How Do You Cope?

[Guest brandi007]

Oy it's too hard - I'm so sorry about your loss and what a shocking loss it was.

 

I still cry a lot, sometimes I think I'm silly for doing it so often even months later, but time heals. I'm down from everyday to maybe a few little ones a week. I can actually say Foxy without bursting into tears (sometimes). Hoping for the days when I can say Foxy and just smile, remembering my big goofy lug! I so hope you can reach these days too - you sound like you've got a lot of support from your hubby. Hug him lots and cry when you need too, nothing wrong with missing love.

[Guest SusanP]

This is kind of dumb, but when Simon died, I couldn't stand to read or watch tv or anything. I began obsessively playing solitare (with real cards, not online) and kind of used it to blank out my mind so I wouldn't dwell on my pain. It got me through the first very difficult weeks when my mind wasn't otherwise occupied.

 

I also imagined a little Simon nestled in my heart, always with me, wherever I went. Sometime I confess I imagined she was out with us walking alongside the rest of her pack on leash.

 

But in the end, it just plain hurt, and continues to from time to time, now, almost 6 months later.

[Guest KatieGrey]

When my childhood cat passed away a few months ago at the age of 18, my husband had me write down every single memory (good or bad) that I remember about him. He included his as well. It felt really good to write down all the little things I remember about him.

 

For our hound Lily, who passed away last February due to osteo, we went out and bought scrapbook supplies and ordered a ton of digital photos of her from Shutterfly and made her a scrapbook. We also have a small truck with all her memories, old collars, favorite toys, a scrap of her favorite blanket etc.. We haven't gotten a trunk yet for Tiger, but plan on it.

 

We keep both of their urns and collars on a bookshelf in our room so they can sleep near us every night. There isn't a day that passes by where I don't think of either of them.

[Guest nerak254]

It was a year in September that jessica went to the bridge and I still cry occasionally and always when I read a post like this. I wish I could give you a hug.

[Guest GotGreys2]

I play solitaire like crazy, it really does keep your mind occupied. Although my husband said he didn't buy a computer just for solitaire, he said if that's the case he will buy me a deck of cards.

 

I am in the process of putting a scrapbook together but looking at the pictures of Turbo from the day after we brought him home makes me so sad. He was 3 yrs old when we got him, no graying face, young & spunky. I miss him so bad and yesterday I swore I heard him bark outside but soon realized it was a neighbor's dog

[Guest TriciasZoo]

I wish I had advice. It's been 2 months since Peatie crossed the bridge and I haven't gotten much better at coping. I still cry daily. You'd think I'd have some suggestions, given I worked as a Volunteer Coordinator and Bereavement Coordinator for a hospice. I guess I didn't learn as much from the experience as I thought I would. All I've learned is there really are about 5 "stages" of grief that we all seem to go through, but we can go through them in any order, for any amount of time, we can come back to ones we've already visited, and grief itself has no time-frame. We're all unique in our grief, that is the only 'normal' part about it. Even within ourselves, each time we grieve we don't necessarily grieve the same way. We handle each loss differently, as we handle each relationship with the living differently.

 

I can tell you, that there are an awful lot of wonderful people here that will be by your side as you grieve, whenever you need someone. Don't be afraid to show your grief or to ask for help when the going gets tough.

 

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers,

Trish

[RobinM]

I too wonder how you, the ones who have lost their beloved greys get out of bed in the morning and put one foot in front of the other and cope. Then, I realize... you just do.

 

Life goes on, not the same as it was but the world does not stop for any of us.

 

I remember when my mom was killed in a car accident, I was in a store and I saw a group of people chatting and laughing and I was appalled. I wanted to scream out... HOW COULD YOU BE SMILING. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU. DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT THERE IS NOTHING TO LAUGH ABOUT???

 

But, I didn't. I found in time, that life did just go on.

 

So for those of you who are hurting... just know that you will not always feel THIS way. It will get better... and life does go on. How? I don't know, it just does.

 

Hugs to you all.

R

[Guest VelvetEars]

It's been 3 days since Janey left us, and I still feel as raw and empty as I did that night. I don't know when the healing starts.

