How To Explain Death To A Child

[Guest mom2thunder]

Our turtle Thomas died today. He was a member of our house for 7 years. My 11 year old daughter found him dead.He was not sick so we have no idea what happened.

I know this is not a greyhound related but she was hysterical when she found him. She sat by his tank and was crying and yelling for him to please come back to life and asking God to please make him alive again. She played with him and tried to take care of him as much as possible. I know the loss of a pet is extremely emotional time even for kids, but is there something that I can say or do to make it easier for her. We have talked to her about it and told her that Thomas is at the rainbow bridge with all the other animals, but that is not doing it. Any other suggestions that could ease her pain??

[Burpdog]

It is difficult trying to explain to children. Has she watched the Lion KIng?

 

If you want (and she wants) and you think it will help, I'd be happy to put Thomas on the Bridge Kids (Tribute pages) on the website. That way she'll have somewhere to go to see him when she wants. You can email me a picture: Burpdog@msn.com It might help her if she writes me a letter about Thomas when you send the picture

 

edited to add: Please give her my sympathy of Thomas' passing. Tell her I know how hard it is

Edited July 31, 2004 by Burpdog

[Guest debb]

This isnt pet related but what we did with my then 4 year old granddaughter when my sister died, we told her that Aunty Linda had gone to live with the Angels, we then went outside that night & told Alex to pick a star which we said was her aunty looking down on her. She still will go outside to see "Aunty Linda" even now.

[Guest vagreys]

Oh, yeah, the first time is hard. You've told her that he is gone and his spirit is free. You've given her an image to think of him at the Bridge. Reassure her that you know it hurts, and that it is OK to hurt and to miss him. Explain to her that she hurts as much as she loved, and that, in his little turtle way, he received that love. Talk to her about her memories of Thomas, and ask her to tell you about him. Don't lead her through it. Let her tell you. If she needs prompting, tell her you are sad, too, and ask her to tell you something happy about him to remember him by. Try to emphasize celebrating his life and how happy he made her last seven years (almost all of her life she can remember - that is a big loss). If burial is important in your faith, let her bury him, and return his body to the earth.

 

Watching the Lion King would be an excellent thing to do. It is important that children not be hidden from death, and learn to see it as part of life and living. They will be less afraid and less at a loss when they have to deal with it in the future.

 

I hope this helps. It is difficult, and painful, and there's no way around it.

[Guest Snowy8]

Try to emphasize celebrating his life and how happy he made her last seven years (almost all of her life she can remember - that is a big loss).

Watching the Lion King would be an excellent thing to do. It is important that children not be hidden from death, and learn to see it as part of life and living. They will be less afraid and less at a loss when they have to deal with it in the future.

 

I hope this helps. It is difficult, and painful, and there's no way around it.

VAGREYS, you hit it on the nail everytime!

[scullysmum]

It's hard enough to cope when your'e an adult so I really feel for your poor daughter, it sounds like you are saying and doing all the right things, all she needs now is time and hugs.

[patricia]

I am so sorry. Sending many prayers and hugs.

[Forevermybabies]

Death is so hard for everyone, but for kids especially because it's just so far beyond their grasp of what is concrete and tangible.

 

Everyone has different ideas of what death is and what happens after death. Personally, the way we dealt with it was more to deal with what was within us, and not where Joe is now.

 

In other words, he will remain forever in our hearts, and as long as we remember him, he is alive for us. Though it's awful that we don't get to see him here on Earth, we have only to close our eyes and remember to feel that love again.

 

Death is a sad and difficult part of life. One we must deal with though.

 

We talk to our kids about Joe when they want to. Sometimes we look at pictures and remember things that we did together.

 

We let them know that we share their grief and pain, and also their love.

 

We let them know how important it is to treasure the ones we love now so that when they are gone we know that our hearts will always remember.

 

One other thing that I've learned is that the depth of our grief is a reflection of our love, and while we are in pain, we must also feel similar joy to know that we had an opportunity to share our love with another creature.

 

Hugs to your daughter. Love comes in so many forms. I'm really proud of her ability to care so deeply for an animal that I think receives very little regard as a pet.

[Guest MomofCash]

Our daughter, Trinity, was just shy of 3 when Dude - our cocker spaniel went to the bridge. We told her to remember the good times, the times he made her laugh ... and that he was now with baby Jesus and he was happy. A week later my Mom died and we had to explain that to her also. That day when I came home from the hospital to tell her, she asked if Maw was with Dude and baby Jesus and I told her yes. She said "good, now they're all happy because Maw loved Dude".

 

It's so hard with kids, it really is ... but please pass on my sympathies to your daughter on the loss of her best friend ...

[Guest TorynUs]

Sometimes it helps children to write about their special pet. You could suggest to her to write about some of the cute things he did, or why he was so special, or even write a poem about him. And/or she could draw pictures of him as a tribute to a special friend.

 

Sorry for her loss. No matter what type of pet, it is never easy to lose them.

[Cully]

When my grey Van went to the bridge a friend of my went out and got the movie All Dogs Go to Heaven for his 3 year old to watch. He said that it seem to help her understand that Van is in a good place and the he was alright.