Missing My Mom

[Guest rsqdogsmom]

My Mom died 12 years ago today and there is hardly a day that goes by that I don't think of her

and miss talking with her and wish that she were still here.

 

June was 71 years old and still working full time when she became ill.

One day she was fine, the next she was walking into walls and couldn't remember what she'd eaten for breakfast.

A plethora of tests discovered a brain tumor, a 'GLIOBLASTOMA', the most common, rapid-growing and most often

fatal kind of tumor there is.

A biopsy, followed by a 11 hour surgery failed to provide any improvement, and she came out of the hospital

in a wheelchair after walking in on her own.

She never walked again.

Within weeks of her surgery, she could no longer keep our names straight.

She believed that we had put her in a nursing home and she kept asking when she was going to be able to go home.

In fact, we had converted her own dining room into a bedroom for her and my 5 brothers and sisters and I

were taking turns caring for her at home.

The time I spent at her house while she was dying is all such a blur to me now.

 

The time between March 17, 1995, when she first fell ill, and August 23,1995, when she died,

was simply a fast ride to hell on a speeding train with no one at the controls.

 

Each of us kids remembers that period differently and when we try to talk about it we get into arguments

about even the most straightforward facts, like who stayed with her when or who took her where.

Petty, stupid stuff that makes no difference to anyone now anyway.

Facts that it would be very easy to verify with bank statements or receipts have become suspect and

subject to multiple interpretations, lending an even more surreal tone to our memories of those months.

All of this has contributed to making it easy for me to think sometimes that this did NOT really happen,

especially when none of us can agree about anything related to her illness and death.

Just wishful thinking on my part, but still.....

 

Anyway, today, I'm feeling very alone and I just wanted to remind those of you who still have parents living

to cherish EVERY moment you have with them.

Life goes so fast and when your parents are both gone, and you are truly an orphan, you'll regret EVERY single time

that you could have had dinner with them or gone over to their house, or called them just to say hello

and DIDN'T.

Because you will NEVER get a chance to do it over, and the missed opportunities NEVER stop haunting you.

 

I miss you, Mama, probably more than you would ever believe.

Thank you for loving me and letting me know it my whole life.

 

 

[RobinM]

I feel your pain. I can relate. My Mom was killed in a car accident July 4, 1989 at the age of 59. Although it is a long time ago, it is never ending.

I had said when it happend that I don't F***EN believe it and someone said to me, "you'll never F***EN believe it, but you will learn to live with it. I have.

It was difficult not having her around for the birth of my son, who was named after her. It was difficult not having her here for the marriage of my daughter.

I try not to idealize her too much, which I did in the beginning, but the truth is, I still long for her too.

 

As you already know, some days you will feel this way. Keep the memories of the love you had for each other alive with her memories until we all meet again...

Edited August 23, 2007 by RobinM

[Guest Becki]

[GreyAcresMom]

I am so sorry. This is one of the posts I can relate with. I have lost both of my parents. Who would have thought that Mom would go first..(20 years Daddy's junior) at the age of 56. Then Daddy 4 years later. It is something you never get over. Just learn to deal with the pain.

 

 

[Guest tricolorhounds]

Lots of coming your way...

 

 

Background: I grew up as an only child. My mother and I moved from Boston (where all our family was) to San Francisco when I was 3. I never had any other family around growing up, other than a few friends. When I married, my Husband joined the Marine Corps and we moved to San Diego. I called my Mother nearly every night... I had never before realized how close were were, she was like my best friend. A few short years later, just a little over 3 months after my 3rd daughter was born, I was surprised by a phone call from one of my Mom's co-workers. My Mom had had a stroke while at work and had been in the hospital for several days. She had told everyone not to call me as she didn't want me to worry. Only when she found out that she was going to have surgery did she ask them to call. I immediately packed up the 3 girls ( ages 4, 2 and 3 months) and drove all night so I could be there for her in the morning. Two days later, they wheeled my Mom into a surgery that would change our lives forever. While in recovery, she had a massive stroke that left her paralyzed on her right side and aphasic (not able to speak.)

 

She spent 3 months in a rehab before I was able to take her home. When she was ready to be released, my Husband came up to SF to help me pack up all her belongings. As he was leaving in the U-Haul he said " I won't be there when you get back home, I'm leaving you!" So there we were, Mom, Me and the 3 girls. I was 24 and alone.

 

Mom lived with us for 10 years. After going through tons of in-home therapy, she was eventually able to walk with a cane (Ok, she had no choice as I took her wheelchair away from her because she kept running over the baby...) She never regained her speech but we were able to understand her for the most part and could figure out what she wanted.

 

Mom left us on April 15, 1991 (yes, tax day... very difficult to forget.) Christmas time is very difficult for me as my fondest memories are of the wonderful Christmas's we had together. We never had a lot of money, yet somehow, she managed to create new and unique Christmas trees every year. One of our favorite things to do was drive around looking at all the beautiful Christmas trees in peoples windows. I still do that and cry the whole time.

[patricia]

This post really hits me hard. I have lost both my parents and I miss them so much...some days it still does not seem real. Another reason this post hits me hard is my dear Fred was diagnosed May 1st...Glioblastoma Multiforme Grade 4. They removed as much as they could and he is home and has finished his first round of chemo and radiation...learning to walk again was very difficult for him and he has severe left side weakness. I don't know how much time we have. My prayers to you and your family as you remember your Mama.

