Lewis Is Home....

[fourofem]

My big, handsome boy came home today. My sister picked him up for me...I couldn't do it. I've baked his paw print...it's cooling now. It has a couple of hairs baked in...I was going to try and get them out but then I thought better of it. I have to rearrange my shrine....he joins quite a mixture of shelf mates. There's Ellie, my Scottie; Bob Barker, the finest black and tan coonhound that ever lived, Beacon, my big orange kitty and Homey, my pit bull mix who I will have to keep separated from Lewis (they had some issues). Do I feel better? I haven't cried today so I guess that's a start....I just haven't adjusted yet. When I get cookies out of the jar, I still get four. I still go for his bowl when I start to fix breakfast or dinner. I keep waiting for him to meet me at the gate. I miss his so much but I think Hitchie misses him more. Even when Lewis was starting to struggle, he would mix it up with Hitch when we went out to play. The girls will play but not as hard as he likes. Xan did a wonderful caricature of my boy....I'll try and upload that so you all can see it....it's awesome and shows him in his most favorite spot. I'm glad he's home but life just isn't the same.

[Cully]

:bighug

[Batmom]

Takes time. Sometimes lots of time. Sending hugs.

[CaliforniaGreys]

And life never will be the same. He was a special boy and he will continue to watch over you. He may be gone in the physical sense, but his soul and spirit will always be with you.

Until you see him again

[queenwinniesmom]

It's too soon to feel better. Getting their ashes back is a really tough day for most people. Yes, there is some sense of closure in knowing that they are "home" where they belong, but there is also no escaping that finality. Take some time to do those familiar things. It's hard enough to change, but it's devastating to lose a beloved member of your family. I did all those habitual things for as long as I needed to because it helped ease the pain. Even now, over 2 years later with Nick, and over one year with Winnie, there are still a couple little things I do, just because it brings me comfort, and because it makes me feel close to them. Don't worry about time frames. You loved your boy. The love will be there when the pain subsides.

[Guest Flysmom]

I am sorry!

I don't know how long it will take, but I know how you feel! Everybody is different and everybody is taking the loss of a loved animal different. I am dreading the day when the vet calls me that Fly is back, I dread the day I am going to drive the 1 1/2 hours to pick him up BUT I will be glad that part of him is back with me.

Time will heal all wounds, at least on the surface.

Hugs to you!

[RobinM]

I'm glad he's home but life just isn't the same.

 

And it won't ever be the same. I am having the same problem.

 

We haven't really been able to grieve Polli because Beau is keeping us extremely busy.

 

He used to eat with Teddy and Chloe prior to the IBD and almost like filling in for his momma, he now has very different eating times due to the pred. It's almost like Polli said to Beau before she left, this is how you keep them busy, and since I won't be here, I'm counting on you to do it!

 

Polli is sittingon my night table and every one in a while I look at it and I completely lose it. How can that sweet loving, big mouth, spunky firecracker be reduced to ashes in a box. It makes me sick.

 

I wished I believed in the afterlife and I wish I believed in the rainbow bridge where she was whole again. But I don't. I believe when it's over, it's over.

 

It would be so much nicer to believe otherwise.

 

hugs to you, Blair. I feel your pain.

Edited March 22, 2009 by RobinM

[nyGreys]

[Guest BlackandBrindle]

I'm so sorry

 

I was thinking about Lewis this morning.

[KF_in_Georgia]

My Oreo's ashes came back a few days after her death, nearly three years ago.

 

I bought a special tiny urn so I could keep some of the ashes permanently. I intended to spread the rest of the ashes outside, around the yard and the creek bank, and around the area where we used to sit outside and watch the birds and squirrels--Oreo, Sam and me.

 

But the ashes sit on the shelf, still sealed in the box they came home in. The tiny urn sits next to the ashes--unused.

 

There are some things we just can't deal with.

 

I adopted Oreo's successor just 9 days after Oreo died. In many ways, that made things much easier: when Sam came hunting for dinner and I automatically looked past him for Oreo--at least there was a dog there, even if it wasn't the right dog. When I hugged Sam, that other arm had a second dog to hug. And Jacey lived with me for more than a year before I ever called her "Oreo" by mistake. (Oddly enough, Jacey grows more like Oreo every day--pushy alpha bitch attitude with strange dogs, and all.) I didn't put away any of Oreo's things (except her collar and muzzle--they've never been used for Jacey) because I knew I would adopt another dog quickly. I had an ex-pen set up around a bed in the living room--the place where I had planned for Oreo to spend her recovery time (she was having surgery to implant a pin in a broken leg, but she died in surgery of a pulmonary embolism); that ex-pen became Jacey's hide-away, where she could get away from Sam and eat her meals in peace without him drooling on her head.

 

And when Jacey demonstrated that she was not my perfect Oreo--most spectacularly, when she pooped in her crate, rolled in it, kicked it out of the crate where Sam stepped in it and scratched an itch...so that both dogs needed baths when I came home from work--when that happened, I sat on the curb by my two soaking/shivering dogs and bawled and told Jacey, "Oreo wouldn't have done that to me!"

