bjnno1

I still haven't put the boys things away, dog beds still on the floor, toys, bowls, blankies, etc.. Maj always sat in his blue recliner, it's still in the living room, still has his blanket on it and still has his toy sitting on top of the blanket. When I'm sitting in the living room watching tv, I can see his chair out of the corner of my eye and I'll have a feeling that he's laying there, it is so strong and gets my heart racing, and for that split second, I am overcome with the strongest feeling of love that I have ever felt in my life. I hate that it only lasts for that split second, but it's better than nothing. I miss them so much!!!!!

Thanks Melissa, I think about you too, hope you are doing well I'm back at work (for now), I'm on vacation until Wednesday!!! Mom and I planned a trip to Vegas back in November, they ALMOST didn't let me off work (again, already approved back in November) because I didn't have enough vacation... well, after some investigating, HR screwed up my paychecks while I was off work and I actually have 57 hours in my bank, so they had to let me off Work was fine last week, it was hard at first, but started getting back into the swing of things and yesterday my boss started her shennigans (sp?) again and has been micromanaging me to death. I just kill her with kindness and smile and do what ever she tells me. I'm trying to hold out as long as I can, but I'm not going to be treated like SHEET. I've worked my ARSE off for that place for 13 1/2 years and I'm not going to be treated like crap. Will wait and see how it goes after I get back next week and if things don't calm down with her, I'll have to call HR again. I'm not comfortable doing this, I've NEVER been in this position before and never had a boss that has been so cold and uncaring. Like I said, will wait and see. I am starting to feel better, of course I still miss the boys like crazy and think about them all of the time. I almost made it a whole day without crying, I went half a day, so that's progress I guess. Well, my laundry is almost done so I can finish packing and go to sleep. Thank you guys again for all of your support, it REALLY means the world to me!!!!

Kim and Bruce, I am so sorry you all have been on my mind, my thoughts and prayers are with you!!!!

Yesterday was Major's birthday, in his honor, I went to two pet stores and bought some doggie treats and donated them to the Animal Care Society and bought some toys to use as bingo prizes for Greyhounds of the Bluegrass. First time I've been to the doggie section. It was hard, but I did it and it made me feel better. I'm doing better, it's still hard, and I'm not great, but I am doing better!!!

Tried going home yesterday and putting their things away, I avoided the living room for about an hour doing other things around the house and needed to find the CD to reload my printer, kept it in the entertainment cabinet, along with all of their halloween costumes, soon as I saw the pile, I broke down bawling and left. Still too hard

Black Jack is back home with Maj

Me too

I had a dream about the boys last night At first it started out as a good dream, they were with me, healthy, giving me kisses...etc... then it turned weird and they ran away and never came back. I started crying in my dream, then woke up in tears. It's been playing over and over in my head all day Lately I keep having dreams about my step dad, one in particular is he's on a plane and I'm waiting on my mom to go pick him up, but the plane keeps getting delayed and we keep waiting and waiting, it's awful but last night was the first time I had a dream/nightmare about the boys. Still so hard to believe they are BOTH gone. Guess I'm going back and forth between the denial and grief stages... mixed in with some anger because I snapped at my boyfriend tonight, told him I was sorry, that I didn't mean it, I'm just sad about my loved ones, thankfully he understands and gives me space. Just so hard!!!

I'm so sorry Gil!!! Here's a big hug from me to you (((((HUGS)))))

Thanks everybody, I really appreciate your alls support. My "goal" today was to spend 30 minutes at my house. I did it!!! That was the longest 30 minutes ever, but I did it. stayed mostly in the kitchen and upstairs, cried when I got there, cried when I swept the porch and picked up the old towels I put down with their muddy paw prints still on them and cried when I left. Tears are good right??? Gonna try an hour tomorrow. Baby steps!!! This week has been really hard, I guess it's all really starting to sink in. Just sucks, ya know. I'm doing everything I can to get through this the "healthy" way, and hanging in there. I've been trying to keep busy, I even bought two things tonight for bingo prizes for the Bluegrass Festival, thought it might take me awhile before I could look at doggie items again in the stores, but was really proud of myself for going through with the purchase.

It's been really hard, especially the past few days, but I am hanging in there. Thank you all so much for your support.

Thank you guys soooooo much for your kind words and support It's been really hard the past couple of days, I was suppose to go home today (been staying at my boyfriends) and my mom was going to help me put the boys stuff away, but I'm just not ready. It's too hard right now, so going to wait a little longer until I'm stronger and can do it. I'm hanging in there, it's not easy, but I am hanging in there.

Maw Maw and Black Jack, November 2008 (Today would have been Maw Maw's 85th Birthday) I can't believe I'm typing this so soon after losing Major, but Black Jack has gone to join him in heaven, along with Maw Maw and Big David. I'm just devistated. I'm already having a hard time dealing with the sudden deaths of my grandma and step dad, putting Major to sleep the day after my birthday and now Black Jack yesterday afternoon. It just doesn't seem real. I'm hanging in there as best I can, I know a lot of you are worried about me, but I really AM taking care of myself and getting help to deal with all of this grief (not to mention, dealing with the stress of an unsupportive boss), My Human Resources advised me to take some time off work and use my FMLA, so I've been off work since January 24th and have been going to a daily support group as well as one on one counceling twice a week with a grief counselor. They have all been WONDERFUL for me and have really helped, I'm so devistated that Black Jack is gone, but I AM grateful that I have this support already in place to help me through. When it rains it pours, huh? I take comfort in knowing that Major is not alone and Black Jack is with him now, Black Jack was so depressed after Major died, it broke my heart, they were the best of buddies and HATED being apart. I am grateful for the 9 and 10 years that I had them in my life, so much GOOD came to my life as a result of having them. I'm not sure if/when I will get another hound, but please be assured, I WILL continue to dedicate my time (as life events permit) to Greyhound Adoption and the Greyhound community. I have no desire to leave you guys and as long as they will have me, I look forward to helping with Shamrock Greyhound Placement and the GREYHOUNDS OF THE BLUEGRASS Festival. Please support your local rescue/adoption groups, it is SO important and these hounds are SO wonderful, I will ALWAYS be grateful for them and will ALWAYS love them.

This afternoon, Black Jack went to be with Major, Maw Maw and Big Dave in heaven. x-rays appeared there was a tumor on his spine, his spine was being eaten away and he was in a lot of pain. I'll start a separate thread for Black Jack, when I'm ready, just can't do it right now. I'm hanging in there, my mom was with me and came over afterwards, we talked for a couple of hours. Still can't believe it's real. I'm so lucky to have had them for so long and for them to be as healthy as they were for so long, I hope I can focus on that one day, but for now, my heart is shattered and I feel like S#!T!!!! My cat just crawled on to my chest as I'm typing this and put her paw on my right shoulder and her head on my chest, I think she is actually hugging me!!! Amazing how they know..

Puppy Maj