[Devotion]

It is a long lonely journey we all will take. sometimes it hits your core and you wander how can you go on. but we do as others have stated. I have endured many losses in my life including greys and family and close close friends. For me I believe I will see them all again but for now, I have a lot to do here. Be good to your self and give yourself time. no one can say how it is supposed to be with grieving. You will know when it's time to get another grey. it may surprise you when you least expect it. may peace and comfort be with you during your time of loss.

[Guest Snazzy_Chloe]

I always think that it helps to fill the hole of emptyness that follows death with getting a new pup who needs the love that you can no longer give your pup. After I get the new pup we have lots of talks where I tell her about my other dogs passing and her previous life and what we used to do and it helps to heal my pain as well as establish a new bond with the new dog. We go on some special long walks where I show her a lot of the places that my previous pup enjoyed while we talk. Self talk is good for the soul.

The change in the household dynamics help the other dogs (I think) in their grieving as well. It is a way to divert the way in which we feel to help us heal - I think from feeling bad to help another living creature in their life...Sorry for your sadness and shock of your pups injury/illness/passing..Keep being strong!!

[Guest judechet]

Everyone has to grieve in her/his own way. There are no set answers. I still cry over Sean who was my first to cross the Bridge after sharing 51 days with me. That was back in June 1999. Since then I have lost another ten greys; five during the past 14 months. Vinnie crossed over yesterday. I have five other seniors.

 

When I am at my worse (which is right now), I keep reminding myself that my other pups needed me so much right now. They, too, are coping with the loss of Vinnie. I owe it to them to shower as much love and attention on them as I can. I even talk to them about all the wonderful memories I have of Vinnie. For me, this is therapeutic.

 

I will pray that you will find the strength to see you through your grief. It helps me to remember that you must love much to hurt so much. Love will be your ally.

[HeyGrey]

I just don't know but what the sun comes up and the sun goes down. Every breath hurts but I also have such remembered joy, laughter that if this pain is the price of loving a greyhound, I'm fine with that. It helps to be busy. I went to a m&g and seeing Danny's friends helped so much. I leak a lot but mostly when I'm alone. He's here but not enough. I know there's a greyhound waiting for a home with me and I will make a better home because of all Danny taught me. I am overwhelmed by the outporing of kindness by so many people, not just greyhound folks. I am shamed that I haven't been a better friend, as considerate or thoughtful, as giving. I have no advice or coping ideas. I keep breathing and hope to deserve another greyhound's love.

[DeputysMom]

Honestly....losing Baby (our third greyhound) sent me to grief counseling. I lost my mom, our first cat and Baby all in one year...losing Baby was devastating, and a whole years worth of grief came crashing down. He has been gone two months, his bed is still on the living room floor...the kitties snuggle in it daily. I made a scrapbook, and noted all the special memories. We have pictures of all of our greys throughout the house. It has been a big help to find out my feelings are normal. I have read a lot of books, one called Rescuing Sprite by Mark Levin; was especially helpful. That book helped me turn the corner and reminded me that even though I feel I cannot open my heart to a grey right now, I can open my home to foster greys. All the feelings you are having are normal.

 

Please accept my sympathies and hugs.

[Guest VelvetEars]

I thought I was doing ok..... But last night I cried myself to sleep, and woke myself up crying several times during the night - dreaming about Jane, and her dying, and could I have saved her...should I have at least tried....

 

I think, like anything hard, it takes time and patience.

[Guest luluaz]

FOSTER!

Lots of tears this year in Phoenix, with the loss of two of mine, but I keep remembering that, "It's all about the hounds!"

There are so many who need our love and care and to you

 

Lisa

[Guest 4baddogs]

I came here, a LOT. Nobody understands what you're going through more than Greytalkers.

 

When Flashy died, I spent time here like it was my job. Even my husband couldn't understand or help me deal with my emotions because he deals with grief in a different way than I do. I couldn't function - was on anti-depressants, couldn't get out of bed, could barely eat, for MONTHS. Three months after Flash died we adopted Nate. Exactly 13 months later Nate died. I refused to allow myself to go through those horrible feelings again, although I still cry a lot for both of our boys. Heck, to this day I refuse to Nate's nose prints off of my Tahoe windows from his last trip to the vets office.

