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tornadosgirl

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    Can't Get Past How She Died

    in Remembrance

    Posted

    Thank you all very much for everything you have said. It helps so much. Having Finn (who is a brother/cousin to

    Penny) has really helped. He has so many traits that Penny had, but yet he is different than her. I need to print

    out these posts and read them. A lot.

     

    Just a note about filing a lawsuit. In Massachusetts, dogs are considered property, and therefore one can't sue

    for malpractice. If we did sue, we could only get the "replacement value" of the dog. Anyway, I know the vet

    hospital learned a huge lesson and has changes many practices because of this incident, so that's what is

    important to me.

    Can't Get Past How She Died

    in Remembrance

    Posted

    As most of you know, Penny died last November. She had just turned 5 and had

    done well with 5 months of chemo. An accidental overdose of chemo occured

    two weeks before I decided to end her pain. I am having a very tough time

    getting past the events leading up to her death. I need input about how to

    get past the guilt and the grief. Here is a letter I wrote to her.

     

     

    Dear Penny

     

    I'm writing because I am having such a hard time getting past how your life

    ended. When you got the overdose, I thought you would make it and still have

    some time with us, even though I knew it would be short. There was part of me

    that thought you would be "the exception" and live longer than the expectations.

    When you were in the ICU, they put the central line in you. I knew that it would

    give you nutrients and not calories, but I guess I didn't realize how much weight

    you would lose. I wanted you home so badly. And I thought that would be the best

    thing for you, but I don't think it was. I'm so sorry. When you finally came

    home- I think it was two weeks you were in the ICU- you were so emaciated,

    but I thought you'd start eating again. I bought everything you had loved before-

    yogurt, string cheese, peanut butter. I even got that special food so I could

    syringe feed it to you. But you would only take tiny amounts- not enough to

    sustain you. Your hind end was so sore, from all the diarrhea you had had.

    So we lifted you in to bed with us that Wednesday night. I made it real

    comfortable for you, I put an extra comforter underneath you. I knew you would

    need to pee a lot, because of the prendisone. You wet the bed that first night,

    and the next morning I did what I had done for you so often. I took a towel and

    got it soapy wet and gently tried to clean you up. Maybe I should have given you

    a tub bath.

     

    George stayed home with you on Thursday and that night, I got some

    special ointment from that pharmacy in Worcester for your hind end. I used almost

    the whole tube (I think it cost $60 for that tiny tube), but it didn't seem to

    help at all. I didn't realize that your urine had scalded your behind. I thought

    it was just your wound that was bothering you. Why didn't I realize that?

     

    Friday, I worked from home. You were so sore all day, you wouldn't lie down,

    you just stood, for most of the day. So I called to make sure I could give

    you more of the pain medicine. You slept a little bit, but not much. I knew

    you didn't have much time left, so why didn't I call in sick to work and nurse

    you, hour by hour? Why, again, did I not realize how bad things were for you?

     

    Friday afternoon you just trembled. You wouldn't look at me. You wouldn't eat,

    even the syringe food. Nothing I did comforted you. I decided not to wait to

    end your pain until it was convenient for me and George.

     

    I'm left with this terrible guilt feeling. That being home didn't make so much

    of a difference for you. That I should have realized the urine had scalded you.

    I'm feeling so terrible about the decisions I made. I know you would forgive me.

    I know you already have. But I can't get rid of the pain, the guilt I feel over

    how you died. I have so many good memories of you, but I just cry and cry every

    day about how your life ended. You were barely five years old.

    Update. Shuggie Has An Abdominal Mass

    in Health and Medical discussion

    Posted · Edited by tornadosgirl

    We went thru this with Tornado. But then we found out that thyroid levels

    (ranges of what's "normal") are different for greyhounds. We consulted a

    greyhound expert and found out his value was within the normal range

    for a greyhound. Then we went on to explore other reasons for his low

    weight/weight loss.

     

    So you may want to check that your vet knows the correct range for

    a greyhound.

    Coping

    in Remembrance

    Posted · Edited by tornadosgirl

    I'm going thru this too. It is difficult. I think only time can help.I know I had

    her well-being as THE most important thing to remember. I know that I did

    what I thought was best for Penny.

    Leftover Medication

    in Health and Medical discussion

    Posted · Edited by tornadosgirl

    I have a lot of leftover medication that Penny took, some she never took.

