bjnno1

I still haven't put the boys things away, dog beds still on the floor, toys, bowls, blankies, etc.. Maj always sat in his blue recliner, it's still in the living room, still has his blanket on it and still has his toy sitting on top of the blanket. When I'm sitting in the living room watching tv, I can see his chair out of the corner of my eye and I'll have a feeling that he's laying there, it is so strong and gets my heart racing, and for that split second, I am overcome with the strongest feeling of love that I have ever felt in my life. I hate that it only lasts for that split second, but it's better than nothing. I miss them so much!!!!!

Thanks Melissa, I think about you too, hope you are doing well I'm back at work (for now), I'm on vacation until Wednesday!!! Mom and I planned a trip to Vegas back in November, they ALMOST didn't let me off work (again, already approved back in November) because I didn't have enough vacation... well, after some investigating, HR screwed up my paychecks while I was off work and I actually have 57 hours in my bank, so they had to let me off Work was fine last week, it was hard at first, but started getting back into the swing of things and yesterday my boss started her shennigans (sp?) again and has been micromanaging me to death. I just kill her with kindness and smile and do what ever she tells me. I'm trying to hold out as long as I can, but I'm not going to be treated like SHEET. I've worked my ARSE off for that place for 13 1/2 years and I'm not going to be treated like crap. Will wait and see how it goes after I get back next week and if things don't calm down with her, I'll have to call HR again. I'm not comfortable doing this, I've NEVER been in this position before and never had a boss that has been so cold and uncaring. Like I said, will wait and see. I am starting to feel better, of course I still miss the boys like crazy and think about them all of the time. I almost made it a whole day without crying, I went half a day, so that's progress I guess. Well, my laundry is almost done so I can finish packing and go to sleep. Thank you guys again for all of your support, it REALLY means the world to me!!!!

Kim and Bruce, I am so sorry you all have been on my mind, my thoughts and prayers are with you!!!!

Yesterday was Major's birthday, in his honor, I went to two pet stores and bought some doggie treats and donated them to the Animal Care Society and bought some toys to use as bingo prizes for Greyhounds of the Bluegrass. First time I've been to the doggie section. It was hard, but I did it and it made me feel better. I'm doing better, it's still hard, and I'm not great, but I am doing better!!!

Tried going home yesterday and putting their things away, I avoided the living room for about an hour doing other things around the house and needed to find the CD to reload my printer, kept it in the entertainment cabinet, along with all of their halloween costumes, soon as I saw the pile, I broke down bawling and left. Still too hard

Black Jack is back home with Maj

Me too

I had a dream about the boys last night At first it started out as a good dream, they were with me, healthy, giving me kisses...etc... then it turned weird and they ran away and never came back. I started crying in my dream, then woke up in tears. It's been playing over and over in my head all day Lately I keep having dreams about my step dad, one in particular is he's on a plane and I'm waiting on my mom to go pick him up, but the plane keeps getting delayed and we keep waiting and waiting, it's awful but last night was the first time I had a dream/nightmare about the boys. Still so hard to believe they are BOTH gone. Guess I'm going back and forth between the denial and grief stages... mixed in with some anger because I snapped at my boyfriend tonight, told him I was sorry, that I didn't mean it, I'm just sad about my loved ones, thankfully he understands and gives me space. Just so hard!!!

I'm so sorry Gil!!! Here's a big hug from me to you (((((HUGS)))))

Thanks everybody, I really appreciate your alls support. My "goal" today was to spend 30 minutes at my house. I did it!!! That was the longest 30 minutes ever, but I did it. stayed mostly in the kitchen and upstairs, cried when I got there, cried when I swept the porch and picked up the old towels I put down with their muddy paw prints still on them and cried when I left. Tears are good right??? Gonna try an hour tomorrow. Baby steps!!! This week has been really hard, I guess it's all really starting to sink in. Just sucks, ya know. I'm doing everything I can to get through this the "healthy" way, and hanging in there. I've been trying to keep busy, I even bought two things tonight for bingo prizes for the Bluegrass Festival, thought it might take me awhile before I could look at doggie items again in the stores, but was really proud of myself for going through with the purchase.

It's been really hard, especially the past few days, but I am hanging in there. Thank you all so much for your support.