 

Everyone deals with this in their own way and there is no right or wrong way to do it. I don't usually come to the Rememberance section of GT because I just don't deal with it very well and it brings up all of the raw emotions for me. We still have 3 more greys who we have to go through this with and I can't imagine how awful it's going to be again. Two of them are 13 and a half years old so it's constantly on my mind.

 

Just know that no matter how badly you're feeling, there's always someone here who knows what that's like and can empathize with you and be that shoulder you need.

[Guest tarasue]

I've been wondering the same thing, how I was going to cope when it's Tara's time to go to the bridge. It's not far off for her and I know that before the end of Feb, she'll have made the journey.

 

I've decided to volunteer at the Greyhound rescue and I will also adopt another. I've also found that being on GreyTalk has been a great help thus far.

[Guest gon2dogs]

It's only been 6 days since Turbo has gone to the bridge and our house is just not right anymore. It's too quiet and I cannot stand to see only 2 dog beds being used while the 3rd lies empty (Rambo piles it on his own occasionally). No more barking, no Turbo talking. Rambo & Blue are still so sad. I keep asking myself, do I get another greyhound, do I wait until Blue is gone (he is 10 also) or just let time heal the big hole where my heart used to be?? What's worse, my son who is 11, asked my husband when it is going to quit being so sad and he said mom hasn't smiled since this happened - poor kid. My vet sent a really nice card in the mail yesterday. She said he was obviously a dearly loved member of our family. I will be sending them a thank you card as well because I had her & the assistants crying along with me.

 

If anyone has any good advice on how to get through this without going bonkers I would really, really appreciate it - either that if you want to send an order of cocktails my way, that would help too

 

Hi,

 

I am new here but I thought I would add a coment it might help.

 

Recently a friend of mine in the UK lost a loved pet also and he was in despair. I had a picture he had sent me of the dog not long before it passed away, it was of him, his wife and the dog. I am currently living in China and not far from where I am staying there is a square where young Chinese artist's go and set up mini stalls for painting pictures of tourist's and such. Their work is quite remarkable and I decided to take the photo I had of my friend, his wife and their dog and ask one of the artist's to paint me a picture of it.

 

The painting was the size you can hang above the fireplace, about 24" x 18". When he had finished it was amazing, it was really great and without doubt a one off and unique painting. I sent this to my friend and he was absolutely over the moon and could not thank me enough, he now has the painting as the pride of the room and gets great enjoyment from looking at it and not only remembering the dog but how he got the painting. The cost of the painting was very reasonable too compared with western prices so it was my way of trying to make him feel better.

 

So sorry for your loss - Steve

Edited January 27, 2008 by gon2dogs

[Guest dogrunner04]

Not sure if I have any good advice, as I'm not very good at dealing with it myself. Twiga died April 28, 2007, and I am still heartbroken. The call came from the vet almost as soon as I walked in the door after driving home from visiting her for what turned out to be the last time. She was ahealthy active girl, and while in the yard early on Wednesday, her front leg broke. Following amputuation, she never recovered, and died at the clinic that Saturday. So far, not a Saturday has gone by that I don't think of it at least for a little while. I tried to keep going for Bowie, the big fluffy collie mix who took Twiga under his wing when she was adopted as a shy, scared 2 and 1/2 y.o., and taught her to play, to bark furiously at the mailman, and all sorts of bad habits. We walk almost every day in the park where Twiga also ran or walked nearly every day. I think about her often while we walk, and imagine her with us or watching us. I had a tree planted in her memory, and also write down memories and thoughts of her. The pain and emptiness was excruciating for some time. It eases over time, but probably is different for everyone. I stillmiss her terribly. I miss her excitement to go out and run in the yard first thing in the morning, and I miss her greeting me at the back door when I would come home. I miss running and walking with her, and I miss the way she would periodically get up from her bed and come over to me for some petting and love. More though than anything particular thing she did, I miss the bond I felt with her. When I would look into her wise eyes, I knew that I was sharing my life with a very special creature.

I guess the only thing I would suggest is to love the animals you still have, and to remember the special times you had with Turbo.

