Guest HighMaintenance Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 I called my vet to see if Je t'aime was there early morning on Monday (12/22). He was. So, I thought maybe I'd pick him up some time during the week. Throughout the day, at work, I started getting more and more anxious. I wanted him home. So, on my way home, I drove to the vet. When the vet's office came into view, I said out loud, "he's there". I haven't seen my boy for 2 weeks and I felt like he was close to me for a moment. I walked in and they brought the box to me. I immediately broke down when I saw it. She handed it to me and it was so heavy. I don't know why I was so shocked by that. So heavy, yet so small (the box). I got into my car and sobbed and sobbed. He was on my lap again. I talked to him, I kissed him, I told him how much I miss him. We took one last drive together and we drove home. I do not want to scatter all of his ashes anymore. I want him home, warm, with us. I want to bring him over for Christmas Eve to my parent's because he was going to go with us and spend the night. Is that selfish of me to ask to bring him? There's been so much sadness since he left that everyone may just need a night to celebrate. I just want him with us though. I kissed him goodnight last night and kissed him good morning this morning. It felt good. But, I just can't get over the fact that he's gone. I miss coming home to him and kissing his naked neck with his hair was missing, and slapping his sweet cheeks (they were bald). I would give anything to have him look at me with those eyes just once more. He was my first greyhound. He was my best friend. I have never cremated an animal, so I was not prepared to what it would be like when it happened to me. I miss so much about him. The way I would hold his paw in my hand for hours while we watched Law & Order. He'd fall asleep 1/2 way through, but my sister and I would say it's because he already "fingered the perp" and knew who did it right away, since he was so smart, that he didn't need to bother watching the rest of the show. I miss coming home with surprises all the time (ice cream, a new toy, visitors). I miss him talking to me in his various different sounds. I miss cleaning out his ears! I miss the dialogue my sister and I had on his behalf (we talked for him to each other) - he had his own voice we would use. I miss coxing him onto the couch and when he decided to get on, he'd try to get on my lap. I miss our Saturday morning hikes when I would get out my backpack and he would lose his mind with excitement. I miss him jumping; and running through the apartment; and playing with his stuffies; and rubbing his ears until he'd moan; and putting on his PJs; and walking with him and then stopping to just hug and kiss him, and then continuing. I miss a million things that keep popping into my head throughout the day. Those are gifts he still gives to me. Merry Christmas, my sweet boy, silly, crazy boy. I love you, Je t'aime. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BertnLil Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 :grouphug It is good to finally have them with you. Welcome home, Je T'aime. Quote Pam with Sockem the GH, Birdie the JRT, Osorno the chocolate lab, and Shelby the shepherd mix. Missing Clarice (1991-2007) and Lily (2004-2012), always in our hearts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest winli02 Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 Tons of hugs to you!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest jettcricket Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 Oh...I know exactly how you feel. I felt the same way when I went to pick up Jett's ashes...I couldn't believe it either how heavy the box was...my baby, my sweetness. And like you I will keep him in the house with us...warm and safe. My heart goes out to you...please know that you are not alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest HighMaintenance Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 Thank you all very much. It helps so much to know that I'm not alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hawthorn Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 Quote When a relationship of love is disrupted, the relationship does not cease. The love continues; therefore, the relationship continues. The work of grief is to reconcile and redeem life to a different love relationship. ~ W Scott Lineberry Always Greyhounds Home Boarding and Greyhounds With Love House Sitting Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Winterwish Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patricia Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 It is so bittersweet...sad...yet comforting. My babes are in their beautiful memory boxes with their pictures and names...they rest on my head board...I never enter the bedroom that I do not pat them...and tell them I love and miss them. Quote Patti-Mommy of Lady Sophia 7-28-92 - 8-3-04... LaceyLaine 8-2-94-12-5-07... Flash Gordon 7-14-99 - 8-29-09... BrookLynne...Pavé Maria... and 18 Bridge Kids. WATCHING OVER US~SOPHIA~QUEENIE~LACEY LAINE~ CODY ANGELO~FLASH GORDON. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygang Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 I understand...we still have our bridge angels ashes with us just can't bring myself to let them go. Rosie (yr 2000) and Tess (yr 2005) never to be parted Quote Run free our beloved Sir Snowy, Pip, Queenie, Sadie, Tess & Rosie until we meet again......I would rather feel the thorn than to never see the rose Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlies_Dad Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 I understand exactly how you feel. We RV fulltime and we have both Josey and Chester (both non-grey's with us). For us there is some comfort there and we definitely would not leave them home alone. Hold Je T'aime close, hold your memories of him closer... Quote Kyle with Stewie ('Super C Ledoux, Super C Sampson x Sing It Blondie) and forever missing my three angels, Jack ('Roy Jack', Greys Flambeau x Miss Cobblepot) and Charlie ('CTR Midas Touch', Leo's Midas x Hallo Argentina) and Shelby ('Shari's Hooty', Flying Viper x Shari Carusi) running free across the bridge. Gus an coinnich sinn a'rithist my boys and little girl. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JedsMom Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 I understand how you feel. I was so restless for Jed to come back home and once he was home, I felt so much more settled. I will keep his ashes, as I have kept Cleo's ashes. I just can't handle the thought of saying goodbye, so they stay with me. Remember, grieving is personal and you need to do what makes you feel better. Quote Daisy & Eli, the crazy hounds, and Bella & Zoe, the curly kitties,and Jed (10.30.98 - 11.28.08) & Ripple (3.25.99 - 8.20.09) together again at the bridgewith Cleo-Kitty (10.8.1988 - 7.26.2007) always in my heart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest greyscot Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 :grouphug Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Houndtime Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 It is better to be home. I talk to Brandy and John E all the time. Make yourself familiar with the angels, and behold them frequently in spirit; for without being seen, they are present with you. St. Francis de Sales Quote Irene Ullmann w/Flying Odin and Mama Mia in Lower Delaware Angels Brandy, John E, American Idol, Paul, Fuzzy and Shine Handcrafted Greyhound and Custom Clocks http://www.houndtime.com Zoom Doggies-Racing Coats for Racing Greyhounds Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest VelvetEars Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 have you thought about getting a necklace that includes some of his ashes? they have ones that are like vials - fill 'em yourself - or there are some places online you can order a glass pendant that is made w/ some of the ashes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest vahoundlover Posted December 24, 2008 Share Posted December 24, 2008 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batmom Posted December 24, 2008 Share Posted December 24, 2008 Just hugs. Lots and lots of hugs. Quote Star aka Starz Ovation (Ronco x Oneco Maggie*, litter #48538), Coco aka Low Key (Kiowa Mon Manny x Party Hardy, litter # 59881), and mom in IllinoisWe miss Reko Batman (Trouper Zeke x Marque Louisiana), 11/15/95-6/29/06, Rocco the thistledown whippet, 04/29/93-10/14/08, Reko Zema (Mo Kick x Reko Princess), 8/16/98-4/18/10, the most beautiful girl in the whole USA, my good egg Joseph aka Won by a Nose (Oneco Cufflink x Buy Back), 09/22/2003-03/01/2013, and our gentle sweet Gidget (Digitizer, Dodgem by Design x Sobe Mulberry), 1/29/2006-11/22/2014, gone much too soon. Never forgetting CJC's Buckshot, 1/2/07-10/25/10. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greyhoundlov Posted December 24, 2008 Share Posted December 24, 2008 Quote Mary in Houston Everyone has a photographic memory, but not everyone has film. LAND OF THE FREE BECAUSE OF THE BRAVE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest HighMaintenance Posted December 29, 2008 Share Posted December 29, 2008 Thank you all. Yes, I was thinking of ordering a necklace vial with for his ashes so I can keep hima bit of him with me when I'm out of the house. I brought his ashes with me to my parent's and he sat in the living room with us the entire time. It was good to have him there. I do feel so much more closure now that he is home. Thank you all again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest cindysmom Posted December 29, 2008 Share Posted December 29, 2008 I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet boy. I agree with the above. The grief process is very personal and different for everyone. It looks like you like to write things out; that's how I am too. I loved reading the memories you have of your boy. My Cindy is being cremated too, and I thought I would spread the ashes at our beach that we walked every day, but now, I don't know how I will feel. I will just take it as it comes, and you should too. I think we just have to do and go with whatever feels exactly right for us and not worry about what others may think. Keep posting those memories if you feel the need; they are beautiful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest joedogs_mom Posted December 29, 2008 Share Posted December 29, 2008 I understand completely -- everything you wrote. We lost our first Grey and our hearts in late November. The small box, how heavy it was, everything -- I totally understand. You are in my thoughts. The passage of time has helped a little but the pain will never be gone, for sure. Thinking of you... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest houndstooth4 Posted December 29, 2008 Share Posted December 29, 2008 I really understand how you feel, too. We lost Treat in May, and I remember thinking I couldn't believe that I was bringing home my heart in that box. I still want to get a really fancy urn for her, something worthy of how special she was. I'm also saving money for this. Maybe with some tax return money, I can finally get it. http://petreliquaries.com/ I wish you peace as you mourn for your special boy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest HighMaintenance Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 I really understand how you feel, too. We lost Treat in May, and I remember thinking I couldn't believe that I was bringing home my heart in that box. I still want to get a really fancy urn for her, something worthy of how special she was. I'm also saving money for this. Maybe with some tax return money, I can finally get it. http://petreliquaries.com/ I wish you peace as you mourn for your special boy. Thank you for the link. What a beautiful idea that is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest HighMaintenance Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 Everytime I enter my bedroom now, I kiss his box. I still feel like I'm going to wake up from this nightmare. Thank you all for listening and replying. The last gift I opened on Christmas