    I know with humans it is best to discard the leftover medication, but is

    the same true with animals? Or does it depend on the medication? We have

    one bottle of something (have to figure out what it is) that we got specially

    shipped to us from a pharmacy in Arizona, paid $75 for, but Penny never

    got to take any of it- she was too sick at that point.

     

    I don't want to do anything improper, but if what remains could be used,

    I'd like to know.

     

    Here's the list:

     

    Baytril 136mg tablets; qty approx 20

    Deramaxx; 25mg tablets; qty 19 1/2

    Diphenhydramine 50mg capsules; qty 14

    Famotidine 10 mg tablets; qty 8 (individual blister pak)

    Metoclopramide 5mg tablet; qty approx 20

    Metronidazole 250mg tablet; qty approx 30

    Procarbazine 50mg capsules; qty 14

    SMZ TMP 960mg tablets; qty 4

    Penny - A Final Walk (first Post Updated - Long)

    in Remembrance

    Posted · Edited by tornadosgirl

    Penny went to the bridge about an hour ago. I'll post more, when I'm able.

     

    Updated with tribute:

     

    Penny aka DK Forever More aka Laverne

     

    My Final Walk

     

    I see Mom reach for the leashes, mine and TT's. Time for a walky-walk.

    Though he is 9 and I am 5, he jumps very high- all four feet off the

    ground. I jump (as I have since he taught me that I must jump at

    the site of my leash) just a very short, stiff front-legged jump. Mom

    smiles and giggles at my funny jump, but I stand calmly waiting for her

    to put my leash on me. I love my hot pink leash, you know. NancyB

    (whoever that is, but she's my friend I never met) sent it to me a

    few months ago, along with my new collar- pink pigs. Pink Pigs

    for Penny. Mom always puts my leash on first, because she can't catch

    TT. He is jumping around so much- you would think he had just won

    the lottery, Mom says, or that it's been 2 weeks since he last went

    for a walk- not a few hours. She finally gets TT to sit (for a moment)

    and puts his leash on him. TT's is black with gold dragons and a

    leash with the same design.

     

    Out the door we go. Like a lady, I let TT go out first. Down two steps

    and to the gate. I wait for Mom. This time I jump short jumps, my front

    legs alternately bouncing up and down, just a few inches off the ground.

    TT is jumping so high, Mom thinks he'll clear the fence. But he never does.

     

    Out the gate and down the driveway. I'm first, I'm leading the way, like I

    always do when we go on a walky walk. The only time I'm first. I pull really

    hard, as I always have, but Mom doesn't mind. We took obedience class,

    Mom and I, but I didn't care or understand what it was all about.

     

    At the end of the driveway, I veer sharply to the right so I don't

    have to walk over the drain in the street. If I had kept straight,

    I wouldn't have passed over it anyway. But I always want to make

    sure.

     

    Walk walk, walky walk.

     

    We cross the street to the side with no sidewalk. Mom doesn't mind,

    since we only see a car come down the street once in a while.

    We cross to the marshy side. No sniffing allowed (till we get to the

    Sniffing Place). But I sniff anyway and Mom lets me.

     

    "Let's go!" I hear and I go.

     

    "Hi Lily Rat Terrier. See you later. No worries."

    "So long Trish, Dick, David and Shelby. Thanks for letting me out in

    the afternoon, Shelby."

     

    Walk walk, walky walk. Mom, I gotta say bye to the guy working

    on his truck who doesn't see me walking by.

     

    "Bye bye. Tell your Mom I'm going to be okay now. And bye bye you

    two Wheaten Terriers. No need for all that barking now. I would

    never hurt you."

     

    Walk walk, walky walk.

     

    "Bye two little boys." Sorry, I don't know your names. You were afraid

    of me and, though it was very hard, I loved you from a

    distance. Sorry I can't stay to chat. I've got places to go (actually just

    one) and people to see. And My Mom.

     

    Round the corner. I smile and look over at the one neighbor who just

    waved as I walked by. I nod my head.

     

    There's Rick. He is having a yard sale, but I pull Mom up his driveway

    and he scratches my head. Mom apologizes for me barging in, but he

    understands. He smiles and asks me how I'm doing. Mom smiles and they

    say "See you later."

     

    Walk walk, walky walk.

     

    Now we walk in the street. I don't like walking by you Golden. You

    jumped at me once from behind your tall wooden fence and I was so

    scared. I would rather walk close to Three Big Dogs who bark and bark

    from behind their fence. Least I can see them.