[Hallie]

It's day four since we lost our sweet Chance. I think I'm coming to accept it - everything happened so quickly. I went through the second-guessing myself, but I am becoming more sure of my decision every day. Two vets told me he probably didn't have more than a month, and it would become more and more painful for him.

 

I still have my moments that I bawl and just want my Chancey-Boy back. I feel better after crying. He's buried in the backyard, and I say good-morning to him when I unlock the door in the morning and good-night when I lock up at night. My son and his girlfriend are making a plaque for his grave. He'll always be with me and that makes me feel better.

 

My sons and I are thinking of fostering. The house is so quiet and empty without a dog. We're not looking to replace Chance - that will never happen, but kind of feel that maybe, in his memory, we can give another hound a "CHANCE".

 

I think everyone deals with death in their own way and in their own time. I'm more than grateful that I have the people here to talk to. It's been such wonderful support.

[Guest MySkye]

The best way I can answer that is "anyway you can" and that answer is so different for all of us even sharing the same grief of losing a beloved dog. Skye has been gone only 2.5 years and there are times I can't look at her pictures on my desk without the pain washing over me. I was a mess for a long time after that and found immediate comfort within the lines of Greytalk, people who understood every emotion, all the anger, the resentment, the "pathetic" things that people in my day to day life just couldn't relate to. Lean on the folks here. I packed Skye's stuff up immediately, her bed, her toys, and quietly moved her leash and coat to a box on a shelf I rarely use. I couldn't deal with seeing it amongst my daily routine. I put her tags on my key rings and havn't removed them yet. They sort of are my version of the 1980 "worry stone". I have worn the metal smooth from rubbing them knowing that at one time they moved against her fur. I have other dogs and only a few days after she left for the bridge I was faced with an "emergency bounce" within my group and opened my heart up to another greyhound soul. The love and loyalty I have for Skye is still only for her. I love all my dogs but nothing can compare to the intensity of which I adored her. She was once in a lifetime and I am better for having had her even for a short time before the cancer monster stole her from me.

 

I am sorry for your loss. The hurt is so raw and so real it would take my breath away at times. My throat clutches up and I can barely speak. Take your time and grieve like everyone says, on your own, in your own time, in your own way. For me the emotions are still only a few layers beneath my surface.

 

Take good care and take a warm bath and cry. Crying has a way of cleansing.

 

Your dog was loved by a compassionate person and you by a loyal and devoted dog.

 

Bless you both, and your family as well.

 

Warmly,

[Guest MomofCash]

I lost my Baby on Sunday - I haven't figure it out yet ...

Edited February 21, 2008 by MomofCash

[Guest PhillyPups]

Ah the Queen left on December 5, and I am still at a loss ~ I keep coming back to this thread to see if the answer is there. Even reading of the loss of a hound opens the bitter sore wound that is left, but it is softened by the knowledge that we had our moment in time.

[Burpdog]

People ask me how I do it. Sometimes I don't know....it never gets easier--and it shouldn't!

 

What I encourage everyone, is to mourn, but do not dwell. It serves no purpose. I remember good times more than bad. I still cry for some if I think too long...how can you not miss a friend? And I don't mind talking about them.

 

When Eliza died, I could have died with her. It was such a useless death. Added to the grief was the guilt that her dying was my fault and the anger--anger at myself. I'd be driving down the street, sobbing, almost unable to see the road many a night coming home from work. I never knew someone could cry as many tears as I did. I finally prayed. I asked that the burden be lifted, and it was. I still hurt, I still grieved, but the overwhelming weight was gone. It took 3 or 4 years before I could even talk about it.

 

Since then, with everyone who has moved on, as long as I am comfortable that I supported them as long as they wanted to be here or could be here, I will be ok-- I will cry, I will hate sending them on, and I will adopt again. Not because the new one is a replacement, but because someone is waiting their turn. When one leaves, another is waiting and it's their time, their turn to be loved. The one gone on is pain free and having a grand time waiting for us!

 

I found it interesting that Austin visited quite a few times after Grace came I guess he was seeing if he made the right decision

[RobinM]

One day at a time. If that does not work, one hour or minute at a time.

 

You won't feel this way forever. I promise you that.