Guest jocksmom Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 I have lost my best friend, Jock, and I can barely type for the tears... On January 20, 2009, I let my beautiful gentle boy go. His back legs were paralyzed --- I can't go into too many medical details now, but will just say that I opted against surgery (due to his age, health, etc). It's taken me two months to be able to write this without totally breaking down. I hope to write a real memorial to honor Jock sometime, but for now, just need to get this out. I need to tell it to someone who will, hopefully, understand what it is to love one of these incredible greyhounds. On a Sunday evening Jock collapsed and couldn't get up. With the help of our wonderful neighbors (also greyhound parents) we got him into the car and bundled him up. My son, Mike (home from college for winter break) drove. After a frantic ride to an emergency vet clinic on that freezing Sunday night, then a frantic two hour drive to a specialized vet hospital, where there was an animal MRI machine and neurologist, it broke my heart when we had to kiss him goodnight, and leave him there. Jock underwent tests, treatment, and a week in the unfamiliar hospital (for a fee of almost $5000.00). (I won't say much now about that "upscale" hospital, except that I was taken aback by what seemed a casual attitude of cold detachment from most staff members, so unlike the compassionate attitude at our regular vet hospital.) My son and I brought Jock home, the following Saturday evening, pumped with steroids and painkillers. He could walk slowly, but was to rest, be kept from stairs or exertion, given a number of meds, weaned down from steroids, and allowed two brief walks a day with my assistance (using a sling). He was happy to be home, but weak, and very thin. Despite my sleeping next to him, and our moving his bed, toys, and blankets, to make the living room as comfortable for him as possible, he seemed upset and confused that he couldn't go downstairs to his usual comfy spot. He also had to urinate frequently (side effect of steroids), but was too weak to keep going out, and kept holding it for as long as he could, then having accidents. When we did go outside, he refused to move, or to go potty with the sling on; once it was off, he would urinate, then use all of his strength to "make a break for it," barreling through the snow, to mark the "important" spots in his yard. After the first couple of times, I didn't even try to stop him --- didn't have the heart, since he seemed so comforted to be patroling his yard again. As the steroids were reduced, he deteriorated quickly. By that Monday night (his third night home), one back leg was showing signs of becoming paralyzed again. He was weak, and uncomfortable, despite the painkillers. I made one of his favorites (egg-white omelet); he ate, but I had to hand-feed him (he wouldn't eat any kibble). I had to coax him to take his "pill treat" (he usually loved his pills, which I coated in non-fat cream cheese). I had to hold his water bowl for him. He slept poorly and whined a lot. I lay next to him, stroking him when he whined. The next morning, he was able to go out, but went potty and came right in. He barely touched the tuna (another favorite) with which I had topped his kibble. That afternoon (Inauguration Day), he tried to walk, and collapsed again. One of us stayed close to him, while the other made paniced phone calls to vets, neighbors house, etc (neighbors still at work). Finally, with help from a kind animal control officer with a stretcher, we got Jock into the car. I had decided not to take him back to have him "pumped up with IV steroids, then discuss options" as the neurologist had suggested. We took him to his regular vet, with whom I had remained in contact throughout Jock's illness. At first, Jock's big beautiful eyes were very fearful. Then, I assured him that, "Mommy no leave Jock" and he seemed to calm down. Amid tears --- not only from Mike and me, but also from staff members, who had known Jock since he was rescued, I decided to let him go. Jock was given strong painkillers, and was calm as we spent our final minutes together in the little treatment room. Mike and I hugged and stroked him, and I sang to him our own silly little songs that I had often sung to him (I would substitute his name for words in popular songs, add that he was a good boy, and say how much mommy loved Jock ). I told him that I would love him forever, that he had made me so happy, what a wonderful dog he was, how he would always be my sweet "Baby-dog" (his favorite nickname). Mike couldn't talk, trying to be strong, but stroked Jock gently. When the doctor came in, he was kind and compassionate. He spoke to Jock and stroked him, told us that, for what it was worth, he thought we were making the right choice, and asked if we were "ready". As Jock cuddled his fuzzy teddy bear that I had brought from home, the doctor injected what seemed like such a small amount of liquid into a catheter in his paw. He was gone so quickly and quietly that I couldn't believe he was gone. He seemed barely changed. My whole life changed. I have lost a number of loved ones before, including my parents, whom I loved very much. Somehow that I can't explain, this is different. I am grieving so deeply, I miss my dog more as time goes on, and I don't know how to heal. I don't even know how to explain to anyone --- friends and family don't seem to understand. Some have reminded me that I lost a dog, not