     

    "Bye bye Mommy Three Big Dogs and Daddy Three Big Dogs." I hardly

    got to know you, but Mom always liked you because you asked for me

    all the time.

     

    Time to pee, just before the drain. Pee and walk. Pee and walk. Though

    Mommy doesn't mind waiting, I can't stop to pee (I never did).

     

    "Bye bye, Black Lab and Mommy Black Lab." See how calmly TT and I

    walk down the street?

     

    "Bye Old folks. Sorry I peed in your driveway once."

     

    Mommy Golden is mowing her lawn and, as usual, she's got Golden on a

    leash, walking beside her. Silly. I always stay inside when my Mommy

    mows. I don't want to be chased by that loud, noisy thing. Mom says

    she never would, but I don't know. Then I walk up their driveway and

    cross the lawn so she can say "Hi!" to me. I know she wanted to.

     

    "Bye", I say. Mommy tells her where I'm going. Mommy Golden smiles

    then tilts her had and frowns. She is happy and sad at the same time.

    Just like my Mommy.

     

    "Bye Evening Shift Neighbors". Didn't see you often, but I always thought

    of you as we walked by, hoping everything was okay with you.

    Everything's okay with me. Soon it will be, anyway.

     

    I walk by Dylan's house and here he comes, charging out his front door,

    Dylan's Mom chasing him. He runs toward me, but that's okay. I walk

    to him. TT is afraid, so I say "Hi!" for both of us. He pounds the top of

    my head with his open hand. That's okay. I don't mind. Dylan talks to

    me, even Mommy doesn't understand what he's saying. But that's okay.

    I sniff him and he giggles. Mom says "Let's go". I resist for a moment, but

    then I go. Almost to the Sniffing Place.

     

    Walk walk, walky walk.

     

    Pass quickly by JRT's and Fluffy White Thing's house. Hope they don't

    get loose this time and run underneath me. Ahh they don't. They don't

    even notice me pass by.

     

    Now I say "Bye" to Kids On Bikes. I was never afraid of bikes. I just

    loved to stand there as they crowded around me and petted me.

    "Just keep Beagle and Beagle Puppy away from me, okay? Tell Cousin

    Stephania from NYC that I love her". Kids On Bikes ride off the

    opposite way. They wanted to join us on the rest of the walk,

    like they usually do, but I told them to go have fun. Remember the

    good times, like last summer when you all rode bikes over to my

    house and asked me to come out to play. Please laugh when you

    think of me, don't cry.

     

    "Bye Lonely Golden. I'll pray that your Mum lets you inside sometimes."

     

    Ahh, almost to the Sniffing Place. I walk as fast as I can.

     

    Walk walk, walky walk.

     

    Ahhh Sniffing Place. Now Mom lets us sniff to our heart's content.

    I pee. I pee and walk. Pee and walk. TT pees on my pee. He always

    does that. Mommy sings "Pee pee, pee pee pee. I'm gonna pee on

    your pee pee." I sniff and sniff. It's all woods here and I love the sniffs.

    There's Neighbor Cat, trying to hide in the woods. I never see her.

    TT does his business here, on a bush, but I never do. I don't like to

    do my business in public.

     

    Almost home.

     

    Up the last part of sidewalk and up the long driveway. Usually Mom

    has to practically drag me at this point, but now I pick up my step.

    Mom is confused, but soon she'll understand.

     

    "Oh Abby and George". My neighbors on the other side of the fence.

    "Thank you so much for all the scritches and pats. I loved to lie down

    against the fence so you could scritch me and I could sniff then lick

    your fingers. You were so good to me, even when I was sick. You

    never understood that and never cared. You just live and love.

     

    "Keep on doing that Abby. I am so happy that you talk now." I was

    worried when you didn't or wouldn't. Mommy says that I should get a

    lot of credit, since you always loved to see me and you felt safe

    whispering to me from behind the chain link fence. You loved to talk

    to Susan (Mommy) about me. But I don't need credits where I'm

    going. Never did need them here, either.

     

    Mom looks at me and gasps. Just for a second, she sees my Angel Wings,

    but then I am gone. Bye bye Mom, George, Tornado. I know you are sad

    right now, but be happy for me. You loved me and I loved you. You set

    me free. Now I meet MY Mom for the first time. I am happy and at peace.

    I know that's all you ever wanted for me.

     

    Penny_may27.jpg

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