Thank you guys soooooo much for your kind words and support It's been really hard the past couple of days, I was suppose to go home today (been staying at my boyfriends) and my mom was going to help me put the boys stuff away, but I'm just not ready. It's too hard right now, so going to wait a little longer until I'm stronger and can do it. I'm hanging in there, it's not easy, but I am hanging in there.

Maw Maw and Black Jack, November 2008 (Today would have been Maw Maw's 85th Birthday) I can't believe I'm typing this so soon after losing Major, but Black Jack has gone to join him in heaven, along with Maw Maw and Big David. I'm just devistated. I'm already having a hard time dealing with the sudden deaths of my grandma and step dad, putting Major to sleep the day after my birthday and now Black Jack yesterday afternoon. It just doesn't seem real. I'm hanging in there as best I can, I know a lot of you are worried about me, but I really AM taking care of myself and getting help to deal with all of this grief (not to mention, dealing with the stress of an unsupportive boss), My Human Resources advised me to take some time off work and use my FMLA, so I've been off work since January 24th and have been going to a daily support group as well as one on one counceling twice a week with a grief counselor. They have all been WONDERFUL for me and have really helped, I'm so devistated that Black Jack is gone, but I AM grateful that I have this support already in place to help me through. When it rains it pours, huh? I take comfort in knowing that Major is not alone and Black Jack is with him now, Black Jack was so depressed after Major died, it broke my heart, they were the best of buddies and HATED being apart. I am grateful for the 9 and 10 years that I had them in my life, so much GOOD came to my life as a result of having them. I'm not sure if/when I will get another hound, but please be assured, I WILL continue to dedicate my time (as life events permit) to Greyhound Adoption and the Greyhound community. I have no desire to leave you guys and as long as they will have me, I look forward to helping with Shamrock Greyhound Placement and the GREYHOUNDS OF THE BLUEGRASS Festival. Please support your local rescue/adoption groups, it is SO important and these hounds are SO wonderful, I will ALWAYS be grateful for them and will ALWAYS love them.

This afternoon, Black Jack went to be with Major, Maw Maw and Big Dave in heaven. x-rays appeared there was a tumor on his spine, his spine was being eaten away and he was in a lot of pain. I'll start a separate thread for Black Jack, when I'm ready, just can't do it right now. I'm hanging in there, my mom was with me and came over afterwards, we talked for a couple of hours. Still can't believe it's real. I'm so lucky to have had them for so long and for them to be as healthy as they were for so long, I hope I can focus on that one day, but for now, my heart is shattered and I feel like S#!T!!!! My cat just crawled on to my chest as I'm typing this and put her paw on my right shoulder and her head on my chest, I think she is actually hugging me!!! Amazing how they know..

Puppy Maj

Our Glamour Shots Hoggin the bed Snuggling with his devil Puppy Maj

Seeing if I can remember how to post pictures.... Here are some of my baby boy Miss him SOOO much!!!! His big blue chair Enjoying the sun Snuggling with my baby Maj after an all night bender Brudders snuggling

