How To Explain To A Child

[Guest TheMackeyPack]

I am at a loss. I need your help. How do I tell the Shawnster about Roo?

[Hallie]

Of course, honesty is the best policy. I would gently explain to her that Roo had a sickness that was causing him terrible pain, and there was nothing the vet could do for him. Explain that with animals, we can give them the gift of letting go, and freeing them from their terrible pain. Tell her that it was an awful decision for you to have to make, but it was your final gift to Roo. Tell her it's ok to cry and grieve and be angry for awhile, but also to celebrate Roo's life by remembering him always in your hearts.

[Paula]

Deb, I believe in being honest and not telling more information than you need to. You might say something like, "Remember how Roo's paw was hurting and hurting so bad? Well, the Dr. found out that Roo had a bad sickness that couldn't get better. Lloyd and I decided that we didn't want Roo to hurt anymore, so we let the Dr. give Roo some medicine that helped Roo to die very gently and not be scared. It didn't hurt, and Mom and Lloyd were there with him." You could explain that this is something we do for our animals, not to our animals, when they're too sick or hurt to get better. Remember, any questions Shawna may ask, only need to be answered as far as you think she can understand. I'd steer away from saying that Roo was "put to sleep". Kids can misunderstand this, and mistake dying for sleeping. You might want to explain that we don't do this to humans, so that Shawna doesn't get frightened that it could happen to her or you.

 

This is such a tough time for you and I'm so sorry you need to do this. I know you'll say the right things.

[Guest azgreyluver]

When Lady passed, we explained to Isaac that Lady was sick and she needed to go where she wouldn't hurt anymore. Your daughter is much older if I remember right so telling her will be easier for her to understand then it was for Isaac. Isaac cried and was down for a couple days but we made sure he knew if he had any questions about what he was feeling then he should not be afraid to ask.

[DianeFG]

This is something we're dealing with now ourselves. My middle DD's, who is 8, her ferret (Penny) is dying from cancer, and its just a matter of time now, this will be their first dealing with death. I've been going over this in my mind. This is what I've come up with. I'm not overly religious, but I'm going with God on this one.

 

Having a pet is a special gift from God, and he shared Penny with us for as long as he could. Sometimes God shares a pet that is extra special, one that might not be perfect, one that may be sick and needs the extra, extra love that a special family like ours can give. God knows that the best house for Penny was ours. Penny is some place now where she's not sick anymore, we don't have to give her the medicine that she hated, she's running and playing now without pain. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't trade my time with Penny for anything, and even though Pennys gone now, I'm so glad we could love her just like she needed, and she loved us back. Now here is the hard part that you need to try and understand, animals don't live long lives like people do, and if you open your heart and take a pet into your home you will have to go through the day when that pet goes back to God. Its normal to cry and miss Penny, but also try and remember how much fun you had and now you have a little ferret angel watching over you.

 

I hope that helps, that pretty much what I'm planning on saying. My heart goes out to you and your family

Edited January 22, 2003 by Diane FG

[Guest lisa73]

Deb there are some great books out there to on children and pet bereavement! I have tried to prepare Jack 8 for if anything happens to Maisy and he seems to understand but who knows how he will react when (if shes still here) the time came! Give her a big hug and kiss from me and tell her Roo loved her very much and will be watching her all the time!!!

[Guest Sara]

I don't have children of my own but I'll try and help. I would try to explain it with things the child can understand. Ask them how much they love to run and play and how great it makes them feel. Roo no longer could run and play without hurting. Now he is in a place where he can, and he is much happier as he no longer feels the pain. But he still does miss you, but now he can watch over you all day long. Good luck.

[Guest TheMackeyPack]

it went ok....She cried, we cried, She asked me if she could dream about Roo when she went to sleep. Lloyd held her while she cried it out. We told her we would give her a picture of Roo to hang in her bedroom. She liked that.

[Forevermybabies]

The kids were with us at the vet's office when he told us it was cancer, and my older son (then 8) just started to sob. He's a very stoic kid, and left the room after a moment of crying on me.

