Je T'aime Is Home Now

[Guest HighMaintenance]

I called my vet to see if Je t'aime was there early morning on Monday (12/22). He was. So, I thought maybe I'd pick him up some time during the week. Throughout the day, at work, I started getting more and more anxious. I wanted him home. So, on my way home, I drove to the vet. When the vet's office came into view, I said out loud, "he's there". I haven't seen my boy for 2 weeks and I felt like he was close to me for a moment. I walked in and they brought the box to me. I immediately broke down when I saw it. She handed it to me and it was so heavy. I don't know why I was so shocked by that. So heavy, yet so small (the box). I got into my car and sobbed and sobbed. He was on my lap again. I talked to him, I kissed him, I told him how much I miss him. We took one last drive together and we drove home. I do not want to scatter all of his ashes anymore. I want him home, warm, with us. I want to bring him over for Christmas Eve to my parent's because he was going to go with us and spend the night. Is that selfish of me to ask to bring him? There's been so much sadness since he left that everyone may just need a night to celebrate. I just want him with us though.

 

I kissed him goodnight last night and kissed him good morning this morning. It felt good. But, I just can't get over the fact that he's gone. I miss coming home to him and kissing his naked neck with his hair was missing, and slapping his sweet cheeks (they were bald). I would give anything to have him look at me with those eyes just once more.

 

He was my first greyhound. He was my best friend. I have never cremated an animal, so I was not prepared to what it would be like when it happened to me.

 

I miss so much about him. The way I would hold his paw in my hand for hours while we watched Law & Order. He'd fall asleep 1/2 way through, but my sister and I would say it's because he already "fingered the perp" and knew who did it right away, since he was so smart, that he didn't need to bother watching the rest of the show. I miss coming home with surprises all the time (ice cream, a new toy, visitors). I miss him talking to me in his various different sounds. I miss cleaning out his ears! I miss the dialogue my sister and I had on his behalf (we talked for him to each other) - he had his own voice we would use. I miss coxing him onto the couch and when he decided to get on, he'd try to get on my lap. I miss our Saturday morning hikes when I would get out my backpack and he would lose his mind with excitement. I miss him jumping; and running through the apartment; and playing with his stuffies; and rubbing his ears until he'd moan; and putting on his PJs; and walking with him and then stopping to just hug and kiss him, and then continuing. I miss a million things that keep popping into my head throughout the day. Those are gifts he still gives to me.

 

Merry Christmas, my sweet boy, silly, crazy boy. I love you, Je t'aime.

[BertnLil]

:grouphug It is good to finally have them with you.

Welcome home, Je T'aime.

[Guest winli02]

Tons of hugs to you!!!!

[Guest jettcricket]

Oh...I know exactly how you feel. I felt the same way when I went to pick up Jett's ashes...I couldn't believe it either how heavy the box was...my baby, my sweetness.

 

And like you I will keep him in the house with us...warm and safe.

 

My heart goes out to you...please know that you are not alone.

 

 

[Guest HighMaintenance]

Thank you all very much. It helps so much to know that I'm not alone.

[Hawthorn]

[Guest Winterwish]

[patricia]

It is so bittersweet...sad...yet comforting. My babes are in their beautiful memory boxes with their pictures and names...they rest on my head board...I never enter the bedroom that I do not pat them...and tell them I love and miss them.

[crazygang]

I understand...we still have our bridge angels ashes with us just can't bring myself to let them go.

 

Rosie (yr 2000) and Tess (yr 2005) never to be parted

[Charlies_Dad]

I understand exactly how you feel. We RV fulltime and we have both Josey and Chester (both non-grey's with us). For us there is some comfort there and we definitely would not leave them home alone. Hold Je T'aime close, hold your memories of him closer...

[JedsMom]

I understand how you feel. I was so restless for Jed to come back home and once he was home, I felt so much more settled. I will keep his ashes, as I have kept Cleo's ashes. I just can't handle the thought of saying goodbye, so they stay with me.