morning with my family (I'm 31 yo and still stay over my parent's on Christmas Eve with my sister and we open presents together on Christmas morning ) was a beautiful story my sister, Debbie wrote for me (she's a very gifted writer and is in the middle of revising her first novel) called "Over the Rainbow Bridge". It was the most touching gift I had ever received. At the end of the story, it included directions to log onto my e-mail. There was an e-mail from the "Tree at the Center of the Garden", from Je t'aime. There are some family/friend references and inside jokes and many family pets names are included, but it's so beautiful, I wanted to share it. This is what it said: Pee-mail to E-Mail Momma Martin Home-Crap-Home Street Buffalo Earth Dear Momma, Merry Christmas, Mommy! There is a big party for Jesus’s birthday here today. I am not sure if you will get this message. Jasmine is helping me convert my pee-mail into e-mail, but we’re not sure if it will work. You don't have to pee-mail me back because I can see and hear you through my window (It's like a TV screen, but not like your TV, the HD kind). I wanted to let you know how much I love you and what a wonderful momma you were. Those two years with you were the best years of my life. It is looking pretty good here though, too. Thank you for a bunch of things, including: Our long ride in the car to see the goats and eat ice cream and hot dogs and swim in the pool and go in shops and chapels and sleep in a hotel bed with you Going camping and sleeping in a tent and being a good boy in my X-Pen while you set everything up Hanging out by the campfire with you and Uncle Ray and Mr. Bies and Aunt Julia and Aunt Michelle and Aunt Deb My raincoat for when it rained and my pirate coat for when it was cool and my hoodie coat for when it was freezing and my racecar jammies for inside and my pink snuggly jammies for being cozy and my ice cream jammies that I wore up to heaven Going to Pet Smart and Treats Unleashed and getting my picture taken with Santa Hearing your Jeep pull up and stop, then hearing your feet clomp up the steps and seeing the doorknob twist and you opening the door, saying, “Hi, liver-lips!” Watching you pack my pink bag and water bottle and camping things Taking long walks in the summer evenings with you and Aunt Deb and stopping at Hanna’s Frosty Treats on the way home (There is a Hanna’s here and I get to pick out my own kind!) Summertime in general, because of more camping and parks and lots of walks in fun places with Aunt Deb Visiting Dr. Albert and Dr. Allen and getting love and pin-pricks Taking the long snowy run with Gams and Gamps and Aunt Deb and picking out our Christmas tree Going to Uncle Ray’s and sitting on the grass and smelling the grill Letting me destroy my bed (that was great fun) Breaking the lamp with Aunt Deb Watching the Othello (my peeps) rehearsal with Aunt Deb Playing on the rug at Gams and Gamps and being a good boy while you were in the kitchen eating something called wait-watchers (which is what I was doing) Playing at Shoshone Park, at my play-group with Miranda, at day-care near our house, at day-care and night-care with Janelle, and my obedience lessons too Sitting cheek-to-cheek on my couch, or snuggling with you when I would put my head on your chest or on your back Singing the Poopytime song on a walk and making sure I maintained by Canine Good Citizen badge Seeing your Jeep round the corner while I was on a walk with Aunt Deb and you pulling over so I could jump in and ride the rest of the block home with you Letting me choose which direction to walk in when I would be Statue Boy Watching you try to pick up my two’per with no extra bag Playing with the wrapping paper last Christmas Getting a biscuit whenever I entered the house, even when I had not gone poopie Going to the art festival with Aunt Deb and eating a hot dog Cleaning out my ears with the nice soft baby oil cotton balls Eating tissues from your garbage can Sneaking into Kitties’ Room and eating their food and the clumps from that plastic box and stealing Pita’s baby Playing with the special, rare toys, meaning those things you put on your eyes that smell like you and that black thing you always hold in the living room Wearing the beautiful outfits you and Debbie put on me for the fashion shoots Putting my bed in the bathroom during a thunderstorm And lots more that I can’t recall at this particular moment. We’ll have more great times when you come up here. Your gamps is up here and he likes crosswords, just like Julia. He’s really good at them, but he sometimes asks Uncle Pat for help with the questions about recent happenings. I want to tell you about Pita and all my new friends, but I don’t have enough peepie left for another transmission at this point. I’ll send you some more pee-mail soon, because I saw Aunt Deb washing the floor and I don’t think there is any peepie left now, except maybe in the cracks or diluted and spread too thinly across the floor. Good bye for now, Momma! Love Je t’aime Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygang Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 Thanks for sharing this in your grief............there's always a listening ear or good advice on GT. Wishing you peace at this time. Quote Run free our beloved Sir Snowy, Pip, Queenie, Sadie, Tess & Rosie until we meet again......I would rather feel the thorn than to never see the rose Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2NOFLEAS Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 hug waiting here in person for you from Me and Cofax.............. meantime - we're missing our new buddy too........... so much to show you when you're here. Quote Tina dogmom to Rocket and Angels Cofax (my girl) 5/9/01-7/1/10(OS), ReRun (my boy)(4/18/95-4/19/07 Heart tumor)) Dedicating my life as much as I could - to keeping the smile alive of my Lambie Pie - lost 12/04 to Rocky Mtn Spotted Fever.... & then there's the hubby - Bob .... http://www.freewebs.com/3nofleas/ . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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