Today I lost my oldest friend. I feel so empty. I can still feel her on my shoulder. My heart is so heavy.
Cleo had stopped eating 5 weeks ago. We put her on thyroid medicine and she started to eat a little, for a couple of weeks, and then she stopped again. We put her on valium and she started to eat again, but not well. She was so drugged up, eating just enough to keep me from force-feeding her. She stayed hidden in the office, not sleeping, but just feeling miserable. As she started eating less and less well, and her valium dosage was having to be increased, I knew I was putting her through this not for her, knowing that she wasn't going to get better, but for me.
My #1 committment to her was to take care of her, and today I made the final decision in that care. I took her to see our vet, and he let us know that there really was nothing else we could do for her. All we could do would be to continue to prolong her life, but not to get her better.
Cleo went to the bridge in mine and my husband's arms a little after noon today.
Cleo, you'll never, ever be forgotten and you'll always be loved. You were with me from the time I was 15 until 33. I can't remember life without you in it, and I can't imagine a future with you not here. I know that you'll always be with me, always on my shoulder. I love you so much and I know that the grief I feel now is a testament to the love I'll feel always.
Be pain free. Now you can get some rest.