 

Remember, grieving is personal and you need to do what makes you feel better.

[Guest greyscot]

:grouphug

[Houndtime]

It is better to be home.

I talk to Brandy and John E all the time.

Make yourself familiar with the angels, and behold them frequently in spirit; for without being seen, they are present with you. St. Francis de Sales

 

 

[Guest VelvetEars]

have you thought about getting a necklace that includes some of his ashes? they have ones that are like vials - fill 'em yourself - or there are some places online you can order a glass pendant that is made w/ some of the ashes.

[Guest vahoundlover]

[Batmom]

Just hugs. Lots and lots of hugs.

[greyhoundlov]

[Guest HighMaintenance]

Thank you all. Yes, I was thinking of ordering a necklace vial with for his ashes so I can keep hima bit of him with me when I'm out of the house. I brought his ashes with me to my parent's and he sat in the living room with us the entire time. It was good to have him there. I do feel so much more closure now that he is home. Thank you all again.

[Guest cindysmom]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet boy. I agree with the above. The grief process is very personal and different for everyone. It looks like you like to write things out; that's how I am too. I loved reading the memories you have of your boy. My Cindy is being cremated too, and I thought I would spread the ashes at our beach that we walked every day, but now, I don't know how I will feel. I will just take it as it comes, and you should too.

 

I think we just have to do and go with whatever feels exactly right for us and not worry about what others may think. Keep posting those memories if you feel the need; they are beautiful.

[Guest joedogs_mom]

I understand completely -- everything you wrote. We lost our first Grey and our hearts in late November. The small box, how heavy it was, everything -- I totally understand. You are in my thoughts. The passage of time has helped a little but the pain will never be gone, for sure. Thinking of you...

[Guest houndstooth4]

I really understand how you feel, too. We lost Treat in May, and I remember thinking I couldn't believe that I was bringing home my heart in that box. I still want to get a really fancy urn for her, something worthy of how special she was.

 

I'm also saving money for this. Maybe with some tax return money, I can finally get it.

http://petreliquaries.com/

 

I wish you peace as you mourn for your special boy.

[Guest HighMaintenance]

I really understand how you feel, too. We lost Treat in May, and I remember thinking I couldn't believe that I was bringing home my heart in that box. I still want to get a really fancy urn for her, something worthy of how special she was.

 

I'm also saving money for this. Maybe with some tax return money, I can finally get it.

http://petreliquaries.com/

 

I wish you peace as you mourn for your special boy.

 

Thank you for the link. What a beautiful idea that is.

[Guest HighMaintenance]

Everytime I enter my bedroom now, I kiss his box. I still feel like I'm going to wake up from this nightmare.

 

Thank you all for listening and replying.

 

The last gift I opened on Christmas morning with my family (I'm 31 yo and still stay over my parent's on Christmas Eve with my sister and we open presents together on Christmas morning ) was a beautiful story my sister, Debbie wrote for me (she's a very gifted writer and is in the middle of revising her first novel) called "Over the Rainbow Bridge". It was the most touching gift I had ever received. At the end of the story, it included directions to log onto my e-mail. There was an e-mail from the "Tree at the Center of the Garden", from Je t'aime. There are some family/friend references and inside jokes and many family pets names are included, but it's so beautiful, I wanted to share it. This is what it said:

 

Pee-mail to E-Mail

 

Momma Martin

 

Home-Crap-Home Street

 

Buffalo

 

Earth

 

 

 

Dear Momma,

 

Merry Christmas, Mommy! There is a big party for Jesus’s birthday here today.

 

I am not sure if you will get this message. Jasmine is helping me convert my pee-mail into e-mail, but we’re not sure if it will work. You don't have to pee-mail me back because I can see and hear you through my window (It's like a TV screen, but not like your TV, the HD kind).