 

When Joe actually was put to sleep, a couple of weeks later, we told the kids that Joe was terribly sick, and nothing was going to make him better, ever, and he was in a lot of pain, and was suffering (which, I think they could pretty much see for themselves, since he was coughing and pretty hang-dog the last week or so). We told them that the doctor was coming to help Joe die peacefully, so that he wouldn't suffer anymore. The vet came to our home, and the kids weren't there at the time, but when they came home, they said simply, "Is Joe gone?" and we said yes. My almost 7 year old said, "So, he can't ever come back?" I said no, he wasn't ever coming back.

 

Then we talked about how our grief and sadness for Joe was a way for us to express how much we loved him and miss him, and it's okay to feel bad, sad, mad, whatever you need to feel. We kept his ashes in an urn I made for him, and sometimes the kids like to look at the urn and remember Joe.

 

That was in 2001, and they still talk about Joe, and occasionally will come up to me and just say, "You know what? I really miss Joe." Or Gaby will say, "I feel really sad about Joe today."

 

They understand that the disease that killed him was cancer, and when they hear that someone else has cancer, they always seem to draw that link. They are old enough now to understand that not everyone who has cancer dies from it, but they seem to feel more empathetic when they hear that someone has it.

 

When we found out that my aunt has cancer, Greyson (my older son) said, "Well, Joe had cancer, but his was different, Mom. I'm sure your aunt will be okay." And he gave me a hug.

 

Kids are capable of understanding and having empathy, and it's up to us, as parents, to teach them how to do that.

 

Again, Deb, I'm very sorry for your loss. Please extend my condolences to your family.

 

Tami

Edited January 23, 2003 by joesgreypoupon

[Guest Tory]

Im glad that it went 'ok' well as 'ok' as it could of...poor shawna and poor you and Lloyd...i hope that in time she can remember Roo with happy fond memories...love the idea of a picture in her bedroom, he will always be with her then

 

Bless you all...

Edited January 23, 2003 by Tory

[rascalsmom]

To the whole Mackey family: My sincerest condolences. I read of Roo's passing two days ago, and at the time I couldn't even stay at the computer, I was crying and so upset for you. This was the night before I took my girl, Rascal, to have a lump removed from her side. I am picking her up at noon today but we still don't know what the lump is. We are praying for scar tissue or benign tumor.

 

I cannot imagine losing one of my beloved dogs, my heart goes out to you. I have only lost kitties, as the greys are my first dogs.

 

Please know that you will remain in my thoughts and prayers. And give Shawna extra hugs--it will help both of you!

[Guest Cindi]

I'm glad the discussion with Shawna went ok. Sometimes the anticipation of something is worse than actually doing it. Kids are so wonderfully resilient...I think we lose some of that resilience as we get older. The picture for her bedroom is a great idea! I'm sure that she'll carry fond memories of Roo with her forever.....that was Roo's gift to her.

[Guest KaseysMom]

Our vet provided us with some information to assist our family with the loss of a pet. It provided a detailed view of the child's probable feelings over the loss of a pet, and was categorized by age. It helped us greatly when our cat died very suddenly at the vet. Our girls were 3 and 5 at the time, and they had never experienced the loss of a pet.

 

Bless you--this is such a hard time. Hugs!

[Penelopesslave]

When my kitty had to be put to sleep last year a dear friend and fellow kitty lover sent me this book. It's actually a kids book but it really comforted me.

The Tenth Good Thing About Barney

 

There's also another book called "Angel Pawprints" that is filled with poems and stories by people who have lost their pets. It's a really beautiful book and a tribute to those pets and their owners, and it was comforting to me to read those and know I wasn't alone in my grief. You can also find it on Amazon.

Edited January 23, 2003 by Penelopesslave

[bjnno1]

I'm glad it went smoothly for you, something like that is never easy.

[DeputysMom]

We were lucky, in the sense that we knew our dogs deaths were near, and the boys knew what was happening. My boys are nine and twelve now, but we did this trick just four weeks ago when April died. When our first grey died the day before Easter two years ago, in their Easter basket was a special bunny from Deputy. This year because we knew our days with April were numbered, she got them special teddy bears for Christmas. They have the stuffed animals to love everytime they miss their dogs. My youngest son sleeps with them everynight. It has helped a lot, with their grief process.

Good luck, I hope the talk goes as well as it can.