It's been a long time since I've logged on to greytalk, mainly because I've had some very difficult life events lately. Most of you who know me, know my grandma Maw Maw and how much she means to me. To make a long story short, she died on September 30, 2010. I took a leave from work and was with her for the last four days of her life at the Hospice facility downtown. Sat by her bedside, talked to her, held her hand, prayed with her and did my best to make her final moments as comfortable as possible. One of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life. Less than 3 weeks later, my step dad died, at the breakfast table with my mom on Sunday morning October 17, 2010. Had a heart attack and died instantly, my mom tried to perform CPR and the ambulance arrived and tried to shock him back, but there was nothing anyone could do. Let's just say, the holiday's SUCKED this year!!! I noticed Major started using the bathroom in the house A LOT so I took him to the vet. They ran several tests but could find no abnormalities, Major was 11 years old and I didn't want to put him through any more stressful testing so I took him home, gave him his prescription and hoped and prayed it was just due to stress since I had been away from home so much lately (hospitals, funeral homes, cleaning out my grandma's apt, trying to work, etc) and I had several different friends and family members coming over to let them out, different schedules, different times of day. He continued to keep having accidents so I loaded up on the potty pads, bought a TON of spray carpet cleaner, and eventually bought a steam carpet machine. He wasn't in pain, he was still happy, still chasing the kitty cats, still barking at the squirllies out the window, still wagging his tail and doing his little 360 dance when I walked in the door, still eating and still burping in my face afterwards. Tuesday morning, January 11th, We woke up, Maj didn't want to get out of bed, I coaxed him up to go downstairs and go outside, telling him GOOD BOY the whole way, when he got midway down the steps, he fell the rest of the way down. He immediately jumped back up and I checked him out, he was walking fine and even trotted around in the snow in the back yard for a bit. I left for work. It had snowed really bad that day and they were predicting a really bad ice storm that afternoon so they dismissed us from work early, I went home and Maj was just laying there, he had gone potty in the house and showed no interest in eating and had a really sad look on his face. That night I slept downstairs with him on the couch so he didn't have to walk up the stairs, around 4:00 a.m., he jumped up from the couch, ran to the potty pad and peed and threw up at the same time. He came back over, I cleaned him and the carpet up, he laid next to me and stared at me with cloudy sad eyes.... I knew it was time. The next day (my 41st birthday) I called his vet and could barely speak, I guess God was looking out for me because his vet was out of town and the office was closed. Major was still not eating, but was comfortable, was able to walk and go outside (even played in the snow a bit) he laid next to me on the couch the entire day and was still drinking water, later that evening, he did eat one piece of kibble and snuggled up next to me the entire night. Thursday, January 13th, after I woke up I called his vets office and took him to the vet at 2:30 p.m. Again, one of the HARDEST things I've ever had to do in my life. When we got there, they met me at the back door so I did't have to go through the waiting room, we weighed him and he was down to 58 lbs. We went into the exam room, I laid next to him on the floor, holding him, stroking him, kissing him, crying on him and telling him how much I loved him. Yep, one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I miss him so much!!! Black Jack had a really hard time, HE quit eating, was depressed and wouldn't get off the couch. Sunday afternoon, I borrowed my cousin's greyhound Frenchie (Frenchie has stayed with us several times and is one of Black Jack's best buds), when they arrived, Black Jack immediately jumped up, wagged his tail, did zoomies in the living room and even chewed on a couple of stuffies. That night, he ate twice. THANK GOD!!!!!! Frenchie stayed with us for a week and since then, Black Jack is almost back to his old self, he'll walk over to Maj's big blue chair and sniff it and sometimes whine, he is clingier that ever to me (which I am A OK with that) but he's got his energy back, is eating and is healthy. In light of the recent life events, I am doing OK. I'm not gonna lie, I'm NOT great and I am depressed. I'm working on that and trying to work through all of the loss, so I really haven't been on the computer much. Again, God must be looking out for me because all in my life is not doom and gloom. My old boyfriend and I got back together this summer and things between us are unreal. We are both on the same page, we are both totally crazy head over heels in love with each other and he has been so good to me through this all, being extremly patient and giving me plenty of space so I can work through my grief, but when I do need him, he comes through with flying colors. When we dated 6 years ago, he used to get jealous of the boys and couldn't understand why I let them sleep in my bed, when Major died, he cried (a few times) with me and has been very receptive and compassionate to Black Jack. We spent the night at his place a few nights ago and he even let Black Jack sleep in bed with us. I went downstairs (don't really sleep well these days) and watched TV, when I went back up, they were both sawing logs next to each other, was one of the best moments I had seen in a long time. I just wanted to let you guys know why I haven't been around lately and needed to give Major his tribute thread. This thread does NOT do him justice, he was such a big piece of my heart. I will always love him, will always miss him and will ALWAYS be grateful for the 9+ years I had him in my life.

HUGS MARY

What a Handsome boy!!!! WOW!!!! Welcome to GT, also a fellow Shamrock volunteer (although work has put the brakes on that for the past few months, starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel so hopefully I'll be able to donate more of my time in the near future) Look forward to meeting you and that handsome boy of yours!!!! He is a knockout!!!

Trish's Sunset I miss ya girl, the world is a better place because of you!!!

Sending prayers your way Keep us posted!!!

OUCHIE!!!

What is a foxtail He's been eating the same food for 8 years. It's only 1 ear, the other one is fine.

Thanks So far so good.. did it again this afternoon and a big clomp of wax came out. There is still a little bit down in there but I think the worst is behind him *whew*