yet. I think the freedom to see me leave is the biggest comfort for him. For the first 4 weeks he would literally follow me around the house. I have a bed in every room i spend time in for that reason, but out of the blue he stopped following me and stayed on his bed in the living room. I think he knows that's the only exit and he would always know if he stays there which allowed him to feel confident. He was so distressed for me that he wouldn't even accept a kong.

 

Perhaps if he would pay attention when you leave, understand it, and then he would further understand that you'll come back, instead of it being a surprise to him?

[jaym1]

about the anxiety kicking in after he's finished with his kong/bully stick: this goes back to coming home before he starts the negative behaviors. if you allow him to finish the treats and start his anxiety before returning, all youre doing is reinforcing his fear of being alone. in other words, youre staying away too long. come back and pick up the treat BEFORE he's done with it.

 

for what its worth, i think i could still make more progress with my SA grey, but after six months. . . i'll be picking up my second grey this afternoon. its just not worth the trouble for me anymore.

[Guest dougbb]

I agree with pretty much everyone here. The problem for me at first was the crate which he absolutely hated (and still does), so we let him out of that and he was almost 80% better. I know they say that you should ignore him before you leave, but I've found for my boy that the words "be a good boy" or whatever was a cue for him that I'm leaving. Now the moment I say it he immediately runs to the window to watch me even though I haven't gotten my shoes on to leave yet. I think the freedom to see me leave is the biggest comfort for him. For the first 4 weeks he would literally follow me around the house. I have a bed in every room i spend time in for that reason, but out of the blue he stopped following me and stayed on his bed in the living room. I think he knows that's the only exit and he would always know if he stays there which allowed him to feel confident. He was so distressed for me that he wouldn't even accept a kong.

 

Perhaps if he would pay attention when you leave, understand it, and then he would further understand that you'll come back, instead of it being a surprise to him?

 

Funny -- he does the exact same thing! He no longer follows me around like he used to, and more often than not sleeps out in the living room. Yep, he probably wants to keep an eye on our comings and goings.