 

I wanted to let you know how much I love you and what a wonderful momma you were. Those two years with you were the best years of my life. It is looking pretty good here though, too. Thank you for a bunch of things, including:

 

Our long ride in the car to see the goats and eat ice cream and hot dogs and swim in the pool and go in shops and chapels and sleep in a hotel bed with you

 

Going camping and sleeping in a tent and being a good boy in my X-Pen while you set everything up

 

Hanging out by the campfire with you and Uncle Ray and Mr. Bies and Aunt Julia and Aunt Michelle and Aunt Deb

 

My raincoat for when it rained and my pirate coat for when it was cool and my hoodie coat for when it was freezing and my racecar jammies for inside and my pink snuggly jammies for being cozy and my ice cream jammies that I wore up to heaven

 

Going to Pet Smart and Treats Unleashed and getting my picture taken with Santa

 

Hearing your Jeep pull up and stop, then hearing your feet clomp up the steps and seeing the doorknob twist and you opening the door, saying, “Hi, liver-lips!”

 

Watching you pack my pink bag and water bottle and camping things

 

Taking long walks in the summer evenings with you and Aunt Deb and stopping at Hanna’s Frosty Treats on the way home (There is a Hanna’s here and I get to pick out my own kind!)

 

Summertime in general, because of more camping and parks and lots of walks in fun places with Aunt Deb

 

Visiting Dr. Albert and Dr. Allen and getting love and pin-pricks

 

Taking the long snowy run with Gams and Gamps and Aunt Deb and picking out our Christmas tree

 

Going to Uncle Ray’s and sitting on the grass and smelling the grill

 

Letting me destroy my bed (that was great fun)

 

Breaking the lamp with Aunt Deb

 

Watching the Othello (my peeps) rehearsal with Aunt Deb

 

Playing on the rug at Gams and Gamps and being a good boy while you were in the kitchen eating something called wait-watchers (which is what I was doing)

 

Playing at Shoshone Park, at my play-group with Miranda, at day-care near our house, at day-care and night-care with Janelle, and my obedience lessons too

 

Sitting cheek-to-cheek on my couch, or snuggling with you when I would put my head on your chest or on your back

 

Singing the Poopytime song on a walk and making sure I maintained by Canine Good Citizen badge

 

Seeing your Jeep round the corner while I was on a walk with Aunt Deb and you pulling over so I could jump in and ride the rest of the block home with you

 

Letting me choose which direction to walk in when I would be Statue Boy

 

Watching you try to pick up my two’per with no extra bag

 

Playing with the wrapping paper last Christmas

 

Getting a biscuit whenever I entered the house, even when I had not gone poopie

 

Going to the art festival with Aunt Deb and eating a hot dog

 

Cleaning out my ears with the nice soft baby oil cotton balls

 

Eating tissues from your garbage can

 

Sneaking into Kitties’ Room and eating their food and the clumps from that plastic box and stealing Pita’s baby

 

Playing with the special, rare toys, meaning those things you put on your eyes that smell like you and that black thing you always hold in the living room

 

Wearing the beautiful outfits you and Debbie put on me for the fashion shoots

 

Putting my bed in the bathroom during a thunderstorm

 

And lots more that I can’t recall at this particular moment.

 

We’ll have more great times when you come up here. Your gamps is up here and he likes crosswords, just like Julia. He’s really good at them, but he sometimes asks Uncle Pat for help with the questions about recent happenings.

 

I want to tell you about Pita and all my new friends, but I don’t have enough peepie left for another transmission at this point. I’ll send you some more pee-mail soon, because I saw Aunt Deb washing the floor and I don’t think there is any peepie left now, except maybe in the cracks or diluted and spread too thinly across the floor.

 

Good bye for now, Momma!

 

Love Je t’aime

 

 

[crazygang]

Thanks for sharing this in your grief............there's always a listening ear or good advice on GT.

 

Wishing you peace at this time.

 

 

[2NOFLEAS]

hug waiting here in person for you from Me and Cofax..............

 

meantime - we're missing our new buddy too........... so much to show you when you're here.