[Greys4Us]

You are not alone. I understand what you are thinking and feeling and you need to know that you are not alone. My mom died April 17, 1987 of a massive stroke. It was totally unexpected. She was a beautiful, loving, vibrant person whom everyone loved. I was busy working full time, working on a master's degree, and serving in the Navy reserves. She passed one day and the next day I went to my Navy drill weekend. I didn't know it at the time, but I was in shock and would not accept it. It didn't hit me for some time after the funeral, but when it did, I sunk lower than I ever have in my life. I miss her every single day. It's OK to grieve. They deserve it. And it's OK to celebrate their life every day and miss them. Love is something special reserved for special people and your mother was special to you. Keep her close in your memory and heart and think of her every day. Your memories are bittersweet, but you know that they are happy. The sad part is losing her. Just remember her the way she would want to be remembered, and know that she loved you. It's the best tribute that you can pay to her.

[Guest how888]

I can feel your pain I lost my mom last Nov., a week before Thanksgiving and I miss her so so much. My dad died so young, at the age of 55. I cherish my memories and talk to them in my prayers and dreams every single night. I still ask her to send me a sign to let me know she was okay. Thank God we are all here to support one another through the pain and illness we have to endure.

[Guest argolola]

Sending big hugs to you rsqdogsmom (and all the others who have posted here.)

 

I have my parents, but lost both of my children. We are all here for each other because of our love for greyhounds.

 

God bless you.

 

 

[Batmom]

Sending gentle hugs. I'm so sorry your mom had to leave.

[Guest Baloos_Mom]

 

I am sorry that your mom is no longer here on earth with you but know she is with you in spirit and always will be your guardian angel!

 

I just read the other posts and wanted to send hugs to all of you as well! WOW! I am so sorry that all of you have had to endure such pain and loss! :grouphug

 

Edited August 24, 2007 by Baloos_Mom

[Guest SoulsMom]

I understand. I lost my Mom two years ago. She was only 59. Losing a parent is something that rocks us to the core. I remember at the funeral, my grandmother on my father's side hugging me and crying. She said "Honey, it gets better. But it doesn't". I knew exactly what she was trying to say.

Edited August 24, 2007 by SoulsMom

[Guest SquanHound]

Thank you for reminding me to cherish my parents (and my in-laws too) a bit more than I do some times. My mom lost her mother when I was only 2 years old, 3 days before Christmas. Every Christmas Eve at mass she cries thinking about her. I am now 30 and she still cries about it. I don't think you ever will get over it, but she says by telling stories about her and keeping her pictures out that it helps a bit. My heart goes out to all of you who are missing someone special

[Guest ss556]

Sending hugs to all of you too. I lost my dad when I was 13 and I lost my mom when I was 30, 22 years ago. I still miss her and I always will. There is nothing like a mother. She missed out on so much of my life and my two sons' lives. She was sick and in the hospital for a while and I would go a few times a day to visit. The memories and scenes can still haunt me. I do tell my friends who still have their parents to be happy and cherish those moments - unfortunately some don't last as long as others.

[5blackgreys]

I lost my Mom January 19th, 1999. I was an only child and my father died 27 years before Mom. She was my best friend, we finished each others sentences and knew what each other was thinking before we said it.

 

Not a day goes by that I don't think of her and miss her. I cherish all the time we had together, just the 2 of us, and wish we had more.

 

All I can say is make sure your folks know you love them, even when they make you crazy, because you never know when they won't be around for you to say "I love you".

 

 

[4greyhounds]

[Guest jeannejj]

I lost my mom in 1990, she was 59. Now, 17 years later, I still occasionally pick up the phone and start to call her. I know she is with me and my family. So, I know how you feel. Just lost my Dad in June, and it still doesn't seem real.

 

Time helps. It makes the wound scar over so it isn't so open, but it is always there. Peace to you.

[Guest vahoundlover]

 

 

[robinw]

i'm so sorry

[Guest greyhound1]

[Guest rsqdogsmom]

First, thanks to all of you who have shared your stories with me.

Amazing, isn't it, how many of us go through the same thing and never know it

until someone speaks up and then we all realize how much we have in common.

 

My heart goes out to ALL of you, also, and your families.

 

The one thing that I noticed in your posts was how young all your parents were when they passed.

That seems to make it all the harder, knowing how much they would miss out on over the years as we grew up,

and realizing on each memorable occasion how much we would have loved to share these milestones with them.

 

My father died at the age of 41 leaving my 40 year old mother with six children to raise.

My Mom was both father AND mother to my 3 younger brothers aged 1 1/2, 3 and 6, and my sisters, 9 and 16.

I was the oldest, at 18.

She did a remarkable job raising all of us alone while working full time.

 

Though it was not the life she had planned, she became so much more than just a wife and mother.

She never remarried, never even dated again.

She was strong and independent long before it was fashionable for women to be so.

 

Everyone who ever met my Mom liked her.

In my whole life, I never heard anyone ever say one bad word about her.

She was kind, and generous to a fault, and extremely funny.

She was a great cook, lucky at bingo, and everyone loved to be around her.

She always managed to make you feel better, no matter what was wrong.

Even though she could not draw or sing worth a damn, she managed to produce

two artists, two musicians, two writers, a comedian, a teacher, a nurse and a handyman.

(Some of us are multi-talented.)

Every year on my birthday she would call me at one minute past midnight, just so that she could

be the FIRST one to wish me a happy birthday and to tell me how glad she was that I was born.

 

Even after all these years, people often stop us to ask if we are her kids, and then go on to talk about

something she did or said that made a difference to them.

 

She wasn't rich or famous, but when she died, several HUNDRED people came to pay their respects

and to say how much they would miss her.

 

I know we all think that our Moms are the best and, of course, it IS true.

My Mom was the most important person in the world to me.

She was my rock, my best friend and my salvation.

 

Always in my heart:

June Marie Long, born 6/27/24; called home to God 8/23/95.