 

They're all loved. They're all irreplaceable. And unforgettable. And so horribly, dreadfully--missed.

 

Watch for a sign from Lewis. You'll get one. One day, he'll nudge you--a little message that says "I'm okay. And so are you, mom." The sign might come from one of Lewis's old housemates, or it may come from a new dog. At my house, it was the day a muzzled Jacey raided the pantry and I came home to a trail of destruction: creme-filled cookies smashed into the floor and the carpet.

 

Oreo cookies.

Edited March 22, 2009 by KF_in_Georgia

[Guest IrskasMom]

 

 

ditto to that " Takes time. Sometimes lots of time ! "

[Guest fatesrelease]

*hugs* We are here for you.

[Guest CDNgreys]

It sure is hard to have these wonderful companions taken away.

 

My DH tried to make me feel better when picking up ashes......the body is just the vehicle for the soul. He is alive in our hearts, his special tree, anything that reminds you of him is where he lives.

 

Somedays it helps............

[Guest ss556]

Hugs to you. Lewis was a real sweetie.

[Guest SusanP]

It does stop hurting so much eventually, but probably not this soon. I'm so sorry.

[Guest greyscot]

It's never the same in my opinion - BUT life does go on - it just changes. I miss each and every animal I've lost every day but you do live with the hurt eventually.

[Forevermybabies]

Getting the ashes back...So hard. I guess it gets easier with every day, but every animal takes a little piece with them when they go.

[fourofem]

I'm going to try and upload Xan's caricature of my boy...we'll see how this goes. If it works, isn't this the best?

[Guest zoolaine]

I love that drawing/painting of Lewis. You can just see a big smile on his face. I'm sorry that you didn't have more time with your sweet boy but I know he is at the bridge playing and running with his friends while he waits for you.

[Guest Pipi5]

Takes time. Sometimes lots of time. Sending hugs.

 

In answer to your question, no this is not when you feel better. I don't know when that happens. Just do what Jey said, take your time. Lots & lots & lots & lots of hugs coming your way and when those run out...I have more.

 

That picture looks like the title should say: Dog heaven....ahhhhh

[fourofem]

Takes time. Sometimes lots of time. Sending hugs.

 

In answer to your question, no this is not when you feel better. I don't know when that happens. Just do what Jey said, take your time. Lots & lots & lots & lots of hugs coming your way and when those run out...I have more.

 

That picture looks like the title should say: Dog heaven....ahhhhh

Keep 'em coming....it's going to take a lot of hugs to help me past this. He was a special boy and you're right...the picture looks just like you said. Sometimes it makes me sad to look at it but it was his favorite spot, so that makes me smile.

[duncan41]

What a perfect drawing! I love the faint smile!

 

When does it get better? I have no idea. My DH still mourns our Newfie who has been gone 11-1/2 years. Oh, it's not like he's crying about her, but when the subject come up, he admits that he's "still not over it". Nikki will be gone 3 years on May 1st and I'm not "over it", either. Adopting Suze & Fuzz 5 days after Nikki died was a huge help - at least they were a huge diversion! But almost losing Suze last month (February 14) to acute renal failure changed something. I mourn for the dogs gone from other's lives and my heart breaks for the humans and others who loved them, but I now live much more in the present. Suze is reminding me to do that every day - she will be coming to get me any minute for her nightly belly rub. That never happened before February 14. She actually cuddled up to me Saturday night and put her head in my lap. That never happened before February 14. I look forward to our evenings and I'm looking forward to more changes.

 

Take your time. Do what feels right and keep your heart open to possibilities. In the meantime, look at the drawing often. I think there's a message in there for you.

[rascalsmom]

Yesterday, 12 days after Buddy died, we received a card from Buddy's ophthalmologist's office. This was what was on the front:

 

"With Loving Memories

 

You can't hurry sadness away. When it wants to go, it will.

 

It won't last forever. So go ahead: let tears fall, and hug your arms around a heavy heart. And wait it out.

 

Take Comfort.

Your sadness will certainly leave you.

But your memories never will."

 

I thought it quite touching, and true. Even now, already, I have many happy moments. I have my girls, who are helping to fill the hole Buddy left. And I have wonderful memories of Buddy. Nothing will ever take those from me. Of course I miss him, sometimes desperately; but I know he had to go. He was ready.

 

I am a better person for having loved him.

 

It will get better, a little bit at a time.

 

 

[Guest tennesseegrey]

Thank you so much for your post of my loss of my boy Caesar. I know exactly the pain you are feeling, the empty feeling and empty spot in your heart. I understand wanting to keep his fur, I cut some of his fur off right before the Vet arrived at my home to send him to the bridge. The poor boy had bare spots where I chopped away at his fur. He didn't seem to mind thought. I too picked him up from the vet this week. My husband asked me today if I was ready to bury his ashes, but I still have my Rosies ashes as well. I just can't seem to let go of them. I never understood those people who kept their loved ones in urns, until now. I feel like if I release them, I'm letting the last physical piece of them and that's so hard to let go. I too am having days with no tears which is nice. Having other dogs at home helps doesn't it? I wish you wonderful memories.

 

Joy

[Guest Leah]