a human --- as if that matters. I try not to talk to anyone much about it anymore. Finally, it occured to me that someone reading this might understand, and could perhaps tell me if my grief is abnormal, or might be able to suggest ways to heal. Sorry I took up so much space, and gave so much detail. Even if no one reads this, I think it has helped. Thanks to all of you for running, and/or contributing to this website, and for loveing those beautiful greys ---they are a blessing and truly deserve all the love we can give! TO MY BEAUTIFUL JOCK: I HOPE YOU ARE RUNNING FREE, HAPPY AND FEARLESS, WITH THE OTHER GREYHOUND ANGELS! IF YOU ARE, PLEASE GIVE YOUR SWEET GREYHOUND KISSES TO EVERYONE I LOVE --- I DREAM OF SEEING YOU RUNNING TO ME, WITH YOUR SILLY GREYHOUND SMILE, AND OF HUGGING YOU AGAIN! MOMMY LOVES JOCK --- FOREVER! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest TBSFlame Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 I am so sorry. Your grief is yours and you are complely normal in how you are feeling. People here will understand. My thoughts are with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest FullMetalFrank Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 I am very sorry for your loss. Jock sounds like a wonderful boy and I know you must miss him terribly. For what it's worth, no one can tell you how to grieve. It takes its own time. I lost my first greyhound almost six years ago and I thought the terrible hurt would never heal; and sometimes even now, there are moments when it is as fresh and raw as if it happened yesterday. It does get better; there will come a time when you can remember him with a smile instead of tears. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest meakah Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 I am so sorry to hear about the loss of Jock. I know the heart aches and you feel like it won't get better but it will. Time does heal. Take comfort in that you did everything that you could do for him including the nicest gift possible...to allow his suffering to end and let him go in peace. :grouphug And don't listen to those that don't understand the love between a dog and their human....they are less fortunate to have never experienced that unconditional love. I wish you peace and comfort during this tough time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LoveMyJoseyBean Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 Just a dog. Those are the people that don't realize that our dogs love us unconditionally. It is something that is taken for grated everyday. We could never expect the same of any human, ever. I am so very sorry for your loss. It is so hard to watch them, hoping that they will get better, and knowing that it's just not going to happen that way. For what it's worth, time can heal the pain. Fortunately for us, just because it gets a little easier to think about doesn't mean that we forget about those we love so very much. I wish you peace. Someday, you will see your Jock again, running whole and as happy as can be to see you. :grouphug Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tracey Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 I am so very sorry for your loss. Quote ...............Chase (FTH Smooth Talker), Morgan (Cata), Reggie (Gable Caney), Rufus (Reward RJ). Fosters check in, but they don't check out. Forever loved -- Cosmo (System Br Mynoel), March 11, 2002 - October 8, 2009.Miss Cosmo was a lady. And a lady always knows when to leave. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest BlackandBrindle Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 Jock was obviously a very special boy. I am so deeply sorry for your loss. I think the amount you grieve is a testament to how much you loved him during his lifetime. Sending prayers of peace and comfort Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest greybookends Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scullysmum Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 I am so sorry for your loss.....just over a year ago I helped my friend through a very similar situation that you went through with Jock with his special Greyhound called Jupp. I hope that Jock and Jupp have met at the bridge...two brave boys together and free from pain. Quote <p>"One day I hope to be the person my dog thinks I am"Sadi's Pet Pages Sadi's Greyhound Data PageMulder1/9/95-21/3/04 Scully1/9/95-16/2/05Sadi 7/4/99 - 23/6/13 CroftviewRGT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fliggie Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 Quote My Photojournal Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fastgals Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 I'm so sorry. My heart aches for you. Wishing you strength and the comfort of wonderful memories of Jock. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest greytfulhounds Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 Your grief is not abnormal. There is no timeline for grief......it is a very personal thing that you get past in your own time. My heart completely understands your pain........I lost two of my beloved babies in the last year and a half and there are times even now that I am reduced to tears when I remember them, what they went through & the longing to have them with me again. Take your time, be good to yourself & don't let anyone tell you that your pain should be less because Jock was a dog and not a human. The bond between humans & animals runs deep and for someone that has never had that bond, that love, they just can not understand and I honestly feel sorry for them having never experienced such joy. My prays & sympathy go out to you.......I am so very sorry for your loss. Godspeed sweet Jock. Watch over your momma & help her heart to heal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hawthorn Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 Your grief is certainly not abnormal. Every journey through grief is different. It annoys me so much when people say "just a dog". Some people will concede that it hurts just as much to lose a dog as to lose a person but I feel that sometimes it hurts more to lose a dog because they love and trust us so unconditionally and we bond so closely with them. Don't try to rush things. Take your time and perhaps think of things you can do to remember Jock, such as planting a tree, making a memorial book etc. Rest in peace, Jock. Quote When a relationship of love is disrupted, the relationship does not cease. The love continues; therefore, the relationship continues. The work of grief is to reconcile and redeem life to a different love relationship. ~ W Scott Lineberry Always Greyhounds Home Boarding and Greyhounds With Love House Sitting Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neighsayer Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 I'm so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest greytbookert Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 I'm so sorry for your loss. It is obvious how much you loved Jock. I'm sure he is looking down at you smiling and thankful for all the love you showed him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scottandjo Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 I can certainly understand how you are feeling. April first will be 6 months that my first and so far only greyhound will be gone and I still find it hard to talk about her or share my feeling with my family and friends. All situations are different, but time does make things better. It is not a cure, but it sure does help. My best to you in this rough time. God Speed Jock. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robinw Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 I'm so sorry for your loss Quote Xavi the galgo and Peter the cat. Missing Iker the galgo ?-Feb.9/19, Treasure (USS Treasure) April 12/01-May 6/13, Phoenix (Hallo Top Son) Dec.14/99-June 4/11 and Loca (Reko Swahili) Oct.9/95 - June 1/09, Allen the boss cat, died late November, 2021, age 19. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MandysMom Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 I'm so sorry. As others have said, grief is personal and you need to do what gets you through on your own time table. I'm sure your Baby-dog (I use that nickname too) is watching over you. Godspeed Sweet Jock. Quote Beverly. Missing my happy toy-flinging boy Sammy (Where's Mandrill), (8/12/2009-9/30-2021) Desperately missing my angel Mandy (BB's Luv) [7/1/2000 - 9/18/2012]. Always missing Meg the Dalmatian and Ralph Malph the Pekeapoo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GreyPoopon Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 I'm so sorry. Godspeed Jock. Quote Standard Poodle Daisy (12/13) Missing Cora (RL Nevada 5/99-10/09), Piper (Cee Bar Easy 2/99-1/10), Tally (Thunder La La 9/99-3/10), Edie (Daring Reva 9/99-10/12), Dixie (Kiowa Secret Sue 11/01-1/13), Jessie (P's Real Time 11/98-3/13), token boy Graham (Zydeco Dancer 9/00-5/13), Cal (Back Already 12/99-11/13), Betsy (Back Kick Beth 11/98-12/13), Standard Poodles Minnie (1/99-1/14) + Perry (9/98-2/14), Annie (Do Marcia 9/03-10/14), Pink (Miss Pinky Baker 1/02-6/15), Poppy (Cmon Err Not 8/05-1/16), Kat (Jax Candy 5/05-5/17), Ivy (Jax Isis 10/07-7/21), Hildy (Braska Hildy 7/10-12/22), Opal (Jax Opal 7/08-4/23). Toodles (BL Toodles 7/09-4/24) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FosterFlunker Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 I am so sorry tears are flowing freely now. Quote Make a fast friend adopt a greyhound Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest GreytMuse Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 My deepest condolences on your loss. We do understand here and I am so glad you found our community. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest greytkidsmom Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieProf Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 I am so sorry and really feel the pain of your loss. I call my girl "Baby dog" too and sing the dog songs to her. I'm sure Jock knew he was deeply loved. What a sweet boy he sounds. Quote With Cocoa (DC Chocolatedrop), missing B for Beth (2006-2015)And kitties C.J., Klara, Bernadette, John-Boy, & Sinbad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Pipi5 Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 I'm so sorry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
knightfal Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 (edited) I am very sorry for your loss! The pain and grief is normal... Time will help heal the wounds.. Try to think of all the happy memories you had with Jock. My Bullet crossed the bridge 24 days ago from the same kind of condition. To this day his food and water bowls are still there. as I just can't put them away. Stay strong and hang in there. Edited March 30, 2009 by knightfal Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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